Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

I want you to image the person you hate more than anyone else on the face of this planet. Now image they just ate the piece of cake you had been thinking about all day long; the same piece of cake, which you had put your name on and hidden in the back of the refrigerator. Now, I want you to try to say their name. Evil sounding right? Yeah, well that’s how it came out when I said…


I did not want anything to do with that son-of-a-bitch so I did something I probably should not have done. I held up both of my middle fingers and shouted at the top of my lungs for him to go do something to himself, which was anatomically impossible. God I would have loved to have seen his expression when he heard my voice come over the waters and assault his ears.

With that, I whipped the nose of my board around and went back out to sea.

I was far enough out that I was in little to no risk while still able to hear the announcer. I could also see into the competition area and caught the end of Scotty and Chad’s first run. They both did really well. Then again, they were in the top six, so they had to do well.

As I sat out there under the California sun I began to get rather thirsty and wished I had something to drink.

“Ooooh and one of Mom’s Sloppy Charlies!” I said, making my mouth water at the thought.

In years past, there is about a thirty-minute break before the second heat then there is a two-hour lunch break before the final heat. Though I didn’t have a watch, I was sure well over an hour had passed since the end of the first heat and it was for sure getting close to midday.

I was beginning to think something was wrong when I heard of all things, a phone ringing. Of course, I turned toward it only to see John, my dad, in a kayak coming toward me. Though he was still a good ways off, I could tell that he was holding a cell phone to his ear.

“Oh yeah! I’ve lost it! I have heat stroke, no, I have downed and now I’m a surfing ghost! Oh wait! Ocean Madness! That is it! I’ve got Ocean Madness!” I said allowed.

Looking back to my very vivid hallucination, I opened my mouth as if to speak but realized I didn’t have anything to say.

“Saw that you were not coming back in so I figured you might like some water.”

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“You thirsty?” he asked.

“Are you for real?” I asked back and then the oddest thought occurred to me and I found myself getting mad.

Holding up a bottle of water he asked, “You want this or what?”


He tossed the bottle toward me and I surprised myself when I caught it.

He laughed, “Gil.” And reaching back into his kayak he pulled out a bottle of beer.

Having not understood him I asked, “Dad how? Why?”

“In all likely hood when I fornicated with your mother.” He said but he didn’t say fornicated.


Right then the announcer broadcast, “Sorry for the delay folks. There was some dispute that since one of the competitors hadn’t officially checked in, that he should be disqualified. However, the Judges have had a little pow-wow and agreed that because he was technically in the competition area, that constituted an official check in.”

The crowd went insane.

“Oh I am on your side too! But you know how the belly-achers are. Can’t surf well enough to win so he’s got to throw his muscle arou…” The announcer was cut off but he’d said enough that everyone, me included knew that it was Scotty who complained in yet another attempt to get me out of the competition.

The boo’s from the crowd were so loud and I threw my fist in the air triumphantly which made the crowd cheer. I was surprised that they could see me from where I was. I later learned that they had set up big screen televisions up on the boardwalk and were using special cameras to broadcast us surfers up close. This was the first year that they did that. What was really cool was the fact that everything was being recorded and DVD’s were going to be able to be bought later with all the highlights.

Turning back to my dad I was about to speek but he was a good ways from me, heading back to shore.

“DAD!” I screamed.

I was about to give chase when the announcer came back to life with, “And we’re back! Sorry for the technical difficulties.”

The crowd laughed.

He then announced that for the second heat they were going to be sending each surfer out one at a time at random as names were pulled from a lottery ball.

“What?” I asked to no one as I waited while looking at the back of my dad paddle away.

That’s when I remembered I was still holding the bottle of water.

“Our first competitor for this second heat will be Alvin Holloway!”

I honestly contemplated not surfing and chasing Dad down but then I heard the chants of my name. I guessed and then quickly opened the bottle of water and chugged it down.

“FINE!” I said with strong determination as I dumped the rest of the water out screwed the cap on and stuffed it into the back of my shorts for safekeeping until I could throw it away properly.

As I entered the competition area the crowd began to chat, “HOL-LO-WAY! HOL-LO-WAY! HOL-LO-WAY!”

I confess that it got to me and made me push the envelope as they say. This time I didn’t waste time looking for the perfect wave. I picked a decent one and performed for the judges. I was Hot-dogging and showing off. Judges eat that stuff up and if Gary was watching, he’d beat my ass for it. Because of all the show-boating, I got my best score of the entire competition and when you factor in my first run, I’d managed to push myself so far up into first place, I’d have to completely bomb my last run to be overtaken by the others.

When I started my second run my entire mindset was to get done fast and get the best score I could as fast as I could so that I could go chase after my dad and find out why he was hiding out in California. My head was so confused as how he could be alive and have been with me during my first run but somehow I managed to keep from going completely insane. However, by the end of my run I was completely eating up the cheers of the crowd and had shortly forgot that I was a wanted man.

