Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Alvin Ever After:
Alvin in the Fourth

[center]A novel by Danny

Beginning at the end…

The salt and pepper chest hair is what I seemed to focus on as the older, but very fit man, descended the staircase while pulling on a black t-shirt. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, the older man pulled the man whom I had followed home to him in a one-arm embrace and kissed him deeply.

The kiss lasted a long ten or fifteen seconds before their lips parted and the older man uttered a soft, passionate, “See you in two weeks.”

The eyes of man I had followed home sparkled while the corners of his mouth curled upward ever so slightly. He leaned in for one last kiss from the older man; this time biting his bottom lip, which seemed to please the older man who let out a throaty, bearlike, growl.

Without paying me the least bit of notice the older man walked out the front door, closing it behind him.

The man I was left with frowned at the closing door, then at me. “Are you still here? Why don’t you crawl back to your Mommy and rich Grandparents and leave me the hell alone?!”

“Nope! Not until you tell me the truth!” I said in a cute but threatening manner and before that could sink into his brain I asked, “So who was the old hottie with the chest hair that tried to suck your tongue out of your head?”

Receiving a look that said I’d crossed a line, I smiled, pleased with myself and then walked over toward the sitting area which was positioned before a very nice, albeit unusual, fireplace. Why was the fireplace unusual? Because it wasn’t the normal square box that you always see, but instead it was about five feet long and only about two foot tall, filled with shiny black stones and incased in glass.

“Aaah! Fine! Name’s Donato, but I go by Gil. Happy now?” He told me as I slunk heavily onto what I took to be the guy’s favorite chair. I had that notion from the half-smoked cigar in the ashtray, and an empty drinking glass, which were both setting on the small, kidney-shaped table beside it. The chair, murder-red, was rather firm and didn’t give at all under my weight and yet it was oddly comfortable.

“Why Gil and not Don or Donny or plain old Donato?” I scoffed.

He groaned again, crossed the room to close the double doors to the back deck, which overlooked my beloved friend, the Pacific Ocean. I hadn’t noticed until he closed the door just how loud the seagulls had been. Apparently, being away for a year, I hadn’t yet lost my ability to tune them out. Even still, I absentmindedly rubbed my ears due to the sudden drop in decibels.

“Damn flying rats!” he cursed, “You throw one dead body out for them to feed on and they never go away.”

Ignoring his attempt to scare me away, I posed a single word question, “So?”

He sighed loudly before asking back in a gruff, impatient tone, “So what kid?”

“What’s with the name?” I asked in the sweetest way possible.

He groaned as if someone had just served him a fresh slice of poop pie.

Curious if he was buying my sweet-boy act I partially turned in the chair so that I could see him out of the corner of my eye. With a single raised eyebrow, he questioned the sincerity of my diabetes causing sweetness before he shot back with, “It’s a nickname…” and punctuated it by referring to me the two-word version for sphincter.

When he didn’t provide more information I dropped all pretense of sweetness and stated flatly, “Well yeah obviously, but that doesn’t tell me how you got a nickna…”

Before I could finish he answered, “I picked it up when I was in the Navy. It’s short for Gilligan.”

Having grown up with the Navy shipyards literally and figuratively in my back yard, you’d think I would have heard about a show called Gilligan’s Island, but I hadn’t. Flying back to Maine with my mom, I was able to ask her about it and she told me all about the show and how funny it had been. I’ve since watched a couple episodes and she was right, it was funny.

However, at the time I had no clue, so of course I had to ask the obvious question, “What’s a Gilligan?”

Thank the good Lord above that looks don’t kill, because if they did, I’d of been pushing up daisies to welcome the sun and the morning dew.

Sounding exasperated he answered back with a loud reference to excrement followed by, “…not what, who!”

“Alright then, WHO is Gilligan?” I asked with lots of emphasis on ‘WHO’.

He lifted his chin and gazed up to the ceiling as he cried out, “Hey up there! Have I done something to piss you off?”

To give you an idea how stupid I am I thought he was talking to someone who lived in an apartment above him.

Then readdressing me in that same exasperated tone he added, “It’s the name of a character on a television show.”

He paused to see if I was catching on; I wasn’t, so he continued.

“Where their small boat, the S.S. Minnow, was hit by a storm at sea…”

Again, he paused while watching for any hint of a light going on inside my head.

“…with a bunch of passengers?”

Another pause.

“They ended up marooned on a tropic island for years.”

Seeming frustrated with my lack of knowledge of Stone Age television shows, he suddenly broke into a song and dance number…

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from a tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship…

“Sounds stupid.” I said, meaning the TV show, but he thought I meant his nickname.

“Yeah? And I suppose being named after a GOD-FORNICATION-DAMN chipmunk isn’t?” He said derisively.

I got that reference and angrily argued, “I wasn’t named after a chipmunk!”

“The hell you weren’t!” he growled back much the way John, I mean my dad, used to do when he drank.
I turned all the way around in the chair so that I was sitting backward on my knees. In addition, he should have been the one thanking God that looks don’t kill because I shot him my meanest look. It had zero effect on him. He simply rolled his eyes back into his skull, manipulated the throbbing vain in his forehead, and walked in to the kitchen.

With his back to me, I made my right hand into the shape of a gun and shot him in the back of the head. I must have missed because my finger bullet didn’t seem to have any effect on him. I watched him fill a glass to the rim with some dark-brown colored booze, chug-a-lugged it, then filled it again.

“Going to get drunk?” I asked in a rather snotty fashion; I was still steaming over the whole chipmunk thing.

With his back still to me, he spat in the sink, and scratched his stubble-covered neck as he grunted out a labored, “Let’s hope so kid.” Followed by a small belch.

He turned and was walking back toward me while taking big gulping swallows, the way a dehydrated man might do when given water after being out in the desert for three days.

“You know,” I began to say; “you shouldn’t drink when there is a minor in the house.”

“You little…” He used a word which called into question my parentage, which I found ironic given that we’d both recently discovered that he was the donor of the sperm that when combined with my mother’s egg, created me. He followed that up with, “I also shouldn’t go upstairs, get my gun, come back down, shoot you in the head, toss your lifeless corps over the deck railing, and let the seagulls get rid of all evidence.”

Completely ignoring his lame attempt at humor, at least I was hoping it was humor; I gazed impressively around the room.

“Nice place. Quiet too.” I meant it too.

“It was until a couple minutes ago.” Gil growled.

“I’m getting the feeling you don’t want me here.” I confessed.

He walked toward the front door, opened it, and tossed my stuff out. He left the door standing open as he walked away from it.

“Don’t know what would give you that impression.” He whirred and then disappeared around the backside of the stairs, which I assumed led to the bedrooms.

“You know that is no way to treat your son!” I called out.

“You are not my son!” he all but shouted, “You are a thirteen year old mistake that’s come back to haunt me.”

“Twelve!” I shouted back.

“Twelve for you, but its’ been nearly thirteen years since I fornicated your mother!”

Of course, he didn’t say ‘fornicated’ either.

I got up from the chair to go retrieve my stuff from outside, but didn’t quite make it before he reappeared.

“Might as well accept it, I’m your kid.” I sang out.

He returned holding a now empty glass, save for three lonely ice cubes. He pointed at me with the same hand he used to hold his glass and spoke aggressively.

“Look, twenty minutes ago I was happily living the life of a forty year old, CHILDLESS, bachelor…”

Before he could finish I jumped in with, “YOU’RE FORTY YEARS OLD?!”

“Watch it you little…” He again referred to me as bodily waste, “I’m just saying…”

However, he didn’t get to finish again because there was a knock at the open door. He moved to see who it was and almost knocked me over in the process.

“Get out of the way.” He growled.

Halfway to the door he looked back toward me and added in a much more stern tone, “And stay out of my chair!”

Though I couldn’t see who was at the door, by the sound of the voice I assumed it was a woman.

“Hello Gil!” Came a sultry woman’s voice.

I heard Gil moan as the woman continued to speak, “I couldn’t help noticing that you had company.”

“This is not a good time Valerie.” Gil said while massaging his forehead again as if he had a headache or something.

“Well you could at least introduce me to your cute little friend.” Valerie said.

“No, I don’t think so!” Gil moaned and closed the door in her face.

“Hey, that was rude! You didn’t even say goodbye to her.” I said.

Gil gazed down at me through venomous, blood shot eyes, “Trust me. That was me being nice! AAANNNDDD…” he really emphasized that ‘and’, “HER is a HIM.”

Having crossed much of this country in the company of a Drag Queen, I honestly wasn’t fazed in the least bit by his declaration. However, having just seen Gil kiss some old guy, I was a bit puzzled about his feelings toward Valerie.

“Sounded like a girl.” I contended.

Gil rubbed the side of his glass over his forehead and then placed the rim to his lips; he tilted his head all the way back to get the very last drop.

He spit an ice cube back into his glass causing the other two to clink and jump out of its way. He then alleged, “Oh HE may look like a SHE, but trust me, there’s more under the dress than one would expect and…” again he pointed at me with his now empty glass, “WHY THE HELL AM I EVEN TELLING YOU THIS?”
“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! You don’t have to bite my head off!” I surrendered and plopped down in the same chair again.

There was another knock. I looked over as Gil opened the door again.

“Valerie go aw…” he started to bark.

“I saw this out here and thought it must belong to your little friend.” Valerie said as she, I mean he, leaned past Gil to wave at me by wiggling four fingers at me.

I waved back. “I’m not his little friend; I’m his long lost son!”

My voice squeaked there at the end, which made me blush a bit, made her smile, and made Gil groan, and again rub that throbbing vain.

Valerie sure looked all-women to me. Maybe that’s what put Gil off about Valerie? Maybe he likes his dudes to be manly and not… well not like Valerie.

Gil groaned again and started to close the door on her.

“Gil! You never told me you had a son!” Valerie scolded and though she was trying to sound upset, she still sounded so effervescent.

As he took my things from Valerie, he responded sarcastically, “Thanks, you’re a real pal!” and slammed the door in Valerie’s face once again.

I had got up and moved toward the door. At the same time, Gil crossed the room, pushing me out of his path and nearly dropping my bag of things on my foot. He disappeared into the kitchen only to return with his glass replenished.

“You drink too much!” I commented, “So did your brother!”

With his glass refilled and without responding, he reopened the French doors that lead out to the back deck and lowered himself into one of the large canvas lounging chairs. The sound of the seagulls once again filled the beachfront condominium. Upon hearing the birds, I giggled to myself as I remembered something my friend Meek had said to me just a couple days ago, “Them seagulls sound like a bunch of old ladies at a Tupperware party.”

I didn’t stay still for very long, only a moment or two, before I became aware that it was getting rather soggy inside my board shorts.

“Hey Gil! Where’s your bathroom?” I called out.

Without saying a word, he pointed in the direction of the short hallway between the front door and my bag, which still lay on the floor, not far from the front door. I lugged my bag down the hall and was surprised when I turned to the right and saw that the hall continued farther than I would have expected.

“Alright, so it isn’t a small condo after all.” I mumbled to no one.

There were four beautiful wood doors with older black iron knobs and hinges two on the left side of the hall, one on the right but not across from one another and one directly ahead of me. I tried the first door to my left, as it was the closest to me. It was a nicely decorated bedroom, and it was presently occupied. There was someone sleeping in the bed. I guess I was taken by surprise because I stood there looking for too long. The someone eventually rose up slightly, it was only then I realized there were two people in there, one guy about thirtyish and another guy else who looked to be in his late teens at the most.

“Hey there little guy?” the older of the two said to me.

The younger was obviously Mexican because when he spoke, he only spoke Spanish. “Si he de unirse, it va a costar más.”

“Sorry!” I said and pulled the door closed.

“Oops!” I muttered to myself as I tried the lone door on the right side of the hall.

This time I knocked softly and when there was no response, I opened it.

“Bingo!” I declared as the door swung open revealing a half-bath consisting of a toilet, a bidet (I knew what it was because I remember seeing them in my grandparents’ home), and a beautiful sink made from half of an enormous clamshell. I’d been around beaches enough to know the shell was the real deal and was both nice and somewhat weird at the same time. The counter top and the floors were covered in the same blue glass tiles and above the sink was an enormous mirror framed in wood that matched the doors.
Before changing, I stood in front of the sink staring at my bleach-blonde self in the mirror. Actually, I wasn’t so much staring at myself as through myself. I was looking and remembering everything that had happened in recent days to lead me here, to the beach-front condo of my biological father who as it turns out is the older brother of John, the man, who all my life I had believed to be my one and only father. Amazingly, though Gil is older thank John, he looks nearly identical. I’d go as far as to say they could have passed as twins!


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 1

What is love anyways? I have a theory that love is actually a virus to be caught like the Common Cold or Herpes. Maybe love is the most contagious and the most deadly of all the sexually transmitted diseases. Whatever causes love or however it is transmitted, I caught it in the worse way! I’m terminal! I cannot explain how or when it happened.

For the longest time I had been telling everyone, that Jacquelyn was my girlfriend. Although she lives in Ohio and I live in Maine, we’ve managed to still get together in the real world a couple times. We’ve kissed and made out before, but it wasn’t until she started telling me about Travois (a boy who just moved into her neighborhood) that I realized I honestly and truly love her. I also learned that it is possible for me to utterly loath someone I have never met in my life! It might be wrong for me to say this, but I hope Travois is hit by a bus! After she told me about Travois, all I could and still can think about is the time she is spending with that… that… walking chum-bucket!

It started with her missing one and then two online dates with me in the chat room. Then she wouldn’t be home at the scheduled time I was supposed to call her. Moreover, there was even the time that she called when she knew full well I wasn’t going to be home.

I began to ask myself, “Is this it? Is this the end for Jacquelyn and me? Just a few months were all we were going to be allowed?”

Sitting alone in the kitchen in the dark with the cordless phone in my hands, I began to talk to myself. “I’m not going to call her. She would be able to tell I was jealous of Travois.”

I resolved at that moment that I wasn’t going to be jealous any longer.

Due to a nasty accident involving a pot of boiling sheep’s livers, one of those smaller exercise trampolines, and a large wooden spoon. The phone that had hung on the kitchen wall had recently been replaced. You’d expect that given my grandparents vast fortune they would have replaced it with a newer, sleeker, and stylish phone. Well you’d be wrong. Instead, we now have one of those old, drab, olive green, plastic ones that hang on the wall and the receiver has a cord attached to the wall part. Thankfully the cord is still long enough that it can reach about anywhere in the kitchen, including the pantry where I like to sit and talk, when I use the phone. Above the phone, screwed to the wall is a small display that shows the number that is calling and the name of the caller.

When the phone rang, I nearly jumped out of my skin. As I reached for the receiver; lifted it off the wall unit and before I could say anything, one quick glance at the Caller-ID caused my soul to squeal with delight… I knew her number by heart.

I placed the receiver to my ear and said, “Hello?”

“Hello Mrs. Holloway.” Sang out Jacquelyn’s voice.

“No, this is Alvin!” I said while moving to the pantry cupboard and closing myself inside with the phone.

Who cares if she thought I was my mother. It was Jacquelyn calling me!!!

“Hello.” Someone else had picked up the phone too. It was Grandmother.

“No Grandmother I got it.” I said into the phone.

“Who is it?” Grandmother asked.

“Grandmother I got it! You can hang up now!” I said with annoyance.

“Alright,” She surrendered and I listened for the click of Grandmother’s phone.

“Hey!” I squeaked to Jacquelyn.

When she asked, “Hey! How are you?” I honestly believed that she was glad to hear my voice and cared how I was doing.

“Me? I’m fine!” I lied. I wasn’t even in the same ocean as fine!

“Are you sure? You don’t sound very fine.”

My thoughts changed. Why was she asking me how I was? She should know that I’m not okay! She should know that I’ve been going nuts ever since she told me about Travois. This was no time for small talk; this was the time to lay things on the table. To reach into the phone line and dig deep into her soul.

“So, when can we hookup online?” I asked.

“It’s a really crazy week for me really.” She said while trying to sound apologetic.

I noted the over use of the word ‘really’ but didn’t comment on it.

“It is?” I asked and I thought to myself, “It is Wednesday night in the middle of summer for crying out loud! What could be so important?”

“I have ballet practice tomorrow and I’m supposed to baby-sit for the Parkers in the evening while everyone else is at the rehearsal dinner. Friday is my brother’s birthday party. Then we’re going to the wedding on Saturday, Church of course on Sunday, and a birthday party after church. Then on Monday we have that revival starting at our church and well, I am expected to help with all the setup and stuff.”

I surrendered with a sigh, “Yeah, sure; of course.”

I remembered her telling me before about the revival coming up and wondered why she hadn’t invited me to come down. Maybe she had expected me to ask; maybe she thought I wouldn’t be able to come because of my dad recently dying and my mom having a nervous breakdown.

I wanted to know where ‘the Jacquelyn’ was I had fallen in love with; the one who dropped everything and came to Maine when she heard my dad died. Where was she and who was the alien who now called itself Jacquelyn?

“Your new friend? Is he coming to the wedding and the revival?” I asked.

“Who? Trev?” She asked.

“Oh is that what you call him? Trev, instead of Travois? Are you calling him after you call me?”

“What are you talking about?” Jacquelyn asked.

“I’m talking about you and Travois sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Travois Jr. in a baby carriage! Sucking his thumb! Peeing his pants! Doing the hula-hula dance!”

I had no idea what I was saying.

“You sound crazy! You know that?” she almost sounded genuinely confused, but I wasn’t fooled.

“Why don’t you have time for me anymore?” I asked – no, I pleaded.

“I’m sorry Alvin! There’s just been a lot going on lately.” She said.

I’m not sure where it came from or why I said what I said next.

“You know what? I hate you!”

“What?” She asked, sounding as though she hadn’t heard me.

“I hate you! Why do you even care! I hate you!” I shouted into the phone.

“Well I hate you too!” She shouted and I could hear her crying. I’d made Jacquelyn cry.

“I hate you more!” I shouted back.

There was a split-second pause before she gasped, “How can you say something so mean? I hate you and I never want to speak to you again!” and then she hung up on me.

Angrily I pressed the… heck I don’t even know what you call that thing on them old style phones. It isn’t actually an ‘OFF BUTTON’ is it? What do they call it? Well, anyway, I pressed it to end the call. With my thumb, still firmly holding that button thing down, I sat there alone in the dark pantry. One, two, three seconds past, before I felt it coming up, like a flood that started somewhere in my middle and quickly began to rise, filling my chest, my throat, and my head and all of a sudden, I was drowning in my own tears and snot. I mean really bawling loud. I didn’t seem to care if I could be heard or not. There was a pain inside me that reminded me of the pain I’d felt when I found out my dad had died. I tried to breathe, but couldn’t as the pain came out of my mouth like the wail of a thousand banshees.

“Jacquelyn! Nooooooooooo!”

The phone fell from my hands with a clatter as I reached up and pressed my fingers to my eyes to try to keep the tears inside.


It was the pain, which had no name.

I asked myself while I wailed, “Why did Jacquelyn have to come into my life? Why, why, why?”

The door to the pantry opened and there, silhouetted by the kitchen light was Micah, my grandparent’s personal chef and my friend.

“Micah!” I cried out and held out my arms to her the way a squalling baby would to its loving mother.
Micah squatted down and wrapped me in her warm loving arms. She kissed my head and in her broken English, she said to me, “Al-bin listens to Micah. Maybe, not everything is supposed to last forever. Certain things like, like skywriting. Like a really beautiful thing that’s there for moments and then…” she twiddled her fingers as though magically making something disappear, “Al-bin knows?”

I sniffled and then began to bawl harder and I buried my face in her large breasts.

“Jacquelyyyyyn!” I howled.

“I know it hurt Al-bin.” She said.

“Yeah!” I blubbered as tears and snot mingled and ran down my face, soaking her breasts.


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 4

Why does it rain when bad things happen? It rained for two whole days; I know this because I sat at my bedroom window looking out at the rain, crying every so often. Even when I was told, I had visitors I didn’t go down to greet them. Near the end of that second day I made a life changing resolution while watching two stray dogs playing leapfrog (if you get my meaning). My heart ached to have someone to play leapfrog with… well not just anyone; my heart ached to play leapfrog with Jacqueline!

Throwing open my window, I shouted out at the dogs, “I WON’T END UP LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!”

My voice startled them and ended their game of leapfrog; the larger male dog turned himself and while still connected, drug the bitch away yelping.


After that, I was fine! Well as fine as I’d felt in a couple days at least. Before I went downstairs, I stripped naked there in my room, leaving the wet GoodNite and my clothes on the floor. I then marched myself into the bathroom where I took a much needed shower. Afterward I streaked back to the armoire, having not dried myself at all, retrieved and slipped on a fresh GoodNite. Not once did I even think of putting on the special diapers, plastic pants, or snap-in-the-crotch shirts my grandfather had made especially for me. Over the GoodNite went a pair of blue jeans, no belt; and finally a pullover sweatshirt with the letters ‘XXX’ across the front in big bold font and below that in smaller, stretched fount was the word ‘RATED’.

Only then did I venture from my room for the first time in two days.

My first destination… the kitchen, where I found Micah cleaning up after having made something that smelled like deep-fried seagull droppings. I hadn’t eaten a single spec of food for two days and suffice it to say, I was ravenous and even deep-fried seagull droppings would be a welcome meal.

Without saying hello, glad you came down or anything like that; Micah simply said, “Micah remembers her first love. We met buying fish. He was from West Graz and Micah’s family from East Graz, so right from da start we were cursed.”

I interrupted her by saying, “Micah not right now. I’m not in the mood.”

She gave me an understanding grimace, followed by, “Micah understands,” and then asked if I was hungry.

I nodded and she made me a heaping plate of the deep-fried seagull droppings… it looked like it smelled but I’d long since learned that 90% of the stuff Micah makes looks like crap but tastes like heaven! She piled the plate so full that even though I hadn’t ate in two days, there was no way I could have eaten all of it, but I tried my best mostly to make her happy.

About halfway through the plate of food she held something in front of me and said, “Taste.”

It looked like a purple testicle, veins and all and I reluctantly opened my mouth as she shoved the whole thing in.

It tasted like a purple testicle too.

