Breaking the Girl: A Novel

Chapter One

I sat at the bar, quietly surveying the crowd. It was a good crowd for a Saturday, I just had to find the right girl. This was the perfect part of town to find my type. Smart, willful, playful, with a high pressure job. Those were the ones who needed to let go the most. The past couple of weeks of hunting had been frustrating. Things with Lauren hadn’t gone the way I planned. I really thought she was going to be the one, she ticked all the right boxes and she was a joy to be around. She had balked at the last minute, though… and she dumped me. I don’t know which was worse, that or how things had gone with Kailee. Kailee had gone too willingly, it was too easy to move her along… there was no challenge, no thrill. Kailee had been disappointing. I had gotten what I thought I wanted, but I had to cut her out of my life after I had it. It hadn’t been easy to admit, but she hadn’t been right for me. I needed more from my partner.

I scanned the girls… too loose, too messy, too cold. I would know her when I found her, I knew my type. She would look oh-so-serious with some very adult and mature fashion, but there would be a tell. Lauren’s had been a peek of Hello Kitty panties. The ones under the most pressure to succeed were always the ones who wanted someone else to take over. Life was too hard for them, they needed to be “on” all the time at work, had to do a better job than the boys, had to be perfect. That was just part of life in Silicon Valley. By the time I came along, they were so happy to hand over control.

Finally, she caught my eye. A boho girl, that style was getting popular. Multiple bracelets, dangly earrings, earth tone makeup, chunky sandals… she had a good figure, you could tell she worked out. She had a smile that lit up her eyes, someone had just told her a funny joke. Ah, but the tell. The tell was her purse. She couldn’t help it, she needed something cute… her purse was shaped like a squirrel - she had what was essentially a stuffed animal on her at all times. This is how I knew she wanted the loss of control I needed to give. I had to have her.

The latest K.Flay blared overhead, conversation was impossible… so I’d have to do this with a look. I leaned back, my hair brushing the bartop and I watched her. Humans could feel when someone was watching them with intent, this wouldn’t take long. Her eyes found mine, and I smiled. I had a million smiles, every one practiced carefully. This smile said, “I like your style, and I’m pretty sure you like mine.” She looked down into her drink and blushed. That was all the invitation I needed. If I had read her wrong, she would have reacted with fear or hostility, not with embarrassment. She wanted to be noticed. I waited for her to glance up again and I tilted my head. This smile said, “I’m nice and I’d like to talk to you.” You could say so much with just a look if you knew how.

I turned slowly as she moved closer, drawn by my wordless communication. I signaled the barkeep. I order a Guinness for myself and an Apple Bomb for her. We’d see if my read was spot on or not. When she slides up next to me, I don’t make eye contact. I just turn slightly so she can see the smile on the corner of my mouth.

“You looked thirsty,” I measured my voice… it was hard to do under the dirty bass of K.Flay, but I was practiced. My voice was low, resonant, but playful. I turned slowly to face her as the barkeep set down our drinks. With a fluid motion, I picked up the Guinness and took a draw, but didn’t touch hers. “Ever tried an Apple Bomb?” My guess was that she hadn’t, it wasn’t a very popular drink even though it was from this area. But big girls who were hiding little girls inside… they liked it.

“No, I haven’t… thanks. I’m Dani,” she slid up next to me and took the untouched drink and sipped it. “Wow, this is really good. Thanks again.”

“Vanessa,” I smiled, turning toward her fully and sweeping a strand of hair back from my face, tucking it behind my ear. I tapped my own dangling earring on the way down, causing it to glint at Dani. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dani.” I had to play this part carefully. Too strong and she’d bolt, too weak and she’d ignore the hook. “It’s so good to just relax with some music, away from the pressures of the office.” Nailed it. Her right hand tensed as I said it, she had some stress getting to her.

“Ugh, it really is,” she said, letting her weight rest more fully on the barstool. “What do you do?”

“I’m a consultant. Systems analysis,” I smiled warmly - this smile said, ‘I have a tough job, too’. My job was to find the weak points in an organization, and destroy them. And I was very good at what I did, reading people is what made me so good. “What about you?”

“Herding cats,” Dani grimaced.

“Project management then,” my smile projecting ‘I feel your pain’, “I’ve been there.”

“How did you know?” she laughed lightly, musically, the blue light of the bar dancing across her green eyes. Oh, how I wanted her.

“Lucky guess,” I finished the Guinness and paid the tab. The hook was set, I couldn’t linger. “I’ve got to go, it was really nice meeting you, Dani. I thought I was up to this, but I’m still busted up about my girlfriend dumping me. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

Her eyes flashed a twinge of disappointment. Perfect.

“Yeah… it was nice to meet you, Vanessa. Thanks for introducing me to this drink, I like it.”

“I’m glad - have a great night.”

I stepped through the front door of the bar, pausing to look back at her. She was watching me go. I gave her a smile that said, “I really wish I didn’t have to go now.” She gave the smallest wave in return.

I exited into the crowd of Castro Street, the heart of downtown Mountain View… but I didn’t go far. No, I had just ruined Dani’s night. She wouldn’t be staying much longer. She would suddenly want to go home… if I was right.

It took her about ninety seconds longer than I expected. She slipped out the front door alone and started walking north. I flowed through the crowd, following her. It was a warm night, but not too hot. The bars were full and the people were happy, it was a good night. Dani went straight for her car. Silver Prius, so typical. I leaned on the corner, obscured by a tree.

“Naughty girl,” I said quietly to no one, “You shouldn’t drive after having that drink. I’ll punish you for that later.” I committed her license plate to memory and watched as she drove off. North, then west. I adjusted my purse on my shoulder and started walking home myself. I had some research to do.

I spent two days studying Danielle Peters, learning her habits, her path, her preferences. Every tidbit I learned only solidified the feeling that I had to have her. Her credit card statements laid everything bare to me. Dani was a reader, a painter, a jogger. She went to the same coffee shop in Sunnyvale every day and ordered the same thing - iced chai, the only thing on the menu at her coffee shop that came to the amount that went on her card daily. She had no pets, and according to her social media profile, her last relationship ended roughly. Her name was Elaine, another high-powered type… they probably drove each other crazy. Too similar. I knew where Dani worked, what gym she went to, what gas station she filled her car at, what grocery store she frequented… credit cards were beautiful things for an interested party like me.

I just happened to be at her favorite coffee shop at exactly the same time she visited normally the next day, laying in wait… sipping a mocha. Dani didn’t want someone too similar. Normally on a bright day like this, I’d wear a wide-brimmed hat and a pair of sunglasses… but I needed Dani to notice me and recognize me, so I suffered through. I thumbed through a magazine, Us Weekly, something Dani wouldn’t be interested in. She had no time for gossip. I had positioned myself so she’d see me just as she came out with her chai.

“Vanessa?” her voice was light, unsure. I looked up and smiled at her ‘Oh, I’m so surprised but so very happy to see you here!’

"Dani! Wow, um hey - I’m sorry I disappeared on you the other night. You seemed really nice… I just… " I trailed off, an invitation for her to step in.

“It’s okay,” she said as she stepped closer. I gestured to the chair across from me, inviting her to join me. “I’m really glad I ran into you… that drink was amazing.” She covered. She was interested, she took the bait. Now I just needed to coax her in.

“I had a feeling you’d like it, you just seemed like an apple sort of girl… sweet,” she blushed… I was coming on a little too strong, I had to play it just a bit shier. "I… I was kicking myself all night that I didn’t ask for your number. You seemed so nice… just this energy about you… " I looked down, feigning embarrassment, “It’s stupid.” I pushed my chair back and started to stand. She reached across the table and placed her hand on mine. She was trembling ever so slightly… the hair on her arm was raised.

“No, Vanessa… I was wishing the same thing,” the last word rang flat. A lie. She hadn’t been thinking the same thing, but she wanted me to think she had been that interested… she was ready to take a risk. Blushing on command wasn’t easy, but I did it nonetheless.

"I uh, here… " I fished a business card out of my purse and scribbled one of my cell numbers on it. I slid it across the table to her, I had to appear reluctant to touch her back. The weakness would draw her in. "Would you… like to get dinner sometime? I know this Chinese dumpling place that I haven’t been to in a while… " I knew she liked the place, she’d left a positive Yelp review for it, she hadn’t been there in eight months.

“That sounds really nice… how about Friday?”

“I… that sounds great,” I looked her in the eyes now and my smile read ‘I really, really like you but I’m afraid you don’t like me the same way’. “I’ll text you the place and we can meet there?”

“How about I pick you up?” Shit. I misread that one, I couldn’t be the passenger in her car, it would tip the power dynamic too far in her favor. I was playing too timid. My mind spun for a moment on how to salvage this.

“Actually, I get carsick if I’m not driving. How about I pick you up instead?”

“I would like that a lot,” her smile read ‘I think I’m falling for you already, I need to know more about you’. I needed to feed her a tidbit.

“I’m really glad you didn’t think I was coming on too strong at the club. I really like that song and you looked so beautiful under the lights. Your eyes light up when you laugh… I knew I had to learn more about you.”

“I’m an open book,” she was actually completely open. She was making herself vulnerable, faster than I expected. I hoped this wouldn’t turn out to be another Kailee. “What would you like to know?”

“What’s your favorite movie?” I asked - it was a test. If she was a Kailee, she’d tell me something cutesy. I’d break it off right there and resume the hunt anew this weekend, I’d done it often enough. No amount of wanting her was worth making the wrong pick again. If she had a shell for me to crack through… she’d say something serious.

“It’s stupid because nobody likes it, but Stranger Than Fiction - you know, that Will Ferrel movie that wasn’t really a comedy?” A drama about a writer. Funny, but not silly. A good answer.

“Oh, I like that one. His antics usually bother me, but he was really good in that one.”

“Exactly! What about you?” I went similar to her with the last response, I had to give her something mysterious, something to draw her in here.

“You’ll laugh,” I said sourly.

“I won’t laugh, I promise.”


“The one about Mozart? Okay, I didn’t expect that one. Why?”

“Tortured artists,” I smiled. Just then my phone alarm went off. Two minutes earlier in the conversation than I planned. I had set it up to use a ringtone as the alarm, so it would look like I was getting a call. I slipped my phone out of my purse and held it under the table. “I’m sorry, Dani… I’ve got to go. It’s work, you know how it is. Text me your number and address… I’ll pick you up on Friday.”

“Sounds great. I’m glad I ran into you, Vanessa.”

“I’m glad you did too,” I agreed, “Hello?” I greeted my telephone alarm, silencing it, grabbed my mocha with a little wave to Dani, and walked off.


Chapter Two

My scrambled eggs were almost finished when I heard my phone chirp. A text… from Seth by the tone. He could wait. To get perfect scrambled eggs, you couldn’t stop folding them at this point. After only a minute or two more I slid the eggs from the pan to a plate and dropped the pan in the sink. I picked up my phone as I headed to the living room of my apartment, fork and plate in hand.

SETH (15 minutes ago): I haven’t heard from you in a while, I’m assuming you have Lauren in diapers by now. Jess is driving me crazy tonight, call me. She needs a playdate. BADLY.

SETH (10 minutes ago): Vanessa, you always have your phone glued to your hand, what’s the deal?

SETH (2 minutes ago): I’m going to video call you in a few. If you don’t want me to, say so now.

Dammit. I started tapping one-handed at the screen. I had been distracted on my walk home, I hadn’t even heard the previous messages.

No. I’m not in the mood for _

Then my TV lit up, with Seth on his couch staring at me from the screen, I had forgotten it was still set to auto answer his calls. He was in his work clothes, a black button-up shirt with a mandarin collar and black slacks. Even his socks were black, at least he had ditched his shoes or I would have thought this was a business meeting. I rolled my eyes a bit. He was the consummate professional with his gelled brown hair, the one curl hanging down over his forehead just above his cold blue eyes, his goatee trimmed just so, sitting straight with an ankle crossed over his knee.

“Vanessa,” he smiled an irritated smile at my empty couch, I hadn’t stepped into view of the camera yet, “Where in the world are you?”

“I’m here,” I said as I took a bite of my eggs, tossing my phone onto an empty cushion. I sat down, crossing my legs and resting my heels on the glass coffee table. I had planned on savoring my interactions with Dani as I ate, not talking to Seth. He was right though, I had been neglecting him and he was my best friend. “Sorry I haven’t been around, things ended up not working out with Lauren. I moved too fast, she bolted.”

What?” came a shrill cry from somewhere behind Seth and Jess ran into view. Her blonde curls bounced, her face was scrunched up, upset. She flopped down on the couch, her legs spread wide, her obviously wet pink diaper on full display, completely unhidden by the white and pink-ruffled t-shirt that declared her Daddy’s Princess. “No no no! You promised me a playdate, Nessa! You promised!”

“Seth,” I said simply with a frown, I wasn’t in the mood to have my failure rubbed in my face by his Little. I was not pleased that Lauren was gone, I really thought she was the keeper. We… meshed. It was nice. I had been just starting to feel like I could really be myself with her, but I scared her away. It was still more satisfying than Kailee had been.

Seth was almost as good at reading people as I was, he grabbed hold of the ring on Jess’ pink leather collar and she was over his lap in a flash. She cried out and kicked her legs as he slapped her on the backs of her thighs, she wouldn’t be able to feel a thing through the thick padding he kept her in if he swatted her bottom. Knowing Seth, she had at least one booster in that thick disposable, maybe two. She was sobbing after four smacks, and he laid her down on the couch, her face in his lap. He stroked her hair gently, the punishment over.

“Shhh, cupcake. The adults are talking, Littles will be silent. What you did was very rude to Vanessa. When I allow you to speak again, I expect you to apologize to her.” Her sobs were short lived, her diapered bottom poking up in the air. She knew how to play him just as well as he played her, she knew if she started crying too quickly he’d spank her more… but crying was the fastest way to get the spanking to end, too. “I’m very sorry to hear about Lauren, you really liked her.”

“I really did,” I sighed, Seth was one of the few people I knew I could be completely honest with, “I really, really did, Seth. She was something special.”

“What are the odds of her coming back to you?” Seth continued to stroke his Little’s hair, her sobs had stopped but she stayed face down in his lap, she wasn’t taking any chances. His handprint was still visible on her exposed thigh. An ember of jealousy burned in my heart. Lauren should have been in my lap just like that, my fingers in her hair… I wanted it so badly.

“Nil,” I frowned, finishing the last bite of my dinner, “She bolted. She’s not coming back. We’re not all as lucky as you.” Jess peeked an eye out at that, she loved hearing things like that… honestly, I said it for her. She was too bratty for my tastes, but that’s how they liked it. I had no interest in constantly punishing someone. Seth, on the other hand…

“I’m sorry, Vanessa. If I had known, I wouldn’t have bothered you tonight. You know you can talk to me any time, right? We’ve been friends for a long time.”

“I know, Seth,” I sighed, “I know. I will say this: my hopes are up.”

“Really,” Seth intoned as he leaned forward. Jess slipped to the floor at his feet to avoid getting squished. I couldn’t see her under their coffee table now, but I knew she’d have her forehead pressed to his toes, just as he taught her. “Tell me about her.”

"Middle management, stressed out… "

“No no,” he interrupted, “Tell me about her.”

“Fit. A hair shorter than me,” I started again.

Vanessa,” he said my name with a touch of venom, his irritation.