I was coming in from my second to the last run and as far as the Judges and the crowd was concerned it was a stellar run. I was still a couple football fields out but close enough that the crowd was deafeningly loud. I think the fact that I was finally coming back to land was really getting them worked up.

Like I said, I’d finished my run and was basking in the roar of the crowd so I wasn’t paying attention until it was too late.

Two Coast Guard Skidoos were speeding toward me and by the time, I noticed them it was impossible for me to head back out to sea. I looked to the shore and sure enough, in front of the crowd were four police officers, my Grandfather, Meek’s father, and Meek in handcuffs.

So, that was the end of my adventure… or so I thought.

“Wait, where’s mom?” I said aloud as the Coast Guard closed in on me.

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Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

I felt something latch onto my ankle and before I knew what was happening and before I could get a lungful of air, I was pulled off my board and underwater.

Struggling to get back to the surface, I fought with what seemed to be an octopus. All right, it wasn’t an octopus, but give me a break, I was under water, under attack, and out of air!

It didn’t take long before I realized someone was trying to shove a divers regulator into my mouth. Having dived before with Gary, I knew instinctively what to do as I opened my mouth, shoved it in and closed my lips around it. My fingers found the button to clear the regulator and my mouth of water then I took in a deep breath.

Able to breathe again, but unable to see at all I felt someone strapping what felt like a belt around my middle. I guessed correctly that it was a diver’s weight belt and as soon as it was on me I began to plummet deeper and deeper as the belt was weighted for a grown man and not a teenaged boy.

I didn’t sink long before I felt a hand grab the back of the belt as we began to swim underwater and away from the area.

I had no idea who my rescuer was for sure, but I had a good idea that it was Gary. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

We were down a good eight to ten minutes and I am sure the spectators were freaking out and thinking I’d drowned.

I felt the hand, which had continued to hold the diving belt release and then turn me. The belt was unfastened from around my middle and I took that as a sign that I was supposed to surface now.

I broke the surface and coming up first and saw that we were out of the competition area and very near shore.

My savior rose beside me and stood, his mid chest and above sticking out of the water. It was then that I realized we had swum close enough to shore that he could touch bottom.

He was wearing a full diving mask but just by his hair, I knew it was not Gary. Then he pulled off the mask while removing his regulator.

“DAD!” I gasped and inhaled a mouth full of water.

I began to cough as he angrily said to me, “Oh don’t start that shit again! Now go! Before they…”

The crowd spotted us emerging from the water a ways down the beach from them.

“Too late! RUN!” he said as we saw a couple beach petrol officers running toward us and the skidoos turning in our direction.

He was in a full wet suit with flippers, there was no way he could get those off and run away fast enough. I on the other hand didn’t have such limitations.

Thankfully, the cool ocean water had soothed my knee enough that it held me as I broke from the water and ran.

I was soon up on the boardwalk and to the parking lot where I recognized a familiar car. It had belonged to the stoner I’d met the first day back in California. The windows were wide open but the stoner was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t really think about it too long before I opened the rear passage door, got in and closed it. There was a couple old blankets in there used for laying on the beach. I hunkered down on the floor and covered myself with the blankets.

It turned out to be a good hiding place and I should have stayed there but I was cramped and as soon as I began to worm up, boy my entire leg felt like it was on fire. Mostly because the seaweed around my leg was shrinking as it dried.

Opening the opposite door I’d entered through I slid myself out without actually setting up. I then bear crawled hands and feet across the hot asphalt. My hands and feet burned but I didn’t stop until I was at the far side of the parking lot. Only then, did I stand up to look around. Amazingly, when I turned I was standing directly beside my grandfather who was standing there holding my surfboard. Beside him was mom.

I wanted to jump out, grab mom and hug her tightly, but then I spotted, on the ground between them, a large paper sack with what appeared to be everything of mine from the cave. How did I know this? Because on the very top, sticking out was a nearly empty package of swim diapers.

I froze unsure what to do. After a moment, I lowered myself and was about to back away when grandfather leaned over and dropped my board upside down beside the bag. Standing back up he told mom, wait here. I’m going to check over there.

For a few seconds I contemplated standing back up and approaching my mother but then she took a few steps away from my things and well, I didn’t really think. I simply reacted as I slunk forward, grabbed the bag and my board and then quietly backed away; loosing myself in the mass of cards.

“ALVIN!” I heard grandfather shout.

“ALVIN PLEASE!” Mom called.

I honestly hesitated again at hearing my mother but then I heard grandfather refer to me as a little bastard and that settled it. There was no way I was going back with him around.

I couldn’t believe my luck! I had a change of clothes, fresh swim diapers and GoodNites and I had my surfboard back.

I had to limp while bent over all the way across the lot and was pretty much as far from where I had encountered mom and grandfather as I could be and still be in the parking lot. That is when my streak of good luck continued. A familiar van pulled up and I recognized it immediately as belonging to my recently met Mexican gang members.

