Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth
“What you got there?” my friend Larry asked.
I held up the leaf I had been twirling around in my fingers.
“Dude! That looks like Poison Oak.” Fish, another friend, shrieked.
Bertha, the unofficial leader of our little group of friends, said to Fish, “You are about ignorant!” and gave him a rather forceful slap to the back of the head, “Any idiot can see it’s a maple leaf.”
We continued walking through the park laughing and joking with each other. It felt great to be among friends again.
“Don’t take this wrong,” I started to say, “but it is good to have all of you back again.”
Bertha put Larry into a headlock and gave him a hard set of noogies. Noogies are when you put someone in a headlock and rub your knuckles hard against their scalp. Trust me; it isn’t a pleasant experience to be the one receiving the noogie.
“I missed you guys too.” She said.
“Wow Bertha!” I said with a smile.
She looked at me with squinty eyes as though she knew I was about to say something that would make her mad.
“You actually said something that was sweet.” I joked and jumped several feet to the left to keep from getting hit.
However, she didn’t even try to hit me or give me the same noogie treatment Larry was still receiving. She simply smiled, let Larry out of the headlock and the two of them continued with arms around each other in a strolling hug. Larry didn’t even bother to straighten his hair.
Fish and BB were falling behind because they were trying to swallow each other’s tongues while still attempting to walk. Oh, by the way, Fish and BB are boyfriends.
“Uh, you two want to get a room?” I joked.
Larry then made like a bell, “DING DING! Tongue wrestling match is over!”
They reluctantly parted lips, shared a moment of eye contact and then, without a single word spoke between them, they began to sprint toward me.
“SHARK FRENZIE!” I shouted right before I was tackled to the ground with the two of them lying on top of me. I didn’t even have time to turn around and attempt to run away before they were on top of me.
“DOG PILE ON ALVIN!” Bertha shouted.
“Oh Crud!” I moaned under the pressure of three bodies.
Larry hadn’t jumped on me due to him still recovering from a broken leg this past winter.
“I think you broke my spine!” I groaned when they finally let me up.
“Yeah, well good thing you have two eh?” BB said.
“Um, no! I’m pretty sure I only have the one.” I grunted and stretched until my back popped right between my shoulder blades. It had been a loud pop too.
Larry noted the pop with an exuberant, “Damn that had to hurt.”
“Actually, it feels better now.” I said while grinning like a fool.
“Klingon’s have two of everything. You should have been born a Klingon.” Fish observed.
I didn’t realize I was rubbing my lower back with both hands but Bertha saw me doing it and commented.
“Want me to kiss it and make it better?” she teased.
“Uh, thanks but I’ll pass.” I said with a phony smile.
BB jumped in with, “Want ME to kiss it and make it better?”
“After those lips were just kissing Fish? No thank you!” I said.
“HEY! What’s wrong with kissing me?” Fish complained loudly and startled two nearby squirrels.
I hung an arm over Fish’s shoulders and gave him a playful air kiss, which made him smile.
We all laughed and continued walking through the park.
“You need a new girlfriend.” Fish suggested to me.
“Why? What makes you think I’m into girls?” I asked teasingly.
“Oh shit! Did you just admit you’re a fag like those two?” Larry asked.
“HEY!” Fish shouted at the use of that word.
BB took a more physical route in responding. He jumped on Larry’s back and gave him a very wet, very sloppy dog kiss that left his neck and ear dripping with saliva. BB promptly leapt back off Larry and ran about ten yards ahead of us.
“Son of a bitch that hurt!” Larry swore.
Bertha and Fish were hanging on to one another, laughing hysterically as Larry tried to wipe his ear and neck with the sleeve of his hoodie.
“Uuuuh! That was sick you little…” Larry started to say but didn’t get to finish because I had just done the exact same thing to the other side of his head. No, I didn’t jump on him; I have more brains than BB and didn’t want to hurt Larry’s leg. I did however lick him from the neck to the top of his ear.
However, I didn’t run away as BB had. I was laughing too hard to stand, let alone run. He gave me a one handed shove and I went down into the wet, muddy grass for the second time.
“Fish! I’m sorry,” Larry began to say, “but you’re going to have to find a new lover and a new friend because I’m going to kill BB and Alvin!”
With that, the chase was on. I had got to my feet and had maybe a two yard lead on Larry who wasn’t very fast at running on account of his formerly broken leg, which he said would hurt if he ran too much. He also said something about his leg hurting more when the weather is bad and seeing how it just rained here in Maine for two solid days, he had reason to be slow. It hadn’t been all that long since he had been out of the cast, but he still had to wear that big leg wrap thing. He didn’t even have a chance of catching me let alone BB who hadn’t moved. BB knew Larry would quit long before he got to him.
“I’m hungry!” Bertha announced once we were all together again.
I was brushing away the dirt from my backside and right elbow while Larry continued to wipe at his ears and mutter occasionally about how gross the two of us are.
“Want to head over to McDeath?” BB asked.
“You mean Ronny’s Steakhouse boy?” Fish asked as if he were talking to a dog.
I’d heard McDonalds called McDeath many times but never heard it called Ronny’s Steakhouse.
“Ronny’s Steakhouse? That’s a good one Fish!” I laughed.
I was fond of that idea not because of the food, but because I could slip into the mens room and change myself. We’d been out long enough that, I knew I was due.
“I could go for a McRat Burger!” I remarked.
“Ooooh! I could go for some deep fried Chicken Lips!” BB added.
“You just had some Fish Lips and now you want Chicken Lips? Larry, BB wants your lips!” I joked.
“Ha Ha!” Larry said with mock laughter.
I was disappointed he didn’t try to come after me, hit me, or seek some sort of revengeful action.
Bertha shrugged her shoulders and pulled her pockets inside out, “Got no money.”
“Me neither.” Larry said but he didn’t do the pocket thing.
“I’ve got three bucks in quarters.” BB announced.
“Why are you carrying around a pocket full of quarters?” I asked.
He looked at me as though he couldn’t believe I would ask such a question of him.
“Don’t give me that look!” I growled at BB while trying to playfully slap his face. I was nearly nutted for my effort.