When she saw me slowing down, after eating nearly three-quarters of what she’d served me, she took the plate from me and held a bowl of baked apples alamode under my nose.

“Al-bin got room for dessert?” she asked.

Although I was full to busting, I smiled, took the bowl, and began to spoon the both hot and cold delight into my mouth.

Overly stuffed, Micah hugged me, swatted my bottom, and lovingly joked as she said, “Now get out of Micah’s kitchen and never return!”

As I was leaving, I called back, “Love you Micah!”

I could hear her sighing, “Aahh such a good boy!”

Although I had resolved not to mope around any longer, I guess I still was. I could tell by the way Grandmother and Grandfather acted around me; and Mom too for that matter. Mom tried to get me to talk about it, but I knew she wasn’t in any shape to deal with her own emotions, let alone mine.

Still, it was good to talk with all of them and not to be locked away in my room. So that’s what I did the rest of that day; I visited with them.

By the next morning, I was ready to head back out into the world!


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 5

“What you got there?” my friend Larry asked.

I held up the leaf I had been twirling around in my fingers.

“Dude! That looks like Poison Oak.” Fish, another friend, shrieked.

Bertha, the unofficial leader of our little group of friends, said to Fish, “You are about ignorant!” and gave him a rather forceful slap to the back of the head, “Any idiot can see it’s a maple leaf.”

We continued walking through the park laughing and joking with each other. It felt great to be among friends again.

“Don’t take this wrong,” I started to say, “but it is good to have all of you back again.”

Bertha put Larry into a headlock and gave him a hard set of noogies. Noogies are when you put someone in a headlock and rub your knuckles hard against their scalp. Trust me; it isn’t a pleasant experience to be the one receiving the noogie.

“I missed you guys too.” She said.

“Wow Bertha!” I said with a smile.

She looked at me with squinty eyes as though she knew I was about to say something that would make her mad.

“You actually said something that was sweet.” I joked and jumped several feet to the left to keep from getting hit.

However, she didn’t even try to hit me or give me the same noogie treatment Larry was still receiving. She simply smiled, let Larry out of the headlock and the two of them continued with arms around each other in a strolling hug. Larry didn’t even bother to straighten his hair.

Fish and BB were falling behind because they were trying to swallow each other’s tongues while still attempting to walk. Oh, by the way, Fish and BB are boyfriends.

“Uh, you two want to get a room?” I joked.

Larry then made like a bell, “DING DING! Tongue wrestling match is over!”

They reluctantly parted lips, shared a moment of eye contact and then, without a single word spoke between them, they began to sprint toward me.

“SHARK FRENZIE!” I shouted right before I was tackled to the ground with the two of them lying on top of me. I didn’t even have time to turn around and attempt to run away before they were on top of me.

“DOG PILE ON ALVIN!” Bertha shouted.

“Oh Crud!” I moaned under the pressure of three bodies.

Larry hadn’t jumped on me due to him still recovering from a broken leg this past winter.

“I think you broke my spine!” I groaned when they finally let me up.

“Yeah, well good thing you have two eh?” BB said.

“Um, no! I’m pretty sure I only have the one.” I grunted and stretched until my back popped right between my shoulder blades. It had been a loud pop too.

Larry noted the pop with an exuberant, “Damn that had to hurt.”

“Actually, it feels better now.” I said while grinning like a fool.

“Klingon’s have two of everything. You should have been born a Klingon.” Fish observed.

I didn’t realize I was rubbing my lower back with both hands but Bertha saw me doing it and commented.

“Want me to kiss it and make it better?” she teased.

“Uh, thanks but I’ll pass.” I said with a phony smile.

BB jumped in with, “Want ME to kiss it and make it better?”

“After those lips were just kissing Fish? No thank you!” I said.

“HEY! What’s wrong with kissing me?” Fish complained loudly and startled two nearby squirrels.

I hung an arm over Fish’s shoulders and gave him a playful air kiss, which made him smile.

We all laughed and continued walking through the park.

“You need a new girlfriend.” Fish suggested to me.

“Why? What makes you think I’m into girls?” I asked teasingly.

“Oh shit! Did you just admit you’re a fag like those two?” Larry asked.

“HEY!” Fish shouted at the use of that word.

BB took a more physical route in responding. He jumped on Larry’s back and gave him a very wet, very sloppy dog kiss that left his neck and ear dripping with saliva. BB promptly leapt back off Larry and ran about ten yards ahead of us.

“Son of a bitch that hurt!” Larry swore.

Bertha and Fish were hanging on to one another, laughing hysterically as Larry tried to wipe his ear and neck with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“Uuuuh! That was sick you little…” Larry started to say but didn’t get to finish because I had just done the exact same thing to the other side of his head. No, I didn’t jump on him; I have more brains than BB and didn’t want to hurt Larry’s leg. I did however lick him from the neck to the top of his ear.

However, I didn’t run away as BB had. I was laughing too hard to stand, let alone run. He gave me a one handed shove and I went down into the wet, muddy grass for the second time.

“Fish! I’m sorry,” Larry began to say, “but you’re going to have to find a new lover and a new friend because I’m going to kill BB and Alvin!”

With that, the chase was on. I had got to my feet and had maybe a two yard lead on Larry who wasn’t very fast at running on account of his formerly broken leg, which he said would hurt if he ran too much. He also said something about his leg hurting more when the weather is bad and seeing how it just rained here in Maine for two solid days, he had reason to be slow. It hadn’t been all that long since he had been out of the cast, but he still had to wear that big leg wrap thing. He didn’t even have a chance of catching me let alone BB who hadn’t moved. BB knew Larry would quit long before he got to him.

“I’m hungry!” Bertha announced once we were all together again.

I was brushing away the dirt from my backside and right elbow while Larry continued to wipe at his ears and mutter occasionally about how gross the two of us are.

“Want to head over to McDeath?” BB asked.

“You mean Ronny’s Steakhouse boy?” Fish asked as if he were talking to a dog.

I’d heard McDonalds called McDeath many times but never heard it called Ronny’s Steakhouse.

“Ronny’s Steakhouse? That’s a good one Fish!” I laughed.

I was fond of that idea not because of the food, but because I could slip into the mens room and change myself. We’d been out long enough that, I knew I was due.

“I could go for a McRat Burger!” I remarked.

“Ooooh! I could go for some deep fried Chicken Lips!” BB added.

“You just had some Fish Lips and now you want Chicken Lips? Larry, BB wants your lips!” I joked.

“Ha Ha!” Larry said with mock laughter.

I was disappointed he didn’t try to come after me, hit me, or seek some sort of revengeful action.

Bertha shrugged her shoulders and pulled her pockets inside out, “Got no money.”

“Me neither.” Larry said but he didn’t do the pocket thing.

“I’ve got three bucks in quarters.” BB announced.

“Why are you carrying around a pocket full of quarters?” I asked.

He looked at me as though he couldn’t believe I would ask such a question of him.

“Don’t give me that look!” I growled at BB while trying to playfully slap his face. I was nearly nutted for my effort.

“You almost hit me in the NARDS!” I exclaimed while slapping BB’s hand away as he tried a second time to pop me in the groin.

“Please, you don’t even have enough down there to hurt.” Fish laughed.

“Since when have you seen what I got down there?” I asked with a mocking tone.

“Oh please, Fish has tons of naked pictures of you on his website.” BB said with all seriousness.

“WHAT?” I shouted and rounded on Fish.

“I DO NOT!” Fish shouted back and braced himself just in case I decided to attack him anyway.

He then smiled and added, “And besides, those are pictures of BB not Alvin.”

BB beamed with pride.

“Since we’ve only got the three dollars, where do you guys want to go then?” Bertha asked.

“I got enough for all of us.” I said.

“Who did you rob?” Fish asked.

“First International Bank of GF!” I answered proudly.

“What’s GF?” BB asked.

“Girlfriend?” Larry asked.

“German Frank?” Fish asked next.

“Grandfather!” I laughed.

BB got a kick out of that.

“Grandfather started giving me an allowance.” I confessed.

“Since when? I thought you said you hated him.” Bertha asked.

“I do.” I said back to her, “But I’m not going to refuse free money.”

“So you don’t have to do anything for it?” Bertha asked.

“You mean like chores and such?” I asked in like some sort of Tennessee hillbilly and answered, “No, he just walked up to me while I was eating my breakfast, lifted my hand, turned it over, and plopped into it a wad of cash.”

BB began to put his arm around my shoulders as if he was suddenly my best friend.

“He said that it was time he started giving me an allowance.” I shared.

Without any of us actually purposefully doing so, we began to turn and walk in the general direction of McDonalds.

“How much did he give you?” Larry asked with dollar signs in his eyes.

“Enough.” I answered quickly, but then added, “However, when I saw how much he had put in my hand, I was kind of shocked by it until he explained that he was catching me up from when I first arrived.”

“Too bad he didn’t catch you up for all those years you lived in California too.” Fish suggested.

As I had been talking, I’d slowly moved my left hand so that it was directly behind Larry’s right butt cheek. I gave him a serious goose right when he started to ask his next question. The effect of it was that his question came out about twelve octaves higher than normal.

Larry exploded with, “Are you serious?”

All of us laughed hard.

“Oh I got my Christmas goose early!” Larry squealed.

“Stop playing with my babies butt!” Bertha threatened, while slapping my hand away so I couldn’t goose him again.

“So how much?” Larry asked again.

“NO you can’t have any because you are a rat and a crook and a scoundrel!” I teased Larry who I knew had already started thinking of a way to scam me out of some, if not all, of my allowance.

Larry put a hand to his chest and pretended to be mortally wounded, “Alvin, I’m hurt; I am sincerely and genuinely hurt that you think of me like that.”

“HA!” I fake laughed, “You’re a rat, a crook, a scoundrel, and your mother dresses you funny!”

Larry’s arm over my shoulders became a vice as he put me in a headlock and pretended to be pounding my face with his other hand. I went along with this and each time he pretended to be punching me, I’d give a little jump and a cry of pain. It was totally fake; but this old couple saw us and thought it was real.
“Hey! You there! You stop hitting on that boy!”

Larry let me go and I waved to the old couple, “It’s cool! We were just playing around! I’m fine!”

Larry called over to them, “Yeah, I wouldn’t really hurt my boy here!” and then reached up, grabbed my face and planted a big, wet, sloppy kiss on my left cheek!"

Larry and I then pretended to be making out passionately.

The old couple waved us off in disgust and I’m sure they were muttering something disdainful about today’s youth. However, ‘we youth’ were literally dying of laughter over it.

We had been on the extreme opposite side of the park from McDonalds so it took us about a half hour to walk back through the park. However, that wasn’t a big deal; we had been walking around the park for more than an hour and around town for much longer than that, before we decided we wanted food. We hadn’t really been walking to anywhere; we were just walking, talking, and enjoying finally being back together again.

We strolled along for a while with Fish and I a few paces ahead of the others. Fish was holding my hand and swinging it like a small child might do. He was whistling, or I should say trying to whistle this one tune, which he kept getting all messed up.

“We really should try to find you a girlfriend.” Fish said soft enough that only I heard him.

“I don’t need another one.” I said though I don’t know why I said it because it wasn’t entirely the truth; deep down inside I wanted Jacquelyn back.

Though it isn’t common knowledge in the real world, Fish, BB, and our other friend Stacks already know that a girl from Ohio by the name of Jacquelyn, whom I was going steady with, had dumped me two days ago for some local guy. I wish I could say that it wasn’t an ugly breakup but it was. Maybe sometime down the road we can make up and still be friends and online pals. When I went on, which is a website we all frequent often, earlier today, I checked out the chat history since no one was in there to talk with. I found out that everyone already knew that we broke up and our online friends were already choosing sides. I made a mental note to stay away from for a while. However, what no one knows is that I spent two whole days locked in my bedroom bawling my eyes out over Jacquelyn. That has to count for something right? What that is, I haven’t a clue, but still, it has to!

“Well, Larry has Bertha and I’ve got BB. But you don’t have anyone.” Fish said in this breathy, temptress kind of voice.

“That’s not true.” I said.

“What do you mean?”

I gave his hand a squeeze, “I mean I got you, and BB and Bertha and Larry. That’s enough for me.”

Fish squeezed my hand back while sporting an exaggerated frown, “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“Really!” I said several octaves higher than I meant, “I’m just glad we can hang out together again. I really missed all of you.”

With that, my eyes became watery with tears, and Fish knew I was thinking about that one horrible day when an accident down at the docks took the lives of so many people including my dad.

Where I was able to keep my tears in my eyes, Fish couldn’t. Our arms stopped swinging as his emotions became too much for him.

“Hey!” Bertha shouted.

I looked back and noticed that they were farther behind than I thought.

“We all promised no crying today!” she shouted threateningly. She sounded mad, but we knew she wasn’t.
I wanted to take Fish in my arms and hug the tears away and at the same time, I wanted to cry along with him, but I couldn’t allow myself to do either. So instead, I did the only thing I could think of to stop us both from bawling like little babies. In a move so swift, cats all over the world would have been in awe; I squatted in front of Fish and yanked his sweatpants to his ankles. Boy was I surprised to see that he wasn’t wearing underwear or a diaper for that matter. I also saw why BB is so madly in love with him… if you get what I mean.

I hadn’t thought it out and if I had, I wouldn’t have done it. Not because of any fear, I might have of retribution for such an act, but because the fact that Bertha and Larry haven’t a clue that Fish… and BB for that matter… wear diapers. Had Fish been wearing one right then, I’m sure I would be dead right now; or at the very least wishing, I was dead.

I was back up and running even before Fish knew what I’d done. Without looking back, I could hear Bertha, BB, and Larry’s howls of laughter, mingled with the flaming curse words emanating from Fish’s mouth.

“GET BACK HERE!” Fish was shouting and running after me.

“I am so very sorry Fish! I wasn’t thinking! Please believe me when I say that, I’ve never regretted anything more in my life!”

You should try to say that much while running for your life; it isn’t easy.

One quick glance over my shoulder and my heart skipped a beat. Fish was gaining on me. The other’s, though too far away to help me if Fish caught me, were trying their best to catch up while still laughing. Of course, Larry was quite a ways back due to his leg.

“I’m going to stick my fist so far up your ass you’ll be choking on my fingers!” Fish continued to shout.
We exited the park on the opposite side from my grandparents’ house. I didn’t even hesitate before running into the street. I figured I’d have a better chance against any oncoming traffic than I would with Fish. All right, that’s not true, I didn’t even think about the traffic or about getting hit. I was in flight mode and not thinking at all.

Fish had gained more ground than I had thought; my right foot didn’t even touch the asphalt pavement before his hands grabbed two fists worth of my sweatshirt and yanked me backward.

At that same instant, a city bus blasted its horn and the two of us fell backward onto the sidewalk.

“Sweet Baby Jesus! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!” Fish asked angrily.

He punched me hard in the arm and then pushed me away as he raked his fingers through his stringy hair.

Bertha and the others finally caught up to us.

“Holy hell that was close!” Larry panted and leaned on Bertha because his leg was paining him.

Nearly out of breath, Bertha asked, “Are you alright?”

“I thought you were a goner!” BB exclaimed.

Bertha kicked me hard in the hip before helping me back up.

“You’re a dumb ass!” she said and then hugged me.

“Sorry man!” I said extending a hand to Fish who was still on the ground.

He slapped it away and acted as if he was still mad at me. Fish got to his feet under his own power, but I still extended my hand out again as an offering of peace. He slapped it away a second time, but then he totally caught me off guard. With animal-like reflexes he pounced and knocked me back down where he sat on my stomach and planted a kiss right on my lips.

“HEY! Stop giving away my kisses!” BB joked as Fish jumped back off me equally as fast.

I was wiping my lips with my sleeves and spitting on the ground.

“Better watch out BB. I think Fish has got the hots for Alvin after all.” Bertha sang out.

“I think I’m going to hurl!” I moaned as Larry and Bertha helped me to my feet and helped to brush off my clothes.

I continued to wipe at my mouth as though trying to wipe the taste of dog crap from my lips.

“Oh stop it already! I’m not poisonous!” Fish said while giving me another punch in the arm.

Larry slapped me on the back and said, “Alvin that was the funniest thing ever back there.”

“I nearly pissed myself!” Bertha laughed which made the rest of us laugh due to the irony of her comment.

Larry added, “I heard it was small, but I didn’t think it could be that small.”

“That’s not what your mom said when I was screwing her last night!” Fish said and punched Larry in the shoulder.

“Ouch man not so hard!” Larry complained.

Fish then shot back with, “Serves you right.”

Subconsciously I continued to wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and Fish saw me.

“Keep it up and I might do it again.” He threatened.

“Come on; let’s go get some rub-a-dub-grub.” Bertha said as we started walking down to the crosswalk.
“Yeah, I need to get something to wash the taste of Fish out of my mouth.” That last comment of mine made everyone but Fish laugh.

BB, playing the part of the jilted lover asked, “Did you slip him tongue too?”

Knowing that Fish has a thing for pickles, I mean he eats five or six a day, I decided to play along by saying, “Only a little” and licked my lips, “By the way, did you have pickles today?”

Larry acted as though he was wrenching as Bertha slapped me on the back and pushed me into the crosswalk. Thankfully, the walk sign was lit up and no cars were coming that time.

Instead of laughing, Fish called-out from behind me, “Alvin’s giving me a piggy-back-ride.” and leapt on my back before I could react.

My legs strained to support the extra weight while at the same time my arms instinctively reached around and hooked behind his knees. He was heavy, but not so much that I couldn’t bare him the short walk to McDonalds. Halfway across the street, my back started to feel very warm and I glanced back to the others before whispering to him, “Did you just pee?”

He giggled as he said, “Nooo!”

“You best not have!” I warned while chuckling amusedly.

We got to the door of McDonalds and I tried to let Fish down, but he clung on by tightening his arms around my neck and chest and squeezing his thighs against either side of my rib cage.
“Easy! You’re going to squeeze the air out of me.” I complained.

“Giddy up horsy!” he said as BB opened the door for us.

Larry spanked my bottom and said, “Move it mule.”

I wondered if he heard and understood what was obvious to me as a deep thump and not a high-pitched slap of flesh against flesh.

There was a round faced African-American lady behind the counter who frowned at me for carrying Fish in like that, but we ignored her scowl. Actually, Bertha seemed to think it was more than a little funny. She was grinning more than I think I have ever seen her do.

After we had ordered and were sitting, I leaned close and whispered to Bertha, “You look so hot when you smile like you were just a minute ago.”

Granted, her teeth are brownish-yellow and look like it has been sometime since she had brushed them, but that wasn’t what I meant. I mean her whole countenance seemed cheery; as if her spirit was glowing so bright, that it shown on the outside.

In response, she reached down and pinched my inner thigh. I didn’t cry out, but I sure wanted too. Instead, I knitted my brow and grinned with clenched teeth through the pain as I said, “You’re beautiful when you’re pissed off too.”

She let go of my thigh and as she did, she nutted me.

“OOOH!” I moaned and dropped my head onto the table, narrowly missing my sandwich.

“What’s the matter with you?” Fish asked.

I rocked my head from side to side without lifting it from the table.

Bertha patted my back hard and said, “Poor things just so tired!”

Somehow I managed to squeak out, “Exhausted!”

“Bertha, stop playing with Alvin’s junk!” BB said with a laugh when he figured out why I had doubled over in pain.

“Yeah play with Larry’s Junk!” Fish added.

Larry had apparently not been paying attention because he asked, “What junk?”

“Yeah just shut up and look beautiful!” Berta told him.

I lifted my head just in time to see Larry grinning with food in his teeth and saying, “I’m good at that huh?!”

Despite the ache in my right ball, I managed to laugh.

When we were all nearly done eating and drinking our sodas BB pointed to the McDonalds Playland and asked, “You guys want to play on the gym thingy?”

None of us were interested in climbing on a play-set built for babies; we wanted to go running or something because, on Bertha’s suggestion, we all had Mountain Dew to drink and were on ‘a major’ caffeine high.

“I need to make a pit stop.” Fish announced.

BB and I had to go as well so we tagged along. At first I was so glad the three of us went in together, because I had stupidly forgot my backpack before leaving the house. Therefore, I didn’t have a change of GoodNites with me.

“Guys, I sort of forgot my pack. Can I borrow…?” I started to ask.

“Borrow? Borrow?” Fish asked too loudly while laughing.

I blushed more than a little but couldn’t help but to chuckle too.

“Yeah, I’ll give it back as soon as I am done with it.” I joked.

BB wiggled his eyebrows scintillatingly.

“Eeeew!” Fish moaned at his boyfriend for getting turned on by the idea of obtaining a diaper, which I’d soiled.

“Here you can use one of mine.” BB offered and handed me what appeared to be a denim diaper but clearly wasn’t real denim.

“What is this?” I asked.

I was standing there holding the blue disposable diaper like it was this odd foreign thing I had never seen before.

“It’s a Jean Diaper.” BB said like I should have known that. He then added, “They are made by Huggies.”

“But it’s a baby diaper?” I asked.

“Yeah, but for bigger babies.” Fish said cheerily.

They then chanted in unison, “Bigger Babies like us!” while looking at each other and doing some sort of weird handshake that ended in a pelvic thrust.

I opened and examined it, “This is never going to fit me!”

“They stretch, a lot!” BB pointed out.

“Yeah they even cover BB’s big bootie!” Fish joked.

“Keep it up Lover-boy!” BB said warningly to Fish.

I guess I was blushing a little from embarrassment and was too scared to tell them I couldn’t put a diaper on by myself. Well I could, but I’d have to lie down and even then, it was very difficult to get it tight enough that it wouldn’t leak. Thankfully and regrettably, they both picked up on the idea that I needed help. It pained me greatly to have them do it, however they took great joy in helping.

Fish crossed to the door and locked it while BB opened the changing station.


“Well that or the floor.” Larry said knowing full well I wouldn’t want to lie on that dirty tiled floor.

Reluctantly I started to reach for my belt when I remembered I hadn’t put one on. However, BB thought I was going to take my pants off myself and stopped me.

“No-no-no!” he grabbed my hands and pulled them away from my fly region, “Get up on the changing table and we’ll take care of everything.”