“Sweet,” I smiled, he wasn’t going to stop until he dragged it out of me, “Hair the color of a moonless night, begging to be up in pigtails. Full, pink lips, a narrow nose. Upturned, cute. Bold but hiding the little girl underneath. A round-shaped face… big, beautiful green eyes. I don’t know if she’s the one, but I’m certainly drawn to her.”

“How many dates?”

“First is Friday, I expect it’ll take three before she’s comfortable.”

“Happy hunting, Vanessa. Dream of your Little-to-be tonight,” Seth’s smile and his well-wishes were sincere. He was a good friend. “Wish Vanessa luck, cupcake,” he purred as he pulled Jess up by her collar. Her already dry face peeked over the edge of the table.

“I’m sorry I was rude, Nessa. I hope you get the most perfectest babygirl ever,” she grinned widely at me, and then whispered, “Because I want a friend.”

The screen went black and I laid back on the couch, my feelings in a bit of a whirl between thoughts of Lauren and daydreams of Dani.

The time until Friday night was painful. I was distracted, I had found a shot of Dani running laps at her gym and I could not stop imagining having her in my lap the way Jess had been sprawled across Seth’s. Was my read of her correct? She was a woman-in-charge… did she have the soft center that I wanted? The need to be cared for, guided, controlled… but the will to resist just a bit? I didn’t want a brat like Jess who craved punishment, but I didn’t want a sycophant like Kailee who had no opinions of her own. I was in love with an idea, and that made finding real love quite difficult.

The date was nice. I had to rein in my dominant desires when I picked her up. I wanted so badly to buckle her in myself, to give her a stuffed animal to hold and pop a pacifier in her mouth… but she certainly wasn’t ready for that. Dani had decided that a floral dress was the way to go for the date. It was white and faded to a dark blue, covered in dancing petals as it drew closer to the hem that fell below her knees. I couldn’t help but wonder what sort of panties she had on under there… would it be another tell? She clutched her stuffed squirrel-purse to her.

“I really like that purse,” I said, feeling confident in my own port-colored blouse and ankle-length black skirt. I had 4" heels tonight, nothing too extreme but enough to give me a distinct height advantage. I had to be subtle, but I wanted to set the tone right from the start. I was the dominant in this relationship, it was not going to be egalitarian. “It’s very cute, it suits you.”

“Really?” she blushed, "My best friend Jenni teases me about… " she hesitated a split second, a word on the tip of her tongue. Most people wouldn’t have picked up on it, “my purse.” I couldn’t help but smirk. She had named her purse but was afraid to tell me.

“Something tells me that you like cute things, what’s wrong with that?” We cruised along, the local top forty station on the radio. The impulsive part of me said to tune to “Radio Disney” to see how she’d react, but I didn’t think we were there yet. “I like it.”

“I can’t normally afford to be cute… thanks,” she looked away to hide her blush, staring out the window of the car as we cruised down Central Expressway.

“Well I want to get to know you, the real you, Dani. Please don’t feel like you need to hide anything from me,” the irony of the words burned as I said them. It was completely true, but at the same time I was hiding my true desires from her the same way she was used to hiding hers from everyone. It was a cruel world we lived in where no one could afford to truly be themselves.

Dinner was nice and relaxed. It held no surprises for me cuisine-wise, I had done my research. I did get to learn some details that raw data didn’t hold. Dani liked sweet things and steered away from the bitter. My green tea order elicited a shudder from her and she got a chai… to which she added an absurd amount of sugar. We spent the meal talking about the stresses of work and our hobbies. I could sense she was holding something back. She told me her favorite fitness routines and I talked about my love of puzzles. Our common interest turned out to be in video games, despite Dani’s love of the cute, she still enjoyed a mental challenge and played games when she could.

She was generally happy with her job and happy in her adulthood, but there was definitely a longing for the cute and carefree buried underneath. After dinner I took her to an ice cream parlor nearby and we each got a bowl - mint chocolate chip for me and cookie dough for her. I made sure she didn’t have a chance to pay for anything, not dinner and certainly not the ice cream. I couldn’t resist wiping a dab of ice cream from her chin during the dessert, which earned me an intense blush, accompanied with an adorable smile.

As far as first dates went, I had rarely had one that went better. I was a little sad when I had to drop her off at her place, though I did walk her to her front door.

“Thanks for everything, Vanessa. I had a really good time,” she smiled shyly, glancing down as we stood at the entrance to her apartment. “It’s my treat next time.” She was already thinking about a second date, perfect.

“We’ll see,” I smiled a wry smile, a smile that said ‘Not a chance in hell’ in the friendliest way possible, “I like treating you. And you like treats. It’s win-win.” She started to object and I slipped in for a kiss. My heels gave me the extra few inches I needed to get her chin to really tilt up to meet my lips. She was surprised by it, but didn’t pull away. This was a risky move, but there was rarely reward without risk. She didn’t give herself fully to the kiss, but she didn’t withdraw. I kept it short, sweet… welcoming. When we broke, I took a small step back. “Thank you for a wonderful evening, Dani.”

"You’re… welcome… " she was a little stunned. I took her hand gently and smiled.

“I hope to see you again soon. This was very nice.” And with that, I excused myself and headed for the car, hoping I hadn’t overplayed my hand. I was missing a piece of this puzzle, her reaction didn’t fit entirely with my read. I cursed myself for a fool momentarily before driving off into the darkness. Dani had potential… we could have something real, as long as I didn’t drive her away.


Chapter Three

The hallway felt like it stretched on forever as I walked toward the bedroom. I followed the trail of rose petals to the open door… the bedroom was lit by a thousand candles, they were everywhere. Candles lined the walls, covered the top of every flat surface, the dresser, the vanity, the end tables flanking the bed, and even the floor… leaving only a walkway and a large circle around the queen sized bed. The flames danced in their own hypnotic rhythm as my eyes followed the scattered flowers, straight to her naked body. I ached with desire for her. She was spread eagle on the bed, my eyes traced the lines of her body unbidden. From the tips of her painted toes, up her smooth legs. Her thighs were plump and she was completely shaven… she had a bit of a muffin top, and her large breasts hung beautifully on her chest. She was curvy, she was soft, she was mine. Her body may not have been the modern definition of perfect beauty, but she was beautiful to me. Littles came in all shapes and sizes, after all. Her smile was brighter than all the candles combined, and she looked at me with a hunger. Her long blonde hair laid out around her head like a golden halo, the soft natural wave in it was beyond gorgeous. We had been dating for weeks, we had made love, and I had slowly brought out her inner child to play. Tonight was the night. She gazed at me with longing, her eyes tracing my lines from top to bottom just as I followed hers from toe to smile.

Then she looked down and saw the folded diaper in my hand, the soft purple plastic encasing the fluffy padding, ready for her. This was the night I claimed her, taped her in her padding and made her mine forever.

“What the fuck, Vanessa? Why the fuck do you think I would let you put me in a diaper? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Suddenly she was fully clothed, inexplicably two inches taller than I was, and glaring down at me. The candles spilled over on either side of us and the room was engulfed in flame.

“You’re fucking sick, Vanessa. We’re done. Get some help.”

I sank to my knees as she walked out of the burning bedroom and slammed the door, leaving me alone with the fire. The flames slowly crept toward me…

I woke, bathed in sweat and with tears streaming down my face. A beam of Saturday morning sunshine fell across my face as I sat upright in bed. Just a dream. I looked at the empty spot next to me, her spot. She hadn’t moved in, but she may as well have. She had slept here every night for weeks… I had thought I had her just where I wanted her, I had thought that she was the one. My Little Girl, my Princess Lauren. I wiped a tear from my cheek with the back of my hand and laid back down, clutching my pillow tightly. I laid there for an hour or more, willing myself to go back to sleep, to make the day go away… but sleep didn’t come. I was exhausted from the nightmare, but my body wouldn’t let me drift off again.

Eventually, I got up and started my weekend cleaning routine. It was too soon to contact Dani, I had to wait until tomorrow… I was groggy and grumpy, but all that melted away as my phone buzzed. I leapt for it before the tone could even sound, hoping it was her.

SETH: How was your date?

My feet were back on the ground, a sigh heaving from my chest. It was only Seth. But I didn’t feel like cleaning any more, so a short text conversation would be a fine distraction.

Good. She’s got a lot of potential, I like her.

SETH: When’s the second date?

Not sure. But I know what I’ll be giving as a gift.

Seth was delightfully nosy. It was generally more of a help than a hinderance. We’d been friends for a long time, when we discovered we were into the same kink… it had been pretty incredible. We met at a fetish night for a local club many years ago, ABDL wasn’t nearly as popular back then as it seemed to becoming now, the younger crowd seemed more open and accepting than people my own age… unfortunately I was too old for most of them, or they were too young for me. It was probably a little bit of both. There was also the fact that people already in the community didn’t offer the kind of challenge I was after. Seth worried that my seeming addiction to the challenge itself would mean I would never be happy, but I hoped he was wrong.

SETH: Cupcake says hi. She’s happy things are going well for you.

Tell her I want her to have a playmate even more than she does :wink:

SETH: I know that and you know that, but cupcake is too little to think that far ahead.

I sighed, Seth gave her entirely too much leeway in her thoughtless behavior. Jess didn’t even have a job any more, she was a full-time baby for him. She cleaned his apartment and took care of herself during the day, but the minute he got home, she was useless. Well, that wasn’t fair… she provided him joy, but she certainly didn’t lift a finger as long as he was around. That wasn’t the ideal dynamic for me. Yes, I wanted a woman in diapers, I wanted her to be my baby… but not a helpless infant all the time. I would need the challenge even when she was already my padded princess. I needed someone smart, someone savvy… I didn’t want some bimbo like Jess, and that’s all Jess wanted to be.

Another sigh escaped my lips as I laid the phone back down on the bed next to me, willing it to ring. And it chimed… close enough. The chime wasn’t Seth’s, either. I eagerly tapped the fingerprint sensor to unwrap the digital gift that awaited me.

DANI: I had a really good time last night. Thanks again for dinner.

I read and re-read the simple two-sentence message. Honestly, I hated text messaging. It was so hard to pick up subtext without tone, without facial expressions, without body language. That simple message could hide a thousand different meanings underneath it. I needed to see her, but I couldn’t push. I had initiated the first date, I had kissed her unbidden… she hadn’t rejected it but there was something I was missing, some piece of the puzzle I couldn’t see yet and I was shaken from the dream. I wasn’t sure if I could take another heartbreak like Lauren. She hadn’t been the first to reject me, for sure - but she was the first one since I became my current self, since I discovered my confidence.

It was my pleas_

No, too formal. I erased the message and pondered - the missing piece of this puzzle tugged at my brain - did her last girlfriend contact her again? The phone records I had gotten for her were a week old now, and there had been no signs of Elaine - all the signs were there that she was ready for a new relationship, it didn’t feel like an old flame situation.

How’s dinner on Wednesday sound? I got you a small something, a gift.

I stared at the message, frozen. I took a deep breath and trusted my instincts - the best I could do via text messaging. I had to remind myself that I had a minimal investment at this point - only a single date, dinner and a small gift, a relatively small amount of time… fifteen to twenty hours of research and social engineering, if it went south it wouldn’t be the end of the world, maybe I could find a sub girl at the club and-

DANI: Oh you shouldn’t have

I shouldn’t have? Why shouldn’t I? Was it just the turn of phrase or was there a deeper meaning? Did she really not want me to?

DANI: How about coffee?

Shit. That was a red flag. I let out a deep sigh as the phone dropped from my fingers. Coffee instead of dinner was the kiss of death, or rather my kiss had been the kiss of death. Too far, too fast, too Vanessa. I sighed again as the phone buzzed, it was likely some excuse. She was busy, she had to wash her hair, she had a deadline at work, I’d already heard them all. Goddammit, why did I kiss her? Why couldn’t I just take it slow? You just never knew, so many people weren’t in tune with their own feelings let alone someone else’s, some people needed you to go fast, to show them that you were serious. Dani apparently wasn’t one. I flopped down on the couch, a sour look on my face as I raised the phone up to read her reason.

DANI: You surprised me with that kiss, I liked it. You’ve given me a lot to think about.

I could only blink. Of all the responses I expected, that was not one.

Coffee sounds great, when?

DANI: Wed sounds great

The reply came immediately - that was easy to read at least, she had to have been looking at her phone, waiting for a response. She was at least a little bit eager.

DANI: Same place I met you before, 3PM?


Can’t. I’m in Redwood City for work this week. Morning coffee?

DANI: You want to catch coffee before hitting the 101? That’s crazy

She was right, leaving late would cost me way more time than most people would consider to be worth it. But she was worth it.

If it’s between traffic and not seeing you, I pick traffic.

Ugh, it was cheesy but it was already sent. It made me sound desperate. I wasn’t desperate, but I was definitely interested in her. I hope she could read the difference.

DANI: See you at 6 then.

Coffee - not the most romantic of meetups, but I just had to keep reminding myself that I needed to take things slow, I needed to ease my way into her life. She needed to learn about me just as much as I needed to learn about her. I was interested, intrigued, but there was no guarantee that we’d be compatible. For all I knew, she had some terrible belief structure - just because a woman is gay doesn’t mean she has all her shit together, there could be any number of hidden neuroses or psychoses there, lurking beneath that delightfully cute exterior. That stern professional façade hiding the little girl within… oh I was dying to know what kind of underwear she was hiding under those pants. It would tell me everything I wanted to know.

The rest of my Saturday was uneventful, but that was okay - my weekend cleaning routine was done a bit early, so it was time to indulge. I considered myself to be a highly organized person, I enjoyed sorting things - it gave a kind of satisfaction that was hard to get other ways. Sorting things that I knew I liked was even better. So I slipped into the second bedroom of the apartment and basked in the scene that awaited me there. It was bittersweet - I had reconstructed it all after Lauren left. When she started spending more and more time over, I had dismantled everything, hidden everything and it turned out that had been the right instinct. Maybe things could have worked out with Lauren if I had gone slower, maybe she could have been my princess, but if she had seen this, it would have spooked her immediately.

With a smile, I slid my hand along the top railing of the crib - the lovely, cushy, foam hybrid mattress rested nearly on the ground and it was not hard to imagine Dani pouting at me from behind those bars. Would she be a pouty princess? A bouncy princess? I hoped she wouldn’t be a brat like Jess - I was sure she wouldn’t… but I was also sure she’d be a princess-type. Oh so sweet but needing things to go her way, needing attention and cuddles. The squirrel-purse told me that, the way she ate at dinner told me that. The gleaming white wood of the crib bars brought me joy - the bed could be converted into a daybed reasonably easily, the frame raised, the side bars lowered and the front bars removed… it was how I had hidden it from Lauren.

I pulled the long top drawer out of the dresser, running my hand along the tops of the soft plastic coverings of the diapers I had collected - ABU Space, Dotty the Pony, DC Amors… but these were all in the large size, Lauren’s size. With a smile I lifted an Amor, enjoying the feel of the backing, so soft. A smile came to my lips as I imagined laying Dani down and sliding one underneath her.

Oh well, I thought, that smile lingering, these will be good for days when my princess needs to be double-diapered.

I still had an array of mediums in a box in the closet, ones I had bought for Kailee…

I spent the rest of the day reorganizing the nursery, putting away all the larger clothing and diapers, and pulling out the mediums, sorting them by color and style and just daydreaming.


