This chapter frames everything else. It’s a turning point for Alex.
Hope you like this,
“Bun Bun do,” Gracie said, as she held a Duplo block to her bunny’s paw and pretended to watch him push it on to another.
She was having a lot of fun. For the first time in their eight years of marriage, Gracie didn’t have to worry about whether Daddy saw her ba-ba, paci, or dipeys. There were many times in the past when she had stressed over whether she remembered to put one of them out of sight. The relief was incredible, and she finally felt free.
The new found freedom extended to her play, and she relaxed enough to be able to pretend. Soon, she was talking to Bun Bun as if he was a real talking rabbit, with an occasional giggle when he would be silly (and everyone knows bunnies often are) .
A nagging sensation called Gracie’s attention to her dipey. It didn’t take a second to relax and let her pee pee flow. A big smile crossed her face, and she couldn’t help but place her hand on the crotch of her dipey, feeling the warmth spread beneath her shorts. With another childish giggle, she hugged Bun Bun and felt like the luckiest person in the whole world. She was a baby girl!
Daddy had been so gentle when he gave her a bath earlier. She had been sad afterward that she hadn’t been awake enough to play in the bath, but smiled around her paci when she remembered drinking her ba-ba all the way through it as Daddy washed her.
Back to the blocks she went, having Bun Bun help of course, and more childish chatter filled the room. Gracie was a good girl, and made sure she sounded just like a baby girl. She leaned forward, reached out for a pretty pink block, and felt a pressure between her legs. Her gaze went back to her shorts again. While before the padding of her dipey had been noticeable, now it wasn’t just a thick, concave bulge under the stretchy material of her shorts. The dipey had swelled up with her pee pee, and a very noticeable bump ran down between her legs. When she brought her legs together, the pant legs stayed where they were up in the creases of her legs, leaving the obvious swollen dipey showing for all to see. That thought frightened her. What would people say when they saw her?
It was one thing for Daddy to ask her to go out wearing a dipey under her shorts, it was something else all together when they could tell it was wet. Gracie knew that any mother of a diapered child would look at her shorts and know that her dipey was wet. Even bringing her legs together didn’t hide the bulge, and she relaxed them, letting the swollen padding push them back apart.
“You’re okay Baby, I promise,” Daddy’s voice called from the bedroom.
Gracie looked up and blushed. He was standing just off to the left of the doorway, watching her. By the look of his dry hair, he hadn’t even taken a shower yet. Did he see me go pee pee? Did he watch me feel my warm dipey and giggle?
Daddy came out to the livingroom and knelt down in front of her. “You sounded so happy talking to Bun Bun, and playing with the toys.”
He did see me! Gracie’s face was a bright red as tears glistened in her eyes.
She was trying to figure out a way to apologize using toddler terms when Daddy placed his right hand over her bulging wet crotch, pressing the wet padding against her skin, and asked, “You like the way it feels when you go pee pee, don’t you Sweety?”
Looking down, Gracie nodded her head.
“I’m glad Baby, because you’re going to feel that a lot over the next four days.”
Gracie glanced up at him, trying to see if he was disgusted with her. After all, she liked urinating in a diaper, feeling the warm pee against her skin. The warm smile on his face made her feel much better, and the fact that he was still pressing her dipey against her, made her smile.
“There’s that pretty smile,” he told her sweetly with a firm pat to her bulging shorts. “All babies like the way it feels when they wet. You’re just a normal baby girl, I promise.”
A huge giggle burst out of her, and Gracie held her arms out to Daddy. Of all the things he could have told her, that was the best. He said she was a normal baby girl. She had spent most of her life wanting to be just that. She was bigger, but that didn’t matter. Daddy saw her as a normal baby girl and it made her want to giggle her dipey off.
When he wrapped his strong arms around her and began patting her bottom, Gracie was in heaven. She pulled her paci out, pressed her lips against his, and opened her mouth wide in a baby kiss. “Wub you,” she told him, putting her cutest expression on her face.
Daddy laughed. With a big smile, he said, “I love you too Baby. You keep looking at Daddy like that, and I’ll never be able to say no,” with a tickle to her tummy.
She giggled wildly as he tickled her some more. After a minute, he sat her back down on her bottom. She made sure her legs were apart like a good girl, and smiled at Daddy.
“You are such a good girl,” he told her with a kiss. Daddy surprised her a second later when he picked up Bun Bun and looked right at the bunny before saying, “And you are a very good bunny. You help my baby girl feel better, and listen really well when she talks to you.” He brought Bun Bun close to his ear and asked, “What’s that?” With a big smile, Daddy placed Bun Bun against Gracie’s chest and told her, “He says he loves playing with you, and that he loves you very, very, very much.”
Gracie hugged Bun Bun tight. She loved that bunny so much! “Wub Bun Bun,” she said and then looked at the bunny and told him, “Wub you.”