“You almost hit me in the NARDS!” I exclaimed while slapping BB’s hand away as he tried a second time to pop me in the groin.
“Please, you don’t even have enough down there to hurt.” Fish laughed.
“Since when have you seen what I got down there?” I asked with a mocking tone.
“Oh please, Fish has tons of naked pictures of you on his website.” BB said with all seriousness.
“WHAT?” I shouted and rounded on Fish.
“I DO NOT!” Fish shouted back and braced himself just in case I decided to attack him anyway.
He then smiled and added, “And besides, those are pictures of BB not Alvin.”
BB beamed with pride.
“Since we’ve only got the three dollars, where do you guys want to go then?” Bertha asked.
“I got enough for all of us.” I said.
“Who did you rob?” Fish asked.
“First International Bank of GF!” I answered proudly.
“What’s GF?” BB asked.
“Girlfriend?” Larry asked.
“German Frank?” Fish asked next.
“Grandfather!” I laughed.
BB got a kick out of that.
“Grandfather started giving me an allowance.” I confessed.
“Since when? I thought you said you hated him.” Bertha asked.
“I do.” I said back to her, “But I’m not going to refuse free money.”
“So you don’t have to do anything for it?” Bertha asked.
“You mean like chores and such?” I asked in like some sort of Tennessee hillbilly and answered, “No, he just walked up to me while I was eating my breakfast, lifted my hand, turned it over, and plopped into it a wad of cash.”
BB began to put his arm around my shoulders as if he was suddenly my best friend.
“He said that it was time he started giving me an allowance.” I shared.
Without any of us actually purposefully doing so, we began to turn and walk in the general direction of McDonalds.
“How much did he give you?” Larry asked with dollar signs in his eyes.
“Enough.” I answered quickly, but then added, “However, when I saw how much he had put in my hand, I was kind of shocked by it until he explained that he was catching me up from when I first arrived.”
“Too bad he didn’t catch you up for all those years you lived in California too.” Fish suggested.
As I had been talking, I’d slowly moved my left hand so that it was directly behind Larry’s right butt cheek. I gave him a serious goose right when he started to ask his next question. The effect of it was that his question came out about twelve octaves higher than normal.
Larry exploded with, “Are you serious?”
All of us laughed hard.
“Oh I got my Christmas goose early!” Larry squealed.
“Stop playing with my babies butt!” Bertha threatened, while slapping my hand away so I couldn’t goose him again.
“So how much?” Larry asked again.
“NO you can’t have any because you are a rat and a crook and a scoundrel!” I teased Larry who I knew had already started thinking of a way to scam me out of some, if not all, of my allowance.
Larry put a hand to his chest and pretended to be mortally wounded, “Alvin, I’m hurt; I am sincerely and genuinely hurt that you think of me like that.”
“HA!” I fake laughed, “You’re a rat, a crook, a scoundrel, and your mother dresses you funny!”
Larry’s arm over my shoulders became a vice as he put me in a headlock and pretended to be pounding my face with his other hand. I went along with this and each time he pretended to be punching me, I’d give a little jump and a cry of pain. It was totally fake; but this old couple saw us and thought it was real.
“Hey! You there! You stop hitting on that boy!”
Larry let me go and I waved to the old couple, “It’s cool! We were just playing around! I’m fine!”
Larry called over to them, “Yeah, I wouldn’t really hurt my boy here!” and then reached up, grabbed my face and planted a big, wet, sloppy kiss on my left cheek!"
Larry and I then pretended to be making out passionately.
The old couple waved us off in disgust and I’m sure they were muttering something disdainful about today’s youth. However, ‘we youth’ were literally dying of laughter over it.
We had been on the extreme opposite side of the park from McDonalds so it took us about a half hour to walk back through the park. However, that wasn’t a big deal; we had been walking around the park for more than an hour and around town for much longer than that, before we decided we wanted food. We hadn’t really been walking to anywhere; we were just walking, talking, and enjoying finally being back together again.
We strolled along for a while with Fish and I a few paces ahead of the others. Fish was holding my hand and swinging it like a small child might do. He was whistling, or I should say trying to whistle this one tune, which he kept getting all messed up.
“We really should try to find you a girlfriend.” Fish said soft enough that only I heard him.
“I don’t need another one.” I said though I don’t know why I said it because it wasn’t entirely the truth; deep down inside I wanted Jacquelyn back.
Though it isn’t common knowledge in the real world, Fish, BB, and our other friend Stacks already know that a girl from Ohio by the name of Jacquelyn, whom I was going steady with, had dumped me two days ago for some local guy. I wish I could say that it wasn’t an ugly breakup but it was. Maybe sometime down the road we can make up and still be friends and online pals. When I went on ILD.com, which is a website we all frequent often, earlier today, I checked out the chat history since no one was in there to talk with. I found out that everyone already knew that we broke up and our online friends were already choosing sides. I made a mental note to stay away from ILD.com for a while. However, what no one knows is that I spent two whole days locked in my bedroom bawling my eyes out over Jacquelyn. That has to count for something right? What that is, I haven’t a clue, but still, it has to!
“Well, Larry has Bertha and I’ve got BB. But you don’t have anyone.” Fish said in this breathy, temptress kind of voice.
“That’s not true.” I said.
“What do you mean?”
I gave his hand a squeeze, “I mean I got you, and BB and Bertha and Larry. That’s enough for me.”
Fish squeezed my hand back while sporting an exaggerated frown, “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
“Really!” I said several octaves higher than I meant, “I’m just glad we can hang out together again. I really missed all of you.”
With that, my eyes became watery with tears, and Fish knew I was thinking about that one horrible day when an accident down at the docks took the lives of so many people including my dad.
Where I was able to keep my tears in my eyes, Fish couldn’t. Our arms stopped swinging as his emotions became too much for him.
“Hey!” Bertha shouted.
I looked back and noticed that they were farther behind than I thought.
“We all promised no crying today!” she shouted threateningly. She sounded mad, but we knew she wasn’t.
I wanted to take Fish in my arms and hug the tears away and at the same time, I wanted to cry along with him, but I couldn’t allow myself to do either. So instead, I did the only thing I could think of to stop us both from bawling like little babies. In a move so swift, cats all over the world would have been in awe; I squatted in front of Fish and yanked his sweatpants to his ankles. Boy was I surprised to see that he wasn’t wearing underwear or a diaper for that matter. I also saw why BB is so madly in love with him… if you get what I mean.