“And be careful or you’ll break it with your lard ass.” Fish added.

“HEY!” I growled, turned, and punched Fish right in the left pectoral muscle.

“Oh don’t be mean to the poor little thing!” BB said to Fish.

“LITTLE!” I seethed!

“And stop being so embarrassed!” Fish ordered as he walked up and messed my hair with both hands, “Yah little scamp!”

I pushed him off while nervously laughing and began to climb up on the changing station. I’m not as tall as my two friends are, but I’m big enough that the changing table groaned under my weight.

“You don’t have to smile so much!” I accused BB when he was trying to get my pants pulled down to my ankles.

“Dang Alvin! You shouldn’t let your diapers get this wet! It is bad for your skin.” Fish observed.

“Yeah, well these here Huggies hold a lot and are real good at keeping the wetness away from your skin.” BB said as he began to rip open the sides of my wet GoodNite rather than bother with pulling it off like real underwear.

I had to cross both arms over my face to hide myself from my own embarrassment.

“I can’t believe I am letting you guys do this!” I mumbled from behind my arms.

BB was doing most of the work and patted my hip as he ordered, “Raise up!”

I lifted my backside off the diaper station so that he could remove the wet diaper.

“Keep it up there!” he ordered.

“Hand me a couple wipes.” BB said to Fish.

I pulled my arms from my face and tried to grab the wipes, “I can do that.”

“No!” BB snapped, “Now lie still and be quiet!”

Reluctantly I obeyed.

“And get that butt back in the air!” Fish added.

I threw my arms back over my face as I groaned, “OH GOD!”

“HEY NO TICKLING!” I complained when he ran the wipe over my right butt cheek.

“Don’t forget the taint!” Fish reminded.

“What’s the taint?” I asked from under my arms.

“This part here.” BB said as he wiped the area between my balls and my butt-pucker.

“Taint balls and taint asshole!” BB laughed.

“You are taking too long!” Fish moaned as he bumped BB out of the way and using another wipe began to clean my front all around without actually touching my boyhood.

“You guys better never tell a soul I let you do this!” I warned.

Suddenly Fish used the wipe to cup my balls and I gasped.

“Enjoying that?” he asked as he cleaned my penis.

I shook my head, “Just get finished already!”

“DIAPER TIME!” BB sang and pushed Fish out of the way, “Lift up!”

Glad that BB had stopped Fish I quickly raised my bottom back up so that BB could slide the Huggies diaper under me.

“Wait!” Fish said.

“Why?” BB started to say but didn’t even get all of it out as he saw Fish lean in and lick my penis.

“HEY!” I complained and pushed Fish away very forcefully.

Fish fell backward laughing until his elbow went into the Urinal.

“Ah gross!” he complained.

“Serves you right!” I said angrily.

Suddenly I gasped as BB sucked my penis all the way into his mouth. He pressed his face hard against my pelvis to keep my penis in his mouth.

“STOP!” I cried and became horrified when my penis began to engorge with blood within his warm, wet, mouth.

I gave him a hard chop to the back of the neck, and when I say hard, I mean really, really hard. It had the intended effect as it got him to release his suction. I then shoved him away and covered my erection with my hands.

“Damn it guys!” I cussed and sat up.

Laughing hysterically Fish said, “OKAY! OKAY! We’ve had our fun!”

“Both of you can go to hell!” I hissed as I rolled off the changing station while trying to pull up my pants without the diaper.

“No!” BB said while pulling them back down, “We won’t do it again! Let us just get you diapered so you don’t have an accident in your pants!”

“No you guys are just going to try to rape me!” I said as I pushed BB away and tugged at my pants again.
They were laughing so hard they could hardly be understood.

Fish put himself between the door and me and laughingly said, “Seriously, we won’t mess around anymore.”

“PROMISE!” BB said crossing his heart!

“NO MORE RAPING ME!” I hissed and punched BB hard in the center of his chest, which left him gasping.
As I turned back toward Fish, he looked at my short and thin, but proud erection with wide, hungry eyes, “Such a shame you are straight with a beautiful smooth pecker like that.”

“FISH!” I complained loudly.

“Sssssh!” BB hushed while laughing, “You don’t even need to get on the table.”

He then grabbed the diaper off the floor and tried lacing it between my legs.

“Hold still and spread your legs!” BB laughed.

I stood bowlegged, with my legs as far as my pants would allow me. He then quickly pulled the diaper up into place.

“Fish, get that side.” BB instructed.

“Alvin, move your hands and hold your shirt up!” Fish said.

I reluctantly released my protective hold on my private parts as I pulled my shirt up, exposing my tummy.

“Such a cute belly button.” Fish joked.

“Keep it up and you’ll get a kiss from my cute knee!” I warned him.

Thankfully, they didn’t try anything else as they attempted to diaper me. Imagine if you will Moe and Larry of the Three Stooges, trying to diaper Curly while the three of them were all crammed into one small McDonald’s bathroom. That should give you an idea how it was with the three of us.

“Ouch that’s my foot!” I cried out when one of them tromped on it.

“Here hold this.”

“Pull tighter.”

“Careful you will rip it.”

“Will not.”

“Stop touching my boner!”


“Not so tight, I still got to breath.”

“This would be easier if you were soft!”

“Well if you two hadn’t tried to rape me!”

“Stop moving!”

“You’ve got a cute butt.”

“Hey! Stop looking at his butt.”

“Well you sucked on his package.”

“Was not.”

“Oh you little liar!”

“You both better stop looking, touching, licking, and sucking on my no-no’s and get that darn thing on me or so help me!” I warned with a bop to the tops of both of their heads.

“There you go!”

“No wait… alright now you are set.”


One of the tapes popped off.

“Suck in your tummy.”

“I want to suck something again.”

“Now stop that!”

“What’d I say?”

“Ouch stop hitting me!”

“I can’t get it…Oh wait, there I got it.”

“Press them down good so none of them come loose again.”

“I know how to do it.”

“Ouch, not so hard!”


“Yeah don’t bruise his beautiful olive skin!”

“Alright, you are all set.”

“I think he needs his pants pulled up!”

“I can do it myself! You two did enough!” I said pushing them both over, “Animals!”

“Wanna help us get changed now?”

“Um, I think I’ve had enough embarrassment for one day.” I bent over and pulled my pants up, “I am going to wait outside for you maniacs.” I said with venom even though I wasn’t really mad; just really, really embarrassed.

“You might want to zip up your fly first.”

“Oh yeah.” And if it were possible, my face went even redder than it already had been.

“Sure you don’t want to help us?” BB asked coyly.

“Yeah you can even get us back by sucking on us!” Fish joked.

BB then added, “Yeah that would sure teach us a lesson!”

Doing my best visual impression of Doctor Hannibal Lecter, I tucked my chin and looked up toward the guys.

“You guys really want to let me get near your junk after what you did?”

They’re eyes grew wide and both of them instinctively covered their groins.

“That’s what I thought.” I sneered.

“Where’s the Head Brothers?” Larry asked when I rejoined him and Bertha outside the restaurant.

“The Head brothers?” I asked still a bit stunned and confused over what had taken place in the bathroom.

“Yeah, Butt and Dick.” He said and then busted up laughing.

I managed to make myself laugh along with him.

While we waited on BB and Fish to come out, a guy I didn’t know pulled up in one of those small pickup trucks. The guy looked like someone’s redneck uncle. He was even missing a tooth in the front.

“Bertha, have you seen that worthless nephew of mine?”

“He’s inside still.” Larry answered.

“Well you tell him his mother said to get his ass home.”

With that said, he spit into a small plastic cup and drove away.

“Who was that?” I asked.

“Fish’s uncle.” Bertha said.

I chuckled to myself because I’d guessed right that he was someone’s uncle.

Fish and BB came out right after the guy in the truck sped away. They both had the cheesiest grins plastered on their faces and for some reason I got the idea that they must have had sex while they were in there. Probably got off on what they had done to me.

“Yo Fish.” Bertha called out, “Your uncle was just here. Say’s your to go home.”

“God, I wish he would go back to Kentucky!” Fish cried out to the heavens while shaking both fists high over his head.

“Kentucky?” I exclaimed.

Fish nodded, “Mom’s from Kentucky originally.”

“I thought there was a streak of hillbilly in you.” I said which earned me a swift kick in the back of my knee with the side of his shoe.

“Dam Fish that hurt!” I complained.

“I want a piggy back ride.” Fish whined.

“Yeah and you can kiss my….” I began to say but stopped when I remembered what happened in the bathroom.

I leapt backward, away from him and said, “On second thought keep your slimy lips away from me.”

Larry thought that was funny; if he only knew the truth of it.

The four of us walked Fish home, but I was sure to keep my distance from him and BB as they both kept messing with me. Before disbanding and heading toward our respective dwellings I slowed just enough to let them get on either side of me with the intention of getting a wee bit of revenge for them trying to blow me.

“Are you going to be online later?” BB asked while putting an arm over my shoulders.

With a shrug I said, “Don’t know. Probably not.”

Fish threw an arm over my shoulders from the other side. They both had walked right into my trap.

Quick as can be, I gave them both a quick fist to the groin and took off as if my backside were on fire. I didn’t go far, only twenty feet or so. I didn’t need to go far, because neither could walk.

Larry and Bertha got a kick out of it.

Laughing Bertha asked me, “Would you like to come over for a while?”

“Nah, think I’ll go sit with Mom.”

“That’s cool.” She said.

“Want some company?” Larry asked me.

I shook my head and said, “Don’t think Mom’s up to company yet.”

Though Mom is home from the hospital after her failed attempt to kill herself by taking a bunch of pills, she is still far from well. She spends most of her waking hours sitting in a chair, looking out the bedroom window. No one outside the family knows of course; everyone thinks Mom had a breakdown after my dad died.

“See you girls later!” I said in a high-pitched voice to BB and Fish who were both looking at me as if they wanted to beat the crap out of me.

I got closer and whispered, “Wait till I tell Stacks what you did!”

They both got a worried look on their faces.

“See you guys!” Larry called out as the three of us walked away from them.

It was just Larry, Bertha and me now. We were walking and talking when I blurted out, “Guys, I might be going on a trip soon.”

“Really where are you going?” Bertha asked.

I stopped walking and looked them both in the eyes.

“Can I tell you guys something super top secret?”

“Sure.” They said in unison.

“You know we’d never…” Bertha started to say but stopped in mid thought.

She put her hands on her hips and locked on me with an icy cold stare.

“You’re going to run away to California, aren’t you?” she asked.

“How the hell did you find out?” I asked with amazement.

“Geez Alvin!” Larry said with a snivel, “You’re not the brightest. Any fool can see you’re aching to get back there.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Uh, yeah!” Bertha said in such a way that reminded me of the snobby girls back in California.

“How are you going to get there?” Larry asked.

I looked away from them as I answered, “I’d rather not say, but I’ve got a plan.”

“Are you going alone?” Bertha asked.

I shook my head, “Nah, someone’s coming with me.”

“Really? Who?” she asked.

“Remember me telling you about my friend Meek?”

“Oh yeah, that surfing guy from the water park.” Bertha answered.

“Who’s Meek?” Larry asked.

Larry hadn’t yet heard about Meek or Meek’s boyfriend Pepper, because until yesterday Larry has not been anywhere around. After the death of his father, Larry and his twin brother Chris had been shipped off to stay with relatives. Chris, who I consider my best friend didn’t return when Larry did and the only reason Larry is back is because he has to go to court in a few days. Before I moved here, Larry had got into some trouble for putting cherry bombs inside the tailpipes of people’s cars. I don’t know why it has taken so long, but he finally has to go before a judge over the incident
“Just a friend.” I said.

“Oh please,” Bertha said, “That’s not what you told me.”

She proceeded to tell Larry how Meek and his boyfriend knew I was a famous surfer from California. She also told him how I’d sort of taken Meek under my wing and taught him some of the tricks of the trade, so to speak.

Despite my reluctance to do so, I told them the details of my plans. Bertha was all for it, but Larry seemed worried.

“What if something happens to you guys? I mean there are a lot of crazy people in the world.” Larry said.

“We’ll be fine.” I assured him.

When we parted, I made them promise again not to tell a living soul, not even Fish and BB. Half an hour after arriving home Larry called to beg me not to go through with it.

“I’m serious man. You’re going to get yourself killed!” he pleaded.

In the end, to get him off my back I lied to him.

“ALRIGHT!” I finally said, “I promise I won’t go!”

“I don’t believe you.”

I growled, “What do you want me to say?”

“Just make me believe that you really won’t go.” He said.

“Tell you what. Why don’t you come over tomorrow morning at about ten because we were not supposed to meet up until noon? That way I can’t go anywhere.”

“ALRIGHT!” He said excitedly but then paused, “Wait.”

“What now?” I moaned.

“No I just mean, well, will it be alright? I mean me coming over. You know, because your mom isn’t feeling well?”

“Don’t worry about her. She stays in her room all day anyway.”

“In that case, I’ll be there at ten sharp!” He said more like a warning than a statement.

“Good!” I said rather matter of fact like, “See you then.”

I hung up the phone and began to rub my hands together like some evil madman for having just fooled Larry into thinking I wasn’t supposed to meet up with Meek until noon when in reality we were planning to meet at 8:00 AM.

I was reveling in tricking Larry when the phone rang again and scared me so much that I jumped about four feet away from it. It had startled me so badly that I had even soiled myself. God knows why I found that funny, but I did.

Laughing I stepped back close and picked up the receiver again.

“What’s so funny?” I heard my young Canadian friend ask right away.

“Oh hello there Joey!” I giggled, “Nothing really, was just standing next to the phone when you called and it startled me.”

I didn’t tell him he scared me so bad I messed myself. Knowing him, he’d tell everyone on ILD and I’d just die if he did that.

Joey giggled along with me, “Hi Alvin! I missed you so, so, so much!”

“Yeah, I missed me too!” I joked.

Joey busted out laughing for like two minutes over that.

“Hey so what’s my favorite Canadian up to? It seems like I haven’t talked to you in a few days.” I said when he finally calmed down.

“Yeah well, somebody never calls me or comes online to chat with me on ILD no more!” Joey said while trying to make me feel guilty.

“Yeah well, I have been staying away because of…”

I didn’t have to finish because Joey did it for me.

“Because you and Jacquelyn are not boyfriends no more?”

“You mean boyfriend and girlfriend.” I corrected him with a chuckle.

He began to talk fast with a sort of jibber-jabber, “But you should come! Jacquelyn misses you and Mommy and Daddy told her that you are just hurting still. Can you come to ILD? Oh and Sissy4U also told Jacquelyn if she said anything else bad about you on ILD she was going have something to say about it.”

I should tell you that Sissy4U is my friend, Stacks and she too lives here in Maine and it doesn’t surprise me that she’d come to my defense on ILD. Stacks doesn’t let anyone treat her friends bad.

“Wait, Jacquelyn was saying bad stuff about me?” I asked.

Joey made this annoyed coughing sound, “Did you hear me? Mommy and Daddy talked to her. She isn’t mad at you no more and you should come on ILD and talk to her and…”

Desperate to get him off my case I said, “Okay! Okay! I get it!”

“So you are going to come on ILD? When? Can you come on now? I am on now! Come on now!”

“You are talking to me while online?” I asked.

“Yep! Yep! Yep! I am! I am!” Joey sang out and then giggled.

I couldn’t help but smile. Joey’s laugh always makes me feel better.

“Are Mommy and Daddy online there too?” I asked.

“Daddy is and Mommy will be soon!” Joey said and then screamed without removing the receiver from his mouth, “DADDY! ALVIN IS GOING TO ILD NOW!”

“Ugh! Joey I didn’t say I was…”

“Daddy said get in the chat now or his foot will strike your posterior!”

“Yeah, Yeah! Tell him he has to catch me first!” I joked.


“JOEY! I didn’t say that!” I laughed.

Joey sang out, “OOOOOOOOH!”


“Daddy said a bad word and you are in soooooo much trouble now!”

“JOEY!” I groaned.

“You better go get on ILD right now. He’s mad!” Joey laughed.

“Just wait until the next time I see you! I’m going to tie you up and tickle you until you beg me to stop! And then I won’t stop!”


“JOEY! STOP THAT!” I screamed into the receiver.

He laughed like some sort of mentally deranged lunatic.

“Booger Head?” Daddy Phil’s voice came over the phone.

“I didn’t say any of that! Joey is lying!” I said in my own defense.

“Is that so?” he said and I heard Joey squealing like a pig.

He must have been running away because it sounded like his squeals were fading in the distance.

“How are you son?” Daddy Phil asked while chuckling a bit over the way his son had acted.

“Truth?” I asked.

I know he could hear in my voice how I was, but still he said, “I would hope always.”

I sighed a bit before answering, “I’ve been better.”

“Of that I am sure!” he said, “Anything in particular?”

In the background I could hear Joey calling, “Tell Alvin everyone is waiting for him in the chat room!”

I chuckled, “I heard him,” and then I asked, “Um, are you going to be in there too?”

“I was about to sign out however I’ll stick around if you want me to.” He said.

I nodded my head and then giggled.

“What?” he asked.

“I nodded my head.” I giggled even harder.

“I thought I heard the rocks in your head rattling. Now M.Y.A.”

Confused I had to ask, “What’s M.Y.A.?”

“M.Y.A. means Move Your Butt!” Daddy Phil said sharply.

In the background I again heard, “AAALLLVVVVIIIINNN!”

This was followed by his mother shouting, “Joey if you don’t start using your inside voice I’m going to give you something to really yell about!”


I laughed, "Alright, I’m going! But first, thanks to Joey scaring me when he called, I need a change.

Sooooo, say about fifteen minutes?"

Daddy Phil replied with a laugh, “That will give me time to deal with someone’s fibbing mouth.”
“Hey Daddy Phil?” I asked quickly.

“What’s that son?”

“I don’t suppose you’d make a quick house call?” I teased.

“Let me fire up the rocket and I’ll be there in 27 seconds.” He said.

I laughed again while saying, “Alright, I’ll either see you online or in my room in a bit. Bye and love you.”

“I love you too Alvin. Now get moving!”

It took longer than the fifteen minutes for me to get myself cleaned up, changed, and back down to the media room. The mess wasn’t bad, but while pulling down my GoodNite it got all over my leg so I decided to jump in the shower super-fast. In my haste, I mistakenly dropped the soiled GoodNite down the laundry chute, so after my quick shower I had to get redressed super-fast and then run down to the laundry to retrieve the GoodNite before someone else found it. Thankfully, I got to it first, and then had to run it up to my room to put it in the diaper pail.

I was out of breath and panting for air when I finally got to my grandparents media room. I sat myself down, booted up the computer, and logged into The instant I entered the chat room, I was
bombarded by greetings from everyone that was in there.



Daddy_Phil: I was starting to worry.

TigerFish: Hi everyone!

Mommy_Beth: Hello my precious baby boy

Nappied1: Hiya Fishboy

TigerFish: Hi Mommy and Daddy! Sorry took longer than I thought but was waiting for Daddy’s rocket to

Sissy4U: About time!

Sissy4U: Rocket?

Diapered4Life: Hey-yo TF

Wet_Dwaggy: Sure have missed you!

TigerFish: Aaaaah Dwaggy!!!

DirtyDrawers7: Hello TigerFish

Bernie: Hello TF!

Wstrn_Wildgirl: Hey TigerFish

BooBoo: Somebody pass the tartar sauce?

DiprGravee: I’ve not met you but hello TigerFish

Wet@NiteWebelo2: WB TF

TigerFish: Wow so many here!

Padded_Runner: TF where’s my present you promised me!

BabyTeeko: Welcome back TigerFish

TigerFish: You have too met me DiprGravee

GoldnLizrd: Sup Fishboy!

TigerFish: Padded_Runner, it’s up in my room, inside the diaper pail. Muhahahahaaaa

DiprGravee: hehe! I was making a funny.

The greetings kept going on and on. Sadly Roo a.k.a. Jacquelyn wasn’t in the chat right then. I found out later she had been, but chickened out at the last minute and dropped out. Actually when I heard that, I got
angry with her all over again.

TigerFish: BB-N2-TB-DL Where’s PampersBoy?

BB-N2-TB-DL: TF will tell you later.

Wet_Dwaggy: Kev the show was Daleks in Manhattan

Sissy4U: Uuuuummm!

Diapered4Life: Ooooh! You did it now Dwaggy!

TigerFish: OK BB-N2-TB-DL

Daddy_Phil: Wet Dwaggy this is your second and last warning on using names!


TigerFish: Bad Dragon!

Daddy_Phil: Don’t be sorry, just don’t do it again or I’ll have to discipline you!

Nappied1: Doctor Who is awesome!

LilPrince: TigerFish can we go private?

Mommy_Beth: No! Let TigerFish stay out here with his friends.

LilPrince: No fair!

BB-N2-TB-DL: I found it!!!

Sissy4U: What was it?

BB-N2-TB-DL: Gold Member

BedSwimmer: That is what I told you BB-N2-TB-DL

BedSwimmer: No one ever listens to poor me

Sissy4U: No that wasn’t it

Wstrn_Wildgirl: I listen to you bedswimmer!!!

BedSwimmer: Yes huh

Wet@NiteWebelo2: TigerFish me mum told me to say thank you. She loves it!

TigerFish: Webelo tell her that she is welcome and glad she liked it.

Daddy_Phil: Webelo and TigerFish, is this the thing we talked about?

Wet@NiteWebelo2: Yes Daddy

TigerFish: Yep and thank you for letting us Daddy

Wet_Dwaggy: What stinks?

LilPrince: It is TF

Wstrn_Wildgirl: He who smelt it, dealt it

TigerFish: Hey! Is not me!

Bernie: Well he who denied it, supplied it TF

TigerFish: I don’t stink! I smell like soap.

Mommy_Beth: Are you eating soap again TigerFish?

Nappied1: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Sissy4U: Oh no! Now TF will have bubbles coming out of his bum when he toots!

TigerFish: HEHE No Mommy, I had a shower right before I came to the chat.

Daddy_Phil: That’s my boy!

TBDownUnder: HAHAHA! Bubbles out his butt! I’m dying! HAHAHA!