Chapter Four

My plan for Sunday had been simple: video games. Next week was going to be rough, there was no doubt about it. The gig was a post-startup, funding was drying up and the bloat and excess of the “spend to grow” mentality was choking the company to death - my speciality. So as I stared at Jess in her crib, gripping the bars with actual tears running down her face, I wondered again how Seth had managed to talk me into this. She had been stuck in the crib for at least an hour after he left. I hadn’t gotten his message right away - I had been asleep like a sane person on a Sunday morning - and it was generally half an hour from Cupertino to Burlingame.

“He left me!” Jess wailed, a small puddle staining the soft pink sheets on the mattress. Thankfully, I could hear the crinkle of the plastic protector. At first I told myself there was no way I was doing his laundry for him, but I knew it was a lie. Seth was as good as friends came, and he’d be exhausted when he got back - he shouldn’t have to deal with wet sheets on top of everything.

“He didn’t leave you,” I said softly as I lowered the bars to her crib and helped her step out, bow legged. Her onesie was soaked and I stripped it and the diaper from her quickly before escorting her to the bathroom. “You’re being dramatic, you silly toddler.”

She pouted as I sat her down on a towel on the floor - in a way it was adorable that she was still following his rules, she wasn’t allowed to stand without an “adult” helping her. In another way, it was mildly irritating. We’d be breaking at least a few of his rules today - I wasn’t bathing his Little.

“He did!” she pouted, crossing her arms over her bare chest, her pigtails bouncing as she huffed. “He left me all alone and I couldn’t get out of the crib and I leaked!”

“Oh I know, silly girl,” I tapped her on the nose as the bath filled - with pink bubbles, of course - and slowly undid her pigtails and removed her pink collar. “But I also know you could have gotten out, and you could have gone to the potty. We both know you use it for number two when he’s not around.”

“Nuh uh,” she blushed furiously, hiding her face in her hands - of course it was true. I knew it, Seth knew it, she knew it as well. How could he not?

“Oh hush,” I smirked, taking her gently by one arm and “lifting” her, guiding her into the water. “I expect you to wash yourself, little girl. Understand?”

“But Daddy always washes me!” she whined - this was why I didn’t like babysitting Jess so much. She could take care of her self - she did it every day, after all - but on the weekends she was especially “helpless”. Seth only ever asked me to watch her on the weekends, when he got called away for work. He was ridiculously good at his job, this sort of thing happened. Hopefully it would be a quick run, unlike last time… last time I had been stuck with Jess for almost twelve hours and had been ready to throttle the girl.

“As you said,” I told her sternly, handing her a washcloth. “Daddy isn’t here, he had to work so you’re stuck with Aunt Vanessa.”

"I ha- " her tantrum stopped cold before she could say the word “hate”. That was a button for me, and one she had pushed last time, and she hadn’t enjoyed the aftermath. The death glare that was surely on my face declared that continuing that particular bit of brattiness would be a terrible idea. She deflated quickly. “Sorry Nessa.”

“I forgive you,” I said softly, sitting on the closed toilet and pulling out my phone. “Just don’t say that to me, okay cupcake?” She preened as I used his nickname for her, and began soaping up the washcloth. “You’re still going to get your baby day and if you’re good I’ll spoil like your Daddy does… but if you’re rotten to me, I’ll put you back in that crib with your mittens and that will be that.”

“Sowwy Auntie Nessa,” she whimpered, slipping into that lisp that set my teeth on edge.

“Don’t, Jess - don’t go sugar sweet on me. I’m not your Daddy. Let’s get you bathed, get you diapered, and go relax on the couch and watch one of your cooking shows.”

“Yay!” she literally bounced in the water, splashing a bit out of the tub. “I wanna watch the Great British Baking Show!” I couldn’t help but laugh. Seth hated reality TV, loathed it with every fiber of his being and likely had it blocked on his Netflix account - but I could connect to his systems just as well as he could and it wasn’t blocked on mine. Jess was actually a reasonably talented cook and she often made dinner for the pair of them… as long as she was done before he walked in the door, when she collapsed to the floor like an infant. Theirs was a strange dynamic, but it worked for them and they were both happy.

“How about,” I began, teasing, “we get you dried off and in a nice, blue diaper - one of the Space ones, and we go watch… I dunno, a nature documentary instead?”

“No!” her attitude changed instantly, horror on her face. “Pink diapers! Nessa please! Pink diapers and cooking shows, you said you said!”

I had to admit, her obsession with pink was adorable. The Space diapers were there as her “naughty” diapers - she would be put in those when Seth was cross with her, when she didn’t deserve pink ones. I was surprised they didn’t get used more with the amount she bratted, but hey - I wasn’t her mommy. I didn’t think I’d be putting a collar around my Little’s neck either… I enjoyed BDSM games, but I liked them separate from my ageplay games.

“Okay, okay,” I laughed, “But not because you’re throwing a tantrum. Because I already offered, and I need to be consistent with tiny tots like you. Remember, tantrums don’t get you anywhere with me like they do your Daddy. Now, finish up your washing, wash your hair, and we’ll get you dressed and ready to watch some TV. Do a good job but don’t take too long - your Daddy could come home any minute, and then your TV time will be done.”

She nodded and proceeded to bathe like the adult she was - I actually envied her a little bit, she didn’t have to shave her legs… Seth had all of the hair on her legs and arms removed with electrolysis, her skin was always smooth and soft. She groomed her pubic hair often, so it was quick and before long, I was escorting her betoweled form to her nursery and laying her down on her changing table. This particular piece of furniture was missing from my own collection… but Seth’s apartment was bigger than mine. I had her dried and powerded and taped up in a DC Amor with a booster in no time. I pulled her to a sitting position and patted her leg, taking a moment to fasten her collar back around her neck before I walked over to her closet to choose an outfit.

"I want… "

“You did NOT just begin a sentence with ‘I want’, did you?” I cut her off. I Want was another pet peeve of mine. Littles should always begin with May I Please when they wanted something.

“Sorry, Auntie Nessa,” the way she shrunk in on herself was delightful, her whole body language changed from confident to cowering in the blink of an eye. I shot her a smile that said, ‘Good girl’ over my shoulder as I selected her outfit… a pink shirt with pink shortalls. Almost everything in her closet was pink… except for her punishment clothing, which was all in blue.

She clapped her hands as I carried the outfit over, slipping the shirt over her head and pulling the shortalls up her legs. I loved these shortalls - I had a pair in the nursery closet in my apartment as well… the sides were high rise to hide a diaper and snug around the waist… but the beauty of the garment was the buckles. They required a key to open. We had bought from the same vendor at the same time, my key worked on Jess’ outfit just as well as the pair that was waiting for my own princess. A shiver went through Jess’ body as the heavy click came from the lock as I snapped them closed.

“Oh, I love that sound,” she purred, her cutesy voice dropped for just a moment and the sultry tone she usually saved for Seth bleeding through. “It’s just so… final, so inescapable. Can we… can we talk for a bit, Nessa?” Her face scrunched up as she used her usual nickname for me, juxtaposed against her request for a more adult conversation.

“Yes, we can talk,” I smiled, taking her by the hand and leading her out to Seth’s living room. I sat on the couch, pulling her gently down next to me. “When you’re ready to be Little again, move to the floor. Until then, you can call me Vanessa.” The relief on her face was immense, and her entire posture relaxed. I began to wonder if everything was all right between her and Seth - a lifestyle couple still needed to connect outside of the dynamic, the game couldn’t be everything… it wasn’t healthy. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I’m just curious,” she began timidly, winding her fingers together, “does Daddy… does Seth think I’m a burden?”

Of all the questions I expected to come out of her mouth, that had not been one of them. I was good at reading people - really good, it’s what made me great at my job, and yet here I was again, for the second time in a week, floored by an unexpected reaction. Seth and Jess were the perfect pair, the poster couple for DD/lg - he was dominating, commanding, loving, and she was cute, cuddly, and bratty but mostly obedient… and they loved each other deeply.

“Jessica,” I smiled a soft smile, a smile that said ‘Everything will be all right’, and laid a hand on her knee, turning my body to face her. I put on a familiar mask, one that I used to comfort distraught employees - I couldn’t meddle in Seth’s relationship, but I felt confident in how to deal with this particular Little-crisis. “I can’t say for certain how Seth feels about you at any given moment, but I can say this: what you are feeling is really common for kept submissives. You’re wondering if you’re worth the trouble, if you contribute enough, if he’s just playing along to keep you happy and he’s secretly miserable.”

There it was. That was the fear. Tears sprung to her eyes immediately and she nodded her head quickly, her lips pursed as she tried to keep herself from crying. Jess didn’t have the firmest rein on her emotions - it came with pretending to be a toddler the vast majority of the day. I wasn’t even sure how much contact she had with people outside of the community, she had thrown herself so thoroughly into her role.

“It’s not your responsibility to second guess him,” I assured her. “If he’s miserable, it’s his responsibility to talk about it. You can ASK him about it, but whatever he tells you, you should take at face value. Here’s where the real problem lies, I think - you can’t understand why he would be happy taking care of all your needs. Pampering you literally and figuratively. You can’t understand why he would want to spend his time, effort, and money keeping you in this lifestyle that makes you so deliriously happy. You can’t see what he’s getting out of it, and it makes you feel guilty.”

“Yes!” she gasped, nodding vigorously. “That’s it exactly! When we first got together, I used to do so much for him, before… y’know,” she gestured down at her diapered crotch, “I would buy him things and we would go places. I mean, I still make him dinner and I clean up around the apartment, but is that enough to repay him for everything he does for me? I don’t want to lose him!” Her tears were flowing freely then, she was overwhelmed by fear and doubt. I simply followed my instincts and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her into my lap.

“Hey,” I said softly wiping her tears away, “You’re not going to lose him by doing what he wants, you silly Little. You’re his cupcake and he loves you. You can’t understand what he gets out of it because if you doted on him the way he dotes on you, giving every ounce of his attention, doing every little thing for you, you’d feel resentful and upset.” She nodded again, confirming my thoughts. “But you’re not wired the same way, Jess. You’re not a dominant. You think I secretly want someone to swoop into my life and keep me in diapers?”

“No,” she laughed a little, sniffling. “I can’t even imagine you in diapers, you’re so strong.”

“And I don’t want that. Do you want to be in diapers?” I tugged slightly at the strap to her shortalls. “You’re helpless, Jess. You can’t go to the potty if you wanted to, you’re stuck and you’re going to have to pee on yourself like a toddler. Is that what you want?”

She squirmed in my lap and nodded, blushing, hiding her face in her hands. Her body language was delightful, the smell of the powder on her, the faint remnants of strawberry-scented shampoo in her hair. She was adorable, and Seth was beyond lucky.

“Well?” I prompted her. “Is that what you want?”

“Yes, Auntie Nessa,” she squeaked from behind her hands, her Little-voice returning. She couldn’t help it, I was pushing her buttons, the ones that made her brain melt a little.

“Tell me that you like being trapped in your shortalls,” I teased her, patting her diapered crotch.

“I like it,” she whispered, “I like being trapped, I like having no choice.”

“And Seth likes you being that way. A dominant doesn’t want the squirmy feelings you’re having right now, we don’t feel them. We want to feel power, to feel your vulnerability. We want to feel needed and in control. We want to be trusted, deeply. I promise you, the feeling that you’re having right now - Seth gets the dominant version of that feeling when he picks on you.”

I tapped a few buttons on my phone, springing her British Baking program to life on the television.

“Thanks, Nessa,” she sighed happily, sliding off my lap and onto the floor where Seth preferred her - I couldn’t blame him, his leather couch was nice and she was prone to leaks, after all. “It’s just so hard to believe that he would want that.”

“You want to wear the diapers, he wants to put you in them, it’s that simple. You’re fulfilled by being controlled, he’s fulfilled by being controlling. It takes all kinds. Now I have to go clean your bedding, Miss Puddle Pants.”

“Sowwy,” she lisped, laying her head on the coffee table. “Nessa?”

“Yes?” I paused on my way to her nursery, turning around again to face her.

“I hope you find your Little soon,” she said softly.

“Me too, Jess. Me too.”


I like it, its different yet clearly you. It feels like a DD story yet it is not, and that is not bad. You perfectly capture a hunter mentality but you didn’t make it perverted, it seems like Vanessa hunts more out of love than anything else. Great as always Kimmy

It’s quite rare for me to find well-written lesbian ABDL stories that have the right balance of dominant/submissive aspects for me to read thoroughly like the one you wrote. From the first paragraph, this story has already pulled me in quickly, and has kept me fully submersed in this dynamic between Vanessa and Dani. I, admittedly, have a bad habit of skimming stories if I think they might be too slow paced or don’t have the right elements to an ABDL story but yours is becoming a true finely-crafted gem that I have not even dared to skim through because I didn’t want to ruin anything. The pace is the perfect mix of steady/teasing the audience, which is refreshing. I love that the plot is based on the mental game and chase of a little rather than physical attributes- if that makes any sense. I honestly am a fan of the story already and will be avidly awaiting the next few chapters to come. :slight_smile:

It was weird to go back to the first person perspective after writing so much in third person, but the real challenge is writing the dominant mindset from the inside. I am SO SO SO not a dominant. I am 100% submissive, not even close to being a switch. So this is a pretty big stretch for me. I’m glad you feel that I perfectly capture the hunter mentality, that’s totally what I was going for :smiley:

The DD allows me to skip right to the diapers and focus the plot on other elements, which I just can’t do with a realistic setting… but this story is all about the conquest, and it feels so much better in the real world.

I’m a lesbian in love with the D/s dance, there’s just something delightful about being owned, about having someone you trust COMPLETELY, in a way I don’t think (no offense to them) that vanillas can really understand. I’m also guilty of skimming stories - the fact is, this is free erotica and so quality is not always guaranteed, even on a board like this one where critique is much more common. I’m flattered that I captured and held your attention. I’m posting this story in another place too, but I’m catching this thread up with that other site today - after this, we’ll be doing my usual “one post per day”. I hope you’ll come back and share your ongoing thoughts as I post, commentary from people enjoying the story is so wonderful for me, I appreciate it deeply when people take the time to tell me how they feel about the things I write. I post each day to encourage more comments, and I promise I’ll reply to each one!

Oh, and for me, sexual attraction is almost entirely a mental matter - it’s ALLLLLLL about the mind games. The physical sensations are nice, but someone whispering naughty things into my ear is much more of a turn on than any physical attention. Feeling owned, feeling cared for, feeling like a princess… and bratting and getting in trouble for it - these are my turn ons!


Chapter Five

By the time Seth got home, I had cooked Jess dinner and thoroughly rotted her brain with reality TV. Honestly, it had been a great time. She wasn’t my Little, but taking care of her had been nice. I had settled her in her highchair for dinner and fed her cut up bites of spaghetti and meatballs. We didn’t use the chair’s restraints - I didn’t feel it was really my place to use Seth’s toys that way - but caring for her, making her feel Little… was soothing.

After the sun set, after she had binged the entire season of her silly cooking show, I changed her diaper and put her into pink unicorn pajamas, a silly summer kigurumi with a horned hood. She giggled as I tickled her and told her that she was a very pretty unicorn but truth be told, it made me a bit sad. I kissed her once on the forehead before I raised the bars to her crib.

“Goodnight, cupcake,” I said softly as I turned on her Fluttershy nightlight.

“Nighty night night, Nessa,” she yawned, looking tiny and vulnerable in her crib. “Thank you for the lovely day - you’re a great mommy. You’re going to make some Little very, very happy.”