I hadn’t thought it out and if I had, I wouldn’t have done it. Not because of any fear, I might have of retribution for such an act, but because the fact that Bertha and Larry haven’t a clue that Fish… and BB for that matter… wear diapers. Had Fish been wearing one right then, I’m sure I would be dead right now; or at the very least wishing, I was dead.
I was back up and running even before Fish knew what I’d done. Without looking back, I could hear Bertha, BB, and Larry’s howls of laughter, mingled with the flaming curse words emanating from Fish’s mouth.
“GET BACK HERE!” Fish was shouting and running after me.
“I am so very sorry Fish! I wasn’t thinking! Please believe me when I say that, I’ve never regretted anything more in my life!”
You should try to say that much while running for your life; it isn’t easy.
One quick glance over my shoulder and my heart skipped a beat. Fish was gaining on me. The other’s, though too far away to help me if Fish caught me, were trying their best to catch up while still laughing. Of course, Larry was quite a ways back due to his leg.
“I’m going to stick my fist so far up your ass you’ll be choking on my fingers!” Fish continued to shout.
We exited the park on the opposite side from my grandparents’ house. I didn’t even hesitate before running into the street. I figured I’d have a better chance against any oncoming traffic than I would with Fish. All right, that’s not true, I didn’t even think about the traffic or about getting hit. I was in flight mode and not thinking at all.
Fish had gained more ground than I had thought; my right foot didn’t even touch the asphalt pavement before his hands grabbed two fists worth of my sweatshirt and yanked me backward.
At that same instant, a city bus blasted its horn and the two of us fell backward onto the sidewalk.
“Sweet Baby Jesus! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!” Fish asked angrily.
He punched me hard in the arm and then pushed me away as he raked his fingers through his stringy hair.
Bertha and the others finally caught up to us.
“Holy hell that was close!” Larry panted and leaned on Bertha because his leg was paining him.
Nearly out of breath, Bertha asked, “Are you alright?”
“I thought you were a goner!” BB exclaimed.
Bertha kicked me hard in the hip before helping me back up.
“You’re a dumb ass!” she said and then hugged me.
“Sorry man!” I said extending a hand to Fish who was still on the ground.
He slapped it away and acted as if he was still mad at me. Fish got to his feet under his own power, but I still extended my hand out again as an offering of peace. He slapped it away a second time, but then he totally caught me off guard. With animal-like reflexes he pounced and knocked me back down where he sat on my stomach and planted a kiss right on my lips.
“HEY! Stop giving away my kisses!” BB joked as Fish jumped back off me equally as fast.
I was wiping my lips with my sleeves and spitting on the ground.
“Better watch out BB. I think Fish has got the hots for Alvin after all.” Bertha sang out.
“I think I’m going to hurl!” I moaned as Larry and Bertha helped me to my feet and helped to brush off my clothes.
I continued to wipe at my mouth as though trying to wipe the taste of dog crap from my lips.
“Oh stop it already! I’m not poisonous!” Fish said while giving me another punch in the arm.
Larry slapped me on the back and said, “Alvin that was the funniest thing ever back there.”
“I nearly pissed myself!” Bertha laughed which made the rest of us laugh due to the irony of her comment.
Larry added, “I heard it was small, but I didn’t think it could be that small.”
“That’s not what your mom said when I was screwing her last night!” Fish said and punched Larry in the shoulder.
“Ouch man not so hard!” Larry complained.
Fish then shot back with, “Serves you right.”
Subconsciously I continued to wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and Fish saw me.
“Keep it up and I might do it again.” He threatened.
“Come on; let’s go get some rub-a-dub-grub.” Bertha said as we started walking down to the crosswalk.
“Yeah, I need to get something to wash the taste of Fish out of my mouth.” That last comment of mine made everyone but Fish laugh.
BB, playing the part of the jilted lover asked, “Did you slip him tongue too?”
Knowing that Fish has a thing for pickles, I mean he eats five or six a day, I decided to play along by saying, “Only a little” and licked my lips, “By the way, did you have pickles today?”
Larry acted as though he was wrenching as Bertha slapped me on the back and pushed me into the crosswalk. Thankfully, the walk sign was lit up and no cars were coming that time.
Instead of laughing, Fish called-out from behind me, “Alvin’s giving me a piggy-back-ride.” and leapt on my back before I could react.
My legs strained to support the extra weight while at the same time my arms instinctively reached around and hooked behind his knees. He was heavy, but not so much that I couldn’t bare him the short walk to McDonalds. Halfway across the street, my back started to feel very warm and I glanced back to the others before whispering to him, “Did you just pee?”
He giggled as he said, “Nooo!”
“You best not have!” I warned while chuckling amusedly.
We got to the door of McDonalds and I tried to let Fish down, but he clung on by tightening his arms around my neck and chest and squeezing his thighs against either side of my rib cage.
“Easy! You’re going to squeeze the air out of me.” I complained.
“Giddy up horsy!” he said as BB opened the door for us.
Larry spanked my bottom and said, “Move it mule.”
I wondered if he heard and understood what was obvious to me as a deep thump and not a high-pitched slap of flesh against flesh.
There was a round faced African-American lady behind the counter who frowned at me for carrying Fish in like that, but we ignored her scowl. Actually, Bertha seemed to think it was more than a little funny. She was grinning more than I think I have ever seen her do.
After we had ordered and were sitting, I leaned close and whispered to Bertha, “You look so hot when you smile like you were just a minute ago.”
Granted, her teeth are brownish-yellow and look like it has been sometime since she had brushed them, but that wasn’t what I meant. I mean her whole countenance seemed cheery; as if her spirit was glowing so bright, that it shown on the outside.
In response, she reached down and pinched my inner thigh. I didn’t cry out, but I sure wanted too. Instead, I knitted my brow and grinned with clenched teeth through the pain as I said, “You’re beautiful when you’re pissed off too.”
She let go of my thigh and as she did, she nutted me.
“OOOH!” I moaned and dropped my head onto the table, narrowly missing my sandwich.
