this story wont be up for some time as the computer with the story on is currently not working properly andi can put the hard drive into the computer i am using at the moment but i will re do it when i canget the there coputer up and running again, i have been improving it aand have
sorted out all the punctiation eroors
THE REST OF THE STORY
read above
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
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Too many grammar errors to count.
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The caps in the topic title is pointless, and annoying.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
(Note: I only read the first 2 chapters) Besides the nurmerous spelling and grammatical errors I spotted, I have no real feel for either Ashley or Mia. You didn’t explain why Ashley or Mia wore diapers.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
Your story isn’t that very good because of the nurmerous spelling and grammer error that I saw, making it a pain to read. I suggest that you proof read your story before posting so there isn’t any spelling or grammer problem in it.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
Wow. I usually scroll to the comments to see if something’s worthwhile, and I saw this gem at the bottom.
“Yer that’s fine” Jemma said “im just thank full that you not wetting the bed again, I can’t do with all the, wait that doesn’t matter any way” she added speaking moor to her slef than the girls
Let’s see how many errors I can find.
“Yer that’s fine” Jemma said “im just thank full that you not wetting the bed again, I can’t do with all the, wait that doesn’t matter any way” she added speaking moor to her slef than the girls
And honestly, I probably missed some. There were some grammar problems where I just couldn’t figure out what to bold.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
diaperd-teen does say that Ashley wets the bed, and later when Ashley meets Mia at the rollercoaster, Mia says that she wets the bed too. I am not sure how she got into diapers at Disney, since her parents didn’t know about her wearing them.
diaperd-teen, you have a lot of spelling mistakes. if you ran this through a spelling checker before posting, I am sure that it would have discovered most of them.
Is this your first try at writing a story? I would keep at it, but use a spellchecker and a grammer checker on them before posting.
ty
thank you for the tips I will improve my next story, and get a better spell checker
and by the way kip if you only read the 1st 2 chapters like you said you did then you would know that the had only borded the flight at the end of the second chapter and had not met Mia
Re: ty
The way you have it formatted, it’s hard to tell what a chapter is. I read the 1st 3 chapters.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
i read the whole story & i must say the grammer is a bit poor & there needed to be more insight into the characters. however the plot wasn’t to bad even if it’s a little over done.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
You know what bothered me? You said that they went to Disneyland… in Florida! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Otherwise, nothing else bothered me.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
He is not even trying. He is just typing based on a vague fantasy.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
Not sure if this was sarcasm, but there is a disneyland in florida. They call it disney world, but it’s the same damn thing nonetheless.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
Not sure if this was sarcasm, but there is a disneyland in florida. They call it disney world, but it’s the same damn thing nonetheless.[/quote]
Actually, they are 2 totally different parks. DisneyLand has Sleeping Beauty’s castle and Disney World has Cinderella’s castle. There actually is a difference.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
I can’t imagine writing something this long without stopping at some point and realizing that you’re just wasting your time. Because, honestly, you’ve wasted your time. And mine, really, though thats just my fault.
Terrible characters with no individual personality. No coherent plot. Atrocious grammar and spelling. The lack of an original plot.
Have you read a story before? Rather, a good one? Compare this story to the good, well-reviewed stories on this board. You can’t tell us that you’ve expected a better reaction than this.
The thing that upsets me most (and don’t get me wrong, its not like I’m losing sleep over this…) is that you have no care what-so-ever for your readers. This is basically a long rambling fantasy that you and you alone can truly appreciate. Which is fine, but keep it to yourself.
Thanks for trying to write a story. Seriously. Most people don’t make an attempt in the first place, let alone something this “epic.” But if you’re skills don’t improve, you’ll only be wasting your time on things that people have no desire to read.
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
Not sure if this was sarcasm, but there is a disneyland in florida. They call it disney world, but it’s the same damn thing nonetheless.[/quote]
Actually, they are 2 totally different parks. DisneyLand has Sleeping Beauty’s castle and Disney World has Cinderella’s castle. There actually is a difference.[/quote]
And so that’s what bugs you? Wow….
No further comment
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
Not sure if this was sarcasm, but there is a disneyland in florida. They call it disney world, but it’s the same damn thing nonetheless.[/quote]
Actually, they are 2 totally different parks. DisneyLand has Sleeping Beauty’s castle and Disney World has Cinderella’s castle. There actually is a difference.[/quote]
And so that’s what bugs you? Wow….
No further comment[/quote]
Agreed.
And
“baby I know your not gonna like this but I would rather you wear a diaper (or nappy as we call them in England) for our road trip today as I want to get there as quick ass possible and do not ant to stop 2 many times and as its gonna be a hot day I know you will want a lot of drink, and as you know….”
Wow that sentence, well “sentence”…
Still, props for trying and actually finishing!
Edit: oh wow!
So Juliet paid the girl her money and the to little girls got their eye pierced
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
Yes, finish “as quick ass possible”!
help
would any body be willing to help me improve it
like if i email you the original copy you can bold the mistakes or somthing for us, then i can work on them and sort them out please
i will credit the person that helps me when i hopefuly repost it
Always trust a holiday (under construction)
diaperd teen, i was actually going to offer to do that. I also think you have a decent plot but there are a lot of holes and editing mistake, plus I think many of us would want it slightly more americanized. I’d be happy to edit it for you if you want, I’m in the process of writing a story that you may have read involving girls about the same age.