“Thanks,” my smile said, ‘You are the sweetest, you make me happy’ but it was a lie. I felt worn and sad inside. To have been so close to my desires and to know that Jess wasn’t mine - I didn’t want her, I didn’t want Seth’s Little, I would never, ever try to insert myself into their relationship… but I wanted a Little of my own. Someone to care for. My speech to Jess had been true; I had a need, a desire, that I could only share with someone like her - a submissive.

I pulled her door closed so she wouldn’t wake when Seth got home and settled back onto his couch, flipping on Twitch and pulling up one of my favorite streamers.

When Seth finally stumbled through the door, it was late and he looked awful.

“Did the servers take you out back and beat you?” I teased him as I muted the TV. “There’s some spaghetti left in the pot, Jess is already in bed.”

“I ate,” he groaned, flopping down on the couch next to me and kicking his shoes off. “Thanks for hanging with Jess. She’s kind of fragile on the weekends, she’s very much a creature of habit.”

“Rough day?”

“Literal surgery,” Seth replied, laying an arm over his eyes. “The dumb fucks bought their drives in a lot, which means that they all reached mean-time-to-failure at once… and they didn’t call me until the second parity drive failed - the microcontroller literally burned out. I had to take a live drive from another array and cannibalize it for the board. Of course, they couldn’t show me the problem, all they could do was mumble that it wasn’t working.”

I gave him a smile, a ‘You poor soul’, as I wrapped my arm around his shoulder.

“So what are you buying with the emergency fee you’re dropping on that invoice?” I smirked. I knew him - he already had the money spent in his mind, probably on…

“A pink straitjacket,” he grinned, sitting up. “The straps go around the thighs instead of between the legs for easy diaper changes.”

Yep. Seth was still Seth, even though his usually calculated demeanor was shattered with exhaustion.

“I suppose there’s just the matter of the babysitting bill,” I deadpanned, sitting up as well. “Getting someone to watch your adult baby isn’t cheap, after all.”

“No joke, a pro sitter is like $300 an hour these days…” he winked, leaning into me until our shoulders touched, “but it was money well spent last time, my spanking technique is much improved.” It was good to be close to him, we had been very close friends before Jess came into the picture… but lately it was getting hard to be around the both of them, especially after Lauren… “There’s a treat waiting for you in your Blizzard account.”

“You didn’t have to, I was teasing,” I smiled a wry smile - there was no point in trying to fake it with him, he could see through all of it.

“I hope Jess wasn’t too bad,” he was actually nervous… he needed reassuring.

“She was fine. We actually had a really good day, it was really nice to have someone to care for. I’m going to be perfectly blunt,” I turned my body to face him, and he followed suit, turning his palms up as he rested his hands on his knees - it was a way that we signalled we were emotionally open to hard truths, it was easier to be vulnerable with your palms up. “I’m worried about her - when was the last time she saw her friends? When was the last time she went out without you?”

“I know,” Seth sagged. “Believe it or not, I’ve been trying to get her to go… I messed up. I tried to make her wear a diaper under an outfit that wouldn’t hide it well enough last time she was going out and… well, it didn’t go well. She panicked and decided not to go instead… and I’ve been having trouble getting her to try again. She’s afraid to go out unpadded, afraid to upset me, and she’s not listening to me when I say it’s okay. I’m not sure what to do.”

“I’m in Redwood all week, what if I took her out one evening?” I was relieved - Seth wasn’t trying to stop her, not honestly, it was Jess’ insecurity that seemed to be the problem. A girls’ night out might do her some good.

“Are you going to be up for it? This is a hatchet job, isn’t it?” he asked. I winced, I never liked that term… but he was right, these jobs were emotionally draining. “Sorry. I know they’re hard for you.” Seeing him this way, open and vulnerable, disheveled and a little shaky, brought a small smile to my face. He hadn’t shown this side to me in a while, and it was nice to connect with him when his Dom mask was down.

“I’ll be fine, it’s important. We’ll go out for dinner and drinks and we’ll just talk. She needs some adult time. Plus, I’ll already be much closer than usual, no sweat.”

“I agree,” he laid back, sighing. “I’ve been worried about her too.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I laid a hand on his knee, telling him I was there for him.

“You’ve got enough on your plate, Vanessa. And irons in the fire. How’s that going, by the way?” He looked over at me, making eye contact, his face concerned.

“I misread something,” I admitted with a small shrug. “We’re getting coffee on Wednesday morning… downgraded from dinner.”

“Ouch,” he winced, “what’s the core?”

“Not sure yet. Texting,” I shrugged. He, of course, had the same problem.

“I’m sorry it’s rough,” he consoled, “I know you’ll find the right girl. You’re a catch, and there are lots of subs out there just waiting to have their Little side unlocked.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself,” the advice from him stung a little bit - it was the same advice I had given him when I was with Kailee and he was single… and it had worked for him, after all. It was actually hard to imagine him without Jess at this point.

“Don’t worry,” I assured the nervous manager, Benjamin, offering a smile that said ‘All is right with the world, everything is going to be fine’, “I’m here to help.” He was twitchy in his aeron chair, sitting next to his modern art installation. It was a lie, of course, his entire team was on the chopping block.

“I know,” he smiled weakly. From the movement of his body, I could tell his left leg was jittering under the table. He was lying as well, he was terrified. “Thank you for your help, we just need to figure out how we can right the ship. My team can really move the needle, I’m sure of it.”

Ugh. Managers and their buzzword bullshit. Don’t get me wrong - management is a valuable skill, a good one was worth their weight in gold, but this guy wasn’t a good one. He was a passive aggressive bullshitter and he had blamed three members of his team already and I’d barely started. He was one of those “talk out of both sides of his mouth” weasels… which was only part of the problem. His entire team was warm bodies, subpar code monkeys who were hired to fill chairs so their growth numbers looked good to investors.

It backfired, the way it often did. Companies like A-Tech, which was a disgustingly generic name for a SAAS provider, were always better investing in a few rockstars rather than padding out a team with morons. They all knew why I was here, they all knew my reputation. I heard the whispers when I walked through the door… the Terminator is here.

I hated the name. I was an Systems Analyst, I found weaknesses in organizations and systems and I helped streamline them… it just so happened that the weaknesses I was best at finding were human.

The day was stressful, interview after interview, combing over code commits and roadmaps. The core service was valuable, but the management layer across the entire company was garbage.

“Hey,” my blood froze as the voice came to my ears. I was hunched over a terminal, fingers flying across the keys… but I stopped dead at the syllable. I would know that voice anywhere even though I hadn’t heard it in years.

“Aubrey,” I greeted her coldly, not even bothering to turn around.

“Terminator,” she responded derisively, stepping closer. She set a cup of coffee down gently on the desk beside the mouse and leaned on the back of my chair, her chin by my ear, elbows on either side of my head. “Funny seeing you here.”

“I don’t find it particularly amusing,” I said evenly, though my heart was pounding. I didn’t know she worked here. “What can I do for you?”

“You can do me a favor,” she said softly. “Make sure Benny makes the cut.” I brought up the org chart… Benjamin Harris, manager. Aubrey Brown, assistant. That weasel had his own assistant, and of all the people in the world, it had to be Aubrey.

“I can’t discuss my analysis before it’s complete,” I said flatly.

“Oh I know,” I could hear the smile on her lips, I knew what was coming next. “Kailee has some nice pictures of you though, the two of you doing some pretty… interesting things. I’m sure Jeff would love to see them.” Jeffery was my contact here, the COO - and I knew what pictures she was talking about. They weren’t particularly flattering. “I really like my job here, Nessa. I barely have to do anything at all, and Benny is a great lay. Don’t fuck it up for me.”


“Blackmail is unbecoming,” my voice was confident, but we both knew my position was weak.

“And yet it doesn’t seem to bother me at all,” she replied. “It’s easy, just recommend that Benny gets moved to another department, we both know you’re going to cut the brain trust that works under him.”

“I make no promises.”

“Oh I know,” she stood, resting her hands on the back of the aeron. “You don’t keep them anyway, Vanessa. Actually… I need two favors. The second will give me a nice signal that you’re going to follow through with the first.”


“I would like very much,” she began. My heart pounded. No. “If you gave Kailee a call.” She finished the words I knew were coming in a whisper. “She misses her mommy.”


Chapter Six

“Hewwo mommy,” Kailee’s voice, squeaky and irritating came through the phone. At some point during our playtime, she had realized that she could do a squeaky baby-voice that she found darling but I found unbearable. Jess’ lisp got irritating, Kailee’s was cringeworthy. I was two words into this conversation and I was already tired of it. “Aubrey told me you’d call.”

“Hello, Kailee,” I said softly. The first day in Redwood was done and I was exhausted, and unhappy with myself for giving in. I knew logically that the correct course of action when being blackmailed was to beat the blackmailer to the punch - come clean and own the embarrassing deed and control the narrative.

I could have just gone to Jeffery and said: One of the employees here has compromising pictures from a segment of my life that is over and done with, she is going to attempt to show them to you. What I do in my private time is irrelevant to this job, but she thinks that this will spare her. It would take Aubrey’s power away… but knowing a thing was easy, doing the thing was often harder. She could turn around and spread them everywhere, damaging my reputation. If all she wanted was a call with Kailee, then the cost was low enough just to roll with it. I’d figure out how to handle the Benjamin situation later. I could recommend he be moved to a different team… one that would recognize his faults rather than enable him.

But I also knew that the chances of this ending with one call were nil.

“I missed you, mommy,” Kailee continued. “Did you miss me?”

“Kailee, we had a lot of fun together, but we agreed that we weren’t right for each other, that we needed to move on.”

“No,” her squeaky tone dropped, her voice suddenly sharp, "you agreed that I wasn’t right for you, and you dumped me. But you ruined me, mommy. You spoiled me. No one else wants to play with me the way you did. I miss you… "

“Either party in a relationship has the right to dissolve it,” I stifled a sigh, laying down on the couch of my apartment, glad to be home. “It has to be right for both people for it to work.”

“Where do you live now, mommy?” she ignored my point, of course. “You moved and I don’t know where you are now.”

“Where I moved doesn’t matter,” I responded. I wasn’t letting her back in my life, she wasn’t good for me. She wasn’t good enough for me.

“But I love you.”

My lips drew tight at her cutesy voice saying those words. The sad thing was, she believed it.

“Kailee,” I began, “I appreciate the time we spent together. I appreciate the growth and learning that we gained, I appreciate the fun-”

“You appreciate the sex,” she interrupted. “We can do it again, mommy. Let me remind you how much you loved me once.” I did love her once, before I realized that there was no truth to her. Kailee would do anything I wanted, be anything I wanted, any time I wanted. Even now, it was impossible to tell if she truly wanted any of this, or if she just wanted a place to sleep and free food and no responsibilities. Getting her out of my life had been painful, and I didn’t want her back in it.

“I can’t,” I was trying to let her down gently. If I didn’t, Aubrey would simply try to blackmail me further. “I’ve moved on, I’m sorry you haven’t. You could make someone very happy, I know it, and you deserve to be happy.”

“You’ve got another girlfriend, don’t you?” Her tone was curt, accusing. “You’ve already got another girl.”

“I don’t,” I did sigh this time, “I was just broken up with about a week ago.”

“I know how much that hurts,” she said, unable to hold back her passive aggressive nature. “I want to see you. I’m wearing your favorite diapers right now.” Guilt was like a second language to Kailee - she knew how to twist words, how to make someone feel bad despite the best of intentions. She wasn’t stupid - far from it, she was clever and sharp. But she was damaged and despite all my urgings for her to find someone to talk to, find someone to help her heal from the wounds of her past, she wouldn’t. And you can’t make someone help themselves, so I had no choice but to walk away.

“I can’t,” I had to be firm, had to hold that boundary. “I’m willing to try and be friends again, but I’m not ready to open my heart.”

“I didn’t break your heart,” she accused, “You broke mine.”

“I never wanted to hurt you, that was never my goal. I hope you understand that.”

“You’re a liar, Vanessa,” she hissed. “You always lie, you’ve told countless lies in the time I’ve known you. How can you even look in the mirror?”

It was true, I was a liar. A social manipulator. Telling a falsehood brought me no remorse in and of itself, people told lies all the time - often to themselves. What was one more drop of water in an endless ocean? Those who were closest to me knew my truths - and what Kailee was calling a lie… wasn’t. I hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but I wasn’t going to let her drag my life down with her damage.

“You’re hurting, Kailee,” I said softly, “I understand. I’d be mad at me too if I were in your situation. Do you still want to be friends?” There was no point in arguing with her, Aubrey had the cards - if I shut Kailee down, she’d just make another demand. But if Kailee walked away on her own then Aubrey lost her leverage - too many demands and I’d show the photos myself first, and then she’d lose out on what she wanted. While Aubrey and Kailee were “besties” as they said, I knew for a fact that Aubrey would turn on her in a hot minute.

“I do,” she whispered, “I miss you.”

“Then we’ll talk again,” I assured her. “But you’re sleepy and I’m tired. Say goodnight, Kailee.”

“Night mommy.”

Wednesday morning came too soon and not soon enough at the same time. Aubrey had left me alone on Tuesday and I had been able to focus on the job - it would take me well into next week before I could make my recommendation to the COO and I was sure I would be exhausted by the end of the job… but it was also likely going to be the only job I needed to do that month. Companies with weak management hired me specifically because I was willing to pull the trigger on jobs for them, I was given the authority to fire people because they were too scared to do it. Firing someone was hard, you had to look them in the eye and tell them that they were on their own, that they’d have to find another way to feed their families, and too often the managers got caught up in their own feelings surrounding that, how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

But to me, it was just another job. I’d done it dozens of times before, I would do it countless more times. I had fired hundreds of people. It held no thrill for me, but I felt no guilt either. It wasn’t the fault of the people getting the axe that they were selected, not often - it was management choices, market changes, poor allocation of resources. But that was just the way it was, I wasn’t going to lose sleep over it. It was either them or the company… and the company was paying.

I waited in my car of the parking lot of the coffee shop… until I spotted Dani exiting her Prius. I had been twenty minutes early.

“Hey,” I said as I slipped up behind her, holding the door open as she stepped inside.

“Oh, what good timing,” she smiled. She was in tight black pants today with a white blouse, more of her chunky boho jewelry - two necklaces and three bracelets - with a dark blue blazer… and she smelled amazing. She was a little taller today - brown suede boots lifted her another inch from last time we met. “I was worried I got here too early.”

“I just got here too,” I gave her a smile that said, ‘I am very happy to see you’ as I followed her in.

We sat down at the table, her with a hot chai and me with another mocha - not my favorite, but the narrative was important. She talked about her project, one of the engineers she was managing was having some personal trouble that was pushing out her timeline and she was trying her best to compensate for it and help him with his emotional troubles - a mature route, and I expected no less from her. I offered her tidbits about my own project without mentioning the company, but I focused on the positive - how the company would be in much better shape after the inefficiencies in their system were identified and corrected…

“I got you this,” I said after a short, comfortable silence. “I’m hoping this counts as a second date to you, I really enjoy your company.” I slid the small box over to her, waiting. The way she lit up at the tiny present was adorable. My timing had been good, she had forgotten that I had mentioned this, and her eyes smiled in a way that most people her age couldn’t manage - especially in this town. They were too jaded, too worn… but Littles - and I was sure she was one - held onto some of that childlike innocence. Her lips parted in a wide grin when she opened it.

“Squirrel earrings!” she cheered, holding them up - they were cute, they were happy squirrel faces, but what made them great was the fact that the earring back was the rest of the squirrel - it would look like a squirrel was dangling from each earlobe. “Squirrels are my favorite animal!”