Sissy4U: HeHe

TigerFish: Go on! Laugh it up Aussie Boy! I’m gonna put itching powder in your diaper!

BedSwimmer: That would be evil

LilPrince: TF a human bubble maker

Mommy_Beth: LilPrince, remember what’s happening in two days?

Nappied1: OH NO! I made a wee-wee

UK_Doggie_DL: hehe

RubberBoy: I will soon too Nappied1

Mommy_Beth: Hope you got your Huggies on Nappied1 and you too RubberBoy

m12TalkHard: I don’t even know when I do it most times

LilPrince: Ooooooooooh yeah Mommy! Love you TF! Love you! Love You! Love you!

Bernie: I been wet for hours

Mommy_Beth: Bernie, I warned you about that! Go change now!

Sissy4U: What’s happening in two days?

Nappied1: I do Mommy

Bernie: OK MommyBeth

Daddy_Phil: You already know Sissy.

Sissy4U: Oh yeah forgot

BabyTeeko: Hours in a wet diaper? That must stink like yesterday’s diapers!

Wet@NiteWebelo2: TF why’d u shower b4 coming online? We don’t care if u r dusty.

BooBoo: Bernie if you get a bad rash again it serves you right!!!

TigerFish: Webelo I NEEDED it

Wet@NiteWebelo2: HeHe Nuff said

LilPrince: TF had a poopy butt!

TigerFish: Gee thanks Lil(BRAT)Prince

Bernie: Happens to the best of us TF

GoldnLizrd: Gotta love the blowouts!

Wstrn_Wildgirl: TF???

Padded_Runner: Need dry nappy. BRB

Wet_Dwaggy: I do that too TF

BB-N2-TB-DL: TF don’t do it

TigerFish: What WWGirl

Wstrn_Wildgirl: Chicken Butt!

BB-N2-TB-DL: Told you not to do it TF

TigerFish: Dwaggy, shower after or do the other? Hehe

Wet_Dwaggy: HaHaHa Um Yes and Yes

DirtyDrawers7: I always shower after boom-boom. Too messy for wipes.

TigerFish: Why do I always fall for that WWGirl?

IheartDiapers: I too widdle for showers. Mommy bathes me.

Sissy4U: Everyone here already knows that about you Wet_Dwaggy

TBDownUnder: Sorry cannot stay longer must study!

Bernie: c u dingo bate!

BrownBomber: Bug-eyes TBDU

Sissy4U: Its bait not bate!

Diapered4Life: Hugs TBDownUnder

TBDownUnder: But first a dry nappy

Daddy_Phil: I expect those marks to improve TBDownUnder

Mommy_Beth: Make us proud

TBDownUnder: Will do and love u both.

TBDownUnder: Love you all!

Nappied1: Keep your bottom dry TBDownUnder!

TBDownUnder: LOL will do!

Everyone said their goodbyes to TBDownUnder and we all then continued to chat just like before Jacquelyn and I broke up. It is great to know that I still had friends. However eventually I too had to go as I was called to come to dinner. So, I said my goodbyes to everyone, but as I was about to leave, Daddy Phil called me into a quick private chat.

Daddy_Phil: I need one minute in Private TigerFish.

TigerFish: Yes sir!

Daddy Phil opened the private chat with me right away.

Daddy_Phil: I know you need to get off, but I wanted to tell you before Joey blabbed it. We are coming up your way in two days.

I panicked at reading that on the computer screen. In two days, I was planning to be halfway across the country. However, I couldn’t tell him that. God if I did he’d have the whole Canadian Mounted Police after me. He’d also probably have Grandfather call every branch of the American military. My only hope was to act over joyed at his news and hope he believed me.

TigerFish: Really? WOW! Why? Is Mommy Beth coming too? When will you be here?

Daddy_Phil: Slow down son! Beth cannot make it but Joey and I will. We know you cannot compete in California so I wanted to take you and Joey back to Aquaboggin Water Park. It’s not the same but I was hoping it would help ease the pain just a bit.

TigerFish: Wow that would be great!

Daddy_Phil: Why don’t you check with your friends you met there last time and see if they can come?

TigerFish: Meek and Pepper! I will call them both after dinner!

Damn why did I have to say I would call them after dinner?

Daddy_Phil: I don’t want to get you in trouble. So, we’ll talk more about it later but for now, I wanted to give you something to look forward to.

TigerFish: Thanks Daddy and I love you sooooo much!

Daddy_Phil: Alright, now get your wet butt to dinner!

TigerFish: Yes sir! Bye!

I quickly logged off, shut off the computer, and sped toward the dining room where Grandmother was just sitting down to eat. Grandfather was nowhere around and of course mother wouldn’t be joining us … again.


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

im guessing your planing on releasing this is stages(i hope)

Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 6

I was startled awake when Mom’s cell phone rang. For a second or two I had forgot that the previous night I had snuck Mom’s cell phone out of her purse and had hid it beneath one of my bed pillows. Fearing that I wouldn’t hear it ring from under the pillow, I had turned the volume up to its maximum setting. However, while I slept, it had come out from under the pillow and was lying unobstructed and only inches from my ear. I fumbled with the phone while attempting to answer it and dropped it on the floor with a clatter. I was hanging head first off the side of the bed to retrieve it and placed it to my ear.

“Hello?” I croaked.

I cleared my throat, coughed, and then tried to speak again, “Hello?”

“Alvin!? Where the heck are you, man?”

I knew straightaway that it was my friend Meek; the exuberant tenor of his voice gave him away.

I again cleared my throat, ran my hand through my hair, and queried, “Meek?”

Meek sounded alarmed, “You should have been here half an hour ago!”

“What?” What are you ta…" I started to ask as I glanced at the alarm clock and saw that it read 5:43.

“Hold on.” I rumbled and pounded on the clock.

It shortly flashed 8:43 before making a sparking sound and wholly dying.

“Oh, no!” I shouted as I bounded out of bed and began to desperately pull off my pajama top while still holding the phone to my ear.

Before I had a chance to say something else, Meek tried once more to talk me out of the plan he and I had put into motion.

“Look, maybe we should just call the whole thing off?” he supposed with concern.

Hopping around on one foot because my other foot had become caught in my pajama bottoms I protested into the phone, “No way, man! It’s now or never! You’re not chickening out on me are you? You know this was your idea in the first place!”

Completely disregarding my questioning of his devotion to our plan Meek stated rather vehemently, “Well, you better hurry up! I’ll be by the fountain in the park like we planned!”

What was the plan? Well, while talking with Meek online about how badly I wanted to go to California to compete in the surfing competition, he had come up with the idea that we both go. All right, it wasn’t a new idea; it was just a resurrected idea with a few minor changes.

“We can hitchhike out to California!” he had said.

“Are you crazy? There are way too many lunatics in this world!” I harped, “and besides there isn’t enough time to hitchhike that far.”

“Do you have a better idea?” he asked.

“If we had enough money we could take a bus.” I thought, “How much do cross country bus tickets cost?”

“How am I supposed to know?” he balked before suggesting that we ride a dirt bike to California.

With a bit of aggravation at having never had this bit of information shared with me prior to this moment, nor having been invited over to go riding, I asked loudly, “You have a dirt bike?”

Meek then replied with, “Alvin! That was my ear! Yeah, it isn’t supposed to be taken on the roads because it doesn’t have lights, but I think if we avoid the main roads we could do it.”

“What about gas and food money?” I asked.

We talked about money, how much we both had and calculated what we would need. Surprisingly, we had enough between us; of course, that was before Grandfather dumped all that cash into my hand. Money wasn’t going to be a problem for either of us.
With that, the seeds of our plan had been planted and fertilized. We spent more time planning the journey, how we would do it, what we would need, the route we would take and everything else we could think of. I printed off detailed directions, using Google Earth, with markers for the best places to camp, places to get food and the gas stations we would be using along our intended route. It was a brilliant plan and we were both sure it would work.

As I was struggling to get my left shoe on, my grandfather opened the door to my room. Grandfather was dressed as I had never seen him dressed before. He was wearing a black and white tracksuit and white track shoes. He looked like an anorexic panda.

“Morning’, boy!” he said and other than when he had given me my allowance, those were the first words he had spoken to me in ages.

“Grandfather!? What are you wearing?” I asked, forgetting for the moment that I was still very much mad at him for having forbidden me from ever surfing again.

My pants, which I hadn’t yet fastened in place, fell to the floor. I quickly bent down and yanked them back up. Grandfather didn’t seem to react at all, to my bumbling.

Ignoring my comment about his apparel he said, “I came to see if you had seen your grandmother yet this morning. I cannot seem to find her anywhere. What-What!”

He then noticed that nearly every inch of flooring in my room was covered with dirty clothes, a spent diaper or two from the previous days I’d spent in solitude, and a few scraps of paper here and there. I had not had a chance to clean up my room since before my friends Joey and Jacquelyn had been here, which seems like a lot longer than it actually has been. All right that isn’t true, I had plenty of time to clean, I just hadn’t wanted to. I’m sure you are wondering how my room could stay so messy when we have a maid for that sort of thing. Well, it isn’t a grand story. The maid quit because she was sick of cleaning up after my friends and me all the time. Grandmother hasn’t been able to find someone else yet. Actually, I don’t think she has really tried because the rest of the house doesn’t really get messy except for the kitchen and that is Micah’s domain.

“Grandmother? Uh… dinner… last night… yeah… Uh… no I haven’t seen her or anyone yet this morning.” I replied as I fumbled with the zipper of my pants. “I mean… Just got out of bed and…”

“Shouldn’t you change out of that wet diaper before getting dressed?” he asked.

I stopped fighting with my zipper and considered at my diaper. Sure enough, I was wet, not soaked mind you, but definitely wet.

Grandfather gave my room a thoughtful scanning before asked as if he were thinking out loud, “I thought we talked about this?”

Tugging my pants back off I said to him, “Yeah, look, I’m sorry, Grandfather. I’ll clean it up later! I promise.”

Yeah, I was being a little snot to him, but hey, he had it coming for the way he’d been treating me since my father died and besides, I was in a hurry.

With one leg out of my pants and the other stuck halfway off because I hadn’t taken my shoe back off, I lost my balance and bumped into Grandfather. Despite the fact that we hadn’t really talked in days and knowing that I was still mad at him he helped me get my shoe and pants off. He then offered to help me get changed.

While he was removing my wet diaper, I detected the distinct odor of pipe tobacco and bacon on his breath as he asked, “What’s the big rush?”

Not thinking, I answered him with the truth, “I’m running late.”

“Well, I was about to change and go to the office. I could drive you to wherever it is you are going.”

Grandfather used a cold, wet baby wipe to clean me up. After all this time back in diapers, I still wasn’t used to those darned cold wipes. They always cause me to shiver and give me Goosebumps.

“You sure you don’t want to take a shower?”

“No time. Meeting a friend. I’m already late.”

He pulled a fresh disposable diaper up between my legs and taped it snuggly in place.

His mustache seemed to drop just a bit before he suggested, “You should really take time to eat something before you go. You’re a growing boy after all.”

That was when I became aware of the fact that Grandfather was being unusually nice to me. I knew that the punishment for breaking the expensive vase had been doled out and I couldn’t help, but wonder if maybe he was feeling bad for what he had said before about me having to grow up and stop chasing after empty surfing dreams. Then I remembered that it was Grandfather after all. He has moments where he is almost human, but they don’t last long. Most of the time he is just and old butthead!

“Uh, no thanks.” I said, “I…uh…I’m not hungry and I need the exercise.”

Completely out of character for him, he then started to say, “Aw, come on boy, I…”

He rolled the used diaper into a ball and had attempted to turn around to deposit it into the diaper pail, but he tripped over one of my shoes, lost his balance momentarily and only kept from falling by reaching out and catching hold of the wall. However, the place on the wall where he had caught himself happened to also be the same place I had hung up a poster only a few days before. It was a poster made up of six sheets of paper, which I had printed off using the computer in the media room. Taking a page from Peppers book, I had printed out a picture of one of my surfing idols and had taped it to my bedroom wall. Yeah, I knew when I was doing it that I’d probably get into trouble, but after the last conversation I had with Grandfather, I didn’t much care what his or anyone else’s rules were. I was done being unhappy and was going to start living my way, of course that was only hours before Jacquelyn and I broke up! But I’m over that now, kind of, and if being happy means hanging posters on my walls or running away to California to surf… well then that is what I am going to do.

When Grandfather had reached out for the wall to brace himself he had inadvertently ripped two of the pages that made up Jeremy Flores’s poster.

“Aw, Grandfather!” I grumbled, “You ruined it!”

Thinking that he was going to be mad about the poster being on the wall in the first place I braced for another verbal thrashing.

Instead, I got, “Sorry about that boy. Who is he, anyway?”

“It’s only Jeremy Flores, the 2007 ASP Rookie of the Year! He’s like the biggest, most awesomest guy ever!” I scoffed as if

Grandfather should have known it already.

“Surfer I suppose?” Grandfather asked.

“Oh boy, here it comes.” I thought.

He tried to smooth out the torn pieces. “Oh? Not bigger than Fats Domino, The Golden Voiced Crooner!” unbelievably Grandfather began to sing, “I found my thrill, on blueberry hill!!”

Seeing Grandfather acting… well acting like a goofball was disarming. I didn’t know how to take this new singing Grandfather. He’d turned a moment, so while his eyes were not on me I looked at Mom’s cell phone and saw the time.

“Aw, come on, there’s no time for this!” I moaned and slipped past him, out my bedroom door, and down the hall to Mom’s room.
I knocked softly but got no reply. Opening the door only enough to peek in, I saw she was still sleeping. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to her and with her sleeping I wouldn’t have to worry that she’d forbid me from going. Therefore, I tiptoed into the room and up to the side of her bed.

She looked so peaceful as I leaned down and whispered, “Mom, I’m going to California to compete, just like you and John wanted me to. Please don’t worry, I promise I’ll be back in about two weeks.”

By the way, in case you didn’t already know, John was my dad’s name, which is what I always used to call him back when he was still alive.

With that, I placed my lips against her cheek and kissed her ever so softly.

Whispering I said, “I love you Mom. I’m going to go win that trophy for you and John!”

I tiptoed back out of the room and once the door was closed, I took off down the stairs like a dolphin in water.

“Alvin! Wait up!” You sure you don’t want a ride?" Grandfather called from the top of the stairs.

“Did he just call me Alvin?” I thought to myself. Grandfather never and I mean never calls me by name. It is son, boy, kid, you, and just about any other nondescript title other than Alvin.

He said something else about running in the house, but I was already heading out the front door and I heard him call after me. I’m not real sure, but I believe he said, “Don’t be gone too long Alvin!”

“What the heck was that all about?” I asked myself while running from the house as fast as my shoes would move me.

After dinner the previous evening, I had packed my things into a backpack and stashed it in the bushes at the park where no one was likely to find them. Meek and I figured that with hard, constant riding, it was going to take about three, maybe even four days to get to Chula Vista. This was good because the competition doesn’t start until Saturday, which gave us a total of six days. We have to get registered at least twenty-four hours before the start of the first heat though, so that means we really only have five days to get there. If we are lucky and we make good time, then we’ll get there with plenty of time to spare.

“Were you still in bed?” Meek asked as I ran up to him and his dirt bike.

Panting and out of breath I rested my hands on my knees and tried to get my wind back.

“Dude? Where’s your stuff?” he asked.

I held up a single finger to signal that I needed a minute to recover from having run at my top speed from the house all the way to the park.

“It’s (pant) not (gasp) far.”

Once I had finally got my breath again, I checked out his dirt bike. It wasn’t as big as he had made it sound. Actually, it was on the small side, but it had a nice long seat with one of those old style sissy bars so there was little chance of me falling off the back. Over all, the bike seemed to be nice, but that sissy bar looked completely out of place.

“Pepper’s old man insisted on it when he bought the bike.” Meek confessed and I didn’t even pick up on the fact that he had said Pepper’s dad had bought the bike and not his own father.

“No, I kind of like it. By the way, where are the helmets?” I asked.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Meek said mockingly.

“Dude we’ve got to have helmets. What if we crash?”

“We’re not going to crash and besides the helmets are right there.” He pointed to the ground beside the fountain and laughed.

“You are not funny!” I said with a laugh.

I picked up the helmets while he was strapping his backpack to the back of the sissy bar. That’s when I started to wonder how I was going to wear my big stuffed backpack with that sissy bar in the way.

“Don’t worry, I’ve already figured that out.” He said.

We pushed the bike through the park to the bushes where I had stashed my stuff the night before.

“What did you tell Pepper?” I asked while pulling my pack out from behind the bushes.

“I didn’t tell him anything. He would have had a conniption fit if he knew I was going without him.”

“Wow.” I said as my pack came free of the bushes.

“I left a letter for him. Matter of fact, he’s probably reading it about now so we should get going.”

Meek strapped my pack to the sissy bar too, using his pack to help support mine.

“You best not try to pop any wheelies or we’re liable to flip right over.” I said half-joking and half-serious.

He helped me out with my helmet while reciting the following prayer…

“May it be Your will, Lord, our God and God of our ancestors, to lead us, to direct our steps, and to support us in peace. Lead us in life, tranquil and serene, until we arrive where we are going. Deliver us from every enemy, ambush and hurt that we might encounter on the way and from all afflictions that visit and trouble the world. . Bless the work of our hands. Let us receive divine grace and those loving acts of kindness and mercy in Your eyes and in the eyes of all those we encounter. Listen to the voice of our appeal, for you are a God who responds to prayerful supplication. Praised are you, Lord, who responds to prayer.”

“Did you just make that up right now?” I asked as he climbed onto the bike.

He then had me get on after he was settled while at the same time telling me, “Nah, that was a traveling prayer of the Jewish people.”

I wrapped my arms around him and with a kick, the engine came to life.

“Sure is loud!” I shouted.




After the second time I realized he was messing with me. I gave him a firm squeeze and we were off.

We didn’t get too far before we encountered our first road hazard… Larry!

“Oh crap, it’s my friend Larry!”

“ALVIN I KNEW YOU WERE LYING TO ME!” Larry screamed at the top of his lungs as he ran after us.

“Gun it man!” I told Meek.


Two minutes later we were far enough away from the park and Larry, that we both relaxed and slowed down. To get out of town we were cutting down alleys as much as possible to stay off the main roads. Within minutes, we were out of town and feeling like we were on our way.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE WE’RE ACTUALLY DOING THIS!” Meek shouted over his shoulder to me.

“FEELS GREAT DON’T IT?” I replied.


I suppose I didn’t believe Larry was really going to tell on us. Then again, I suppose he thought he was doing what he felt was the right thing to do.

We had managed to avoid traffic and the main roads by taking the alleys, but those could only keep us out of the view of the cops for so long. We had already decided when planning our trip that we weren’t going to risk getting on I-90. Instead, when we ran out of alley’s we started riding alongside the railroad tracks heading east. Yeah I know, but we had to go east about two miles before the tracks turned northwest. I don’t know how long we had been following the tracks, maybe like forty-five minutes or so, when we reached Oxford station which is where we had to abandon the tracks and start heading west on King street.

As we were nearing Oxford Station Meek shouted back, “I got a bad feeling.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

He pointed up the tracks.

About four hundred yards ahead of us, we could see a lot of red and blue lights flashing and I do mean a lot.

“Do you think they are waiting for us?” I asked.

“How the heck could they have known we went this way?” Meek shouted as he started to throttle back to slow us down and give us time to think.

An idea struck me. “Maybe they found our plans and the map we made on my grandparents computer.”

“You didn’t delete it?” Meek shouted.

“I forgot!”

With my arms wrapped tightly around him, I could feel the disappointment within him.

“Are you ready to give up and go back home?” he asked.

“No way!” I shouted.

“Alright then, hang on tight because I’m getting us to California if it kills us both.”

He brought the bike to a stop and started fishing inside his left breast pocket.

“What are you doing?”

“You’ll see.”

He pulled out a compass, which he wedged between the speedometer and the handlebars. He then gave the bike some gas and
flung the back tire around in a complete 180 before heading back the way we came.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“California dude!”

“I mean like right this very second.” I said.

“Back to that road we crossed. If they want to block our way through Oxford Station then we’ll just have to go around.”

“We better not get lost!”

He pointed to the compass, “No worries! All we have to do is keep going in a westerly kind of direction.”

“Larry must have told my grandparents and Grandfather must have called the cops.”

“Either that or Pepper found my letter.”

“You really think Pepper would call the police?”

“Well, you see. I sort of stretched the truth a bit.”

All right, that was something amazing even for Meek. Granted this whole thing started out sort of his idea, but you have to realize something. Meek is like the perfect definition of good. He’s the president of his school’s chapter of Youth-Quest, he goes to church two or more times a week, and there is a host of other goody-goody things he is involved in. If there is one thing you can be absolutely sure of when it comes to Meek, anything and everything that comes out of his mouth is 110% truthful…or so I thought.

“What do you mean you lied?” I asked as the bike again slowed so that we could turn off the tracks and back onto the paved roads.

“This isn’t actually my dirt bike.” He called back.

“But you said your dad got it for you?”

“I know but that was only part of it, really it was Pepper’s dad.”

“Oh man, you said that before and I didn’t catch it! So this is Pepper’s bike?”

“Pretty much.”

“PRETTY MUCH? Either it is or it isn’t.”

“Ah crud! Here they come!” Meek said as he opened up the throttle again.

The cops were coming our way. Granted they were still quite far, but they were close enough that we could see their lights, but we
couldn’t hear them over the roar of the dirt bike. They caught up to us pretty darn fast though.

“We’re busted man!”

“No we’re not.” Meek said.

“Dude we are so busted.”

“Stop saying that!”

“Watch out for that…” I shouted when we almost hit a big, green mailbox.

“Hang on!” he said as we took a fast turn.

“You’ve got to lean when I lean!”

“I am!”

“Hey there is a sign for Hogan Pond. Remember us talking about stopping there?” Meek asked.

“Uh, dude! We’re sort of being chased by the cops.”

“No, I mean remember how the satellite images showed those crazy snaking roads that went all the way around it.”

“Good idea!” Meek said as he took the left turn and headed in the direction the big red arrow had pointed.

As it turned out, Hogan Pond was much bigger in person than on the satellite map, but it paid off taking the detour because we lost the cops on all those crazy roads.