“HOLY SHIT IT’S ALVIN!” one of them shouted out the driver’s window as the van screeched to a stop.

The commenced to recount for me everything that had happened right after I had been pulled into the water.

“Everyone thought you drowned man, but someone said the saw you down the beach a couple minutes later.” I was told.

After sharing with them how I ended up still alive they were amazed and were going on and on when I saw through the van windows and about two hundred yards down the street a man in a half-off wetsuit carrying scuba gear.

“GUYS! GUYS! GUYS!” I shouted and pointed through the van.

“I think that’s him! He said he was my uncle but I think it might be my dad for real. He said something about sleeping with my mom! Guys you have to help me!” I begged and almost broke down as my emotions seemed to be right at the surface all the time now.

Without hesitation, they grabbed my stuff and pulled me into the van. To anyone looking on, it probably looked as if I was being abducted. My board was pulled in after me and then we were off like some bad television cop chase scene.

I was sitting across the laps of three of the guys and one of them looked down at my lap. Having seen me at my worst and knowing of my plight, he told one of the guys behind us, who’d ended up with my bag to pass it up.

Blushing and trying to not fall over as the van turned this way and that to get us out of the parking lot and follow the man who said he was my Uncle, I fished a GoodNite out of the bag and while sitting on those three I shimmied out of my shorts and into the GoodNite.

The leader of their gang was in the passenger front seat but he turned in the seat, and was pulling a pair of shorts out for me.

I took them and slipped them on too with some help from the guys beneath me.

A shirt was found near the bottom of the bag and my Huarache sandals too.

“Oh awesome!” I shouted when my sandals appeared.

“Were’d he go!” The driver asked.

“THERE!” one of the guys all the way in the back said.

“What happened to your leg?” the leader asked.

We made one more hard left turn, causing us all to slide across the seats.

“You’re gonna kill us!” someone from the back cried.

“There! There!” I shouted and pointed to the man as he turned and walked down between two large buildings.

“SHIT MAN! HOLD ON!” the driver said as he floored it and shot past where we’d seen him go.

“You passed him!” I shouted.

“DID YOU NOT HEAR ME SAY HOLD ON?” The driver shouted back.


We took a fast right turn and then another and then the van screeched to a stop causing me to slide off the guys lap and to the floor.

Cussing and fists flew toward the driver.

“HIT HIM FOR ME TOO!” I cried as the three guys pulled me back up onto their laps.

Something else happened when they were pulling me back up. Something, given the company I was with at the time, I did not react to or bring attention to. However when it happened, both me and the guy who did it, know he’d done it and done it on purpose.

When the guys were picking me up off the floor and lifting me back onto their laps, the guy nearest the sliding side door on the passenger side, instead of grabbing my legs like you would expect, grabbed my crotched. It wasn’t an accident either! He was copping a feel.

However, one look in his eyes and I could see that what he had done in the heat of the moment, was not something he would have ever done around these guys. I could see the fear in his eyes as they begged me not to say anything about it.

I think I did a pretty good job myself with telling him with my eyes that it was not okay for him to have done it. I also saw his apology there in his eyes. He knew he’d crossed the line and he knew I could make a big stink right then and he’d probably get beat death just from the accusation that he had done it.

All that occurred in the space of about three seconds.

“SEE THERE HE IS!” the driver of the fan shouted and pointed.

We all stopped and looked out the passage side of the van and sure enough he was walking right too us.

“OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR!” I cried while trying to scurry off their laps.

My Huarache sandal clad feet plopped out on the ground, my leg screaming under my weight.

“You again!” he exclaimed and then realized who had just dumped me out at his feet.

The tanks dropped and before I realized it, he was pointing a gun at the van and screaming. He thought they had abducted me or something. I quickly explained that they were friends and had been helping me a lot during the competition. I then turned and saw seven guns sticking out of the van and trained on… well on the man.

I rather lost my cool for about twelve point three seconds. I’m warning you now… what I said was not pretty at all and completely out of character for me.


My Mexican friends lowered their guns and all nine of them looked like little kids who’d just got yelled at by their mothers.

“Damn, you have your mother’s temper!” the man said.

Speaking their native language I quickly thanked the guys for their help once more and with that they sped away after giving my bag of stuff and my board.

He turned, “What?!”

Mouth agape and to reassure myself that I wasn’t crazy I reached out and touched the man’s bare chest. He pushed my hand away.

“Dad?” I whimpered.

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Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

“Oh good lord not again! I already told you the name is Gil! I am not your dead fath…”

“How do you know I’m Alvin if you’re not my dad?” I asked, having already guessed what he was going to say.

He groaned and started to walk away from me so I gave chase once I picked up my bag and my board.

“You owe me some explanations!” I shouted.

“I don’t owe you shit.” He shouted back, “And stop following me!”

Then I had a thought, “Where’d you have a gun?”