“I guessed from your purse,” I smiled.

“I uh,” her face fell a bit - here it came. Something had caused her to want to downgrade from a dinner date to coffee, but my hopes were still high. “I have a bit of a confession.” She looked at me with a deep concern in her eyes, her posture shifted slightly - she was worried she was going to hurt my feelings. I smiled softly, a ‘I can take it’ smile, and waited. “I met a guy the day before our dinner date. I know we just started seeing each other - I wasn’t sure if you and I are really dating - and I don’t know if you’re the one-person-at-a-time kind of dater. I usually am. So… I just wanted to tell you.”

A guy. I was surprisingly threatened by that, I felt the fingers of my right hand twitch with a tell that I wouldn’t usually provide, though I let my smile shift to a ‘Everything is fine’. All my research had indicated that she was gay, I hadn’t accounted for this possibility at all.

“We never defined our relationship, Dani - we don’t have to. I don’t own you,” Yet. “I’m not upset that you’re dating someone else at the same time. I’m a little surprised, I’ll be honest - I thought you were gay.”

“Well,” she blushed, “I haven’t dated a guy in a long time, I kinda figured I was done with them. Not because I’m not attracted but… ugh, there’s no way to say it without sounding sexist. Women are just easier to relate to, you know? Anyway, his name is Julian and he’s really nice and… different. I’m glad you’re not hurt, you never know how some people will take this kind of news.”

“I’d like to continue seeing you - dating you - if that’s okay. I like you,” I laid a hand gently on hers, the physical touch was important to show that I wasn’t threatened. I wasn’t - I was sure I would be a better partner for her… if my feeling about her was correct. This Julian likely had some other damage, some secret, some folly - and I would find it. Nobody was perfect.

I was bothered by the idea of her with a man, however. And that surprised me.

“I’d like that,” she smiled… her eyes were smiling too, but there was a glint there, something hidden. She tilted her head just so, turned her body just so… there was something she wasn’t saying. She liked him more than me. Damn, and I thought I had been playing this so well. No matter, I didn’t mind a little competition.

I would win.

“I’m glad we met up this morning. Seeing you makes my day brighter, it will be easier to face the challenges of work.”

“Me too,” she closed the box on the earrings and slipped it into her purse. “Thank you for the thoughtful gift, it’s really kind of you.”

“I’m glad it brought a smile to your face.” My tongue burned, I wanted to press - to ask her what she had named her purse, but it wasn’t time yet. If she didn’t embrace her Little side, if she struggled with it as I suspected, it would only embarrass her. And given that she had friends that teased her for those tendencies, that was more likely than not. It would only cause me to lose ground in this unexpected competition I found myself in.

“I hope you have a great day at work,” she leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss, our lips barely brushing together. It was gentle, timid. It told me that she wasn’t sure what she wanted… she knew I made her feel good, there was some attraction there, but I didn’t sweep her off her feet.

Good. I hadn’t been trying to.

But I would, once I knew more about this Julian. The moment I was back in my car, I messaged Seth - I was going to be busy today, but he was likely still taking it easy after his emergency job on Sunday. I asked him to find out the identity of this Julian she mentioned and see what he could learn.

He knew the drill, he wouldn’t let me down. I had done the same for him with Jess.


Chapter Seven

It was Friday evening before Seth contacted me about the information I wanted. I was eating dinner when his face replaced Admiral Adama’s on my TV. Jess was sitting on the floor at his feet, sucking on an oversized baby bottle of chocolate milk. She paused long enough to wave.

“So what did you find out?” I asked him, setting my plate down on the coffee table and picking up the bottle of hard cider. One of the joyous things about my relationship was Seth was that neither of us really cared for the bullshit pleasantries that usually preceded meaningful conversation. “Thanks for doing this, by the way. Work has been… well, work. So who is this guy? What’s his weakness? String of bad exes? Votes Republican?”

“I haven’t gotten a bead on him yet,” Seth frowned. “All you gave me was a first name of someone she mentioned. There’s nobody in her immediate orbit that has the legal first name Julian. I need more to go on. She didn’t go too many places on Thursday - grocery shopping, an Italian bistro, and she bought something from a small vendor near Las Palmas park. Thank goodness that even street vendors use Square, huh?”

“Well crap,” I frowned in return, slumping on the couch. “He could be anyone. Thanks for looking, I’ll see if I can get more detail. I don’t think it’s anyone she already knew. She said she met him the day before our date - so I’d wager she met him for the first time on Thursday, it’s not someone already in her social circles.”

“If you can get me any of the usual PII, I’m happy to help you figure this out. Chances are that, in this town, she’s with an asshole of one kind or another.”

“Thanks Seth,” I sighed.

“So,” Seth began a new conversational thread rather than hanging up, as I had expected. “When are you doing the thing?” His eyes looked down at Jess without moving his head - he hadn’t told her I intended to take her out.

“I haven’t forgotten,” I assured him. “And thanks for the credits, I know just what I’m going to buy with them.” I paused for a moment, noting that Jess had checked out of the conversation completely to focus on her bottle. She was laying her head on the couch at this point, holding the bottle straight up and down. “Jess,” I called softly. “Are you having a good day?”

“Huh?” she looked at the camera with confusion. I couldn’t blame her, I rarely spoke to her on these calls - she rarely had anything of value to offer. “Yes Nessa, I had a good day.” She smiled an enormous smile as Seth began stroking her hair.

“I thought that maybe you’d like to go out to a bar or two on Tuesday? Just the two of us, dinner and drinks - we’ll have a good time.”

“What?” she looked a little shocked, and looked up to Seth. He was inscrutable, she’d get nothing from him. "Out? To a bar? I dunno… " She looked visibly uncomfortable, and I knew in that moment that we needed to make her.

“Cupcake,” Seth said softly, stroking her hair again, “Vanessa would like for you to go with her, will you do that for me?”

“Yes Daddy,” Jess bit her lip, setting the bottle down and wrapping her arms tightly around his leg. She was afraid. “I would like to go with you, Auntie Nessa.”

“Thank you Jess,” I smiled a smile that said ‘You are a good girl’, “we’re going to have a lovely evening. I want you to pick out a nice dress to wear to dinner, okay? You’re not going as a baby, you’re going as my adult friend. But I still expect you to behave.”

“Yes Auntie Nessa,” she nodded solemnly.

“I think,” Seth smiled down at her, “that someone has earned a treat. I’ll talk to you later, Vanessa. Let me know when you’ve got some more info to go on. We’ll figure this out.”

And with that, I found myself looking at Battlestar Galactica once more. I smirked and picked up my plate - knowing those two, Jess was ramping up for a temper tantrum right now.

My heart pounded in my chest as I watched the screen go dark. I was afraid and excited all at the same time. I clung tightly to Daddy’s leg, waiting for him to explain what my treat was going to be… but it was hard to let go of the anxiety of my now-looming outing with Nessa.

“Okay Cupcake,” Daddy practically purred. I squirmed in my wet diaper at his feet, burying my face in his thigh. "What would you like for a treat? We can get you a nice piece of cake or… "

“Tantrum!” I giggled into his leg. Tantrums were the best. I had to get special permission to really let go, Daddy loved punishing me, loved it when I broke the rules, but a tantrum was loud and sometimes things got broken so we agreed that I could only have one under special circumstances. It was going to get me in so much trouble and it was going to be amazing.

“Of course,” he laughed his deep rumbly laugh. He grabbed my by the upper arms, pulling me into his lap. The diaper squelched between my thighs, releasing a little of the hot urine to press against my skin… I was really wet, this one would leak if I didn’t get changed soon, but I didn’t get to decide that. Just the thought, even after all this time of living with him and being full time, set my pulse to racing. I felt incredibly aroused as he took me gently by the face and guided me toward him for a soft kiss. He took a moment to tickle my nose with his beard and I laughed. Beard tickles were the best. “What are you going to tantrum over?”

“Does it matter?” I giggled again, “Just make something up, Daddy.”

He pushed me gently to my feet and I walked away from the couch as he turned on the music in the living room, activiating the white noise machines in the bedroom and nursery at the same time with his phone. We didn’t want the neighbors worrying, after all.

“Cupcake,” he said in his stern Daddy-voice. My knees felt weak already. “I told you to clean up your room today, didn’t I. Is your room clean?”

“No Daddy,” I said meekly, twisting a bit, feeling delightfully vulnerable in nothing but a soft pink onesie and a sodden diaper. “I forgotted.”

“I guess you don’t want a new toy after all then?”

“But I want it!” I protested - it didn’t matter what the toy was, I wanted it. I slipped deeper into the role, this was my favorite part of the dynamic, the unrepentant brat and the dominating Daddy. Knowing him, he already had a toy in mind… which meant I would love it. “I want it! Daddy, get me the toy!”

“Good girls get toys,” he stood, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at me with those cold blue eyes. A chill went down my spine - when he wanted to be, he was incredibly intimidating. “I don’t think you deserve a toy. I don’t think you’re getting a toy.”

“No!” I screamed, stomping my foot at him. I felt the heat rising in my face. “I want a toy! I’m your cupcake and you should buy me the toy!”

“Go to your room, Cupcake,” he said in his warning tone. “Now.”

“No!” I shouted again, “I want my toy!” This was it - this was the moment, he’d push me over the edge and I’d tantrum and then the game would begin in earnest. My heart was pounding in my chest, wondering what he would do to me. “I want my toy NOW!”

“You’re being a bad girl, Cupcake. Go to your room right now, there’s no way you’re getting your new toy. No toys for Cupcake.”

“It’s not fair!” I cried, flopping to the ground and kicking my feet, slamming my fists against the floor. “It’s not fair! You’re a MEAN Daddy! You said I could have a toy and I WANT IT. I WANT MY TOY!” It took everything I had not to laugh from the sheer ridiculousness of it, but I was invested. Next he would count…

“One,” his foot tapped against the floor and my stomach flopped at that single syllable. If this were real, if I were really testing him and not getting a treat, just him saying ‘one’ would have me begging for mercy at his feet and apologizing, but now…

“No!” I screamed again, flailing. “IT’S NOT FAIR!” Oh, screaming that was so satisfying, so cathartic.

"Two… "

My breath came hot and heavy as I rolled over and began climbing to my feet… the next part was about to begin…

“No Daddy! No counting! Stop! Just give me my toy!”

“Three.” He growled - his tone no longer warning - taking a step toward me. I darted away, relishing the fire in his eyes, that faux fury that I could only hope he enjoyed as much as I enjoyed my fake tantrum.

“No Daddy!” I squealed as I ran from him. “Please! I’m going to my room, I’m sorry!” I dashed for the door to the nursery, but he was so fast, his legs were so much longer than mine. I slipped inside the room and started to close the door, but his arm was there, forcing it open.

“You’re in trouble, little girl,” he growled. “When I count, you obey.”

“I’m sorry Daddy!” I squealed, actually pushing with all I had against the door, but I was slowly losing. He forced it open slowly and I moved away once he stepped into the room, walking backward as he advanced on me. He was so tall, I felt so tiny as his hand reached for me. “No Daddy! Wait!”

His hand closed around my wrist and I knew then that I was doomed. I couldn’t keep the grin from my face as the world spun and I found myself face down in the plush carpet, my arm twisted behind my back. And then came the mittens. Oh, he was really giving me a treat tonight. I squirmed helplessly as he slipped the first pink leather mitten over my right hand, then my left. My breath was short and heavy as I felt the buckles tighten, heard the locks click shut.

“I’m sorry Daddy,” I squeaked as he flipped me over, pushing my now-useless hands above my head.

“You were a bad girl, Cupcake,” he purred, his face leaning close to mine. I felt him clip the ends of the gloves together with one hand as he reached between my legs with the other, squishing my wet diaper against my pussy. I moaned, bucking against the pressure of his hand. It could go either way now, I was captured. He could give me pleasure or pain. He could grab the Hitachi and drive me insane, giving me orgasm after orgasm… or I could find myself over his knee and receiving a deliciously scary spanking. I was goo in his hands, I was helpless before him. He would do whatever he wanted with me.

And I would love every minute.

“I love you Daddy,” I whispered. He leaned down, pressing his lips to mine, tickling me with his moustache as he slid his tongue between my lips. I couldn’t imagine life without him now. I was his Cupcake, he was my Daddy. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.


Chapter Eight

I sat parked on the street outside of Dani’s apartment, waiting. She had dropped a couple of hints that she was busy Saturday night, and I had assumed it was with Julian - so I waited, resting in the passenger seat of my locked car, reclined, watching the door to her building. Worst case, I was wrong and wasting my night, but I was willing to bet that she was either going to meet him somewhere, or he was going to pick her up.

Sure enough, about an hour later, she walked out of the building and to her Prius. I wished I had already gotten a chance to get my hands on her phone and set up a tracking signal. Following someone the old fashioned way left both the chance of losing her and the chance of being caught. I was confident in my ability to play it off if we “ran into” each other in public, but if she saw me following her while driving… that would be tougher to explain.

I slipped to the driver’s seat, moving my butt over the console and sliding down, waiting three beats before I fired up the engine and began following her. She was headed downtown - Sunnyvale had a nice little downtown area not terribly far from her place. As I pulled into the parking space across the lot from her and watched her walk toward the restaurants, I took a moment to wind my hair up into a bun - an unusual style for me - and tie it back before slipping on my reading glasses and following her on foot. I watched her step into a Mexican restaurant and hug a blond man an inch or two shorter than she was, before they sat down at a table together.

Could be a friend, could be Julian. No way of knowing yet. I settled into a table outside the Irish pub across the way, a spot where I could watch them and ordered a burger and fries - something simple so I could stay focused. I snapped a couple of photos under the guise of getting a few shots of the downtown and ate my subpar burger, paying early and leaving a 100% tip so the server didn’t try to shoo me away. I watched as the two of them laughed and ate, shared a pitcher of margaritas - naughty girl, once again - and enjoyed each other’s company. Their body language didn’t speak of old friends, they were still feeling each other out, still finding the shape of one another.

Following him back to his car was easy, as was memorizing his plate number. White Accord, California plates - I had all the info I needed. I watched as Dani climbed back into her car - he waited for her, they were going somewhere else next. I frowned - I had gotten a good long look at him, he seemed like the engineer-wants-to-be-management type, white polo and khakis, short cut blond hair and a pearly smile. He oozed “normal” - I hated him already. Normal was always hiding something. Normal never hurt, surrounded by all the other normals and lauded for their conformity.

Growth came from pain - the kind of pain you never felt growing up as a straight white male. Sure, I was prejudiced in my own way, prejudiced against the overwhelming majority of people that looked exactly like Julian in the world, but I felt somewhat justified - I suffered enough at the hands of “normal” and the pursuit of conformity. I sat behind the wheel of my car and sent an encrypted text to Seth. I’d do some cursory checking myself as well, but if both of us were digging too deep on the same target, we’d set off alarms. He was back to his usual routine during the week and there was very little chance of doing the social engineering these kinds of dives required on a Saturday night, so I’d have to wait.

And settle for making some newbies suffer at the hands of my smurf. I wasn’t feeling particularly gracious tonight.

I groaned as I rolled out of bed at the crack of noon on Sunday, kicking over a couple of hard cider empties on my way to the kitchen. I’d clean all that up in a bit. Sunday was cleaning day, after all. I spotted the green light on my phone flashing from where it rested on the couch - I had forgotten to plug it in last night. I’d stayed up way too late on Overwatch, drinking. I grabbed my phone and tapped the fingerprint sensor, opening my messages.