“I can’t believe that ‘Super Christian’ stole a motor cycle!” I said when we were making our way around Thompson Lake, which is beside Hogan Pond.

“It isn’t stealing!”

“Oh? What would you call it when someone takes something that doesn’t belong to them?”

Meek tried to turn his head to look at me and I was surprised to see that his face was bright, bright pink.

With his eyes back on the road he said, “Pepper wouldn’t call it stealing. We share everything.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” I said and then asked, “You think he’ll ever forgive you?”

“I told you he wouldn’t say I stole it.” Meek said again.

“No, I mean forgive you for not bringing him with us.”

“Oh, well I put that in my letter to him. I begged him not to be mad at me. That I had to do this for you and for me.”

“Still, he’s going to be royally…” I started to say.

Meek interrupted me by saying, “I don’t want to think about that right now.”

Neither one of us had a clue how we did it, but somehow we ended up on a road that was actually on the map we had printed. We had stopped long enough for us to check the map.

“Hey right here is State Route 11. If we go down here and then back up, we’ll be back on track. We simply took the long way around is all.” Meek pointed out.

“Yeah, but if we keep taking the long way, we’ll never get to California on time.” I said as I stuffed the map back into my shirt.

“Let’s go!” I said and we were off again.

We’d been riding something like four hours over all when Meek announced, “We are nearly out of gas.”

“But our first gas stop isn’t anywhere near here.”

“Yeah, well you can thank those cops for making us burn too much gas.”

“It’s been hours since we saw them. Wonder if they gave up?” I asked.

“More likely they put out one of those Amber Alerts like they do for kidnapped kids.”

“You really think they would do that.” I gasped.

“Dude, your grandparents, and my parents are loaded. Do you really think the cops wouldn’t do whatever they were told to do?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I surrendered and for the first time I started to think that we’d made a big mistake by taking this trip.

“I know I am right. My parents would buy the United States army and make them search for me.”

“Um, perhaps you should have mentioned that before we ended up four hours from home!” I said mockingly.

Meek laughed.

“Alright, I might be exaggerating a bit, but you get the idea.” He said.

“Hey look!” I said while pointing at a sign that said food and gas two miles ahead.

“I bet you need to get yourself changed too.” Meek suggested.

Until that instant, I hadn’t given the contents of my diaper even a single millisecond of brain time. Now that he brought it up, I realized that I couldn’t feel much below my waist.

“Actually, from the belly button down I am numb.” I commented.

“Really? Because my backside feels like I’ve been riding a motorcycle for four hours.”

We both laughed.

We filled the bike with gas and Meek had a brilliant idea. Inside they were selling those red one-gallon gas cans for $7.99. We bought one and filled it up too. You might think we were already over loaded on that bike but we managed to strap the tank to the front of the bike, where a headlight would normally be if it were a regular street legal bike.

There was one bad thing about that gas station. The bathrooms were being cleaned so I wasn’t able to go in and change out of my very wet diaper.

“We’ll find a place up the road.” Meek said as he climbed back on the bike.

While we had been there, we bought two hotdogs and a bottle of soda a piece. We had to eat the dogs and chugalug the soda before we could get back on the road.

“Where you boys headed?” this baggy skinned lady asked.

She was hanging out of the passenger side of a late model Buick. Though she wasn’t hot, she wasn’t a skank either.

Meek and I had already talked about this sort of question and were ready.

“Camping.” Meek said.

“Yeah. On my Uncle’s farm. A little ways from here.” I added, and not very convincingly, I might add.

“Well you best watch out riding a bike like that in these parts. The police around here love to harass kids for riding their off road toys on the streets.”

“That’s good to know ma’am. Sure do appreciate the warning.” Meek said almost sounding like he was some sort of southern hick.

“And what happened to you? You fall in a puddle or something?” she asked while pointing a long thin finger in my direction.

I looked down to see that the diaper Grandfather had taped me into this morning had not only sprung a leak, but also completely failed.

“Spilled some of his soda on himself.” Meek said for me.

“He did, did he? Well it looks more like that diaper you’re wearing isn’t doing the job God meant for it to do.”

I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. My entire head was burning and I had no doubt that my face was brick read.

“No need to be embarrassed. I’ve raised seven boys and two of them were in diapers until they went off to the army. The youngest still is.”

On cue this big, long haired guy, he must have been seventeen and stood at least six foot tall, came walking up to the car carrying two plastic store bags filled with stuff. My first thought at seeing him was that he looked like a walking mop.

“Did you remember to get my cigarettes?” the lady asked the fast walking mop.

“Yes Mom.”

“Everett, that boy wears diapers just like you do.”

The mop turned toward me, but it was hard to tell because the front of his hair was nearly as long as the back.

He pointed and laughed, “Hu-Hu-Hu! You’re all wet.”

I looked up at Meek for rescuing but he was looking at the mop and trying his best not to laugh. Granted, if I wasn’t so embarrassed, I might have found the guy comical as well. Like I said, he looked like a mop; however, he also seemed to have the intelligence of one also.

“Everett Nadder Junior! What have I told you about being rude?” She hissed strongly.

The skin of her face, the bit under her chin in particular, flapped and rippled as she yelled and shook her head.

“Not to be rude.” Everett mumbled.

“Now you get yourself in this car and drive Mommy home.”

She shrugged, raised her eyebrows, and said in an almost friendly voice, “You boys have fun camping and watch out for Bigfoot!”

The car sped away with odd urgency. It wasn’t until the gas station attendant came running out with a shotgun that Meek and I started to understand what had just happened.


The gun went off. A second later, we heard the tinkling of buckshot as it peppered the side of the late model Buick.

The attendant was of Asian descent and looked madder than… well he was mad. He pointed the gun at us and like some bad B-movie, we instinctively lifted our hands.

“Why you got hands up. I not goin’ shoot you. You not wob me like dem cooks! You wait wight dere. You witness. You tell police eveyting.”

With that, he ran back inside, assumedly to call the cops.

“Quick, get on.” Meek said as he kick started the bike.

I didn’t even hesitate.

We left rubber as our back tire spun on the concrete. Once it got traction, we were gone. A couple minutes later, we passed the Buick, which wasn’t going all that fast. I guess they weren’t as worried about those cops as we were.

“We should have stayed and explained that we didn’t have anything to do with the robbery.” I said.

“I bet they think we were part of it now.” Meek said while wringing his hands worriedly.

We had found a gravel road that we followed for a while until we were sure we were out in the middle of nowhere. That is when we stopped so that I could change.

I started to burry my used diaper but Meek forbid me.

“You can’t do that. It will take a thousand years for that to disintegrate in the ground like that.” He said.

“What else am I supposed to do with it out here?” I asked.

“Bring it with us of course. When we find a proper trashcan we’ll throw it away.” He said.

I shrugged and pulled my pants up over my fresh GoodNite while he took the diaper and stowed it in my backpack.

While we were stopped, we talked over some things. Mainly the fact that we needed to find a different way to California other than the route we had mapped out.

“They could be waiting for us anywhere along our planned route.” Meek proposed.

“We can follow your compass.” I then advised.

“Better than nothing.” He said with a shrug, “But we best get moving. If you are alright with it, I’d like to try to ride until it gets too dark to see or we need gas again.”

“Sounds like a plan.” I agreed.

We mounted the bike and tore up the gravel as we rolled on down the road. True to his word, we didn’t stop again for almost five hours at which time we took a ten-minute break to eat a little, pour the extra gallon of gas into the tank, and for Meek to find a tree to do number two while I changed myself yet again. Five hours in a GoodNite on the back of a motorbike? Yeah I was rather soggy."

We road for quite some time before we were forced to stop and camp out under a bridge, on some road just outside of a town the name of which neither of us knew. We hid the bike under some brush so no one would steal it while we slept.

After making camp high enough under the bridge so as not to be seen should anyone pass by, Meek, and I made a very small fire. It wasn’t really to cook anything on, but more for the light, and to make the two of us feel more at ease. I mean it was our first night;

I’m not sure about Meek, but I sure was feeling pretty unsettled.

In time we both got comfortable and a conversation begun. Actually I am not real sure how it begun, but somehow we ended up talking about the whole ‘GAY’ thing.

“So how old were you when you first had sex with another guy?” I asked.

“Well the first time I had consensual sex? Or sex of any kind?” he asked.

“There’s a difference?” I asked.

“Sure there is!” He snorted and put another small stick of wood on the fire but I think I get what you are asking me.

Though he didn’t actually say so, I got the idea by the way he was avoiding looking at me that there was something very bad locked away inside his mind. I think that for a split second there it nearly escaped however, I was quite sure that it is something that I didn’t want to know about!

“Well, don’t think of me as some inbreed bumpkin,” he began, “but it was when I was eleven going on twelve and it was with my cousin. I’d been living in the country with my Aunt and Uncle while Mom and Dad were traveling outside the country. I stayed with them for that whole summer and it was a summer I shall never forget as long as I live.”

“How come?” I asked.

“Well, the day started out just like every other day on the farm. We got up too early and while Uncle Bob and Cousin Andy milked and fed the cows, I was sent to shovel out the floor of the chicken coop again.”

“Eeeew gross!” I moaned at the idea of shoveling chicken crap.

“Actually it wasn’t all that bad. Oh sure it stunk, but it wasn’t really like shoveling. It was more like plowing. All I had to do was set the shovel on the wooden floor and walk it forward. Every so often, it would get stuck on a nail head or something, but honest, it was super easy work. It just took a while as the coop was so big.”

“Still sounds like a crappy job.” I joked.

Meek hit my leg with a small twig, which snapped when it struck my leg.

“After all the normal morning stuff was done Uncle Bob was telling Aunt Janet that he was going to take us boys into town for a bit. The sun was barely even up at this point but after a couple weeks being on the farm, I’d since adjusted to their early mornings and early nights.”

“Why’d he take you guys to town?” I asked Meek.

“Oh, well he needed to stop in the church to light a candle and then we had to get a part for the milking machine.”

“Oh.” I grunted and he continued.

“Normally, after we were done with morning chores, everyone bathed before having breakfast, however on that particular morning all three of us were handed a breakfast sandwich consisting of a fried egg and a couple slices of bacon in between two halves of one of Aunt Janet’s door stop biscuits. The sandwiches were wrapped in a paper napkin so our dirty hands wouldn’t foul up our ‘TO GO’ breakfast.”

“Door stop biscuits?” I asked.

He chuckled, “Well they were dry as could be and heavy too. It took lots of milk or gravy to get one of them down, because they sucked the saliva right out of your mouth.”

“Sounds tasty!” I joked again.

“Well they tasted fine, just dry, and heavy.” He added and then continued with his little story.

“‘You two smell like you have been wrestling in the pasture again.’ Uncle Bob had said while thrusting a paper coffee cup in my left hand.”

“Coffee?” I squeaked.

Meek chuckled a bit. “Oh yeah, they let me drink coffee! Uncle Bob said if I was doing man’s work, then I was man enough to drink coffee like him and Andy!”

“Bet your parents wouldn’t have liked that.” I commented.

“Actually dad didn’t care, but mom had a fit when she came to get me at the end of summer and saw me drinking coffee.”

“Bet that got nasty.” I observed.

Meek shook his head, “No, because Uncle Bob doesn’t take any of Mom’s crap. Never has and never will. Soon as mom started to make a fuss, Uncle Bob told her to shut up. When she didn’t he opened the back door, shoved her out and closed it. He then shouted through the door, ‘When you stop being a bitch I’ll let you back in.’”

“Are you serious?!” I exclaimed loudly.

Meek laughed as he crossed his heart and held up his right hand, “Right hand to God!”

Laughing along with him I said, “I need your Uncle to teach my mom how to do that with my grandfather!”

“Yeah, no kidding! You should try that yourself with your granddad.” He joked.

“To be honest, I sort of have grown used to having my head attached to my body. So I think I won’t risk it.”
Meek got a kick out of that, “Don’t blame you there. I wouldn’t have the guts either. Well, anyway, like I was saying, Andy and I stunk and due to our odiferous emanations, we were made to ride in the bed of the truck.”

“Odiferous emanations! That’s a good one!” I laughed.

As if I hadn’t said anything he went on, “To be honest, riding in the back of the pickup was normally a great way to ride in the truck. A couple of times I got to ride back there on top of a several bales of hay, but that was later in the afternoon. However, at six in the morning it wasn’t as nice. It was still very early summer and we were up in northern Minnesota, so the mornings were quite chilly when traveling at fifty miles an hour down old, winding, bouncy dirt roads. We both had on sweatshirts and blue jeans, but they did little to keep out the bite of the wind.”

“By the time Uncle Bob had the truck moving I’d chugged all my coffee.” He stated.

“Wasn’t it hot?” I asked.

He chuckled, “Nah, because after my first attempt at drinking hot coffee at their house, Aunt Janet had begun putting ice cubes in mine to cool it down for me.”

“Why’d she do that?” I asked.

Again, he chuckled, “I saw how Uncle Bob drank his like he was chugging a beer so I tried it too. Burned the crap out of my whole mouth and ended up spiting it out all over Uncle Bob, the floor, and the table.”

I laughed along with him and could just see all that happening.

“Okay so you chugged your lukewarm water and then what?” I asked.

“NOT WATER! COFFEE!” He said as though I’d just insulted his mother.

“Sheesh! Water, coffee, what’s it matter.” I said while holding up my hands as if he had a gun pointed at me.

In the same tone he said, “IT MATTERS!”

“Alright then… You don’t have to bite my head off! You chugged your COFFEE and then what?”

“Oh well, I popped the last bite of my biscuit sandwich into my mouth and settled down in the truck with my back to the cab of the truck.”

Trying to make a joke I said, “That’s what I call fast food.”

However, Meek didn’t laugh. Instead, he said, “Not really. Andy had both of his consumed before we even got off the front porch and he doesn’t have ice put in his coffee like I did.”

“So how old is… I mean was Andy back then?”

“Nearly sixteen and he was better and faster at everything than I was.”

“Yeah, well duh!” I mocked, “That’s no surprise seeing how you were four years younger than him!”

“That’s true.” He agreed.

“So did the two of you get cold riding in the bed of the truck?” I asked.

“Uh, YEAH!” he said with a snort.

“Oh Alvin I’ve never been so cold in my life and you know what I’m saying seeing how we live in Maine.”

“Whoa!” I gasped sympathetically.

“We got cold enough that we decided to cover ourselves with an old, stiff, canvas tarp to try to stay warm. It smelled like gasoline and mildew and wasn’t big enough to go around us both, so Andy had me sit on his lap so we could both be covered by it.”

“He had asked me how I felt after we were covered by the heavy canvas and I told him I felt better even though I was still pretty cold. I didn’t have to tell him I was cold because he could tell by my chattering teeth.”

I interrupted Meek to ask, “Bet you wish you had saved that coffee until then huh?”

“Nah, we were bouncing around so much I would have ended up wearing it instead of drinking it.” Meek said with a chuckle.

“That would have still warmed you up.” I joked, “For a minute… then you probably would have turned into a Meek Popsicle.”

He began to laugh, and I knew it wasn’t because of my lame joke.

“Pepper calls me ‘HIS’ Meek Popsicle; but for totally different reasons.” Meek told me.

I started to laugh until it struck me what he meant.

“Um… Eew!! I didn’t need that picture in my head!” I joked again.

“Yeah well you are the one that called me a Meek Popsicle!” he said as he put another small bit of wood on our mini-fire.

“Andy then told me he had an idea and suddenly I could feel him wiggling beneath me. Between him wiggling and the truck bouncing, it was all I could do to stay on his lap. And just as he was settling down again I felt him lifting up the back of my sweatshirt.”

“Really?” I said with surprise and actually shivered at the idea of Meek having to go shirtless in the back of that truck.

“As you can guess, I was a bit alarmed and asked what he was doing.” Meek told me. “His reply was that I needed to relax and that if our bodies were touching we could share our heat better.”

“I’ve heard that before on the Discovery Channel.” I told Meek.

Meek nodded in agreement with me, “Me too, but back then I hadn’t. Actually back at that age I hardly watched TV unless it was the Powerpuff Girls.”

“You say that like you are soooo much older now.” I teased Meek.

“You know what I mean!” he said while pushing me over.

As he was pushing me, I realized that he’d just told me that he was a Powerpuff Girls fan.

I caught myself before I could fall all the way over and laughed because in his effort to topple me, he’d toppled himself.

Meek was laughing too, while trying to right himself but fell backward.

“Servers you right!” I laughed as he fell back from laughing so hard.

“I was wondering if you heard that part.” He said in a loud squealing laughter.

The two of us laughed for a long time. As soon as one of us would start to calm down, we’d make eye contact, and then we’d lose it all over again.

After like five or six minutes of this, Meek was able to get himself sitting upright and though still chuckling some he managed to speak, “That wasn’t that funny!”

I was laying on my left side still laughing a little, but when he said that, I busted up again. “Please stop! Please Stop! My sides hurt so much! Please stop!”

“Why was that so funny?” He asked through his laughter.

I rolled up on one elbow and said, “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

And then seeing that our fire was nearly going out I pushed myself all the way up and stated with chuckles between each word, “Crap [CHUCKLE] our [CHUCKLE] fire [CHUCKLE] is going [CHUCKLE] out.”

Meek and I both started adding twigs and small bits of wood to the fire and blew on it to keep it going.

“Whew, that was close.” Meek stated.

“Yeah wish we could build it up but I don’t want any passerby to see us up here and call the cops.”

“Yeah, they are too nosey.” Meek agreed and then as though we hadn’t been laughing ourselves sick he continued with his story without any prompting from me.

“So anyway. Andy lifted up the back of my sweatshirt and then pulled me backward so that my back was against his stomach and chest.”

“Did it work? Were you warmer?” I asked as I continued to feed the fire small twigs.

Meek again nodded, “I instantly felt the warmth of his skin, which caused me to relax some.”

Between our fit of laughter, nearly having our fire go out, and being completely enthralled in Meek’s story, to be honest I had forgot that he was supposedly telling me about the first time he had sex. Soon Meek got to that part and boy-oh-boy it was seriously intense. I’d be lying if I said that listening to him give me such details didn’t give me some feelings… I mean… well you know what I mean.

Meek continued with, “Uncle Bob hit a rather big bump which caused Andy and me to bounce real high. I had a fraction of a second where I honestly thought I was going to fly out of the bed of the truck.”

I gasped and placed my hands over my mouth in alarm.

“Didn’t your Uncle realize?” I asked.

Meek shook his head, “No because the back window of his truck wasn’t a window anymore. Long ago it had been busted out and Uncle Bob replaced it with wood.”

My voice went high, “A wood window?!”

Meek chuckled, “It wasn’t even painted. Just nailed to the truck and left to weather to the point that the wood eventually looked as old as the truck itself.”

“So did you both stay in?” I asked Meek.

“Oh yeah,” Meek said, “but I did get hurt and when Andy saw that I was hurt he asked if I was okay.”

“I hadn’t answered because I was too busy holding my knee and trying to breathe through the pain.”

“What’d you hurt?” I asked.

Meek then told me, “When I had fallen back into the bed of the truck, I’d somehow flipped completely over while in the air so that I came down knees first.”

I sucked in air through puckered lips, pulled my knees in close to my chest, and wrapped my arms around my shins as I told Meek, “Oh, now that had to hurt!”

“Know how the metal of pickup trucks is sort of wavy on the bottom of the bed?” Meek asked me.

I nodded, “Corrigated.”

“Yeah, like that.” Meek agreed, “Well my knee cap hit right on the edge of one of those.”

“Ooooooooooooooooo!” I moaned sympathetically.

“Andy asked if I was bleeding and even though I had on long pants, I could still tell it wasn’t. It just hurt like mad.”

“I would have been crying like a baby!” I confessed to Meek.

Meek then confessed that he had teared up a little, but hadn’t been crying out right.

"When Andy asked if I was bleeding I was only able to shake my head from side to side; it hurt too much to talk. He then told me to come to him so we could get covered up again. I, of course, obeyed and once more, he lifted his and my sweatshirts so that we were skin to skin. However, that wasn’t all.

“Oh?” I asked Meek.

“Andy spoke right into my ear and said, ‘Slide your pants down some so we can get more of our bodies touching.’ I was too cold and my knee hurting too much to think anything of this other than the fact that Andy was trying to help me stay warm. Back then, I was an extremely skinny boy, skinnier than you are now and I didn’t have any of the definition that you have; so I didn’t have to unbuckle my belt or unfasten my blue jeans to get them down. I simply hooked my thumbs into each of my back pockets and slipped my pants about halfway down my backside and my underwear went down at the same time.”

“Whoa!” I exclaimed and Meek agreed with a single nod as he continued.

“Apparently Andy wanted us to have more contact than that because he pushed them even farther down so that my entire backside was exposed while my front wasn’t.”

I didn’t say anything to that so Meek continued by saying, “Since we were covered with the tarp, I couldn’t see what he was doing but soon felt that he’d pulled his pants down to. Therefore, when I slid back against him my bottom was on his bare lap, my back against his bare stomach and chest. Again he wrapped his arms around me and commenced to rub my front with strong circular motions.”

“He asked me if I was ‘Warming up?’ and I think I nodded my head but to be honest I am not sure. You see, something was happening, which caused my head to fill with fog and my temples to pound like big base drums. There was also something strange going on inside my pants; a tingling like I’d never felt before.”

I don’t think I talked for a while as I listened intently to what Meek was telling me. I’ll also add that it was about this time I too began to feel a strange ‘going on’ inside my own pants. Thankfully, I was still sitting with my legs pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped tightly around them. Therefore, there was no way Meek could see or tell that his story was having an effect on me.

“As the Uncle Bob’s truck bounced about, Andy’s arms held me tightly to him while his hands rubbed my front in ever increasing circles. Soon he had moved his hands under my sweatshirt so that his hands were in direct contact with my stomach and chest.”
Meek paused long enough to put another short piece of a branch on the fire and then continued, “I noticed I was breathing heavily, and almost immediately noticed Andy too was breathing just as heavily. His hot breath was warming my right ear and cheek nicely too.”