He stopped walking, turned and said, “It’s a water gun!” and then that SOB sprayed me in the face with it.

“OH MY GOD! NO YOU DIDN’T JUST!” I yelled and was shot in the face again.


He laughed, stuffed the squirt gun in the front of his folded down wetsuit, picked up his tanks and continued walked away from me yet again.

“HEY! I wasn’t done talking to you!”

“Don’t much care!”

When he shot me in the face, I had dropped the bag to wipe the water from my eyes. Therefore, I had to reach down and grab it again. It was then that I noticed it had these strange, fancy twine ropes for handles. I then I realized that the bag wasn’t just a normal paper bag, but was a shopping bag from Abercrombie & Fitch and had this, half-naked Adonis on it.

“What the?” I gasped, “Where did mom get something like this?”

I then rushed to follow the man who was now on the other side of the street and moving at a leisurely strolling pace.

“At least tell me why you helped me?”

He didn’t answer.

“Got a name?”

“Not going to tell you again!”

“Come on tell me something.”

He stopped turned around and said, “I have four words for you. Shut – Up – Go – Away!”

I did shut up, but I did not go away; however what I did do was stop in my tracks as I began to break down.

He must have sensed this because he looked over his left shoulder at me.

“OH NO! NO CRYING!” he shouted at me so loud and so forcefully that my body actually convulsed from fear. It also did nothing to help me keep my emotions in check.

“OH FOR THE LOVE OF…” he swore at the sky, “I… John is…” he paused as he realized what he was about to say and corrected himself, “…was my baby brother. Happy now? Now go finish your competition and then go back to Maine. There is nothing for you here anymore but pain and bad memories.”

He then turned and walked away. I hesitated for only a moment before I realized I had more questions now that I knew who this man was. Why didn’t I ever know John had a brother? Why had my father never spoke of him? Why hadn’t mom either?

“Wait! You said you slept with my mom!”

He didn’t stop!


He didn’t.


He kept going.

I wiped my runny nose on my bare arm and followed him all the way to what I took to be his home. We walked around it and down some stone steps where were set into the side of a rather steep hill. To my surprise, there was the ocean again. I’d actually got turned around and thought we’d been moving away from it and yet we’d only been walking parallel to it the whole time. We ended up on a sloping driveway, which went under an overhead deck and to a doublewide, wood garage door, which opened as we approached. I found that surprising, as I did not see him press any buttons to make it open.

He walked in, set his scuba tanks beside a very beautiful Plymouth Prowler. He then walked into a small area I knew to be for changing after being out in the water. I knew this because there were playful signs on it that said stuff like…


Have Board
Will Surf

Heaven Seems A Little Closer
When Your House Is Near The Ocean

And my favorite…


I stood there waiting and soon he reemerged back in street clothes.

“That was quick I commented.”

“Are you still here? Take a hint and go the fuck away!”

“Not until you give me some answers!”

“Oh hell! I need a drink!”

He walked over to a cabinet that had NAPA in big red and white letters on the front. I expected it to have motor oil and such in it, but as it turned out, it was one of those mini fridges that hang on the wall like a regular cabinet. He pulled out a bottle, popped the lid and chugged the whole stinking thing in one go. Then he tossed it over my head and into a 55-gallon drum. The glass exploded inside the drum when it collided with the metal. It was very loud.

Completely ignoring me, he walked out of the garage and I followed him back up the drive, to the steps we’d come down, and back around to the front of the house.

Well, you know what happened from there. I know I began this account at the end, sorry about that. Now you know how I ended up at Gil’s and who the hell he really is… or do you?

I came out of the bathroom, after having changed into a fresh GoodNite, and found Gil sitting out back smoking a huge, smelly, cigar and drinking a freshly filled glass of booze.

“So, UNCLE-DAD!” I said and he turned his head toward me.

The look he gave me can best be described as the look someone gives when looking at the bottom of his or her shoe immediately after stepping in a pile of dog crap.

“Damn! I was hoping you were another of my drunken delusions.” Gil said right before gulping down the entire contents of his glass in one long swig.

I was about to open my mouth when there was a knock at the front door.

“Do me a favor kid, and get that.” Gil said, followed by a loud belch, “And if it is (he used a vile slur) again slam the door in its face!”

“Anything for you UNCLE-DAD!”

I turned and stepped back in the house and none too soon. Had I been a split second slower the empty glass he threw would have nailed me instead of sailing past my head and over the side railing. As it was, I heard the ice pummeling the wooden railing and I’d turned in time to see the glass falling toward the sand below.

“HEY!” I objected but then whoever was at the door knocked harder and louder.

“GET THE DAMN DOOR!” Gil shouted.


When I opened the door, I guess somehow I was expecting it to be Gil’s transvestite friend, returning. However, that isn’t who was on the other side of the door.

“MOM?!” I exclaimed, “How’d you know I was here?”

“I called her!” Gil said from behind me.