DANI: How’s your job in Redwood going? Any chance you’re free Tuesday night?

Well shit, it was from two hours ago. Why’d she have to pick Tuesday of this week? I had to take Jess out, it was important. Tuesday was great usually - lots of places declared it Ladies’ Night in an attempt to bring in female clientele, often so the males had a better chance and finding someone… but I wasn’t opposed to getting into places free even though the boys had zero chance with me.

The job is stressful but it’s going well. I can’t do Tuesday, sorry. I’m meeting a friend for drinks. How about Wednesday night?

I sent the message and began my weekly routine, tidying and sorting, cleaning and recycling. There was one room in the apartment that never needed tidying… though I wanted it to desperately. I stood in the doorway and stared at the empty crib, a sigh passing my lips as the phone chimed again.

DANI: Wednesday sounds good - where are we going?

The way she asked brought a smile to my face. It wasn’t so hard to imagine Dani in this room, in that crib - she wanted someone to care for her. She didn’t even want to suggest a restaurant, she wanted to be the submissive partner, she wanted someone else to be in control. This week was going to be busy.

I have an idea. How is your emotionally compromised worker? Have you been able to help them?

Our conversation continued on and off throughout the day, mostly small talk - she wasn’t the worker in question’s manager, but she was taking on that role somewhat. Apparently the actual manager wasn’t very good at the human interaction part of the job, but very good at the logistics part - it was a shame, logistics were easy but a manager who could actually handle their subordinates well was worth their weight in gold.

I felt relaxed as I tidied up, enjoying the casual ease with which we conversed, but my relaxation was shattered by an unexpected message.

UNKNOWN: Call Kailee. Aubrey.

I sighed wearily, all of the good feelings I had been gaining from talking with Dani shattered and washed away. Kailee didn’t have the ability to call me - I had the phone set to send any of the numbers she usually used directly to voicemail and then delete the message. I allowed unknown texts only because I got job leads that way frequently enough that it was worth deleting a rogue message every now and again. I sat down on the couch in my freshly cleaned living room and dialed the one person I really, deeply did not want to talk to right now.

“Hewwo mommy,” her cutesy voice greeted me. “You said you wanted to be fwiends, but you never called me.”

“I do, Kailee - but I’ve been busy this week, I’m sure Aubrey has told you that.”

“Aubrey says you’re going to her company to make people sad,” she accused. “Why do you do that? Why do you hurt people?”

“I don’t set out to hurt people,” I countered, “My job is to keep companies from collapsing - and sometimes the problem is that they have too many people, or the wrong people. I’ll be able to talk to you more after the job is done.”

“I want to see you,” I could see the pout on her face from her voice. “I miss you.” It was baffling to me now that I had ever found that pout cute, those mannerisms. I had thought it was simple cover atop a hidden depth, but that turned out to be false - Kailee was shallow and uncaring, her pout wasn’t some game, some façade - it’s how she really was. My day with Jess had just reinforced how things could be, with the right partner - and Jess still had a lot of learning and growing to do herself, but she was leaps and bounds ahead of Kailee.

“I know,” I said soothingly, “I know you do. You’re probably feeling a little lonely right now. But you have Aubrey, don’t you? Are you guys going to watch some cartoons today?”

“Aubrey doesn’t want to play with me that way,” she groused. “I want my mommy back.”

“I’m not anyone’s mommy right now, Kailee. And I can’t be yours, either. We both hurt, we need to focus on being friends first. Have you tried going to the club?” The easist solution to my whole problem would be Kailee finding another dom, someone to hold her attention. She was a bad sub, she was selfish and uncaring and didn’t want to devote the time and trust it took to have a deeper relationship… but there were plenty of bad doms out there that fit her just fine. I knew that for a fact, I had met a few at the club.

“The club is stupid,” the pout was back in full force, “They told me I can’t come back any more.” Well, that was good news at least, maybe I’d have to visit again. “But I don’t wanna meet anyone else, I want you.” I couldn’t say I was terribly surprised that she had been kicked out, after all. She had probably violated someone else’s scene, tried to force her way into a play for attention - Kailee’s grasp of boundaries was tenuous at best.

“You want someone to take care of you, right?”

“Yes mommy,” her cutesy voice still turned my stomach, but I pressed on.

“That can’t be me right now, I have too much work to do. You need someone who can devote their time to caring for you, to helping you find your best self.”

“Aubrey said you have to do what I want.” There it was. I had been expecting this one.

“Oh, you want to be the mommy?”

“No! I want you to be the mommy,” she whined. “You hafta!”

“I don’t believe the Little gets to tell the mommy what they have to do, is that how it works? You want to be the boss, you want to make the decisions?”

“No, no… I want you to be the boss,” she sounded frustrated, confused.

“Then I don’t have to do what you want - if you want me to be the boss, we have to be friends again first. You know I’m right.”

“Yes mommy,” she replied sullenly.

“I have work to do, Kailee. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay but don’t make me wait so long next time.” She was petulant, still trying to top from the bottom in the worst way. There was a right way to do it and a wrong way - the right way involved communicating your needs and expectations, maybe even having the upper hand over the caregiver for a short time… but it wasn’t about forcing the caregiver to play their role the way the Little wanted. That had to be a gift freely given, and it didn’t seem like Kailee was ever going to understand that.

“You have a decision to make for yourself,” I told her simply. “You keep talking like you want to be the boss, but you also want someone to take care of you, to command you. If you want someone else in control, you have to let them take that control on their own, and only someone - a friend - you trust very well can do that. Think on it, Kailee. We can still be friends, but you have to want that first.”

And with that, I hung up on her. She had come close to learning that lesson a few times, but I honestly didn’t think she would ever get there. She wasn’t interested in real growth, she was interested in short-term pleasure and it didn’t really matter who she hurt - including herself - to get it.


Chapter Nine

I stretched as I stood, waiting, in Seth’s living room. I had decided to go with a simple style tonight, my hair was down - a few locks braided near my temple to hold some beads, otherwise flowing free. I had chosen a pair of deliciously tight black jeans and sneakers sporting a flaming heart, along with a small t-shirt - Sir Sly, white on black and very form-fitting.

I wondered idly what he would have Jess wear - if she would be padded - but I didn’t have to wonder long.

Jess stepped out into the living room timidly, her arms wrapped tightly around one of Seth’s as he guided her. She wore a simple one-piece dress, a blue skirt and black top with a few bands around the waist, the short sleeves hanging down over her upper arms elegantly. It was a very mature look, but I could hear the crinkle as she moved. She was still well-diapered under there. No one else would know, it wasn’t a thing most people even thought to listen for, but I knew that sound very well. Her hair fell in blonde waves around her face, her makeup was simple but there - more than she usually wore - and she had lovely hoop earrings that went well with her ensemble.

“Is this Jess’ older sister?” I teased, crouching down a bit so our eyes were level, “Hello there, you look quite mature - your sister is cute as a button, but she’s terrible at potty training. How about you?”

Nessaaaaa,” she whined buring her face in Seth’s arm.

“This one’s no better,” Seth joined in, turning Jess around and lifting her skirt. “Not potty trained at all. She has to be kept in the thickest of diapers, look at these.”

“Oh they are cute,” I continued as Jess pushed her skirt down, blushing fiercely. The small woman was adorable - Seth was tall and Jess only stood to his shoulder, she came to my nose at least. It wasn’t a terribly big surprise that she was a Little.

“I thought I was supposed to be adult tonight,” she complained, pouting and defeating her own point. “I thought that was the whole idea?”

“It is,” I confirmed. “But you can’t blame us for teasing you just a little. Your blush is darling.”

Seth laughed and kissed Jess sweetly, pulling her to him and bending down slightly - though she still stood on her toes so he didn’t have to bend quite so far. I wondered what it would feel like to have a lover so much smaller than I was - Kailee was as close as I’d come, she was four inches shorter than me. Dani was only two inches or so shorter. Seth seemed to like it, and I wagered that Jess did too given that Littles preferred to feel small, in general.

“You’re going to be an adult,” I confirmed. “The padding is just a precaution, given that you’ve been 24/7 for quite a while now. No one will ever know, I won’t do anything to embarrass you.”

Jess nodded and Seth gave her a small nudge with a hand to the small of her back.

“I love you, Cupcake,” he smiled and blew her a kiss.

“I love you too, Daddy,” she grinned as we slipped through the door, making a heart-shaped gesture at him with her hands.

I let Jess pick the restaurant - Seth liked keeping her in the dark whenever they went out. She wouldn’t know where they were eating until they got there, it was just part of their dynamic. Honestly, I wondered what she really thought of that… the fact that she had an answer instantly said quite a bit. She wanted Korean - I wasn’t a huge fan of the cuisine and I knew for a fact that Seth didn’t like it at all, some vendetta against fermented vegetables.

“Thanks for letting me pick,” she whispered as she sat down across from me. “I never get to have Korean anymore, it used to be my favorite.”

“Of course,” I smiled warmly to her, not a condescending smile, but a friendly smile. “When was the last time you went out this way?”

“Gosh,” she shrugged as she lay her napkin across her lap, “I don’t know - six months?”

“You haven’t stepped outside of your dynamic at all in six months?” I asked, genuinely surprised. That wasn’t healthy.

“No, that’s not true,” her smile was easy and comfortable - she wasn’t feeling threatened by the question, that was good. “Seth and I have adult time, and sometimes we go hang out with some other people from the club, but I almost never go out without him. I get a break from littlespace pretty regularly.”

I decided not to press the issue any further, no sense in potentially ruining our night before it had even begun. She ordered a mild bibimbap, I ordered a spicy one - it was my favorite dish as far as Korean went - the way you could mix the flavors in your own time, paints on the palette of your bowl, it was culinarily entertaining.

“So,” she began, unable to take more than a few moments of silence after the waiter took our order. “Will you tell me about your new girlfriend? Her name is Dani, right?”

“Yeah. She’s a year or two younger than me. Taller than you - but that’s not terribly hard,” Jess stuck her tongue out at me for that one, but I continued anyway, “Young professional type, very serious career-woman. She prefers a bohemian style, lots of chunky jewelry and earthy tones, it’s nice.”

“What makes you think she’s a Little? That’s why you’re trying to catch her eye, right?”

“She’s got some subtle tells,” I explained, “But what tipped me off initially was her purse - it’s shaped like a squirrel.”

“Oh em gee,” she actually said the letters - I always found that mannerism of hers to be ridiculous, “Yeah, that’s a pretty big tell - like, that’s her everyday purse that she carries around normally?”

“She was carrying it at a nightclub,” I smiled. “So yeah, pretty big. It’s adorable… she’s adorable.” The smile I wore now was an easy one, it came naturally - a rare, true reflection of how I genuinely felt: content and hopeful.

“Is she already in the scene?” Jess asked, lowering her voice as if anyone cared.

“I’ve never seen her at the club - not that I go very often any more… no, I think she’s a vanilla waiting to find her spice and she just doesn’t know it. Truth be told, that’s what I’m hoping for.”

“I hope she is, Nessa. I think doing double dates with you and your Little would be awesome… and playdates. We’ve gone out to dinner with a couple of the other clubgoers, and I get along great with the other Littles, but you know Daddy. He’s so standoffish. He finds something wrong with everyone we hang out with - that guy is too religious, it’s creepy. That girl chews with her mouth open - which he hates. That couple can’t stop laughing at awkward moments. Et cetera, you know how he is.”

“I do at that,” I agreed, “Seth likes things the way he likes things.”

“I’m glad you’re his friend, Nessa. I like you a lot. In a way, you two are really similar. You’ve both got this calm, in control attitude. And you’re both really scary when you’re mad… but it’s like this quiet mad. Daddy would be less scary if he yelled, I think.”

“I’m glad he’s my friend, too.” I chose not to comment on Seth’s temper.

Watching Jess eat was mildly hilarious - her chopsticks technique left a lot to be desired, but her overjoyed expression as she ate her favorite meal showed no self-consciousness. Jess - especially this Jess who sat before me now, who had been with Seth for over two years as his live-in Little - had a childlike glee that most adults didn’t have. Seth had seen it in her early on, when she was a burned out restaurant manager… when she was Jessica. Seth had seen that spark in her, that inner child, right away. I had been there when they met, it was a rare client dinner where both of us had the same customer. Imagining that sharp, pinched woman sitting here with me now was impossible - Seth had unlocked her Little self and while I think Jess could have rejoined the workforce if she wanted to, she was much happier this way. She sold some homemade jewelry online, but for the most part her life was strikingly similar to a three year-old’s.

When she was done, she politely sat her chopsticks on the edge of the bowl and relaxed in her chair with a look of pure contentment on her face.

“Oh,” she groaned happily, “That hit the spot. Thanks Nessa.”

“Are you going to be too full to go dancing? When was the last time you even had a drink?”

“I drink,” she said defensively, “Daddy says I’m giggly when I drink, so I drink at home sometimes… like once a month.”

“Really? That’s surprising, considering Seth never drinks.”

"He doesn’t drink with me… but he’ll put something nice in a sip- " she cut off as the waiter came back to collect her bowl, blushing that she almost admitted to drinking from a sippy cup at home.

“Is this on one check or two?” he asked, that eternal question that I had to deal with no matter how affectionate I was being to whatever woman was with me. Despite being in the Bay Area, it seemed unfathomable that a pair of ladies could be, well… a pair.

“One check,” I smiled my polite-professional smile, there was no point in showing that the all-too-common attitude bothered me. The few times a date and I had been correctly identified, I had left a 200% tip.

“Thanks, Nessa,” Jess grinned sheepishly. “Anyway, yes - I can still go dancing tonight, no worries.”

“Wow,” Jess whispered to me, my arm gently around her waist as I guided her into the club. “There aren’t many guys here at all.”

“Not on a Tuesday,” I smiled - it was, in fact, Ladies’ Night at this particular club and I had observed quite some time ago that despite being a prime invitation, guys just didn’t seem too common at these. Not that I was complaining, mind you. “Are you hoping to hit on a guy?” I teased.

“No!” she half-gasped, half-grinned. “Just sometimes… it’s nice if they try. I haven’t done this in a long time.”

“Want to know if you’ve still got it?”

“Not really,” she shrugged as we sat down at the bar together, “I honestly can’t imagine life the way I lived before. Is that pathetic? I really like just being… Little.”

“Is it pathetic to enjoy yourself? No, I don’t think so.”

“No, that’s not what I mean,” she pursed her lips as I ordered our drinks - a hard cider for her, one of my favorites that I thought she’d like: a raspberry, and a Jack and Coke for me. “I mean, do you think it’s a little pathetic… you know, the way I live? I’m not exactly the postergirl for female empowerment.”

“Hey,” I said gently, setting my hand on hers. “Feminism is about the freedom from the traditional roles - but it doesn’t mean that the sub role is inherently bad. If that role brings you joy, if you’re not being oppressed against your will, then who cares if you’re not Ms. Career Woman. You lived that life, and it almost ate your soul.”

“Yeah,” she grimaced her agreement as she sipped the cider. “Oh, this is good.”

“I thought you’d like it.”

"I just… sometimes I feel guilty, like I should be doing more with my life. I’m giving up a lot, I basically walked away from my career. It’s hard to get that back once you throw it away, what if… "

“Are you going to throw away,” I interrupted her, squeezing her hand gently, “something that makes you happy right now on the possibility that things might be hard later? It’s good to plan ahead, it’s good to prepare for potential hard times, but should you deny yourself something that feels right and makes both you and Seth happy so you can fulfill some sort of modern female ideal? I think you’re doing the right thing, just where you are. And I say that as Ms. Career Woman. It’s okay that you enjoy your relationship and the feelings it gives you.”