“Uncle Bob suddenly turned Right and the two of us slid as one across the bed of the truck to the driver’s side, hitting the side of the bed hard enough that we both moaned from the pain.”

I made a pained expression to Meek but didn’t speak as I didn’t want to interrupt his story again.

“When Andy repositioned me on his lap I became overwhelmingly aware of a very warm feeling right in the crack of my backside. It felt like… well to be honest Alvin, I didn’t then nor do I now know how best to describe it.”

I nodded understandingly to Meek.

“It was of course Andy’s very erect penis which was lying flat between my cheeks.” Meek said and I bobbled my head to and fro as if to say, “Yeah well of course it was Andy’s penis.”

“When Andy asked, ‘You okay little man?’ I wasn’t sure if he was asking because of the slide and impact with the side of the truck bed, or because at feeling his penis lodged in my crack, I’d stopped breathing. He’d asked me in such a soft sort of way that his words were almost lost within the sound of the wind rushing by and the gravel pummeling the underside of the wheel wells. If his mouth hadn’t been right next to my right ear, I wouldn’t have heard him at all.”

“I think I nodded, maybe I even answered him, I simply cannot recall if I did either. Back then I was completely innocent and inexperienced when it came to the feelings Andy was awakening in me.”

“His hands continued to massage and explore the front of my body. I don’t remember doing so, but at some point, my head dropped backward and rested against his left shoulder. When that happened Andy must have taken it as my willingness for him to take whatever it was he was doing, to the next level. He slid both of his hands down my torso, over my belly button and hooked both thumbs under the front of my pants. In once quick motion he pulled them down and freed my short, thin, bald, but very hard penis.”

“Even though we were covered by the canvas tarp, it didn’t really keep us too warm; it mostly just shielded our bodies from most of the biting wind.”

“‘Rise up for a second.’ Andy whispered and I obeyed without hesitation.”

“He then pushed my pants all the way down to my knees, and then leaned back while placing a hand to my chest to draw me back with him. His left hand was kneading my left thigh and moving inward as his right hand slowly rubbing in small circles went lower and lower and lower until…”

Meek paused and poked the fire with a crooked stick.

“UNTIL WHAT?” I exclaimed with effervescent gusto!
Meek exhaled amusedly as he said, “I gasped when Andy’s hand momentarily brushed past my blood engorged penis head.”

“Andy sensed my gasp and said into my ear, ‘It’s alright little man.’”

“His right hand continued down to my right inner thigh, his left hand lifted up and came to rest directly overtop my little rod and jellybean sized balls.”

“His hands were cooler than my privates and made me gasp again as he fondled my small balls which were encased in a tightly, shrunken sack due to how cold I was. With just his index finger and thumb, he took hold of my tiny penis at the base and slid them up to the head. Man that tickled and felt amazing all at the same time. He did that for a minute or two and to be honest, I sort of left this planet for a while. I was lost in the most amazing feelings.”

“Right then Uncle Bob hit a particularly large pot hole, which lifted me off Andy’s lap and when I came down, his hard penis took the brutal assault.”

“OOOOH!” I cried out at Meek’s description and squirmed a bit with sympathetic groin pain.

“Yeah tell me about it!” Meek said, “Andy cried out too and said, ‘Ah shit that hurt!’”

“The pothole had not just caused me to crash back onto Andy, but also caused my mind to crash back to planet earth.” Meek told me.

“Was he alright?” I asked Meek.

“That’s what I asked Andy. I mean if he was alright.” Meek said.

“What’d he say? Did you break his penis forever?” I asked.

Meek thought that was funny and laughed as he told me that Andy had whimpered, “Just give me a second.”

“I was still sitting on him and he was holding me tighter than ever. It was then that I had an idea… I had a completely foreign, completely brand new idea.” Meek said.

“What was that?” I asked.

“Well, without asking if it was alright to do so, I slid myself off his lap, and down beside him while making sure the two of us stayed covered. I then reached out and wrapped my left hand around the shaft of his penis.”

“Really?” I said with surprise.

Meek nodded as he told me, “The pain my butt had inflicted on Andy, by slamming against his dick, and balls had caused it to lose some of its fire and size. However, upon my touch the dang thing doubled in size in like a single second. I honestly felt it re-engorge and fill my hand so that even with two hands I couldn’t have got my fingers all the way around it. And I did try; using both hands I gripped it and began to stroke it much like he’d been doing with just two fingers.”

“Wow!” I gasped at the mental picture Meek drew for me.

“I looked up into Andy’s face to be sure I was doing it right and that he wasn’t upset with me. His eyes were looking down at me wide with surprise.”

“I bet!” I exclaimed which made Meek chuckle again.

“I asked Andy if it felt better to which he simply nodded.”

“I then asked, ‘Does it still hurt?’”

“Andy told me that it only hurt ‘A little.’”

“We were still looking at one another so I saw when the look of surprise left his eyes and instead something new filled them. At the time I hadn’t recognized the fire of lust.”

“‘Maybe if you kissed it, it would make it better.’ Andy suggested.”

“No way!” I gasped.

Meek grinned, “Yes way!”

Of course, I had to ask the next question, “So did you kiss it?”

Meek shook his head and said, “I wrinkled my nose at the idea, but Andy’s left hand, which had been resting between my shoulder blades moved up to the back of my head and with only a little pressure managed to persuade me. I leaned over and ducked beneath the canvas tarp. His hand stayed on the back of my head, directing me downward, toward his penis, which I could not see as it was completely dark under the heavy, thick tarp. Having my hands still wrapped around the shaft, I knew where to go even without his help in guiding my head. However, I think his guidance was also, what got me to actually do it. Without his hand on the back of my head, I probably would never have had the courage to actually kiss it.”

“So you did kiss it then?” I asked.

“I puckered my lips and kissed what I discovered was the very tip, right where his pee slit was and something wet and gooey stuck to my lips.”

“Eeeew!” I groaned.

Meek smiled at me but continued, “Andy spoke loud enough for me to hear him under that heavy tarp. He said, ‘That’s it. Do it again, but this time open your mouth.’”

“And did you?” I asked.

“Well, I didn’t want to. I wanted to wipe my mouth off but then he pushed my head down with more applied pressure and I was forced to open my mouth as his enormous gland stabbed at my lips. I cannot recall actually deciding to open my mouth; I simply remember that I did it.”

“As soon as I did Andy cried out, ‘Ouch! Don’t let your teeth touch!’ and then he thumped the back of my head which actually caused me to take even more of his monster into my mouth.”

“What was it like?” I asked and as soon as I asked it, I couldn’t believe that I’d actually said the words, let alone thought them.

Meek didn’t seem the least bit moved by my question. He simply answered it just like all my other questions. “Having to stretch my mouth that wide was painful, while at the same time oddly thrilling.”

“Just as I was getting used to having something too big in my mouth, he grabbed two fists of my hair, one from behind and one on the top of my head and began guiding my head up and down.”

“‘Close your lips around it, but keep your teeth away.’ He ordered and I obeyed.”

“‘That’s it!’ he moaned.”

“He was being careful not to shove the monstrous thing in so far that I choked, but a few times the truck hit a bump that would make the head of his dick go all the way back and down my throat. However, only for a moment then Andy would just as quickly pull me back off. After a few minutes of this, I started to figure out that I wasn’t going to gag or suffocate and I started to take more and more of him into my mouth. I never got so much of him in that my nose was buried in his pubic hair, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. Later that night I learned that the reason why was because he was so enormously endowed. Actually, to this day, I have never been with another guy that was as blessed with hugeness like my cousin Andy.”

“How many guys have you been with?” I asked to which Meek gave me a flat expression back.

“Um, forget I asked that.” I blushed.

As though I hadn’t interrupted him, Meek went on with, “Andy did not ejaculate then, however he later confessed that he was close. The reason he didn’t was that we were nearing our destination. Thankfully he had opened his eyes soon enough to realize this.”

“I had attempted on my own, to swallow as much of him as I could, however just as I dove down on him, he yanked rather hard on my hair and pulled my head all the way out from under the tarp.”

“With an ear-to-ear smile he said, ‘You’re a natural, but we’re almost there. Best get your pants pulled up. Don’t want dad to catch us.’”

“I smiled at his compliment, but my head was spinning. I was suddenly filled with overpowering guilt for what I had done while at the same time not wanting it to end.”

“As I struggled to get my pants pulled up, my erection was painfully forced to lie against my abdomen; however I did manage to get them in place just as the truck was slowing down.”

“‘Hi Andy!’ A young, longhaired blonde shouted and waved as we went through an intersection. She had been walking a dog that resembled an oversized mop more than it did a dog.”

“Andy bellowed back without waving, ‘Hiya Melody!’”

“He then leaned down toward me and asked, ‘You all sorted?’ and I nodded vigorously.”

“And then coldly he said to me, ‘Good! Me too. Now remember, not a word of this to anyone! Especially Dad and Mom or they’ll kill us both and bury our bodies behind the barn with my older brother!’”

“‘Kill us? Older brother?’ I thought… actually I screamed it inside my head as the truck pulled to a stop at a stop sign.”

“Your Uncle wouldn’t really kill you would he?” I asked Meek.

Meek answered with, “Alvin, my Aunt Janet, and Uncle Bob are like Super Catholics!”

“Whoa!” I gasped.

“From the cab Uncle Bob called out the window, ‘You boys about froze back there?’”

“Andy shouted back, ‘Nah, It’s like a day at the beach!’”

“Uncle Bob then told us that he was going to make a stop at the church but that he wouldn’t be but a minute or two.”

“All through this exchange I was thinking about what Andy had said about them killing us and burying us behind the barn with his older brother. I had also remembered that Uncle Bob had that big shotgun hung above the fireplace. I was wondering if he’d used that on Andy’s older brother. I honestly didn’t remember Mom and Dad ever telling me about another cousin either. I was wondering if maybe Uncle Bob and Aunt Janet had caught him doing what Andy and I done. And I kept going back to when I first arrived and how Uncle Bob has so sternly warned me to never go behind the barn.”

“The truck then stopped, Uncle Bob got out, slapped the side bedrail, and said, ‘Only be a minute boys. You two just sit tight.’”

“He then locked eyes with me and asked, ‘You doing alright there Kido?’”

“I think I grunted something unintelligible back to him.”


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

“He then said to me, ‘You look as though you’ve seen a ghost or something. My driving frightens you that much?’”

“I must have nodded or acknowledged him somehow because he smiled and said, ‘Probably didn’t need to be in such an all-fired hurry. You’re daddy always said I had a lead foot.’”

“He slapped the bed rail again and then said, ‘Be right back.’ And then walked away in a very cowboy-walk sort of way.”

“I was about to ask Andy what he’d meant earlier but I didn’t get a chance because some guy I didn’t know came up and started talking with Andy about football. And before I knew it Uncle Bob returned and said something to the guy who gave my Uncle the finger and then we were off again.”

“He flipped our Uncle off and your Uncle didn’t do something or say something?” I asked.

Meek laughed, “It wasn’t meant as something mean. It was just a joke between them or something like that.”

“Oh okay. I get it then.” I told Meek.

“I didn’t get to ask Andy about what he had said because I never got a chance. By the time we were done with everything, Uncle Bob wanted to do in town it was nearly eight in the morning and people seemed to be coming alive and out in droves. And we’d ended up picking up some stuff Uncle Bob hadn’t expected which filled up the bed of the truck, so Andy and I had to ride up front despite the fact that Uncle Bob thought we smelled worse than before we left the farm.”

“Probably because of that nasty smelling canvas tarp.” I observed.

“Exactly!” Meek agreed.

“For the rest of the day I was never alone with Andy at all, that is until it was time to go to bed. Up until that night, once we were sent up to his room to sleep we’d never said so much as a single word to each other. Well, except for the first night when he whispered to me that, his parents could hear even a whisper from his room and that I needed to be as quiet as a mouse. I’d been sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor of his room for those first couple weeks but as of that very night, I didn’t sleep on the floor again for the remainder of my stay. Instead, I slept in Andy’s bed with him, without either of us ever saying a single word to one another at night.”

“So you just got in his bed?” I asked.

“That first night, I mean the first night after what had happened in the truck, Andy and I had taken separate showers, him first and me after and when I came into his room he was already in bed. I’d had all day long to think on what we’d done, and what he’d said to me. I’d thought about it all so much that I was scared to death and sick to my stomach. He must have seen it in my eyes or on my face, because when I walked into his room wearing my white and yellow pajamas he simply smiled, held open the covers of his bed and beckoned me with his other hand to climb in with him.”

“I didn’t hesitate and leapt under the covers. He then wrapped his arms around me, rolled me up and over him so that I was between him and the wall and snuggled in closely; so closely that I could feel his erection pressing against my bottom through my pajamas. And that is how we went to sleep that first night… but it wasn’t the end of our night by any means.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

Meek smiled wickedly at me and said, “Use your imagination!”

“I don’t want to. I want you to tell me!” I whined.

“Maybe another time. I’m tired and we need to get some sleep. We’ve got a long way to go again tomorrow.” Meek said.

I groaned, “Oh you are nothing but a big tease!”

Meek put another small limb on the fire and then lowered his head to the ground.

“You’re really not going to tell me right now?” I begged.

“Goodnight Alvin!” Meek said.

“Alright! But you’re telling me the rest tomorrow!” I threatened.

“We’ll see.” He said softly and could tell by the way his last words came out, he’d succumb to sleep.


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 7

I was the first to wake the following morning and when I saw that the sun was just about to make its morning appearance I shook Meek awake so he wouldn’t miss it. It is impossible for me to describe how beautiful it was to see the first rays of the sun over the horizon.

While I got changed, Meek packed up our things and even spent a couple minutes reading out of a small pocket sized Bible before we got on our way again.


“What?” I called from behind him.

“I was just thinking how alone we are out here and … well, listen to this…” he began to read a passage from his Bible.

“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.”

“Huh!” I grunted thoughtfully as I slipped off my wet GoodNite.

“Sounds like no matter where we go; God’s going to be there before us?” He said with gleefulness in his voice.

Trying to be funny I said, “If it had said dirt bike instead of wings, I would have thought it was wrote about the two of us.”

“I don’t think they had dirt bikes back in the bible times.” Meek said with a chuckle.

“Too bad.” I said, “Would have cut down on all that donkey riding.”

There was a minute pause before Meek asked, “Did you know Jesus owned a car?”

“What?!” I exclaimed.

“Yep! He owned a Honda.”

I couldn’t help but to laugh, “No he didn’t!”

“Sure he did! It says right here in the Bible that Jesus and his Apostles were all in one Accord.”

I groaned, “Meek that was bad!”

He laughed.

“Did you know that they had Baseball back in the bible days?”

“No way!” I said even though I was expecting the joke this time.

“Yes way, the very first baseball game is recorded in the scriptures.” He said seriously.

“Where?” I asked which only set me up for his little joke.

“It is right there in the very first verse of Genesis… ‘In the Big Inning’ … and then in Genesis chapter three and verse six it tells us that Eve stole first and Adam stole second.”

I groaned loudly.

“Wait I am not done!” he laughed, “So in Exodus chapter four and verse four he says… and I quote, ‘And he put out his hand and caught it.’”

“Won’t you go to hell if you use bible parts to mean stuff they don’t really mean?” I said but it was barely intelligible as I was laughing so hard.

“Yeah but it also says in the book of Numbers that there were Ten home runs.”

“No it doesn’t!” I said even though I didn’t know if it did or didn’t.

“Yep, in chapter 11, verse 32 it says ‘Ten homers!’ And Proverbs eighteen and ten says ‘The righteous run into it and are safe.’”

I fell over from laughing and got my naked backside all dirty.

“STOOOOOP!” I cried with laughter.

“And then in Ezekiel thirty-six and chapter 12, ‘Yea, I will cause men to walk.’”

After that, we both were laughing too hard to talk for a spell.

I got to my feet and was brushing my backside off when he began to machine gun me with bad Bible jokes.

“Why wouldn’t anyone play poker on the Ark?” Meek asked.

“I dunno!” I laughed.

“Because the animals were on the deck.”

“Meeeeeek!” I groaned and hooted at the same time.

Before I could stop laughing, he hit me with another one, “Where was King Solomon’s temple located?”

“I’m afraid to ask.” I whimpered.

Laughing he said, “On the side of his head.”

“Aaaaahhhh!” I cried from the pain of such a corny joke.

“Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?”

Before I could respond he hit me with the punch line, “To get to the other side – weren’t you tired of all those ‘Why’d the chicken cross the road’ jokes?”

“Stop!” I Begged.

Laughingly he relented with, “Sorry, but I got a million of them just as bad as those!”

Once everything was back on the bike (us included) we road into the next town, found a gas station that was open and filled up both the bike and our extra gas can. We were even able to get into their bathroom and wash up a bit. It felt so good to feel that warm water on my face because it sure got cold the previous night.

In the bathroom, Meek said he wanted to ask the gas station guy what town this was, but he didn’t want the guy thinking we were runaways or something.

“We are headed in the right direction according to the compass so it don’t much matter what town we are in now does it?” I asked while using the toilet as a chair.

“I guess not.” Meek agreed, “I’ll wait for you by the bike.”

“Alright, I’ll be out in a minute.” I said while standing up and unzipping my shorts.

It was actually more like five minutes and it wasn’t me that came out, but Meek who came back in.

“Alvin the bike is gone!” he shouted in panic.

“WHAT?” I shouted back.

I had been washing my hands and turned around when he ran in shouting.

“The bike, our stuff, everything is gone!” Meek was nearly in tears.

We both ran out of the bathroom and listened but we didn’t hear any sign of the bike’s loud engine.

“Someone must have pushed it away.” I suggested.

“You boys lose something?” The gas station guy asked.

“Someone stole our dirt bike.” Meek said.

“Saw a couple men putting it in a pickup right after you went in the restroom.” The guy said right before he spat tobacco on the ground.

“You didn’t stop them?” I asked.

“Weren’t none of my business.” He said, “Besides, they said you stole it from 'em.”

“NO WE DIDN’T?” Meek shouted.

“Now just you two take it easy. I done called the sheriff and he’ll be along any minute.” He said.

Meek and I looked at each other. I am sure he could see the same fear in my eyes as I could see in his. I suppose, had we time to think, we would have run off and found another way to finish our trip, but as it was, a brown car with a single red light on top skidded to a stop only feet from us.

It didn’t take long for the lady sheriff to figure out that we were not from her town. She put us both into the back of her car, which wasn’t a police car, but just a regular car with a police radio and a light on top. We were taken into the middle of town to a building that had a sign on the top like a store sign. It read SHERIFF’S OFFICE spelled out in big black letters.

We were led into the Sheriff’s office and told to sit down on a long wooden bench. She asked if we had any identification and that is when Meek told her that someone stole our motorcycle and everything we had, including all of our money and any identification we may have had. Until right then I hadn’t realized that we’d also lost the money.

There was a call on the desktop radio that was sitting on a large metal desk behind the sheriff. She turned around so that her back was to us. That gave the two of us a chance to take in our surroundings.

Meek nudged me, “Look over there.”

I looked and saw an enlarged map of the town and above it read, ‘Mineral Springs, Pennsylvania’.

“Dude we’re in Pennsylvania! That’s like a quarter of the way there.” Meek said.

“Yeah, well now we’ll get shipped back home and probably thrown in jail.” I sulked.

Before I knew it, I was being pulled by the arm toward the open door. We were running down the street before my brain even realized what we had just done.

“THIS IS A BAD IDEA!” I shouted behind Meek.


We quickly ran between two buildings and started down an alley hoping that once the sheriff realized we had escaped she wouldn’t know where to look for us.

“But we got no food, no money, and no dirt bike!” I said while trying to keep up with Meek whose legs were longer than mine were.

“Over there, come on!” he pointed.

I followed him toward a train, which was moving incredibly slow.

“You’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking?” I asked.

He was and we did exactly what I thought he was thinking. We caught up to and jumped into an open boxcar.

“This is so not right!” I said, “This is the sort of stuff that happens in the movies!”

“Hey, we’re on the train aren’t we?” Meek laughed and popped me in the hip jovially.

“Yeah but how do we know where we’re going now?” I asked while playfully swatting his hand away.

Meek smiled and pulled from his pants pocket…
“THE COMPASS!” I shouted, “How’d you get that?”

“I was messing with it when I was filling up the bike and instead of putting it back on the bike, I stuffed in my pants pocket.”

He moved into the light and studied the compass.

“You’re not going to believe this.” He said.

“Now what?” I groaned.

“We’re heading in the right direction.”

“West?” I exclaimed, “How did we luck out and get on the right train?”

“We better keep a close watch on the compass just in case the train doesn’t continue going west.” Meek strongly suggested.

Slowly but surely the train picked up speed until we were going so fast that we couldn’t stand next to the open boxcar door because the wind was so strong we were scared of getting blown right off the train. We had plenty of time to just sit back and regroup. We figured out that we were not entirely penniless. I still had my money, which I had kept in my back pants pocket and we had the compass. We did spend a few minutes talking about calling home once the train stopped, but then we decided that we’d made it this far, we might as well keep going.
I was the one that had decided that by saying, “We might regret for the rest of our lives that we never tried 100% to get there.”

We had time on the train to relax, think, and do some talking. Meek started out with, “You know, we always seem to talk about surfing, or stuff related to that. I don’t really know a whole lot about you apart from surfing.”

I smiled amusedly, “Take away surfing and there’s not much to me. I’m a pretty boring guy otherwise.”

“Yeah right!” Meek scoffed, “Now really, tell me something else about your life in California before you moved away. Something that has nothing to do with surfing!”

I screwed up my face as though trying to think that hard caused me pain. I then asked, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” Meek said, “Tell me about your old neighborhood, or your friends, or how about your school.”

Scratching my head as though it would activate my brain, I grunted, “Like what?”

“Anything! Tell me something that happened that wasn’t…” he made quote signs in the air with his fingers, “…normal.”

I had to think for a moment or two before something came to mind.

“I’m not sure if this is what you mean, but there was this one time when I was in fifth grade and I had to go to the bathroom right in the middle of class. I’d been out of school the previous two days with a belly bug, which had been going around the whole school for a couple weeks. So when I raised my hand and asked to go, the principle, who was subbing our class because our teacher had the bug, too; didn’t hesitate to give me a bathroom pass.”