“What’s the matter with you?” Fish asked.
I rocked my head from side to side without lifting it from the table.
Bertha patted my back hard and said, “Poor things just so tired!”
Somehow I managed to squeak out, “Exhausted!”
“Bertha, stop playing with Alvin’s junk!” BB said with a laugh when he figured out why I had doubled over in pain.
“Yeah play with Larry’s Junk!” Fish added.
Larry had apparently not been paying attention because he asked, “What junk?”
“Yeah just shut up and look beautiful!” Berta told him.
I lifted my head just in time to see Larry grinning with food in his teeth and saying, “I’m good at that huh?!”
Despite the ache in my right ball, I managed to laugh.
When we were all nearly done eating and drinking our sodas BB pointed to the McDonalds Playland and asked, “You guys want to play on the gym thingy?”
None of us were interested in climbing on a play-set built for babies; we wanted to go running or something because, on Bertha’s suggestion, we all had Mountain Dew to drink and were on ‘a major’ caffeine high.
“I need to make a pit stop.” Fish announced.
BB and I had to go as well so we tagged along. At first I was so glad the three of us went in together, because I had stupidly forgot my backpack before leaving the house. Therefore, I didn’t have a change of GoodNites with me.
“Guys, I sort of forgot my pack. Can I borrow…?” I started to ask.
“Borrow? Borrow?” Fish asked too loudly while laughing.
I blushed more than a little but couldn’t help but to chuckle too.
“Yeah, I’ll give it back as soon as I am done with it.” I joked.
BB wiggled his eyebrows scintillatingly.
“Eeeew!” Fish moaned at his boyfriend for getting turned on by the idea of obtaining a diaper, which I’d soiled.
“Here you can use one of mine.” BB offered and handed me what appeared to be a denim diaper but clearly wasn’t real denim.
“What is this?” I asked.
I was standing there holding the blue disposable diaper like it was this odd foreign thing I had never seen before.
“It’s a Jean Diaper.” BB said like I should have known that. He then added, “They are made by Huggies.”
“But it’s a baby diaper?” I asked.
“Yeah, but for bigger babies.” Fish said cheerily.
They then chanted in unison, “Bigger Babies like us!” while looking at each other and doing some sort of weird handshake that ended in a pelvic thrust.
I opened and examined it, “This is never going to fit me!”
“They stretch, a lot!” BB pointed out.
“Yeah they even cover BB’s big bootie!” Fish joked.
“Keep it up Lover-boy!” BB said warningly to Fish.
I guess I was blushing a little from embarrassment and was too scared to tell them I couldn’t put a diaper on by myself. Well I could, but I’d have to lie down and even then, it was very difficult to get it tight enough that it wouldn’t leak. Thankfully and regrettably, they both picked up on the idea that I needed help. It pained me greatly to have them do it, however they took great joy in helping.
Fish crossed to the door and locked it while BB opened the changing station.
“OH DEAR GOD YOU WANT ME TO GET UP THERE?” I droned.
“Well that or the floor.” Larry said knowing full well I wouldn’t want to lie on that dirty tiled floor.
Reluctantly I started to reach for my belt when I remembered I hadn’t put one on. However, BB thought I was going to take my pants off myself and stopped me.
“No-no-no!” he grabbed my hands and pulled them away from my fly region, “Get up on the changing table and we’ll take care of everything.”
“And be careful or you’ll break it with your lard ass.” Fish added.
“HEY!” I growled, turned, and punched Fish right in the left pectoral muscle.
“Oh don’t be mean to the poor little thing!” BB said to Fish.
“LITTLE!” I seethed!
“And stop being so embarrassed!” Fish ordered as he walked up and messed my hair with both hands, “Yah little scamp!”
I pushed him off while nervously laughing and began to climb up on the changing station. I’m not as tall as my two friends are, but I’m big enough that the changing table groaned under my weight.
“You don’t have to smile so much!” I accused BB when he was trying to get my pants pulled down to my ankles.
“Dang Alvin! You shouldn’t let your diapers get this wet! It is bad for your skin.” Fish observed.
“Yeah, well these here Huggies hold a lot and are real good at keeping the wetness away from your skin.” BB said as he began to rip open the sides of my wet GoodNite rather than bother with pulling it off like real underwear.
I had to cross both arms over my face to hide myself from my own embarrassment.
“I can’t believe I am letting you guys do this!” I mumbled from behind my arms.
BB was doing most of the work and patted my hip as he ordered, “Raise up!”
I lifted my backside off the diaper station so that he could remove the wet diaper.
“Keep it up there!” he ordered.
“Hand me a couple wipes.” BB said to Fish.
I pulled my arms from my face and tried to grab the wipes, “I can do that.”
“No!” BB snapped, “Now lie still and be quiet!”
Reluctantly I obeyed.
“And get that butt back in the air!” Fish added.
I threw my arms back over my face as I groaned, “OH GOD!”
“HEY NO TICKLING!” I complained when he ran the wipe over my right butt cheek.
“Don’t forget the taint!” Fish reminded.
“What’s the taint?” I asked from under my arms.
“This part here.” BB said as he wiped the area between my balls and my butt-pucker.
“Taint balls and taint asshole!” BB laughed.
“You are taking too long!” Fish moaned as he bumped BB out of the way and using another wipe began to clean my front all around without actually touching my boyhood.
“You guys better never tell a soul I let you do this!” I warned.
Suddenly Fish used the wipe to cup my balls and I gasped.
“Enjoying that?” he asked as he cleaned my penis.
I shook my head, “Just get finished already!”
“DIAPER TIME!” BB sang and pushed Fish out of the way, “Lift up!”
Glad that BB had stopped Fish I quickly raised my bottom back up so that BB could slide the Huggies diaper under me.
“Wait!” Fish said.
“Why?” BB started to say but didn’t even get all of it out as he saw Fish lean in and lick my penis.
“HEY!” I complained and pushed Fish away very forcefully.
Fish fell backward laughing until his elbow went into the Urinal.
“Ah gross!” he complained.
“Serves you right!” I said angrily.
Suddenly I gasped as BB sucked my penis all the way into his mouth. He pressed his face hard against my pelvis to keep my penis in his mouth.