“Awww…you’re such a sweet little girl,” Daddy said as he kissed her cheek. A few seconds later, Daddy said, “Oh, I almost forgot! Bun Bun loves it when you talk to him. He wants you to talk to him a lot today. Can you do that?”
“Uh huh,” she answered. After all, she didn’t feel silly talking to her bunny because Daddy talked to him.
“That’s a good girl. I’m going to take my shower now. You sit right here and play with Bun Bun, okay?”
“I’ll be back in a little bit.”
As Alex stepped into the shower, he couldn’t help smiling. She had finally let go, and he felt privileged to watch it happen. The sight of her smiling as she played warmed his heart. When she had the bunny help and said “Bun Bun do,” sounding every bit the toddler, he thought his heart would melt.
He knew the second she placed her hand between her legs that she was wetting. The giggle she made, and the expression of sheer joy on her face were priceless. It hurt to watch her become frightened when her diaper swelled up. Not much thought was needed to understand that she was worried others would see. There was no way he knew of to make that easier on her.
Placing his hand directly on her shorts had the effect he hoped it would. She seemed less anxious when she saw he wasn’t afraid to feel her wet diaper. When he asked her if she liked the way it felt, again he hurt for her. How terrible it must be to like something that most adults find revolting, he thought.
The second she heard him tell her she was a normal baby girl, he would have thought he just gave her a brand new BMW. The more he thought about it, the more he believed a BMW wouldn’t have made her that happy.
Her words came back to him from the morning they first talked about this. ‘If I knew why, I could stop it.’ That’s when it hit him. She just wants to be normal, he thought. It wouldn’t matter to her whether it was a normal woman that didn’t want these things, or a normal baby girl that was allowed to have them without reprisal. He knew she couldn’t get rid of the desire, he had seen that himself after they made love when he got home. Inadvertently, he’d told her what she wanted to hear most, she was a normal baby girl.
He knew now that that was the key. Getting others to treat her like a normal baby girl. He wished he could afford to hire a slew of actors to do just that, but that was impractical. Besides, it wouldn’t be genuine, and if Gracie ever found out, she would be devastated. It had to be genuine and spontaneous. His mind ran through different ways to make that happen while they were here, as he showered. By the time he was dried off and getting dressed, he had formulated a plan. Some of what was going to happen would scare Gracie, but he honestly felt that she needed what he had in store for her.
As he eased closer to the doorway, trying to get a view of her without her seeing him, he heard her babbling away like a baby. He realized then that he could probably watch her play for hours and not get bored. She was just that cute. He tried not to chuckle when he remembered one of his friends telling him the same thing about his baby at home. Alex had wondered for the thousandth time what it would be like to have a child. He couldn’t believe that their play would entertain him for any length of time though, but now knew he was wrong.
Again he was stunned at how completely Gracie had taken over his heart. Grace the adult had won his heart long ago, but this was so different, it felt like a completely different relationship. It was almost as if she were two different people. He had read a lot about how Adult Babies feel like two people, and hadn’t been able to understand what they were talking about. Having spent time with both Grace the adult, and Gracie the baby girl, he had a much better idea of what they were saying.
The thing that really struck him though, was that she was his; his child. He was Daddy. When she looked at him in the lobby last night, after calling out his name in fright, she had been looking to him to fix it, to make it better. Looking back at it now, he had responded just like any parent would. He had ignored everything else and seen to his little girl’s needs.
A hug had been first. The need to make her feel better had taken over his body. He would have given anything to make the terrified look disappear from her eyes. When she cried for Bun Bun, he responded as any parent would and made sure she had her stuffed bunny. She didn’t have to ask, nor did he have to think about it, before he offered her her pacifier. It just came naturally.
When he saw her wet diaper, he knew her clothes had come undone, and didn’t give it a second thought when he asked her to lay back so he could fix them. It hadn’t bothered him in the least that Joan was watching his hands come into contact with her obviously wet diaper. He was Daddy, and that’s what daddies do, they make it better.
It was with a greater appreciation of the love and trust that that little girl placed in him, that he watched her playing now. The responsibility was immense, and it scared him. If he got it wrong, it would hurt her, and he’d never forgive himself. Her unique circumstances called for creative answers.
She was a child. No different than any other child, except bigger. She had fears that most infants didn’t. They didn’t worry that Daddy wouldn’t love them anymore because they liked the way it felt when they went pee in their diaper. They weren’t frightened because others would see them dressed in a cute outfit, their diaper obvious. He understood then that he would have to make sure she knew he was okay with every infantile thing she did, from wetting or messing her diaper, to making a mess when she was fed. She needed to know that he didn’t want a neater version of an eighteen month old, but a wetting, messing, turning-her-head-at-just-the-wrong-time-while-he-fed-her normal baby girl.
His responsibility as her daddy was to keep her safe and happy, and he resolved right then to do his utmost to meet that responsibility.