“You’re so damned smart,” Jess smirked. “Thanks, Nessa. You’re a good friend.”

“You are too - now let’s have a dance or two before I have to get you home. I won’t even tell Seth about the naughty word you just said.”

After her blush faded, Jess really opened up when we hit the floor - I wasn’t especially big on dancing myself, but she knew how her body moved and she enjoyed it. She was fluid, sensual. She had a sex appeal to her that I couldn’t imagine Dani possessing - I certainly didn’t have it either. She did end up getting hit on but let him down gently - I wondered what his reaction would be if he knew what was hiding under that skirt. I actually had to move to block someone from grabbing her butt at one point, so she wouldn’t be discovered. I gave the guy a fiery, possessive look and he backed off before Jess noticed. She was walking on clouds after the all the attention that night, I didn’t want some misguided shame ruining that. She loved that people were flirting with her, she loved that she was wanted.

Everyone wants to feel wanted, after all.


Chapter Ten

Ugh. I did NOT want to be here today. I hated Wednesdays. Benny was supposed to give me the day off, but he said that it was important that we look as productive as possible while the Terminator’s stupid audit was going on. I hated that woman, that Ice Queen. Honestly, I had hated her from the moment Kailee introduced me to her. Kailee went gay for this bitch, and Vanessa just dropped her like a bad habit, leaving her with some really messed up ideas. She actually wore diapers for Vanessa, and I’d never understand that.

Kailee had been normal before she came around. Things had started off normal enough for them, Vanessa was obviously the guy in the relationship, Kailee had acted like she had with lots of guys - talking about how tall Vanessa was, how smart, how cool, how strong. Then her clothing had started to change - she had ditched her usual style for pastel colors and cutesy things, which didn’t make a bit of sense when you looked at the Terminator. Severe did not begin to describe the woman. Oh, she was smooth, she was a charmer. She knew just what to say and who to say it to… and slowly, Kailee changed.

They had only been dating for a month when I walked in to Kailee’s room to find her laying on her bed in nothing but a diaper, sucking on a pacifier. That had been a weird night. She had cried and apologized, she had told me that she understood if I didn’t want to be her friend anymore… and I’ll be honest, I was pretty bothered by the whole thing. But I comforted her and we talked about it… and it came out that she was doing it to make Vanessa happy. The crazy bitch wanted Kailee to dress like a baby, and she did it…

Even after they broke up - well, after Vanessa the Hosebeast dumped poor Kailee on her butt - she still kept going at it. She wore diapers to bed, she bought her own… sometimes she’d wear nothing but a t-shirt and a diaper around the apartment. I figured out eventually that she just really wanted Vanessa back, and this was the way she was going to try to do it.

The blackmail had been my idea - I thought maybe if Kailee spent some time around Vanessa again, she’d see that the woman was bad news. But Kailee had never listened to me when it came to love. I had told her that I didn’t think Vanessa was all there in the head long before the diaper thing started. The only time Kailee and I really ever fought was when one of her lovers was involved. I never could understand why she didn’t just approach love the same way I did - a great way to get what you want out of someone and feel good along the way. I didn’t love Benny - he was too old, he wasn’t nearly good looking enough… but he made it so my job was easy and he bought me things, so I stayed.

Why couldn’t Kailee just do the same thing? She was just as pretty as me, she could have gotten another guy - or even a girl, since she apparently swung that way - without needing to debase herself.

“Hey Vanessa,” I greeted the Terminator as we both found ourselves in the small kitchenette on this side of the building.

“Good afternoon, Aubrey,” she greeted me with that infuriatingly sure attitude she had.

“Kailee’s been asking about you, asking if you’d said anything about her - but she’s afraid to ask me to get you to call again for some reason.”

“I’ve called her as you requested,” the bitch said coldly. She knew what I wanted, what Kailee needed. Honestly, I didn’t want to see the two of them get back together. Kailee threw herself into her relationships entirely too hard. Vanessa hadn’t even been fun to hang out with. She thought she was so smart, so cool. She didn’t care what anyone around her thought… and she always had to be right, to get the last word.

But Kailee was still pining, even though it had been years. She’d had other relationships, but every partner she dated - boy or girl - had to be compared to Vanessa. And none of them seemed to want to put up with her diapers. I couldn’t blame them, I didn’t really want to either. The longing for Vanessa got worse when they kicked her out of that stupid kinky club for flirting too hard.

“You need to take her out on a date,” I replied. “She hasn’t dated anyone in months, she’s still obsessed with your guys’ stupid game.”

“She can find another partner for that game,” Vanessa’s face was a blank mask - unreadable. That was the thing about her - you couldn’t trust her to give anything away, whatever Vanessa projected was exactly what she wanted you to see. She was a sociopath, a sick bitch who played sick games. Her entire job was deciding who to fire, as if she could weigh the worth of another person in her hand. Truth be told, I hated her. But I loved Kailee - she was my roommate, she had been my best friend for over ten years, and I was hoping that one more spin around the block with the Terminator would open her eyes to the fact that the bitch was bad news.

“I’m not asking for a lot, Terminator. Actually, I’m not asking. You’re going to call Kailee, you’re going to take her out on a date, and you’re going to make her feel good, okay?” I wanted to tell her to figure out some way, any way of getting Kailee over her… but knowing Vanessa she’d just tear the poor girl’s heart out again. I had to hope Kailee could see it on her own.

I didn’t even wait for a response, I just turned and walked away.

I hated Wednesdays, but I hated Vanessa Evans more.

I had a difficult time focusing on the job after my run-in with Aubrey. Why was it so hard for someone to understand that a relationship that involved coercion was doomed to fail? My desired conquests were consensual - I wasn’t going to force anyone into diapers. I wanted a woman who was young at heart but hadn’t fully discovered the joy of letting go, the way Jess had with Seth. If you had to force someone to do anything, the relationship wasn’t going to work and it wouldn’t be satisfying for either partner.

My job was almost done, I expected it to be complete by this time next week and I’d turn in my report… but then we’d begin the negotiations and the downsizing plan. If they wanted me to be the trigger-woman, I’d be on for another week or two making sure that the exit interviews were handled correctly and that no one being asked to leave would do anything drastic. It was a messy business, but I was used to it. There would be pain, there would be tears - people often got very emotionally involved with their work - but that’s why companies like this hired me, because I didn’t. Kailee and Aubrey, on the other hand, had me bothered.

As I fired up the engine to my car and began the drive to Sunnyvale. The 101 was irritating as usual, though it was much worse going north than south. I tapped my phone until Lily Allen sprang to life through the speakers of my car. I had to calm myself - to Dani, I was a slightly timid and generally happy person. I needed to get into that mindset before I arrived, I didn’t want anything - least of all me - to be out of place. I was pretty sure I had achieved the right state of mind when I parked outside of her apartment building.

I knocked gently and waited - and was a little surprised by her choice of attire. She had gone with something quite mature - a backless navy blue maxi with a plunging neckline, revealing some cleavage, accented by a lovely silver necklace.

“Wow,” I breathed, focusing a bit to bring some color to my cheeks - simulating a blush. “You look great.”

“You think so?” she hoisted her squirrel-purse up on her shoulder, which brought me some relief. Her Little side was still showing, at least.

I looked down at my own outfit - I was in one of my many power suits. Charcoal grey, two-button with a dark blouse and sheer black hose. I was dressed on par with her, but she had a much more relaxed and sensual vibe than I had been expecting. Honestly, I had expected a sundress or a swing dress, something frivolous or casual - she had certainly not chosen frivolous. Her earrings were, however - she was wearing the squirrels I bought her.

“I do,” I assured her, offering her my arm. Some girls liked that, some didn’t. Some liked to put me in the “masculine” role in the relationship, some preferred me to be more “femme” - Dani seemed to prefer the former based on the way she easily hooked a hand through the proffered elbow. Good - I didn’t truly care one way or the other, but I found this was more indicative of a submissive personality, not that I needed a lot of reassurance of that with Dani at this point. I led her back to the car and opened the door for her, which she seemed to appreciate, before sliding in and starting the engine.

“So what’s for dinner?” I asked her, half-teasing.

“What are you in the mood for?” she turned it back on me. This could go one of a few ways - either she had something she wanted but she wasn’t sure about, she was fishing for information about me, or she didn’t like deciding on food.

“I’m honestly not feeling too particular tonight,” I shrugged, putting her to the test.

“Well,” she hesitated, looking off into the distance and pondering. Indecisive?

“How about sushi?” I offered.

“Oh my goodness yes,” she gushed. It could have been any of those scenarios.

“Great, there’s a place off of El Camino that I like,” I said as I pulled the car out.

“Oh that’s perfect,” she sighed, relaxing in the chair. “Honestly, I have to make so many decisions during the day that I had deciding things at night.” She laughed a small, short laugh. “Sometimes, I don’t even eat because I can’t decide what I want.”

Well that wasn’t healthy, and we’d be putting a stop to that. I’d happily decide for her.

“No worries there,” I smiled warmly, a comforting smile. A smile that said, ‘I am happy to take care of you’. It might have been playing my cards a little openly, but technically this was the third date and it was time to test the waters. Either she was a Little at heart or she wasn’t. I didn’t want a repeat of either Lauren or Kailee. “I’m happy to decide. I’m used to calling the shots, and I don’t mind doing it in my off-hours. It’s why I’m a tank main.”

“We should play sometime,” she giggled - actually giggled, it was adorable - and pulled out her phone. “I’m messaging you my tag. Let’s play later this week, or maybe over the weekend.”

“What’s your main?” I probed. She blushed.

“Support. I know, I know - stereotypical gamer girl, but I like being the Healer. My micro is crap and everyone yells at me when I play DPS, it’s much more satisfying to help someone else succeed than having everything resting on me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you like,” I assured her. “And there’s nothing wrong with letting someone you trust take control.”

She made a contented sort of sound at that.



Wow, a story from the eyes of the dominant’s point of view. Excellent!!! I’m actually full on loving this. Its interesting to see what they enjoy about their role. Plus you were able to show that there’s different aspects and personalities they are into when choosing a little. You’ve done great at creating each character. You really get to know who they are and what makes them tick. Great job!!!

Thankies for posting :slight_smile:

1 Like

Thanks Peaches! Writing from the dominant perspective is really difficult for me, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. I’m 100% sub, so making Vanessa feel realistic is not easy.

Chapter Eleven

Dani’s chopstick technique was as elegant as her outfit. She had poise and control, despite the fact that she was eating the most ridiculous mayonnaise and cream cheese rolls known to man. I was a purist - I wanted good rice soaked in good wine, with good fish on top. She wanted deep fried madness - mango and peanuts, avocado and eel, sriracha and roe… she didn’t order anything remotely traditional, but watching her enjoy it was delightful. She did this little dance when she bit into a new roll. I sat across from her at the cramped little table and the smile that spread across my lips at her unfettered joy was genuine.

She was adorable.

“Wait,” I gaped, genuinely surprised as they served her another roll. “Does that actually have beef on the top of it?” It certainly smelled like beef.

“Yep!” she wiggled in her seat, a side-to-side motion with a grin as big as the world on her face, snatching up a piece with her chopsticks. “They cook it with a blowtorch right on top of the roll. It’s actually really, really good.” Her taste in sushi was bizarre, but I was glad she was letting go. She seemed bouncier at this meal than Jess had been at hers, and Jess was certainly a Little.

“So,” I decided to roll the dice. “What’s your purse’s name?”

“What?” she sputtered, choking a bit on her bite before she took a long sip of water. “What do you mean?”

“Your purse,” I nodded to the squirrel slung over the back of her chair. “Did you name it?”

“Well,” she blushed… and then mumbled something I couldn’t make out.

“What?” I asked, leaning forward a bit. “I couldn’t hear you.”

“His name is Forrest,” she whispered, blushing and looking away. I couldn’t help it, I reached over and tucked a lock of her hair back behind her ear, pushing it away from her face.

“Hey there,” I said gently, revealing the barest part of my caring self. “You don’t need to be embarrassed. I was pretty sure that you had already named him. I was going to guess Nutsy.”

“No,” she laughed softly, looking up - her eyes were vulnerable but she was on the defensive - she was waiting for me to make some crack, to hurt her. I stroked her cheek gently with the back of my hand, caressing her with the lightest of touches.

“I like that you named him,” I spoke in a low, soothing tone. “And it’s a great name. He seems like he’s been a really good friend to you.” Whoops. I pushed a little too far there. Tears welled up in her eyes. “Hey, Dani… it’s okay, everything’s okay. I can see you’re really embarrassed and I’m sorry. I think it’s wonderful, and I really appreciate you being vulnerable with me.”

She nodded and looked down, hiding her face behind her hair. She sniffled and wiped her face before looking up, a fake smile etched on her lips.

“I’m fine,” she lied. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my lap and cuddle her, to hold her tight and promise her that I would never judge her, certainly not for wanting to indulge in cute things. But we weren’t there yet.

“It’s okay to like cute things,” I assured her. “It doesn’t make you less of a professional, it doesn’t make me respect you less, and it doesn’t make you less attractive. In all honesty, you carrying that purse in the club is what made me want to talk to you initially.”

“Really?” her eyes were shining as she looked up at me. “You don’t think it’s dumb?”

“Of course not,” I promised, silently wishing I could throttle the “friends” who had drilled this insecurity into her. “I’m really glad you told me, I’m really glad you opened yourself up to me, and I’m really glad to meet Forrest. I’m going to make sure I have a small bag of peanuts next time we get together, just for him.”

That got a small laugh, which finally broke her tension.

“You’re silly,” she laughed, “I didn’t think you’d be silly - you look so important.”

“Appearances can be deceiving,” I smiled - with no motive, no message. Just a genuine, relaxed smile before I popped a nigiri in my mouth. “But there are always little hints to the truth. Right, Forrest?”

It took her a moment to recover, but she went back to enjoying her ridiculous roll with a more relaxed air. When the rolls were gone and she seemed satisfied, I ordered a small bottle of sparkling sake.

“Oh, I’ve never tried that,” she smiled.

“It’s for you,” I informed her. “I’ll have a taste, but I’ve got a pretty firm rule about drinking and driving - I won’t drive if I’ve had even one drink. It’s too dangerous, too easy to hurt yourself or someone else.”

“Yeah,” she blushed - I already knew she wasn’t as responsible with that as she should be, especially in the ride-sharing-app world we lived in now. “Oh, this is good.” Her smile was wide and genuine as she sipped the sweet drink - so much like a Little to enjoy the sweeter things. “Why haven’t I tried this before?”

“That I can’t say,” I smirked, “but I hope to show you many things that you never knew you liked.”

“I’d like that, Vanessa,” she laid her hand on mine and smiled a serious smile.

After dinner, we had gone to a stand-up comedy show. Clean jokes, puns, a little bit of topical humor - no heavy political humor, nothing terribly charged… a great night out. It had gone just as I had hoped - the seats were good, the performer was good, the company was amazing. We had cuddled close at our table as we watched, her head on my shoulder. I would say I would cherish the moment forever, but I hoped to make lots of little moments like that - moments of tenderness, of kindness.

But there was a reluctance to her kiss tonight, as we stood at the door to her apartment. Something was holding her back, something was keeping her from allowing herself to fall, to lose herself. Something was bothering her.

And it was almost certainly Julian. I wished I already had the dirt on him - everyone had a story, and most of them had a great big patch of darkness in it.