“STOP!” I cried and became horrified when my penis began to engorge with blood within his warm, wet, mouth.
I gave him a hard chop to the back of the neck, and when I say hard, I mean really, really hard. It had the intended effect as it got him to release his suction. I then shoved him away and covered my erection with my hands.
“Damn it guys!” I cussed and sat up.
Laughing hysterically Fish said, “OKAY! OKAY! We’ve had our fun!”
“Both of you can go to hell!” I hissed as I rolled off the changing station while trying to pull up my pants without the diaper.
“No!” BB said while pulling them back down, “We won’t do it again! Let us just get you diapered so you don’t have an accident in your pants!”
“No you guys are just going to try to rape me!” I said as I pushed BB away and tugged at my pants again.
They were laughing so hard they could hardly be understood.
Fish put himself between the door and me and laughingly said, “Seriously, we won’t mess around anymore.”
“PROMISE!” BB said crossing his heart!
“NO MORE RAPING ME!” I hissed and punched BB hard in the center of his chest, which left him gasping.
As I turned back toward Fish, he looked at my short and thin, but proud erection with wide, hungry eyes, “Such a shame you are straight with a beautiful smooth pecker like that.”
“FISH!” I complained loudly.
“Sssssh!” BB hushed while laughing, “You don’t even need to get on the table.”
He then grabbed the diaper off the floor and tried lacing it between my legs.
“Hold still and spread your legs!” BB laughed.
I stood bowlegged, with my legs as far as my pants would allow me. He then quickly pulled the diaper up into place.
“Fish, get that side.” BB instructed.
“Alvin, move your hands and hold your shirt up!” Fish said.
I reluctantly released my protective hold on my private parts as I pulled my shirt up, exposing my tummy.
“Such a cute belly button.” Fish joked.
“Keep it up and you’ll get a kiss from my cute knee!” I warned him.
Thankfully, they didn’t try anything else as they attempted to diaper me. Imagine if you will Moe and Larry of the Three Stooges, trying to diaper Curly while the three of them were all crammed into one small McDonald’s bathroom. That should give you an idea how it was with the three of us.
“Ouch that’s my foot!” I cried out when one of them tromped on it.
“Here hold this.”
“Careful you will rip it.”
“Stop touching my boner!”
“Not so tight, I still got to breath.”
“This would be easier if you were soft!”
“Well if you two hadn’t tried to rape me!”
“You’ve got a cute butt.”
“Hey! Stop looking at his butt.”
“Well you sucked on his package.”
“Oh you little liar!”
“You both better stop looking, touching, licking, and sucking on my no-no’s and get that darn thing on me or so help me!” I warned with a bop to the tops of both of their heads.
“There you go!”
“No wait… alright now you are set.”
One of the tapes popped off.
“Suck in your tummy.”
“I want to suck something again.”
“Now stop that!”
“What’d I say?”
“Ouch stop hitting me!”
“I can’t get it…Oh wait, there I got it.”
“Press them down good so none of them come loose again.”
“I know how to do it.”
“Ouch, not so hard!”
“Yeah don’t bruise his beautiful olive skin!”
“Alright, you are all set.”
“I think he needs his pants pulled up!”
“I can do it myself! You two did enough!” I said pushing them both over, “Animals!”
“Wanna help us get changed now?”
“Um, I think I’ve had enough embarrassment for one day.” I bent over and pulled my pants up, “I am going to wait outside for you maniacs.” I said with venom even though I wasn’t really mad; just really, really embarrassed.
“You might want to zip up your fly first.”
“Oh yeah.” And if it were possible, my face went even redder than it already had been.
“Sure you don’t want to help us?” BB asked coyly.
“Yeah you can even get us back by sucking on us!” Fish joked.
BB then added, “Yeah that would sure teach us a lesson!”
Doing my best visual impression of Doctor Hannibal Lecter, I tucked my chin and looked up toward the guys.
“You guys really want to let me get near your junk after what you did?”
They’re eyes grew wide and both of them instinctively covered their groins.
“That’s what I thought.” I sneered.
“Where’s the Head Brothers?” Larry asked when I rejoined him and Bertha outside the restaurant.
“The Head brothers?” I asked still a bit stunned and confused over what had taken place in the bathroom.
“Yeah, Butt and Dick.” He said and then busted up laughing.
I managed to make myself laugh along with him.
While we waited on BB and Fish to come out, a guy I didn’t know pulled up in one of those small pickup trucks. The guy looked like someone’s redneck uncle. He was even missing a tooth in the front.
“Bertha, have you seen that worthless nephew of mine?”
“He’s inside still.” Larry answered.
“Well you tell him his mother said to get his ass home.”
With that said, he spit into a small plastic cup and drove away.
“Who was that?” I asked.
“Fish’s uncle.” Bertha said.
I chuckled to myself because I’d guessed right that he was someone’s uncle.
Fish and BB came out right after the guy in the truck sped away. They both had the cheesiest grins plastered on their faces and for some reason I got the idea that they must have had sex while they were in there. Probably got off on what they had done to me.
“Yo Fish.” Bertha called out, “Your uncle was just here. Say’s your to go home.”
“God, I wish he would go back to Kentucky!” Fish cried out to the heavens while shaking both fists high over his head.
“Kentucky?” I exclaimed.
Fish nodded, “Mom’s from Kentucky originally.”
“I thought there was a streak of hillbilly in you.” I said which earned me a swift kick in the back of my knee with the side of his shoe.
“Dam Fish that hurt!” I complained.
“I want a piggy back ride.” Fish whined.
“Yeah and you can kiss my….” I began to say but stopped when I remembered what happened in the bathroom.
I leapt backward, away from him and said, “On second thought keep your slimy lips away from me.”
Larry thought that was funny; if he only knew the truth of it.
The four of us walked Fish home, but I was sure to keep my distance from him and BB as they both kept messing with me. Before disbanding and heading toward our respective dwellings I slowed just enough to let them get on either side of me with the intention of getting a wee bit of revenge for them trying to blow me.
“Are you going to be online later?” BB asked while putting an arm over my shoulders.
With a shrug I said, “Don’t know. Probably not.”