“Hello Donato.” Mom said and I think that was the first time since John died that I’d heard Mom sound like her old self.

“Hello Mel!” Gil said and that was another first. He actually sounded sober and friendly, “It’s been too long. And you look amazing”

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Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

“Yes it has.” Mom agreed, then disagreed, “And you’ve always been a bad liar.”

“Would you please come in? Can I get you anything? As I remember you were partial to Cola with lots of limes.”

“Thank you, but no.” Mom said as she placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Mom, before you start yelling at me. I want to tell you I am sorry for making you worry and for running away from home to come here to compete.”

“What are you talking about?” Mom asked, sounding stern, “I told you to go compete.”

I stood before here stunned into silence.

“Granted I expect you to get your grandfather or grandmother to bring you but…” She didn’t finish her thought.

“You’re not mad?” I asked.

She leaned down and placed her face inches from mine, “Look at my face! Do I look mad?” and before I could answer she said, “I am just glad that you are safe.”

I threw myself into my mother’s arms and hugged her as I began to softly cry. I then pulled my head away from her as I said, “Mom, I know that John wasn’t my real dad and that Gil is….”

“Oh dear lord!” Gil groaned and I turned to see he was still standing there, but was now rubbing his face with both hands.

“Oh…” she said with almost a resounding dread, “Oh no Alvin!”

She squatted down so that she was right in front of me and holding me by the hips, she began to say, “Alvin…” but she stopped and looked up to Gil.

“Donato I am so very sorry for letting you believe all these years that…” she again stopped speaking too soon but this time it was because she was trying to keep hold of her emotions.

I glanced back to Gil who appeared just as puzzled as I felt.

She began to tear up as she said to me, “I was pregnant with Donato’s child.” Again, she looked up to him, “But I had a miscarriage due all the alcohol from the Fourth of July beach party.”

“Miscarriage?” Gil asked and this time when I looked to him his eyes had got all watery.

“You remember that party, don’t you Donato?” Mom asked.

“All I remember is sobering up two days later and learning I’d joined the Navy.” He groaned at the memory and rubbed the back of his neck as though trying to massage a bad memory away.

“And both John and I sobered up to learn that we had run off and got married. That same day is when I found out I had a miscarriage.”

“You remember how your father reacted to John and my marriage?” Mom said to Gil, “If we’d got a divorce… oh I hate to think what he would have done.”

Gil was nodding his head in agreement.

“Not long after, I became pregnant with you.” she told me while squeezing my hips.

“Really?” I asked, still weeping but completely numb.

She nodded.

“Why?” Gil asked.

I didn’t know what he was asking ‘Why’ for, but mom did.

“Oh Donato!” Mom sighed breathily, “You shipped out and when I saw you again you were with… well you know.”

I got the idea that there was more to it but I was so baffled by all this that I didn’t have the mental ability to chase after that one at the time. Later I would learn that Gil was in a gay relationship with some older, Hollywood movie star who he’d met overseas. Apparently, this Hollywood star was rather famous and very much in the closet; so his and Gil’s relationship had to be kept very private.

Gil blushed and turned away as he grunted, “I need a drink!” and left the room.

“Alvin sweetie! I am so sorry! If I had any idea that you might meet Donato and think he was your father, I would have told you all this before.”

“John really is…” my voice broke and my tears doubled in intensity at realizing I’d said ‘is’ instead of ‘was’ like he was still alive. I managed to croak out, “…my dad?”

She nodded, “Yes he was.”

Gil returned with a new glass, this time a very tall slender one, filled nearly to the rim with something clear. I was 100% sure, it was not water.

Seeing him I suddenly remembered something he’d said to me and turning back to mom I asked, “Was I named after a Chipmunk?”

Mom scowled at Gil who shrugged, threw up his one free hand, and exclaimed with bravado, “He had to find out sooner or later!”

Speaking to me but looking at Gil she said, “You most certainly were not named after a chipmunk!”

“Yeah, lie to the little angel some more!” Gil said with a small belch, which I believe was an attempt to disguise the words. I’m not sure if Mom heard him or not.

I began to softly cry again; not about the whole chipmunk thing, but about John… I mean my dad, and feeling the loss of him all over again.

“I miss him so much!” I whimpered.

“Oh sweetie, I do too! But he’s not really gone. He’s right here.” She touched her heart and then mine, “And he’s right here.”

And with that I began I began to tell mom about having heard John while I had been competing this morning and how he’d saved me. When I had started, Gil looked upon what I was sharing with disbelief and uninterested. However, when I had finished he was completely engrossed and in awe of it.

Mom on the other hand looked upset.

“What?” I asked.

“What on earth were you thinking? Why would you…” she stopped and looked at me, “Do you think because I tried to take the easy way out, that it is okay for you? Because I am here to tell you that what I did was…”

I was shaking my head.

“It wasn’t like that mom!” I said then looked to Gil as if he might understand.