Meek rolled his eyes.

“What?” I asked threateningly.

“Is this going to be a story about you pooping your pants?” he asked with a groan.

“No and shut up!” I laughed.

“Anyway, I didn’t actually run, but I was moving fast to get to the bathroom as I did not want to have an accident there in the hallway. Thankfully I made it to the bathroom without incident, however when I began to push open the door I heard something that caused me to pause for a moment. I could hear voices inside and giggles that sounded like a girl.”

“A girl in the boys’ room?” Meek said while rubbing his hands together excitedly.

“Now, now! Don’t get ahead of me here!” I teased.

“So anyway, I actually took half a step back so I could double check that I was entering the ‘BOYS’ bathroom and not the girls by mistake.”
Meek laughed again at that idea.

“Sure enough, I had the right door so I went ahead and pushed it all the way open.” I paused to explain something to Meek, “The way the bathrooms were in my old school, you had to open the door, turn to the right, right-away, then turn left and left again, to actually enter the bathroom. I guess it was built like that so that no one could see into the bathroom when the door was open.”

“Wow, in my old elementary school when the bathroom doors opened, if you were in the hallway you could see all the way to the back of the bathroom and even see a couple of the urinals.” Meek stated.

“Yeah, that would suck.” I commented.

“I guess back then we were too young to know that we needed to be embarrassed.”

“You make it sound like it was decades ago for you.” I laughed.

Meek laughed too, “Feels that way some times.”

“Well I can tell you that even back in 5th grade I knew to be embarrassed about those sorts of things. It didn’t bother me as much as others. I knew some that simply hated going to the bathroom at school.”

Meek nodded, “Yeah some kids are weird like that.”

“So anyway, I made sure not to let the door close too loud; so as to give me away. I then crept around the first, second, and third corner but stopped before I got past the block wall. Then, peeking past the edge I saw two sixth graders who I’d seen in the school before, but didn’t really know them personally. Well I had talked to the blonde haired guy who was wearing the same orange hoody he always seemed to be wearing whenever I’d see him in the hallways. Actually, the only times I’d ever talked to him was outside of school, at the beach. He was a surfer too, but we’d never talked enough for me to learn his name. He was just another surfer dude for all I knew.”

“Was he any good?” Meek asked.

I shrugged, “To be honest, I never paid him much attention. So I don’t know.”

“Did you know the boy he was with?” Meek asked.

“No. I mean I’d seen him around school but we never met. He had on a gray hoody with a brown leather backpack slung over one shoulder. They were standing in front of the mirror that covered the whole wall above the six sinks. They were hugging each other while using the mirror to take pictures of themselves with the orange hoody boy’s yellow cell phone camera.”

“How do you remember all those details so well?” Meek asked.

Again, I shrugged, “Dunno,” I stabbed at my head with a single finger, “Guess it got recorded real well for some reason.”

“So I was about to make my presence known, I mean, I still needed to take a desperate dump. But then the gray hoody boy lifted his head off the other boy’s shoulder and kissed his cheek while the orange hoody guy snapped another picture.”

“Whoa!” Meek exclaimed softly.

“Yeah well that was sort of their initial reaction when they realized I was watching them. The boy in the gray hoody spotted my reflection in the mirror and pushed the other boy away and…”

“SHIT SCOTT!” I cursed, but my sudden outburst had startled Meek.

“That was his name, Scott, the boy in orange was Scott and the other Adam! I just now remembered that.” I said with a bit of pride in myself.
“Yeah but did you have to cuss?” Meek asked.

It took me a second to realize what he was talking about but when I did I explained, “No, I didn’t say shit, Adam said shit. Actually he yelled ‘SHIT SCOTT!’”

Meek flinched each time I said the word and I suppose I got a bit of a thrill at saying it too.

“Oh I understand now.” Meek said with a nod of understanding.

“They both turned toward me with looks of shock and fear.” I said.

“Yeah I bet!” Meek cried with compassion for the two gay boys having been caught in the act and at school no less. Then Meek asked, “You didn’t out them to the whole school did you? Because if you did I’m going to have to kick your butt!”

His tone told me he was serious but I laughed it off with, “Nah, nothing like that.”

Meek’s body language softened upon hearing that from me.

“But then Scott, that’s the boy in the orange…” I started to say.

“Yeah, I got it.” Meek said, wanting me to get on with my little story.

“Scott recognized me and said, ‘Dammit Adam, it is only Holloway! Shit Holloway you scared the fuck out of us!’”

“Despite the pain I was experiencing from having to hold my crap in, I managed to smile and chuckle, ‘You two looked too cute to interrupt just then.’”

“Adam covered his face with his hands and appeared like he was going to cry at any second. Scott noticed this too and tried to reach out to Adam but Adam stepped away from him, while still looking at me with fear in his eyes.”

“Oh poor Adam!” Meek exclaimed and I noticed he was sitting across from me with his hands over his face just the way Adam had done.
“Suddenly Adam broke into a run, pushed me so hard that I was forced backward a couple steps. He didn’t stop either. He threw open the door and ran right out of the bathroom.”

“What did Scott do?” Meek asked.

I gave a slight chuckle, “He was just standing there sort of dumbfounded until I said, ‘Don’t just stand there, go get your boyfriend before he does something stupid!’”

Meek sighed, “Aaaaaah!”

“Scott raced past me with a quick, ‘Thanks Holloway!’ and I ran for the first toilet so I could finally poop!”

Meek asked three questions so fast they almost sounded like one long sentence, “Do you know if Scott found Adam? Was Adam all right? Did you ever tell anyone that they were gay?”

I laughed off Meek’s worried expression and told him, “Actually later that afternoon, after school, I was at my friend Gary’s surf shop when I spotted Scott’s orange hoody. Well I didn’t know it was Scott, I simply saw an orange hoody and assumed it was Scott.”

“Was it?” Meek asked.

“Hang on! I’m getting to it.” I joked.

“So I spotted the orange hoody and shouted to Gary that I’d be right back. It was the middle of the week and there was hardly anyone on the beach as most people hadn’t got out of work yet and given that it was the middle of the school year, there weren’t many tourists around. So anyway, I ran to go talk to Scott. As I got nearer, I saw that it was indeed Scott and Adam too, and Adam was not good. He was bawling like a baby.”

Again, Meek sighed, “Aaaaaaah the poor thing!”

“‘Guy!’ I called as I jogged up to them wearing just a pair of shorts and nothing else.”

“Scott seemed glad to see me, Adam not so much.”

“‘Holloway.’ Scott said in greeting.”

“‘Call me Alvin, please!’ I said to Scott and Adam.”

“Scott gave me a half smile, Adam wouldn’t look at me.”

“‘I’m sorry I scared you earlier.’ I said to them both.”

“Scott shook his head, ‘Can you please tell Adam that you won’t tell everyone what you saw?’”

“Whoa, really? He just came right out and asked that?” Meek asked.

Before I could answer Meek’s first question he asked another question, “Did you reassure him?”

A coy smile began to spread across my face, which Meek noticed it.

“Alvin Holloway! What’d you do?!” Meek said alluringly.

“I kissed him.” I said softly.

“WHAT?” Meek shrieked.

I began to laugh, “I grabbed Adam’s tear stained face and kissed him full on the mouth.”


I couldn’t keep a straight face while looking at Meek and soon lost it. I began laughing as I told him, “Nah! Just kidding! I didn’t really kiss him.”

Meek looked around as if he was looking for something to throw at me! “Oh you are horrible!” he groaned and laughed at the same time.
Laughing I said, “Yeah, sorry about that, but I couldn’t resist.”

“So did any of that happen?” Meek asked.

Getting serious again, I told him, “Oh yes! Right up to the kissing part. Actually, I only talked with them both and reassured them, Adam especially, that I would never tell a living soul and until right now, I hadn’t talked about it. You are the only other person on this planet that knows.”

“So you never kissed Adam?” Meek asked again.

I shook my head.

“Too bad! It was a better story when it ended with the kiss.” He laughed.

We were perfectly content inside that boxcar as long as it continued going west, but then after a while it started going more north than west.
There wasn’t much we could do about it, because the train was going way too fast for us to jump off.

“We should have jumped back there when we were going slowly through that one town.” Meek said.

“Too late now.” I said.

It was another good half-hour before the train slowed a bit and we were thinking seriously about jumping but we decided it was still going too fast. We lucked out again because the train was slowing down because it was once again changing directions. We were now headed southwest and stayed that way for about another half hour before the train started to slow again for another town and this time it slowed enough that we could jump safely.

We debated it for all of twenty seconds before we took each other’s hand and leapt from the train. The gravel along the train tracks did nothing to soften the impact. We hit hard, began to roll down the hill, and only came to a stop when we reached the bottom of the embankment.

“You Alright?” Meek asked.

“No! I think I broke my butt!” I moaned in pain.

“Yeah, well, I jammed my elbow.” Meek said.

“You hurt?” I asked.

“I’ll live.” He grunted.

“I got another problem though.” I hummed worriedly.

Meek turned to me with a worried look on his face. I quickly scanned our surroundings, concluded that we were not being watched and pulled my pants down to my knees and we both saw that my GoodNite had ripped on one side. It didn’t matter all that much because it was soaking wet anyway and I had managed to crap myself.

“You sure pee a lot.” Meek commented.

“Yeah, well pee is the least of my problems.”

Meek started to laugh until it struck him what I had meant.

“Is it bad?” he asked.

“Well it isn’t good!” I griped.

Forgetting modesty, I pulled down my pants and removed the torn, wet, and soiled GoodNite.

“Wish we had some toilet paper or even a towel.” I complained.

“Oh hang on!” He pulled a white handkerchief from his back pant pocket.

“Oh you are a life saver!” I sang.

He then made an observation, “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it gain, you have a cute package!”

“You never said that!” I blushed as I gave him an evil eye while cleaning myself.

“Oh I guess I only thought it then.” He said and winked at me.

“Yeah, well thanks.” I said as I finished cleaning my backside as best I could.

He chuckled a bit.

“What are you laughing at?” I said thinking he was laughing at the size of my penis.

“I was just thinking about those guys that stole the dirt bike and what they will think when they see all those GoodNites and that one wet diaper.” Meek said.

I must admit that idea did strike me as funny.

“Well I suppose we best find out what town this is. Then see if we can get a map and buy you some Pampers.” Meek said as he checked to make sure the compass survived the impact.

Don’t ask me why, but I winced when he said the P-word.

“No, I will be alright without them now. I didn’t need them in the day time before we moved here – I mean to Maine.”

“Yeah, you told me that. But are you sure you haven’t gotten use to them? I mean look at yourself there!” Meek asked.

I shrugged and did up my pants as Meek re-pocketed the compass and actually picked up my wet and soiled GoodNite and began to roll it up into a fancy little ball. We began to walk and soon came upon one of those big green trash dumpsters, which we deposited the GoodNite into.
It didn’t take us long to find out we were in one of the towns we had planned to stop at on our journey, Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania which had been made famous by a movie about Ground Hog Day.

We walked into the first convenience store we came to, picked up some sodas, a USA map, and a package of hotdogs and hotdog buns. The young lady behind the counter was happy to double bag our stuff for us.

On the way out of the store, we saw a flyer taped to the front door. I don’t know why we didn’t see that on the way in. The flyer had both Meek’s and my picture on it with a $200,000 reward for information. Granted it was a photocopy but it still looked like us.

“Come on, we better get going.” Meek said.

Those flyers were all over town and we were worried we’d be recognized so we headed back to the tracks, got out the map, and tried to figure out on it which way to go.

“I think we should try to get on another train. See here, it just goes on and on and on.” Meek suggested.

“Yeah, well what if we aren’t so lucky and end up on a train that is going to Florida?” I asked.

“How much money do we have left?” he asked.

“A little more than eighty dollars why?”

“No, that won’t work.” He said.

“What won’t work?” I asked.

“I was thinking we could buy a bicycle.”

“And I suppose I’d have to ride all the way to California on the handlebars?” I mocked, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

We started walking down the tracks talking and trying to come up with an idea when we spotted a pickup truck sitting in front of a gas station with Arizona license places.

“Wanna ask whoever owns that truck if they would give us a ride?” I suggested.

“What if he’s a crazed killer?” Meek asked.

I countered with, “What if he is a she?”

Meek made a face like he was just sucking on a lemon.

“What? Just because you like boys doesn’t mean girls are gross.” I said.

“Huh? No look.” He said and was pointing to a shiny black car parked on the other side of the pickup. It had out of state plates as well… from Maine!

“Oh crud!” I exclaimed and we both got down low behind some tall grass and a bush.

“I never saw that car before so it ain’t my grandfather.” I said.

“I have, that is my mom’s car.” Meek said with this worried rattle to his voice.

“We’re so dead!” I groaned.

Meek grabbed my arm and gave me a pull toward, of all places, the gas station.

“What are you doing?” I said as I tried to resist, but not really with my whole heart.

We crept closer, staying low and trying to keep ourselves hidden from direct view, by keeping the truck between us and his mother’s car.
Upon reaching the truck we peered around and Meek let go a gasp, “My dad and some old guy are inside.”

I looked around and recognized Grandfather instantly.

“That’s my grandfather!” I exclaimed, “They must be searching for us together. What are we going to do?”

“Come on!” Meek said and started to pull me around the pickup toward his mothers’ car, but we didn’t make it very far.

No, we weren’t spotted by my grandfather or Meek’s dad; we stopped because we ran into the owner of the pickup.

Now, Meek is from Maine, he isn’t used to seeing the…uh…oddities of humanity that I’ve seen growing up in Southern California.

Meek sat crouched, leaning against the tailgate with a slack jaw up at a black man dressed as a woman. I’m sure Meek didn’t have a clue that she was a man in drag, but I spotted his/her secret instantly. In addition, I’m not sure when he actually picked up on it. I guess I missed that revelation.

He was a black woman who looked bothered about something and I got the feeling it wasn’t Meek and me.

“Why… you…” she pointed back to the gas station, “Are you the boys trying to get to California?”

God bless him, Meek actually nodded his head.

She looked back to the gas station and sneered. “Get in! I’ll take you as far as I can.” She said and we obeyed without question.

Alright that isn’t true; I did question that option for all of a millisecond before doing a duck walk behind Meek to the passenger side door and climbing into the pickup. We both huddled down near the floor as the man in drag quietly pulled out of the gas station and started down the road.

“Alright, we got away.” She said.

We got up in the seat. Meek, who was sitting in the middle couldn’t stop staring at her.

I gave him an elbow and whispered, “Don’t stare.”

However, Meek didn’t stop staring but my elbow did manage to get him out of his stupor. His mouth opened and he began to speak, “You are beautiful!”

My eyes opened wide because that was not what I was expecting him to say. It was also how he said it…it was the gayest I had ever heard Meek sound.

Meek was taking in every inch of her dress, which was too tight and too short, her big Diana Ross hair, and her eyelashes that were as long as my… uh… fingers.

“Destiny by name and Destiny by design!” She said extending her hand like a true lady.

Meek grabbed it and shook it.

I elbowed him again, “Not like that.” I said and leaned past him to take her hand like capturing a butterfly and kissing the back.
“Oh my!” she said putting a hand to her chest and cooed, “What a little gentleman.”

I started to introduce us but all I got out was, “He’s Mee…”

She cut me off and said, “Minkus Dawson, but you go by Meek and you are surfing legend, Alvin Holloway. I know. I ran into those two old fuddy-duddies back there. Besides you boys are all over the news.”

“We are?” Meek asked with shock.

“Honey, you two are the talk of the entire North East of this fine land and I bet before long the entire country.” Destiny told us.

“Oh no!” I groaned as I looked out the window.

Destiny went on to tell us what she had seen on the news. She also told us how mean Meek’s father and my grandfather had been when they encountered her at the gas station.

I looked back over and saw that Meek was again staring at Destiny.

“Stop staring!” I whispered, but apparently not soft enough because Destiny heard me.

“So I already know that you sweet baby boys are trying to get to California to surf, but tell me something else about you.”

“Well,” Meek began, “Did they say on the news about Alvin’s dad?”

“Meek, no!” I whisper-whined and elbowed him yet again.

“Oh no baby boy. Let me tell you something about Destiny. I don’t care who you are, where you came from, or what your story is, I respect who you are or who you want to be. Shoot, just look at me!”

Though it pained me to hear him tell it, I let Meek tell Destiny about how John died and I must admit, the way he told it, made it sound more heroic then I’d yet heard.

We continued to talk as Destiny drove nonstop for four and a half hours where we stopped for gas in the capital city of Ohio. When we stopped and got out of the truck, I realized that sometime along the way I had wet my pants without knowing I’d done so. Thankfully, Destiny’s truck had one of those aftermarket vinyl seat covers instead of cloth. That would have been very, very bad.

“Meek, look!” I whimpered.

He shook his head, “We should have got you those Pampers.”

“What am I going to do?” I pleaded.

Destiny came around the backside of the truck and thankfully Meek was between me and her. She reached into her purse and pulled out the biggest roll of cash I’d ever seen in my life.

“Why don’t you sweet babes go inside and get whatever you want while I fill up the truck. I’ll be in momentarily.”

She handed Meek two twenties and then said, “Afterward we’ll stop and get you boys some different clothes.”

She looked right at my wet pants, but never once said a word about the noticeable wet mark. She did say to me, “Baby doll, if you want to wait in the truck that is fine with Destiny.”

I smiled weakly up at her and then asked Meek, “Get me some chips please?”

“I have an idea,” Destiny started to say as she was twisting off the gas cap, “how about after we get you two precious boys some new threads the three of us go get a great big meal?”

There were tons of places to get clothes, but we were afraid to go to somewhere in town for fear of being spotted. Instead, we drove to one of the southern Columbus suburbs where we stopped at a Wal-Mart. Let me tell you, Destiny stuck out like a sore thumb at Wal-Mart, but when we were done shopping Meek and I looked like a couple of hot dudes.

We had our clothes picked out, tried on, and were heading for the check out when Meek stopped us. “Hang on a sec, I need to get something. I’ll be right back.”

Meek jogged away only to return a few minute later with something large tucked under his arm. I watched as he dropped one of the biggest packages I had ever seen in my life of GoodNites into the shopping cart. I looked up at Destiny as Meek deposited them into the cart and waited for her response.

She simply petted the back of my head and asked, “You alright with that?”

I looked at Meek who was nodding his head exaggeratedly to tell me that I needed to say yes.

I nodded and said, “Yeah, I’m good.”

“That’s my boy!” Destiny said as we wheeled the cart into the checkout line.

“Wow thanks Destiny!” I said as we were climbing back into the truck.

“Honey baby that was the most fun I’ve had shopping in a long time.” She said.

“Did you see that cashier?” Meek asked, “I thought he was going to pass out.”

We drove to the nearest gas station where Meek and I went into the bathroom to change into our new clothes. Destiny came in with us because she had to go potty, but left as soon as she was done. Now that I think about it, this might have been when Meek connected the dots concerning Destiny’s true gender. I’ll give props to Meek because whenever it was he finally figured it out, he didn’t make a big thing of it.

“I think she is the nicest person I’ve ever met.” Meek said with this crazy dreamy look in his eyes.

“And what’s the name of your boyfriend back in Maine?” I asked.

“Excuse me?” He said the words sort of getting stuck in his throat. “Why would you ask me about Pepper just now?”

I smiled and shrugged at the same time, “Just seemed like you needed reminding.”

He made an angry sniffling sound but didn’t say anything else.

Destiny treated us to entirely too much food. We went to someplace called Fity-Dalla, which turned out to not only be a restaurant but also an afterhours gay bar.

“Alright my sweet angel boys, Momma Destiny needs you two to stay right here, because I have to work now.”

“Work?” Meek asked, but Destiny blew us a kiss and disappeared.

“What do you think she, I mean he… I mean… where do you think Destiny went?” Meek asked.

“Just call her ‘a her’ and stop staring at her so much.” I whispered.

“I can’t help it!” Meek whispered back.

“Yeah, well I’m starting to think you’re straight.”

The way he gasped and put his hand to his chest, you would have thought I just called him a bastard child or something worst.

“That’s better!” I laughed at the way he responded to being called straight.

To our immense surprise, Destiny appeared on stage with a soft blue spotlight on her and she began to sing probably the only Diana Ross song I know, I’m Coming Out.

Meek and I began to clap along with the crowded restaurant as Destiny really belted out the song. Before the song was over Meek and I were on our feet and singing right along. We got the entire place standing and singing. It was great!

She did two more songs before disappearing back stage and then coming out to rejoin us at our table.

“Holy cow Destiny! You were magnificent!” I exclaimed.

“That was the most astonishing thing I have ever seen!” Meek said with a star struck stare.

“Thank you boys! Now come on, Momma Destiny had an idea while she was up there.”

Back in the truck, we drove to a drug store and while Destiny ran inside, Meek and I waited in the truck. To give you an idea how trusting she was, she left the keys in the truck, the engine running, and the radio on while she was away.

Back with us she asked, “Alight, now do we want to keep driving or would you two like to get a few good hours of sleep in a motel?”

Meek suggested that we drive a bit longer and then stop; which is just what we did. Actually, Meek and I sacked out and didn’t wake up again until Destiny was pulling into the Crescent Moon Motel somewhere west of St. Louis Missouri. It was late, about nine but not yet really dark.
“We’re in Missouri?” Meek asked with surprise, “That is awesome!”

Destiny went in and paid for a room while we waited for her. She came back and took us into 23B on the second floor.

“Before you sweet boys go to sleep I had an idea back in Ohio.” Destiny said.

“Oh yeah.” I said remembering that we had stopped.

She pulled out two small boxes from a plastic bag and asked, "I was thinking if we bleached your hair, no one would recognize the two of you once we made it to California.

“Y-you’re going to take us all the way?” I asked with no small amount of shock.

“Well, only if you want me to sugar baby.” She said.

“YES PLEASE!” I exclaimed and added “Please! Please! Yes please twice!”

Little did I know, but she and Meek had talked and worked something out between them, which gave Destiny a reason to go all the way to California.