Fish threw an arm over my shoulders from the other side. They both had walked right into my trap.
Quick as can be, I gave them both a quick fist to the groin and took off as if my backside were on fire. I didn’t go far, only twenty feet or so. I didn’t need to go far, because neither could walk.
Larry and Bertha got a kick out of it.
Laughing Bertha asked me, “Would you like to come over for a while?”
“Nah, think I’ll go sit with Mom.”
“That’s cool.” She said.
“Want some company?” Larry asked me.
I shook my head and said, “Don’t think Mom’s up to company yet.”
Though Mom is home from the hospital after her failed attempt to kill herself by taking a bunch of pills, she is still far from well. She spends most of her waking hours sitting in a chair, looking out the bedroom window. No one outside the family knows of course; everyone thinks Mom had a breakdown after my dad died.
“See you girls later!” I said in a high-pitched voice to BB and Fish who were both looking at me as if they wanted to beat the crap out of me.
I got closer and whispered, “Wait till I tell Stacks what you did!”
They both got a worried look on their faces.
“See you guys!” Larry called out as the three of us walked away from them.
It was just Larry, Bertha and me now. We were walking and talking when I blurted out, “Guys, I might be going on a trip soon.”
“Really where are you going?” Bertha asked.
I stopped walking and looked them both in the eyes.
“Can I tell you guys something super top secret?”
“Sure.” They said in unison.
“You know we’d never…” Bertha started to say but stopped in mid thought.
She put her hands on her hips and locked on me with an icy cold stare.
“You’re going to run away to California, aren’t you?” she asked.
“How the hell did you find out?” I asked with amazement.
“Geez Alvin!” Larry said with a snivel, “You’re not the brightest. Any fool can see you’re aching to get back there.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Uh, yeah!” Bertha said in such a way that reminded me of the snobby girls back in California.
“How are you going to get there?” Larry asked.
I looked away from them as I answered, “I’d rather not say, but I’ve got a plan.”
“Are you going alone?” Bertha asked.
I shook my head, “Nah, someone’s coming with me.”
“Really? Who?” she asked.
“Remember me telling you about my friend Meek?”
“Oh yeah, that surfing guy from the water park.” Bertha answered.
“Who’s Meek?” Larry asked.
Larry hadn’t yet heard about Meek or Meek’s boyfriend Pepper, because until yesterday Larry has not been anywhere around. After the death of his father, Larry and his twin brother Chris had been shipped off to stay with relatives. Chris, who I consider my best friend didn’t return when Larry did and the only reason Larry is back is because he has to go to court in a few days. Before I moved here, Larry had got into some trouble for putting cherry bombs inside the tailpipes of people’s cars. I don’t know why it has taken so long, but he finally has to go before a judge over the incident
“Just a friend.” I said.
“Oh please,” Bertha said, “That’s not what you told me.”
She proceeded to tell Larry how Meek and his boyfriend knew I was a famous surfer from California. She also told him how I’d sort of taken Meek under my wing and taught him some of the tricks of the trade, so to speak.
Despite my reluctance to do so, I told them the details of my plans. Bertha was all for it, but Larry seemed worried.
“What if something happens to you guys? I mean there are a lot of crazy people in the world.” Larry said.
“We’ll be fine.” I assured him.
When we parted, I made them promise again not to tell a living soul, not even Fish and BB. Half an hour after arriving home Larry called to beg me not to go through with it.
“I’m serious man. You’re going to get yourself killed!” he pleaded.
In the end, to get him off my back I lied to him.
“ALRIGHT!” I finally said, “I promise I won’t go!”
“I don’t believe you.”
I growled, “What do you want me to say?”
“Just make me believe that you really won’t go.” He said.
“Tell you what. Why don’t you come over tomorrow morning at about ten because we were not supposed to meet up until noon? That way I can’t go anywhere.”
“ALRIGHT!” He said excitedly but then paused, “Wait.”
“What now?” I moaned.
“No I just mean, well, will it be alright? I mean me coming over. You know, because your mom isn’t feeling well?”
“Don’t worry about her. She stays in her room all day anyway.”
“In that case, I’ll be there at ten sharp!” He said more like a warning than a statement.
“Good!” I said rather matter of fact like, “See you then.”
I hung up the phone and began to rub my hands together like some evil madman for having just fooled Larry into thinking I wasn’t supposed to meet up with Meek until noon when in reality we were planning to meet at 8:00 AM.
I was reveling in tricking Larry when the phone rang again and scared me so much that I jumped about four feet away from it. It had startled me so badly that I had even soiled myself. God knows why I found that funny, but I did.
Laughing I stepped back close and picked up the receiver again.
“What’s so funny?” I heard my young Canadian friend ask right away.
“Oh hello there Joey!” I giggled, “Nothing really, was just standing next to the phone when you called and it startled me.”
I didn’t tell him he scared me so bad I messed myself. Knowing him, he’d tell everyone on ILD and I’d just die if he did that.
Joey giggled along with me, “Hi Alvin! I missed you so, so, so much!”
“Yeah, I missed me too!” I joked.
Joey busted out laughing for like two minutes over that.
“Hey so what’s my favorite Canadian up to? It seems like I haven’t talked to you in a few days.” I said when he finally calmed down.
“Yeah well, somebody never calls me or comes online to chat with me on ILD no more!” Joey said while trying to make me feel guilty.
“Yeah well, I have been staying away because of…”
I didn’t have to finish because Joey did it for me.
“Because you and Jacquelyn are not boyfriends no more?”
“You mean boyfriend and girlfriend.” I corrected him with a chuckle.
He began to talk fast with a sort of jibber-jabber, “But you should come! Jacquelyn misses you and Mommy and Daddy told her that you are just hurting still. Can you come to ILD? Oh and Sissy4U also told Jacquelyn if she said anything else bad about you on ILD she was going have something to say about it.”
I should tell you that Sissy4U is my friend, Stacks and she too lives here in Maine and it doesn’t surprise me that she’d come to my defense on ILD. Stacks doesn’t let anyone treat her friends bad.
“Wait, Jacquelyn was saying bad stuff about me?” I asked.