To my, and I think Mom’s surprise, Gil had got it and explained it perfect.

“If you can’t surf, then what’s the use in living huh?” he said but it wasn’t what he said but more how he said it.

Mom put a hand to her mouth as she began to cry again.

“My brother used to say that at least once a week when we were kids!” Gil explained.

I don’t think I have ever heard John say it and looked to Mom for confirmation of this. Her tears and smile were all the validation I needed.

She then asked, “Was this during the second heat?”

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Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

I shook my head, “First! Second one I didn’t feel like I needed to do that again.” I got quiet for a moment then added, “I can’t explain it.”

And then, I remembered about the Coast Guard and told her about that. She got very angry with Grandfather.

“I have been trying to get him to leave you alone but he just won’t listen.”

Then I remembered about what Gil did.

“Oh and he tried to drown me!” I said while pointing an accusing finger at Gil.

“GIL!” Mom said with fire.


I laughed, “Alright, he actually saved me.” And then I went on to recount the whole scuba thing.

“Still! That was very dangerous!” Mom said to Gil, not sure she wasn’t still upset with him.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on him for the past few days and making sure he wasn’t getting into too much trouble.” Gil confessed.


Ignoring me, he told mom, “Your father tried to get me question me about the boy a number of times. But I always played dumb.”

“I saw you once! At the store.” I told him.

“I know you did.” He chuckled, “I also know you stole that lighter, Cokes, and junk-food.”

I thought I was going to die right on the spot. I was so embarrassed and ashamed.


“Relax! I paid for the stuff for you.” Gil said, “By the way, you owe me $16.50!”

Mom stood, walked over to Gil and gave him a hug, “Gil, thank you so much for looking after him for me. I cannot thank you enough!”

“Yeah, well… was the least I could do after…” he stopped what he was saying and then did something, which surprised the heck out of us both. He threw his drink over his shoulder, and roared, “FUCK IT! WE HAVE TO GET HIM BACK TO THE BEACH!”

We both looked at him as though he had just sprouted a penis from his forehead.

“With a little luck, we might get him back before they call for the final competition.”

I shook my head.

“I don’t need to.”

“What?” he asked with disbelief.

I shrugged, “I don’t need to win anymore. I proved to myself that I could win and that’s enough for me.”

“Yeah, but it’s not enough for me and I bet your dad would have loved to have seen you bring home that trophy!”

I looked to mom who was wiping away her tears.

He said the right thing, because I suddenly started to get excited.

“Don’t suppose we could take your car that’s down there in the garage?” I asked.

Mom looking at him as though she were hoping for a yes.

“Car? I don’t own a car?”

“Oh was that Prowler that other mans?” I asked and so help me, I made Gil blush. I actually made him turn red.

I guess he didn’t like me bringing up the subject of that older man while my mother was around.

“OH!” He said and I got the idea we was playing it up now, “You mean my pet road shark?”

“Yeah, whatever! Can we take it?” I asked impatiently.

“She only seats two and there is no room for your board.” He said while rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

He then snapped his fingers and excitedly announced, “But I have bungees! Come on, we go!”

Mom looked at me, “Why’s he speaking with a bad Mexican accent?”

I didn’t say what I was thinking thought.

“Oh that’s not a Mexican accent; that’s a tequila accent.”

No, instead, I said, “How am I supposed to know? I just met the guy!”

“Oh get moving!” she said laughingly then asked, “Do you need changed?”

Shaking my head, “Already got it but thanks! By the way, I’m going to need some sort of super powered cream when we get home.”

“Diaper rash?” she asked just the way someone else might ask, “Oh you have a pimple?”

“Mom! I have a rash on my rash! If it weren’t for the salt water I’d probably be a swollen, red, itchy mess!”

“Come!” Gil said as he reappeared looking excited, “Come! Come! We go!”

I picked up my board, mom grabbed the Abercrombie and Fitch bag and we followed Gil out onto the deck, down a set of wooden stairs and were right at the garage door.

It took us only a few minutes to strap the board to the car, mom then got in the passage seat while Gil got in the driver’s seat. I then got to sit on my mother’s lap like I used to do when I was a much smaller boy.

Gil drove like a maniac. Seriously! He had both mom and me screaming as we raced up the street, swerved around traffic and slow moving people.

We arrived literally just in time. Thankfully, my fans saw us running down the boardwalk toward the competition area. The roar that commenced was like nothing I could describe and it only got louder as more and more realized that I was about to make my entrance.

Then the announcer’s voice broke through the roar of the crowd.

In a horse-sounding scream, he told the sea of people, “I SEE HIM! LADIES AND GENTALMENT, ALVIN HOLLOWAY IS HERE!”

Wow!!! The sound was like being hit by the biggest, meanest wave! I honestly staggered as though I were hit with blast after blast from some sort of ultrasonic cannon.

“Don’t fall now Alvin!” Gil said with an excited laugh as he grabbed hold of my upper arm.