“I had a great time tonight,” she said softly as she held on to my upper arms. I enjoyed the way she looked in this shadow, her raven hair sucking the very light from the area. Her skin didn’t look so tan in this light, next to that darkness, her lips so deeply red. I wanted to take her back to my place right then. To pull her into my bed and to hold her close, to find out what was weighing on her so heavily, to chase all of her problems away. To make her feel safe and secure… to make her mine.

“I did too,” I agreed. “I really enjoy your company, Dani. You’re a sweet and kind person and I look forward to getting to know you better.”

“I’d invite you in,” Dani said softly, looking down - she was embarrassed. “But my place is a mess.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” I reassured her. Most people said that - oh, my place is so messy… but it wasn’t usually true.

“I don’t… I spend all of my time at work cleaning up other peoples’ messes, so I tend to be a little lazy at home.” She was trembling a bit, she was really afraid of being judged. There was some trauma there, someone had hurt her.

“If you don’t feel comfortable,” I kept my voice low and soft, gentle, “it’s okay. You don’t have to rush with me, I’m patient. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Well,” she took a deep breath, “just… promise me you won’t judge?”

“I won’t judge,” I promised.

Dani’s apartment was a disaster. I had expected clutter, a mess of papers, a stack of books, a pile of mail… I hadn’t expected what awaited me behind her door. She had empty food containers strewn about her living room, a pile of laundry by the front door, empty glasses and cans everywhere. There were stacks of empty Amazon boxes littered around, a clear path leading to the couch and another to the hallway that undoubtedly led to her bedroom.

“Sorry,” she whispered, her face a deep red. She needed someone to take care of her. She hung Forrest on a hook by the door and led me to the couch, tossing a pile of laundry on the floor. “It’s clean,” she assured me. “I just haven’t put it away yet.”

“It’s no big deal,” I lied. I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. “Hey, it’s okay. Everything’s fine.”

“I should’ve cleaned,” she whispered. “I… I didn’t know the date was going to go so well.”

“Well thanks,” I teased, feigning hurt. She panicked. “I’m teasing, I’m teasing. Everything is okay. Hey, I have an idea - how about I get my laptop from my trunk and we just play a game? No pressure, no judgement. We’ll just play some casual matches. You can show me your Support chops.”

“That sounds nice,” she smiled weakly. “And next time… let’s go to your place.”

I reflected on the evening as I drove home - Dani was attractive, fun, and had so many Little tendencies that I was feeling hopeful. Julian hadn’t come up once, not that I expected him to - it wasn’t exactly couth to discuss one person you were dating with the other. I reasoned that her reluctance in our kiss had been embarrassment about the mess she lived in. And it was a mess. She definitely needed someone to help her handle that particular Little tendency - Seth would have flipped at that sty. Jess wouldn’t be able to sit for a week if he had come home to that apartment, but Dani wasn’t mine… yet.

But I would have her. My resolve was stronger than ever.

Playing with her had been fun - all Littles were good at playing. She had been nervous at first, but she was skilled. She was right, her micro - specifically her precision - needed work, but it wasn’t hard to mitigate her mistakes. We played too late into the night, I still had to get up and face the day tomorrow, but I had been loath to leave. The sound of her laughter as we enjoyed our shared hobby was music to my ears. We won more than we lost and we quit on high spirits.

But I felt like I might be lying to myself about her kiss… that same reluctance had been in our final kiss, long after I had convinced her that I wasn’t bothered by her cleanliness. Which I wasn’t bothered, in a way - her tidiness wouldn’t be a problem once she was my Little. I’d clean up for her, she’d only have to make sure the toys in the nursery were tidy and I’d take care of everything else.

I’d take care of her.

I dreamt of her that night - that same candlelit room, flickering flames everywhere, but instead of Lauren waiting for me on that bed, it was Dani. Naked and vulnerable, her runner’s figure lithe and toned as she lay spread-eagled on the bed. When I pulled the diaper out from under the bed and smiled at her, she smiled back. The diaper was covered with frolicking squirrels, thick and fluffy. I lifted her hips gently and slid it beneath her. I traced my finger gently around her exposed lips before I powdered her, caressing the sensitive spot where her thigh met her hip and twisting a finger delicately in her pubic hair. When I pulled that diaper closed between her legs, it was joyous - the look on her face as I fastened those tapes, sealing her in. It was an expression of contentment, of peace. I patted her padded crotch gently, rubbing my hand over the plastic backing.

I was sad when I woke. I wanted that dream to be real, for her to be that vulnerable with me, to throw shame and adulthood both out the window and surrender.

To be mine.


This is a sweet little chapter. However its got me overly curious why Dani is reluctant with the kisses. I’m really hoping I can figure out why. They seem like their going to be good for each other.

Thankies for posting :slight_smile:

We’ll have to find out :smiley:

Thanks for commenting, Peaches. I’m glad you’re enjoying the story - if anyone else is reading, I’d love to hear if you’re enjoying it. Let me know who your favorite character is, it would make my day!

Chapter Twelve

I managed to survive both Thursday and Friday without running into Aubrey, but she still sent me a text reminder that I needed to take Kailee out, and soon. A-Tech decided they wanted me to handle the firing - the C-level didn’t think the directoral level would be able to handle it, especially as I had recommended that the junior management layer be eliminated entirely, along with several entire teams. Their org chart was too tall by far, and there were managers just managing managers - fine in a functional organization an order of magnitude larger, but there was a lot of dead weight in the company. If they wanted it to be fit, they’d have to trim. Thankfully for them they listened to me - I was reasonably certain the company would survive. They had interesting ideas, they had some core differentiation, they had some valuable assets… it was promising.

I was a little troubled that Seth hadn’t gotten back to me about Julian, but he hated being “nagged” when doing a favor. I was wishing that I had just done the legwork myself, like I had with Dani - he was probably just busy with his day job and it got moved to the back burner since he knew that things were going reasonably well with Dani anyway. I was probably just being paranoid.

Dani was busy that weekend, but Kailee - to my chagrin - was not.

When I showed up at her door, she tackled me, throwing herself into my arms and nearly bowling me over.

“Mommy!” she cheered, squeezing me tightly around the neck.

“Hello Kailee,” I smiled a smile that said ‘We will have a fun time tonight if you behave’. She was wearing a very tight scoop-neck white shirt that read “I <3 Mommy” under a too-short suspender skirt.

“Hewwo Mommy!” she wiggled. “Where are we goin’? Are we gonna get candy?”

I stepped back and took her by the shoulders, turning her around - as I suspected, the shirt was a onesie, the bottom of it peeking out beneath her skirt… as was the edge of her diaper. I could see the blue and green pattern of a Little Paws and by the bulge, she was wet - though it was hard to tell with the onesie, she might have just doubled up on the boosters. Kailee liked her diapers to be thick. Honestly, I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that she was wearing two. I pushed her gently into the apartment, spotting Aubrey looking sour on the couch.

“Kailee,” I said softly but sternly. “We can’t go out with you dressed that way. You can wear a onesie, but not one that’s so brazen. You can wear a skirt, but it has to cover your diaper.”

“But I don’t wanna,” she whined, stomping her foot. “I look cuuuuuute.”

“What you are doing is not okay,” I crossed my arms over my chest. “We’ve talked about this before - it’s good that you’re not ashamed of your kink, but it’s not okay to flaunt it in public. It’s not okay that you’re forcing other people to participate in your fantasy.”

“But mommy,” she continued her whining - I hated that tone of her voice, “I like it when they look at me funny, when they know I’m just a baby.”

“That’s not right,” I scolded. “That’s a consent violation. If they don’t get a chance to tell you that they’re willing to participate, then you are being unkind and unfair. Go change.”

“Nooooo,” she fussed, crossing her arms and turning her back to me.

“Then we’re not going anywhere.”

“You have to!” she whirled on me, “Aubrey said you had to! You can’t just change your mind, you have to take me out!”

“The only thing I have to do,” I countered. “Is paddle your bottom for your attitude. You don’t get to decide what I have to do, just like you don’t get to decide where we’re going or what you’re eating. Unless you want to be the boss? Is that what you want?”

“No,” she wilted. “I don’t.”

“Then go change.”

“I don’t wanna,” she pouted, as if that ever worked. The evening hadn’t even begun and already I was exhausted by her attitude. She was unbearable.

“Aubrey,” I addressed her roommate finally, stepping further into the room. “Kailee doesn’t mind it when other people who are not part of the scene witness her play, I do - and so I ask you: if I spank your roommate right here, right now, as she so richly deserves - do you consent to be present and witness it, or should we move this to her room?”

“You can’t spank me in front of Aubrey!” Kailee objected, stomping again.

“Go nuts,” Aubrey shrugged. “I just want her to be happy.”

“Wait, no!” Kailee begged as I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her to the couch, gently shoving aside the corner of the coffee table so she didn’t accidentally bump into it with her inevitable flailing. “Mommy, please!”

“I’m not your mommy right now, Kailee,” I said sternly as I pulled her over my lap. She wasn’t really resisting, not really - I could tell she was reluctant, she was embarrassed, but she was flush and her breathing was rapid. She was enjoying this. “We are not together. I’m taking you out tonight because we want to be friends, remember? But you, dear girl, are being a spoiled brat.”

I pointed her diapered bottom right at Aubrey on the other end of the couch. She moved to the very edge to give us space, and I could see some concern on her face out of the corner of my eye. I had never disciplined Kailee in front of her before, it was always behind closed doors. I had never intended for her roommate to learn of my fetish, the fetish that Kailee also fell in love with, we had kept the play to my place. I had no idea that she had been caught until after we had broken up.

“Mommy please,” she pleaded, ignoring my words. Her rear would pay for that. I hooked a finger into the legband of her thick diaper - she was wearing two - and pulled it aside, exposing a little more of her bottom, and with an ever-so-slightly cupped hand, I struck her, lightly, just where the curve of her buttocks met her thigh. I gave her a few more, warming the flesh and making it nice and pink before I started in. I didn’t bother even touching her other thigh, I would give her no relief - I focused all of my attention on her right leg.

“We are going out tonight, little girl,” my voice was even and calm as I struck her, really starting in and hitting her quite hard after her flesh was warmed. I wouldn’t go too far, I wouldn’t make her bleed - Aubrey was right there. “And you are going to put on a more appropriate outfit and then apologize to Aubrey for behaving the way you did.”

The spanking continued in full force until Kailee was yelping at every hit, squirming helplessly over my knee. As I neared the end of what Kailee could actually take without bruising or bleeding, Aubrey was wincing with each blow, clutching a pillow to her chest tightly. A soft whimper came from her when Kailee began crying in earnest.

“Vanessa, I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I’ll go change, Vanessa stop!”

When I was done, I rubbed her leg gently further down and stood her up - the back of her right thigh a bright, angry red.

“Go,” I pointed toward the hallway. “Change.”

“Holy shit,” Aubrey breathed after Kailee had left the room. “Holy fucking shit, Vanessa - you beat her!”

“She wanted it,” I pointed out. “You saw the way she was acting.”

“She was begging you to stop!” Aubrey was shaking, she was horrified at what she had just seen. The reaction seemed extreme… which meant there was likely some past trauma there that I wasn’t aware of. I had never done any kind of recon on Aubrey - it could be anything. She seemed triggered, however, so I needed to proceed with care. One thing I did know from the past in dealing with the woman was that she did not like being spoken down to. Trying to comfort her in my usual ways would only cause her to lash out.

“She enjoys begging,” I pointed out reasonably. Audrey seemed unconvinced. “If she truly wanted me to stop, she would have said ‘red’. We kept our safewords simple, and I know how much she can take. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that she’s masturbating in there right now.”

“Are you serious?” she asked, shocked. “This is what she wanted all along? For you to beat the shit out of her!?”

“Kailee is what we in the scene call a ‘brat’ - and a selfish one at that, sadly,” I chose to ignore Aubrey’s accusation and focus on explaining rather than defending. “There’s nothing wrong with bratting, as long as you still approach it with care to your partner. Kailee doesn’t care if her fussing bothers me or not, it’s too much fun for her.” I turned to look at Aubrey directly. “It’s why I broke up with her.”

“So you… you were actually bothered by her whining?” Aubrey had a puzzled look on her face, the shock of the violence she had just witnessed fading. Her shaking subsided - she went from triggered to mildly disturbed.

“Of course - I came to take her out to dinner, not to argue about her clothing.” I flexed my wrist - I had almost overdone it myself, my hand stung a great deal. Were I at home I would have gotten some ice for it, but here I had an image to maintain. “We’re already twenty minutes later than I planned. I’m glad I didn’t pick a place that requires reservations.”

“Wait, so let me get this straight… she was complaining because she wanted you to spank her? You would’ve stopped if she said the word ‘red’?”

“Of course,” I nodded. “It’s paramount to have a clear safeword, or a signal. Otherwise it would be abuse. I’m not abusive, regardless of what you think of me. What you just witnessed was a game. I promise, she got a thrill out of the fact that it all happened right in front of you. Are you okay? Do you need to talk about your feelings?”

Aubrey looked at me in pure shock, her mouth hanging open just a bit.

“I… I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine? You didn’t hit me ,” she looked nervous, uncomfortable. “Don’t hit me,” she added quickly. Definitely trauma there.

“I would never,” I promised, “I had Kailee’s consent for that, she let me pull her over to the couch, she let me turn her over my knee, she let me spank her. If she truly didn’t want it, she would have struggled more, and she would have used our safeword. As for you, you just witnessed some reasonably intense violence against a person you care about deeply. It’s very understandable if you’re shaken. This is why I asked your permission first - permission, consent… is everything.”

"I see… but- "

Her thought was interrupted by Kailee returning to the room, dressed in a dark blue blouse over a ragged-edged fairy skirt that fell to her shins. Much better. Without a word, I took her by the wrist, turned her around, and lifted her skirt - displaying her diaper clearly. It was wet, without a doubt now that the onesie was gone. I turned her back around to face Aubrey.

“And you are going to say?” I prodded.

“I’m sorry Aubrey,” Kailee answered, contrite. She dragged one toe along the ground, looking down. “I’m sorry you had to listen to me fussing.”

“Did you… did you enjoy what just happened?” Aubrey asked, clearly concerned. Even Kailee should have been able to pick up on her anxiety.

“Uh huh,” Kailee grinned, the sorrowful façade dropped instantly. “Momm… Vanessa is really, really good at domination and spanking. She’s better than anyone I’ve ever met… I love that feeling.”

“Thank you for being truthful,” I added, standing. I looked at Aubrey, adopting my date-persona again and giving a warm smile. “I’m going to take her to dinner and we’ll be back soon. Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll be a good girl now that she’s remembered who she wants to be the boss.”

Kailee let out a small squeak as we walked for the door, leaving Aubrey wide-eyed on the couch.

Vanillas were an interesting bunch to me, you never knew how one might react to seeing the spicier side of life - some would turn away, some would turn toward it. I wondered which one Aubrey would be.


I hate Kailee. Plain and simple. She’s the exact type of little I find annoying and makes others look like weirdos. I really hope Vanessa finds a way to teach her how to live the lifestyle in a healthy and balanced relationship. I’m not sure who my favorite character is yet. Though I must say I find Jess and Seth to be a very cute couple. I like how Seth truly wants to help Jess feel little but still insures that there is balance. Jess is a handful, but she still considers how much stress she’s putting on Seth. They are perfect for each other.

Thankies for posting :slight_smile:

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