Joey made this annoyed coughing sound, “Did you hear me? Mommy and Daddy talked to her. She isn’t mad at you no more and you should come on ILD and talk to her and…”
Desperate to get him off my case I said, “Okay! Okay! I get it!”
“So you are going to come on ILD? When? Can you come on now? I am on now! Come on now!”
“You are talking to me while online?” I asked.
“Yep! Yep! Yep! I am! I am!” Joey sang out and then giggled.
I couldn’t help but smile. Joey’s laugh always makes me feel better.
“Are Mommy and Daddy online there too?” I asked.
“Daddy is and Mommy will be soon!” Joey said and then screamed without removing the receiver from his mouth, “DADDY! ALVIN IS GOING TO ILD NOW!”
“Ugh! Joey I didn’t say I was…”
“Daddy said get in the chat now or his foot will strike your posterior!”
“Yeah, Yeah! Tell him he has to catch me first!” I joked.
“DADDY! ALVIN SAID YOU ARE A BIG BOOGER BRAIN!”
“JOEY! I didn’t say that!” I laughed.
Joey sang out, “OOOOOOOOH!”
“Daddy said a bad word and you are in soooooo much trouble now!”
“JOEY!” I groaned.
“You better go get on ILD right now. He’s mad!” Joey laughed.
“Just wait until the next time I see you! I’m going to tie you up and tickle you until you beg me to stop! And then I won’t stop!”
“DADDY! ALVIN SAID HE ISN’T SCARED OF A BOOGER BRAIN LIKE YOU!”
“JOEY! STOP THAT!” I screamed into the receiver.
He laughed like some sort of mentally deranged lunatic.
“Booger Head?” Daddy Phil’s voice came over the phone.
“I didn’t say any of that! Joey is lying!” I said in my own defense.
“Is that so?” he said and I heard Joey squealing like a pig.
He must have been running away because it sounded like his squeals were fading in the distance.
“How are you son?” Daddy Phil asked while chuckling a bit over the way his son had acted.
“Truth?” I asked.
I know he could hear in my voice how I was, but still he said, “I would hope always.”
I sighed a bit before answering, “I’ve been better.”
“Of that I am sure!” he said, “Anything in particular?”
In the background I could hear Joey calling, “Tell Alvin everyone is waiting for him in the chat room!”
I chuckled, “I heard him,” and then I asked, “Um, are you going to be in there too?”
“I was about to sign out however I’ll stick around if you want me to.” He said.
I nodded my head and then giggled.
“What?” he asked.
“I nodded my head.” I giggled even harder.
“I thought I heard the rocks in your head rattling. Now M.Y.A.”
Confused I had to ask, “What’s M.Y.A.?”
“M.Y.A. means Move Your Butt!” Daddy Phil said sharply.
In the background I again heard, “AAALLLVVVVIIIINNN!”
This was followed by his mother shouting, “Joey if you don’t start using your inside voice I’m going to give you something to really yell about!”
“SOOOORRRRYYYYY MOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYY!” Joey screamed even louder.
I laughed, "Alright, I’m going! But first, thanks to Joey scaring me when he called, I need a change.
Sooooo, say about fifteen minutes?"
Daddy Phil replied with a laugh, “That will give me time to deal with someone’s fibbing mouth.”
“Hey Daddy Phil?” I asked quickly.
“What’s that son?”
“I don’t suppose you’d make a quick house call?” I teased.
“Let me fire up the rocket and I’ll be there in 27 seconds.” He said.
I laughed again while saying, “Alright, I’ll either see you online or in my room in a bit. Bye and love you.”
“I love you too Alvin. Now get moving!”
It took longer than the fifteen minutes for me to get myself cleaned up, changed, and back down to the media room. The mess wasn’t bad, but while pulling down my GoodNite it got all over my leg so I decided to jump in the shower super-fast. In my haste, I mistakenly dropped the soiled GoodNite down the laundry chute, so after my quick shower I had to get redressed super-fast and then run down to the laundry to retrieve the GoodNite before someone else found it. Thankfully, I got to it first, and then had to run it up to my room to put it in the diaper pail.
I was out of breath and panting for air when I finally got to my grandparents media room. I sat myself down, booted up the computer, and logged into ILD.com. The instant I entered the chat room, I was
bombarded by greetings from everyone that was in there.
LilPrince: YEAH HE CAME FINALLY!
Daddy_Phil: I was starting to worry.
TigerFish: Hi everyone!
Mommy_Beth: Hello my precious baby boy
Nappied1: Hiya Fishboy
TigerFish: Hi Mommy and Daddy! Sorry took longer than I thought but was waiting for Daddy’s rocket to
Sissy4U: About time!
Diapered4Life: Hey-yo TF
Wet_Dwaggy: Sure have missed you!
TigerFish: Aaaaah Dwaggy!!!
DirtyDrawers7: Hello TigerFish
Bernie: Hello TF!
Wstrn_Wildgirl: Hey TigerFish
BooBoo: Somebody pass the tartar sauce?
DiprGravee: I’ve not met you but hello TigerFish
Wet@NiteWebelo2: WB TF
TigerFish: Wow so many here!
Padded_Runner: TF where’s my present you promised me!
BabyTeeko: Welcome back TigerFish
TigerFish: You have too met me DiprGravee
GoldnLizrd: Sup Fishboy!
TigerFish: Padded_Runner, it’s up in my room, inside the diaper pail. Muhahahahaaaa
DiprGravee: hehe! I was making a funny.
The greetings kept going on and on. Sadly Roo a.k.a. Jacquelyn wasn’t in the chat right then. I found out later she had been, but chickened out at the last minute and dropped out. Actually when I heard that, I got
angry with her all over again.
TigerFish: BB-N2-TB-DL Where’s PampersBoy?
BB-N2-TB-DL: TF will tell you later.
Wet_Dwaggy: Kev the show was Daleks in Manhattan
Diapered4Life: Ooooh! You did it now Dwaggy!
TigerFish: OK BB-N2-TB-DL
Daddy_Phil: Wet Dwaggy this is your second and last warning on using names!
Wet_Dwaggy: AAAAHHH SO SO SO SO SO SORRY!
TigerFish: Bad Dragon!
Daddy_Phil: Don’t be sorry, just don’t do it again or I’ll have to discipline you!