I looked to my left and mom was jogging right beside me and looking about as happy as I can ever remember seeing her.

“ALVIN!” Mom called and took hold of my free hand, as the other was busy holding my board.

The crowd parted for the three of us as we sprinted single file down the concrete stairs toward the beach with mom leading the way and Gil right behind me.

Like Moses and the Red Sea, the crowd parted and ahead of us laid not just the Ocean, and the other remaining competitors, Meek included, but also Grandfather who was standing there looking all sorts of grumpy.

“Grandfather?!” I shouted to mom and pointed.

He was standing there with two police officers.

Mom released my hand, walked up to him and though I did not hear what she said to him. I saw the look on my grandfather’s face and he was not a happy man. He said something to the two officers who seemed to be all business. A moment later, the officers turned and began to walk away, followed by my grandfather.

Mom came up to me, leaned down and kissed me before telling me to go have some fun!

I then sort of limped and walked over to them all, looked to Scotty and Luisa and said, “I am not about to speak for all of you, but for me I could not care less about winning or losing! I am just planning on going out there and having fun!”

"Scotty then said, "Good then stay out of the way would you?

“Scotty you are a real piece of work!” Luisa said as the turned and punched him right in the balls.

Scotty’s eyes bugged out but and his face turned a lovely shade of red but he didn’t make sound or double over. It was clear that it hurt though.

“Thanks!” I said to Luisa with a smile, which she returned and my heart skipped a beat.

“So you want to go have some fun?” I asked Meek.

Though I couldn’t hear him, it was clear by Meek’s body language that he had sighed a large breath of relief.

“Sounds great to me!” Scotty then added.

Apparently, a blow to the balls was what he needed to get his attitude readjusted.

The announcer again broke through, “Competitors are you ready?”

The crowd grew silent with anticipation.

At that second Meek shouted, “YEAH!” which made everyone laugh.

I laughed too and gave him a friendly push.

The announcer came back to life with, “On my mark…. WAIT FOR IT! … And …”

It was only then that I realized I wasn’t remotely dressed for surfing.

“WAAAAAIIIIIT!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as I handed my board to Meek and began to pull my shirt over my head.

There was laughter, but nothing like what was about to come.

I began to kick of my Huarache sandals and then realized I was still wearing my regular board shorts and GoodNite.

In the heat of the moment and without any thought about it, I hooked my thumbs into the waistband of both my shorts and my GoodNite. In a flash, I had shed every stitch of clothing.

The laughter and woof whistles abounded. I even received several marriage requests, oddly from guys as well as girls. I looked to Meek who was blushing as though he too had just got naked before thousands of people.

I smiled and shrugged as I took my board back from him.

“You are mental! You know that?” Meek asked and then dropped his board on the sand and stripped too.

I looked to my other two competitors. Scotty was staring at my privates as if he was looking upon the face of God. Luisa was smiling at me as if she was about to drop her board and jump me right then and there. Then they both shed their suits as well and I saw that Scotty was sporting wood… hell not wood, he had a full redwood tree. Okay I guess the steroids hadn’t effected his junk after all.

“Scotty why the heck do you have an erection?” Luisa asked worriedly.

He pretended to wipe away a tear, “I’m just so happy!”

“Well keep that thing out of the water or a whale-shark might think it’s Thanksgiving!” Meek joked.

The hoots and hollers from the crowd were funny.

“May we continue MR. HOLLOWAY? Or would you like some nachos and a soda before you go out.” The announcer asked sarcastically which caused the spectators to erupt with laughter once again.

“Wait, are there really nachos?” Meek asked and I almost thought he was serious.

I shouted back to the announcer, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE WAITING FOR!”

There was another roar of laughter by all.

“OH THE HELL WITH IT! JUST GO!” The announcer blasted out and the four of us ran butt naked into the ocean.

As we were entering the water, Meek shouted a comical, “TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!”

If you are expecting to find out who won, I’m sorry to disappoint you. I will share this much; the four of us had the time of our lives out there that afternoon. Besides our clothing, the four of us left the stress of competition lying on the beach and just had fun as though we were four lifelong surfing friends. If the cheers from the spectators were anything to judge by, we put on one heck of a show for them!

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Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth


I never did have the impending confrontation with Grandfather. Mom and I also didn’t go right back to Maine, but stopped off in Canada where we stayed for a couple weeks. As I am sure you can imagine, I got a very strong talking to by Mommy Beth and Daddy Phil. I even got one extremely firm swat to my bare backside by Daddy Phil followed by a bear hug. Joey, who already thought I was the bestest big brother ever, now thinks I am the coolest person on the planet and wants to grow up to be just like me. I know this because he told me so at least five-hundred-times.

For about two weeks, mom and I were as happy as could be in Canada! Then the news came that Grandfather had fallen ill. We rushed back to Maine where we learned he had a stroke. He is unable to care for himself, and now spends his days lying in one of the upstairs rooms cared for by private nurses, Grandmother and Mom. As he is unable to communicate with the outside world, I have taken to spending time with him, sitting by his bed regaling him with the happenings of my day. I tell him all about things I know he would not approve of, such as starting up a Surfing School at Aquaboggin Water Park. I know it is evil of me, but I get so much joy watching his brow furrow.

By the way, the surfing school was my grandmother’s idea! No kidding! She even hired a guy who takes me there every weekend! You might be surprised to learn that you already know the driver she hired. It was none other than Doug, Doug Blisken, the seven foot tall Australian biker guy Mom, John and I had met on our way from California to Maine when we’d had that flat tire oh so long ago. He’d seen all the stuff on the news about me and subsequently John, and came to Maine to check up on mom and me. Although they don’t know that I know, I think mom and him are sweet on each other!

Please don’t think for a minute that I got away with no punishment for running away and for all the trouble I caused. Besides many tongue lashings, getting my butt kicked by my friend Larry for lying to him, as well as the swat to my backside by Daddy Phil, Micah was the one to really let me have it. She broke a wooden spoon across my padded posterior. The instant she saw me, despite mother standing right there, grabbed my shoulder, spun me around and gave me five amazingly hard hits before the spoon broke. I have zero doubt that she would have kept going had that dang spoon not snapped in half. Even through my diaper, it stung a lot! Following my spanking, I got the best hug ever from her. Unfortunately, the spanking wasn’t enough punishment for her as she also kept feeding me the worst foods for nearly two weeks until I begged her to forgive me and promised I would never ever do anything so stupid again! You would not believe the smells that came out of me because of those foods. The stench would have gagged a maggot!

Grandmother, when she isn’t caring for Grandfather has taken up tennis. Well actually, she’s not as much taken up Tennis as she has taken up with her twenty-five year old tennis instructor, Victor. Yeah I know… gross huh? I’m not sure if I should actually put this into print, but I think Grandmother is happier since Grandfather had his stroke.

Mom is doing so much better and has taken over the day-to-day running of the family business. However, despite becoming an accomplished businesswoman, she never, ever misses dinner with Grandmother and me!

After leaving California, I never saw Meek again. A couple weeks after returning to Maine, Meek had again gone missing. The police, his parents and even his boyfriend Pepper questioned me on several occasions; however, I knew nothing and could offer no clues as to Meek’s whereabouts. Then almost a month after he had vanished I received a Post Card, which I knew, could have only come from him. On the front was a picture of two women in long matching sequin gowns, standing in front of Mount Rushmore. The woman on the left was a tall African-American woman, and beside her a beautiful, alabaster skinned younger woman, both of which were smiling gleefully for the camera. On the back were the following words, written in such a way that only I could truly understand there full meaning.


My future is in Destiny’s hands now. Momma sends her love! Miss my little brother and wish you were here!

Love Mindy-Lynn

My friends, Bertha, Larry, Fish, BB, Chris and Stacks are completely normal (well as normal as any of them can be) and despite the fact that for a while there I was internationally famous, they don’t treat me any different.

And as for my love life? I’m sorry to say that Jacquelyn and I never did get back together however that’s okay because I’m not exactly single anymore! Back in California, when we four final competitors came back to land, Luisa had thrown down her board, walked up to me, grabbed my face with both hands and plastered a big, sloppy kiss right on my lips followed by… “By the way, I’d like to say I’ve always found you extremely attractive!”

She’s coming to Maine in a couple weeks and we’re going to surf at the water park! I can’t wait to see her again!



Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth


Thank you for finishing this story.

I know you possibly will not feel this way, but I felt a bit cheated with regards to this ending. From the first of the stories you had this as a young surfing star, with the hurdels that real life threw at him (from the stories perspective), and yet in this final installment we do not even get to know how the competition ended. I would appreciate knowing why this was not revealed. It is kind of like building up to the climax and leaving people hanging without ever knowing.

It is entirely possible that I missed the change of direction in this story, but you built up this, in my opinion wonderful plot, and at the last minute failed to deliver the goods.

Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Ha! Ha! Yeah, I knew people would feel that way about the ending. However, I wanted to show how in the end, it was about surfing, and being surfing buddies, more then the victory.

If you think back, the competition was being broadcast to large TV’s on the boardwalk. Since the story is wrote from Alvin’s perspective, he wouldn’t have been away, that as he and his friends stripped naked there on the beach, all broadcasts would have been shut down. Possibly even the final competition. The fans thought it was funny, the announcer thought it was funny. But I bet the judges and law officials didn’t think it was such a funny thing that four teenagers were surfing nude where families, kids and such were all watching.

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Hey I first found this stories on Deeker. Finding the 4th one was awesome. I loved this story. It kept me wanting to read more I hated when I had to stop to do something. I would love to read more of your stories.

I’d forgotten about these stories, but I read and enjoyed them back in the day.

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