Nappied1: Doctor Who is awesome!
LilPrince: TigerFish can we go private?
Mommy_Beth: No! Let TigerFish stay out here with his friends.
LilPrince: No fair!
BB-N2-TB-DL: I found it!!!
Sissy4U: What was it?
BB-N2-TB-DL: Gold Member
BedSwimmer: That is what I told you BB-N2-TB-DL
BedSwimmer: No one ever listens to poor me
Sissy4U: No that wasn’t it
Wstrn_Wildgirl: I listen to you bedswimmer!!!
BedSwimmer: Yes huh
Wet@NiteWebelo2: TigerFish me mum told me to say thank you. She loves it!
TigerFish: Webelo tell her that she is welcome and glad she liked it.
Daddy_Phil: Webelo and TigerFish, is this the thing we talked about?
Wet@NiteWebelo2: Yes Daddy
TigerFish: Yep and thank you for letting us Daddy
Wet_Dwaggy: What stinks?
LilPrince: It is TF
Wstrn_Wildgirl: He who smelt it, dealt it
TigerFish: Hey! Is not me!
Bernie: Well he who denied it, supplied it TF
TigerFish: I don’t stink! I smell like soap.
Mommy_Beth: Are you eating soap again TigerFish?
Nappied1: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Sissy4U: Oh no! Now TF will have bubbles coming out of his bum when he toots!
TigerFish: HEHE No Mommy, I had a shower right before I came to the chat.
Daddy_Phil: That’s my boy!
TBDownUnder: HAHAHA! Bubbles out his butt! I’m dying! HAHAHA!
TigerFish: Go on! Laugh it up Aussie Boy! I’m gonna put itching powder in your diaper!
BedSwimmer: That would be evil
LilPrince: TF a human bubble maker
Mommy_Beth: LilPrince, remember what’s happening in two days?
Nappied1: OH NO! I made a wee-wee
RubberBoy: I will soon too Nappied1
Mommy_Beth: Hope you got your Huggies on Nappied1 and you too RubberBoy
m12TalkHard: I don’t even know when I do it most times
LilPrince: Ooooooooooh yeah Mommy! Love you TF! Love you! Love You! Love you!
Bernie: I been wet for hours
Mommy_Beth: Bernie, I warned you about that! Go change now!
Sissy4U: What’s happening in two days?
Nappied1: I do Mommy
Bernie: OK MommyBeth
Daddy_Phil: You already know Sissy.
Sissy4U: Oh yeah forgot
BabyTeeko: Hours in a wet diaper? That must stink like yesterday’s diapers!
Wet@NiteWebelo2: TF why’d u shower b4 coming online? We don’t care if u r dusty.
BooBoo: Bernie if you get a bad rash again it serves you right!!!
TigerFish: Webelo I NEEDED it
Wet@NiteWebelo2: HeHe Nuff said
LilPrince: TF had a poopy butt!
TigerFish: Gee thanks Lil(BRAT)Prince
Bernie: Happens to the best of us TF
GoldnLizrd: Gotta love the blowouts!
Padded_Runner: Need dry nappy. BRB
Wet_Dwaggy: I do that too TF
BB-N2-TB-DL: TF don’t do it
TigerFish: What WWGirl
Wstrn_Wildgirl: Chicken Butt!
BB-N2-TB-DL: Told you not to do it TF
TigerFish: Dwaggy, shower after or do the other? Hehe
Wet_Dwaggy: HaHaHa Um Yes and Yes
DirtyDrawers7: I always shower after boom-boom. Too messy for wipes.
TigerFish: Why do I always fall for that WWGirl?
IheartDiapers: I too widdle for showers. Mommy bathes me.
Sissy4U: Everyone here already knows that about you Wet_Dwaggy
TBDownUnder: Sorry cannot stay longer must study!
Bernie: c u dingo bate!
BrownBomber: Bug-eyes TBDU
Sissy4U: Its bait not bate!
Diapered4Life: Hugs TBDownUnder
TBDownUnder: But first a dry nappy
Daddy_Phil: I expect those marks to improve TBDownUnder
Mommy_Beth: Make us proud
TBDownUnder: Will do and love u both.
TBDownUnder: Love you all!
Nappied1: Keep your bottom dry TBDownUnder!
TBDownUnder: LOL will do!
Everyone said their goodbyes to TBDownUnder and we all then continued to chat just like before Jacquelyn and I broke up. It is great to know that I still had friends. However eventually I too had to go as I was called to come to dinner. So, I said my goodbyes to everyone, but as I was about to leave, Daddy Phil called me into a quick private chat.
Daddy_Phil: I need one minute in Private TigerFish.
TigerFish: Yes sir!
Daddy Phil opened the private chat with me right away.
Daddy_Phil: I know you need to get off, but I wanted to tell you before Joey blabbed it. We are coming up your way in two days.
I panicked at reading that on the computer screen. In two days, I was planning to be halfway across the country. However, I couldn’t tell him that. God if I did he’d have the whole Canadian Mounted Police after me. He’d also probably have Grandfather call every branch of the American military. My only hope was to act over joyed at his news and hope he believed me.
TigerFish: Really? WOW! Why? Is Mommy Beth coming too? When will you be here?
Daddy_Phil: Slow down son! Beth cannot make it but Joey and I will. We know you cannot compete in California so I wanted to take you and Joey back to Aquaboggin Water Park. It’s not the same but I was hoping it would help ease the pain just a bit.
TigerFish: Wow that would be great!
Daddy_Phil: Why don’t you check with your friends you met there last time and see if they can come?
TigerFish: Meek and Pepper! I will call them both after dinner!
Damn why did I have to say I would call them after dinner?
Daddy_Phil: I don’t want to get you in trouble. So, we’ll talk more about it later but for now, I wanted to give you something to look forward to.
TigerFish: Thanks Daddy and I love you sooooo much!
Daddy_Phil: Alright, now get your wet butt to dinner!
TigerFish: Yes sir! Bye!
I quickly logged off ILD.com, shut off the computer, and sped toward the dining room where Grandmother was just sitting down to eat. Grandfather was nowhere around and of course mother wouldn’t be joining us … again.