Meek was all for bleaching his naturally brownish hair, but I have… well had, jet-black hair. I didn’t think it was possible to bleach black hair without it coming out some god-awful orange color.

Meek’s hair only took a half hour to get it bleached out, but mine took over an hour to get all the color to come out. When it was finally time for me to rinse out the foul smelling chemical solution, Meek was sound asleep; wearing nothing but a pair of white boxer briefs.

Standing, wearing nothing more than a towel wrapped around my waist, and a damp but not soaked GoodNite beneath that I looked into the large bathroom mirror admiring my blonde head. I couldn’t help, but wonder what my grandparents or my mother would say if they saw me right now. Actually, my mother and grandparents were the least of my worries. The one who I feared was Daddy_Phil because it wasn’t too long ago that he’d taken me to deal with my purple colored hair. So I am 100% sure he’s going to not be happy with this bleach job. Of course, he’s going to kill me anyway for running away to California, but he’ll probably kill me twice.

Destiny had even bleached my eyebrows and eyelashes, which I didn’t even know was possible. I looked like an honest to goodness sun bleached surfer-dude.

We had to do a hair-treatment before I could call it a night. She said that if we didn’t, by morning my hair would be so brittle it would all break off and I’d be completely bald. Needless to say, I was all for the hair moisturizing treatment; the last thing I wanted was to have my head as bald as my balls.

“Now you go ahead and get yourself changed, Momma Destiny needs a nice hot shower. Tomorrow we’re going to do two more makeovers.”
With my towel still wrapped about my waist, I slipping into a fresh GoodNite while wondering what she could have meant by two more makeovers.

“Momma Destiny?” Meek who apparently had reawakened, called as she was about to disappear into the bathroom.

“What’s that sweet boy?” she sang and I swear she sounded just like Mary Poppins right then.

“Alvin and I are going to go stretch our legs and get some fresh air. We’ll be back in a bit.”

I wanted to ask, “We are?” But figured Meek must have a reason for wanting to get the two of us out of the hotel room.

“Okay, take the key so you can let yourselves back in. You might want to stay nearby; I think it’s going to rain soon and it’s pretty late. Don’t want anything happening to my sweet boys.”

Forgetting my modesty for a millisecond, I allowed my towel to fall off as I quickly yanked my shorts up over the GoodNite, threw on my shirt, and jumped into my shoes as fast as I could.

“What’s up?” I asked as the two of us walked away from the hotel room.

“Nothing’s up. I saw something on the way here that I wanted to check out is all.”

It was a bit windy, but not too chilly. Actually, the air felt kind of good and was helping to clear my head of the chemicals that had been used to bleach our hair. The two of us walked about ten minutes, not talking but taking in this town we found ourselves in. When we reached an old chain-link fence, I saw why Meek had wanted to check this place out.

“Looks like an old amusement park.” I said.

It looked like it hadn’t been open in years. Trash was strewn everywhere; weeds grew up between the cracks in the asphalt walkways. The Ferris wheel, now a monument to rust, was more than half covered in some sort of brown leafy vines.

“Wanna go in?” Meek asked.

“Not especially.” I said but followed him anyway as he searched the fence for a spot where we could easily slip under it.

“Hey Skeeball.” I said, “I’m good at that.”

“Still smells like a carnival.” Meek commented.

The smell of funnel cakes and cotton candy hung in the air like ghosts.

A gust of wind from behind us blew some of the trash past us. An empty soda can clinked and bounced down the avenue ahead of us. The sound seemed to echo on for ages.

“There’s the bumper cars!” I pointed out and we both jogged over to them with some excitement.

I suppose the little kid in each of us had got excited and forgot that we were in the middle of an amusement park ghost town. Each of the bumper cars were overturned, apparently vandalized.

My attention was drawn away from the bumper cars by an eerie sound. Across from the bumper cars, the wind was causing a rusty door to creak as it swung back and forth. As it would swing, it would hit a metal restroom sign, which now hung from only one chain from above the door.

“Kind of beautiful and creepy at the same time.” Meek commented.

“I kind of like it. It’s peaceful.” I said back.

We walked past each game and ride for a while, kicking at the occasional stone or empty can and talking.

“Think we made a mistake?” Meek asked.

“Mistake?” I asked, not sure what he was referring too.

I had a notion that he was talking about hooking up with Destiny but that isn’t what he meant at all.

“Ouch!” Meek moaned.

Meek had hit his head on a low hanging awning, which was nearly falling off the front of the Orange Julius stand.

“You alright?” I asked with a bit of a chuckle.

“Didn’t see that darn thing.” He said while vigorously rubbing the sore spot.

“How’s your head?”

“Well it’s still attached. So I guess I’m alright.” He said with a forced laugh.

Then returning to our conversation Meek said, “From what Destiny has said, half the country is looking for us now. We’re all over the news.”

Agreeing I said, “Yeah, I didn’t expect that.”

We walked a bit more. Me on one side of the avenue of carnival games, Meek on the other; we were about thirty feet apart but still talking as though we were side by side.

“Doesn’t matter what we do now.” Meek said.

“What do you mean?”

“If we keep going or go back, either way we are both going to be in a lot of trouble.”

I picked up two game tokens I found on the ground.

“Yeah, I’ll be lucky if my grandfather doesn’t ship me off to Military school in Siberia.” I said.

That made Meek laugh; but it wasn’t a funny sort of laugh, more like a nervous and sad laughter.

“Pepper’s probably worried sick.” Meek stated.

It was pretty dark and the wind was really strong.

“Think we better start heading back?” Meek asked and I wasn’t sure if he was asking if I wanted to go back to the hotel or back to Maine.
Holding one of the tokens, I gave it a fling so that it sailed through the air flat and far. It hit the merry-go-round, shattering one of the remaining florescent light tubes. The sound was a lot louder than I thought it would be. First, there was the shattering glass, then the tink-tink-clang of the token as it bounced and ricocheted.

Meek laughed, picked up a small stone, and gave it a throw. I couldn’t believe how girl-like he throws but the stone still made it to the merry-go-round. There was no glass breaking but the stone made more noise than my metal token had.

I gave my other token a fling. It made a ringing sound as it left my hand, arched up and was caught by the wind and carried over the merry-go-round.

“Good throw!” Meek said.

“I don’t want to go back to Maine, EVER!” I called over to Meek.

He threw another stone and turned around before it reached the ride. He was about to say something when…

C R A S H !

A large white globe atop the merry-go-round shattered. It had been about the size of a beach ball and I didn’t even think it was glass until Meek shattered it.

Meek had spun back around in time to see the shower of white glass pelting the top of the merry-go-round. He punched both fists into the air and danced around like he’d just won the grand prize.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

We were walking back, still him on one side, me on the other when he called over the now really strong wind, “I need to take a wickedly mean dump!”

“Think I saw a bathroom up there.” I commented while pointing to his side of the avenue, where I’d seen and heard a rusty door swinging in the wind, “Across from the bumper cars.”

“Be right back.” He called and jogged on ahead for about two-hundred feet.

I continued strolling along at a slow pace, not really paying much attention to anything. Basically, I was taking my time, waiting for Meek to return. I was watching the cracked pavement and kicking at the blowing trash; so I hadn’t seen the security guard until he was right in front of me.

He had grabbed me by both arms and shook me so violently that I nearly blacked out. When he threw me face first against one of the walls of a boarded up shooting game, I had but a millisecond to brace myself so as not to bust my face on the hard wood siding. Before I even knew what was happening my hands were cuffed behind my back and he was frisking me.

“I’ve had it with you dang teenagers vandalizing my park! I’m gonna see that you get thrown in jail for a long time!” he said as his hand made it around the front of my pants and squeezed my crotch.

Frightened and still dazed I found my voice and shouted, “HEY!” when I felt him groping me.

Laughing, he spun me around and slapped me so hard my head actually rang like a bell at a boxing match. This time I did black out.

When I came too, I was sitting in what apparently was the security office of the amusement park. Unlike the rest of the park, this place had power and several black and white security screens, all of which were on. They seemed to be randomly switching from different cameras throughout the park. It was then that I realized Meek and I had been watched the whole time; or at the very least, while we had been throwing stuff at the merry-go-round. It wasn’t until the next day that I realized neither one of us had noticed the lights high up on the wooden poles. I guess they were so high up, that neither one of us seemed to pay any attention to them, nor the fact that they were illuminating a park that otherwise shouldn’t have been illuminated.

I looked around and couldn’t help wondering why an amusement park that appeared to have been closed for more than a couple years would still have security on the premises. That is when I noticed I was no longer handcuffed but had my wrists tied to the armrests of an old style wooden office chair and was gagged as well. However, what bothered me more than all that was the fact that I was shirtless. Thankfully, it was overly warm and I was covered in sweat; because of that, I hadn’t noticed (or maybe I blocked it out of my mind at the time) that my front was covered in something slimy. Of course, I know what it was, but I would rather not actually write that word; it’s too disturbing!

Panicking I tugged and struggled against my restraints but to no avail. I wasn’t going anywhere however all that struggling made me realize the chair was on wheels. I became aware of a fowl stench that seemed to fill the small security office but it took me a moment to realize the stench was coming from me. Looking down I saw that the GoodNite had failed and I was soaked. Moreover, the smell, well that was easy to place, I’d soiled myself at some point. However, I didn’t care, that was the least of my troubles.

I spun around in the chair, checking out my surroundings. There was a single window about one foot square in the middle of what looked to be a solid wood door. However one look at the door and I knew that it wasn’t old, but new and there was a deadbolt with a key lock on the inside as well. I wasn’t going to be able to get through that door without a key.

I spun the chair around again, back toward the monitors to check if I could find Meek, or the security guard; not that I could do anything if I spotted either of them. I continued to watch each screen flash from camera to camera then saw the building Meek had gone into. A second later, I saw the security guard walk into the open door.

“SHIT SHIT SHIT!” I mumbled through my gag.

I struggled more, trying to get one of my hands free but in my exuberant efforts, I managed to tip me, and the chair, over sideways. When I fell, there was a terrible cracking sound the instant my head hit the hard wooden floor. My vision blurred and a searing pain filled every part of my body as a darkness started to close in around me like being swallowed up by a black hole. Fearing what might happen to me if I blacked out for a second time, I willed myself not to allow the darkness to engulf me.

I looked back up to the monitors on the wall, blinked several times and shook my head to get my vision to clear. That’s when I saw it, a small COLOR monitor sitting on a short, two-drawer filing cabinet. It wasn’t switching from camera to camera like all the other black and white monitoring screens. This one was on a single camera, which seemed to be looking down from the ceiling as it panned back and forth inside a bathroom. Each time it reached what appeared to be the center I could see down into all of the three toilet stalls and in the center one sat a bleach blond guy who I could only assume was Meek. However, the worst of it was that I saw the security guard standing in the open doorway of the toilet stall, looking down on Meek who appeared to be cringing.

The camera panned away and when it came back to center, I watched as I saw the guard backhand Meek. That is when I lost it! I flailed and threw the chair and myself about wildly. It worked because apparently the cracking sound I had heard before wasn’t my head but the wooden arm of the chair breaking. My Right hand was free. I still kept my eyes on the monitor as I struggled to untie my left hand while trying not to stab myself with the jagged wooden armrest that was still tied to my right wrist.

I was horrified to watch, as the security guard appeared to pull down his pants and step toward Meek. I knew what was happening and screamed through my gag.


A few seconds later, I had my left hand free and began working to untie my ankles. I looked back to the monitor and had to wait a couple seconds for the camera to pan down. When it did, I could only just see Meek’s bleach blond hair from under the security guards towering form.

A moment later, I was free and struggling to get to my feet. With another quick glance around the room, I found my shirt wadded up and tossed in a trashcan. I’m not sure what that was about but I quickly retrieved it and pulled it on. I then turned my attention to that door. I began to bang on the wooden door with what was left of the wooden office chair. I looked back to the screen and saw that the guard was gone and Meek was lying, curled up, on the floor beside the toilet.

I swung back with the chair, ready to have another go at that door when I spotted, hanging directly above the door a set of keys on a single nail.

“Damn-it!” I cussed and threw the busted chair across the room.

I suppose my newfound strength was due to my fear for me and for Meek. At any rate, I didn’t watch the chair as it flew from my hands and smashed against the wall of monitor screens sending sparks and glass flying everywhere. I had to climb up on a desk to reach the key and as I turned back to jump down I saw that the far wall was in flames.

I quickly scrambled off the desk as the small room quickly filled with smoke. There were three keys. Of course, the first wasn’t the right key and I coughed as I fumbled to get the second key into the lock right when the lights went out. Thankfully, the key turned and the door swung open.

Not hesitating I bolted out of the now fully engulfed security building. I had no idea which direction Meek was, but I had a feeling the security guard was going to be heading back toward the burning office and I didn’t want to be there when he returned. In addition to everything else, it was raining now, not hard mind you, but since it was so windy, it didn’t take long at all for me to be completely soaked to the bone.

I ran for several minutes without any real direction. Sure that I was on the far side of the park, I turned back in the direction I thought the fence was, where Meek and I had entered. I’d made a good guess because I went right to the building I’d seen Meek enter earlier. However, when I went in, Meek was nowhere to be seen.

Not wanting to risk another run in with that security guard, I mean he may have saw the office on fire and thought about coming back for Meek. Oddly, until now, it hadn’t occurred to me that maybe he thought I was still inside the burning office.

With no other ideas where to look for Meek, I headed for the fence. God I was so glad to see Meek there.

“Alvin! Over here!” he said waving to me.

The rain was really coming down as I reached Meek.

“You alright?” I asked.

“Me? I’ve been looking for you all this time!” he lied and in some weird way, we both knew he was lying but I made the conscious decision to not call him on his lie.

“You were?” I asked and then told my own lie, “Well I was running around looking for you?”

“Too Funny!” Meek said nervously, “Come on! Let’s get back to the hotel. All right? I want out of this rain!”

The two of us scurried under the fence just as we heard the sound of a fire truck cutting through the rain and wind from the far side of the park.

We both turned and saw the flames.

“Wow! Something is on fire!” Meek said loudly.

“Well glad we are out of there then!” I said while looking into Meek’s rain drenched face.

Again, we both knew what the other was thinking, but neither of us said another word as side-by-side we jogged at a fast pace all the way back to the hotel.

Back at the room, we found Destiny out cold on the bed nearest the window. Cold and wet, Meek and I quietly closed the door and went to the bathroom where we stripped out of our wet things. I got in the shower to wash off my filth while Meek left me alone to do so. I dropped the spent GoodNite into the trash. Meek was kind enough to tie the plastic bag shut to keep the smell from wafting through the whole place.

Upon closing the bathroom door, I started to take off my rain-drenched shirt when I noticed something weird smeared all over the front. I suppose had I not been so wet and cold, I would have guessed then what was all over my shirt and how it got there. It would also explain why my shirt had been wadded up and tossed in the trashcan back in the security office.

When I came out of the bathroom Meek was already in bed. I didn’t know if he was awake or not, so I quietly found one of the dry GoodNites and slipped it on. I got into the other side of the bed with Meek and lay on the very edge, unable to sleep for several hours.

I’m not sure when sleep finally overcame me. I do however remember lying, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about how long this day had been and just how much had happened since Meek and I woke up and watched the sun rise together.

Sometime in the night, I was awakened by the soft, gentle sobs of Meek beside me. I wanted to roll over and comfort him; but to be honest I was too scared to do so. What could I possibly say to him that would make what happened to him any better? What do you say to someone you watched being raped? I wanted to cry, but knew if I did, that I wouldn’t be able to stop, so instead I bit on the inside of my cheek so that the pain would distract me from everything going on in my head.

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Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 8

I think I only slept for about two, maybe three hours in total that night. However, when I finally did wake up, I found Meek and Destiny in the bathroom together, chatting and giggling like a couple high school girls. It was both cute and somewhat over the top, ooey-gooey, sticky sweet.

Before I actually got out of bed, I sat up, yawned, and stretched like a waking cat. The small television was on, but turned way down; I suppose so as not to awaken me. While yawning and stretching I saw flames on the TV and recognized the amusement park Meek and I had been at last night. I had to strain to listen as the volume was turned nearly all the way down. I crawled like a toddler to the foot of the bed and listened.

…Once the County Fire Department had the fire under control, police discovered a fire proof filing cabinet filled with video recordings of minors being forced to perform depraved sexual acts with the a yet to be identified man, posing as a security guard at the abandoned World of Fun Amusement Park.

“What?” I gasped.

“Alvin, sweetie? Is that you? Are you up now honey-baby-child?” Destiny sang from the bathroom.

I swung my feet over the side of the bed and forced myself to get up even though I was still half asleep and in complete shock over what I had just heard and seen.

Destiny was styling Meek’s hair while going on about how Meek was going to look when he finished growing. Meek seemed to be basking in the attention he was receiving.

At this point, I hadn’t noticed yet what Meek was wearing; I guess I was still asleep and still thinking with the news broadcast.

“Morning” I moaned, while not yet realizing that I was standing there, wearing nothing but a wet GoodNite and picking the eye-boogers out of the corners of my eyes.

“Baby, it’s not quite morning, but it will be before you know it.” Destiny said in that same Mary Poppins voice she’d used last night.

As soon as she had said that, she and Meek turned toward me.

“Uh, Alvin,” Meek started to say.

I stopped rubbing the sleep from my eyes and looked into Meek’s eyes. He was gesturing with his eyes to my sagging GoodNite. I quickly jumped backward and grabbed the bedspread off the nearest bed; and covered myself.

“Sweet child, you don’t have to hide anything from Momma Destiny.” She said as she stepped around Meek and I saw that all she had on was a pair of pink panties and a matching bra.

I believe that is the first time in my life I ever saw transvestite in just panties and a bra. Oddly, the obvious question as to where her adult sized wiener and balls were never came to my mind.

I took a deep breath, blew it out through puckered lips, and allowed the bedspread to drop to the hotel room floor.

“Now that took guts!” Destiny said as she came over and kissed the top of my head.

“Alvin you look weird.” Meek said.

It was only then that I realized that my friend Meek was standing there wearing pastel yellow girls panties and matching bra … and nothing else! What was more shocking than seeing him in panties and a bra was the fact that he actually had breast!

While covering my nipples with my hands, I shot back with, “You got a lot of room to talk!”

Meek was standing before me no longer looking like a teenaged boy, but instead a fully formed woman.

“How do I look?” He asked as he spun around, showing off his panties.

As he spun, I could see a slight bulge in the back and knew that he had his teenaged junk tucked between his legs so as not to have the obvious ‘male’ bulge in front. I hadn’t noticed that bulge on Destiny but then again I hadn’t been looking for it. With that being said, I am sure she too was tucked.

“You-you look like a girl!” I exclaimed.

“That’s the idea!” Meek sang out, sounding rather feminine while lifting his arms up as Destiny draped a dress down over Meek’s body.

“Oh my goodness!!!” I exclaimed as the dress fell into place, “You look… I mean… well, not like a teenage girl; you look like… like… like a beautiful lady!”

Meek blushed and twirled causing his pretty, yellow dress to flair. Oddly, it was the high heels he was wearing, that I had keyed in on. Until he’s spun, I hadn’t even noticed the yellow spikey-heeled shoes.

“How are you standing in those?” I asked.

Meek shrugged, “It’s easy!”

He then demonstrated by taking a few steps toward me, leaning down and kissing me on the cheek.

I know I was blushing because I could feel my face burning.

“We don’t have to worry about anyone recognizing you like that!” I said and then added, “I also like your yellow toenails!”

“You think?” Meek asked in response to my comment about no one recognizing him.

He also held out his hands to show me his fingernails were also painted yellow to match his outfit. The transformation was simply remarkable because he not only looked but was acting exactly like a girl.

“Meek, ol’ buddy, if I didn’t know better, I’d want to date you!” I confessed.

“Meek doesn’t work for me now.” He said thoughtfully while looking into the mirror.

“I agree,” Destiny commented.

I then suggested, “How about something hot like Bambi or Bubbles.”

“Oh Alvin be serious!” Destiny said with a seed of motherliness to her voice.

“I am serious!” I said, “But you got to have a name that is as hot as you are!”

Meek walked over to me, leaned down, and gave me a gentle kiss on my left cheek.

“That is about the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Meek said.

I blushed and thoughtlessly reached up to rub the kiss from my cheek.

“Careful, you’ll just rub it in deeper!” Meek sang while touching his finger to the tip of my nose.

He then turned back around and walked toward the mirror, giving me a show of his backside, which was hidden slightly by the vale of yellow.

“I like the name Lynn.” Meek said while tossing his hair, which seemed to have grown several inches overnight.

I later found out that he had hair extensions, which both gave his hair length and volume, further adding to the illusion.

“OH I KNOW!” I exclaimed a little too loudly, “Mindy-Lynn.”

“Why Mindy?” Destiny asked.

“That one really pretty lady with the feathers that came on stage after you last night was called Mindy-Rose.” I said.

“And why Lynn?” Meek asked.

I shrugged, “I dunno, just sounds pretty.”

“Mindy-Lynn!” Meek said into the mirror and then repeated it several times, each time with a slightly different tone and body language, “I like it! I think I even look like a Mindy-Lynn!”

He then turned around all excited and walked toward me as quickly as those yellow heels would allow him. I hadn’t expected him to do what he did next.

I suppose he was so caught up in the excitement of his transformation and his brand new name that he hadn’t thought about what he was going to do. He simply did it. I also suppose I was caught so off guard that I hadn’t thought to stop him.

“Thank you for my new name!” he said as he leaned down and kissed me right on the lips and I’m not talking about a mother kissing her son sort of kiss but like a woman kissing a man sort of kiss. It lasted about three seconds, but it seemed a heck of a lot longer than that at the time.

“Oh my!” Destiny exclaimed with a hand to her heart.

“Uh… Uh… Uh…” Meek stammered, unable to believe he had just done what he just done!

Though I knew I was brick red with embarrassment, I did my best to play it off.

I licked my lips and said, “You taste like Lemon Drops!”

Even through his makeup, I could tell he was blushing heavily.

“Lemon-Kiss lip-gloss!” Destiny sang as if she were reciting a commercial jingle.

“Are you going to take another shower?” Destiny asked me.

Having forgotten that I had been standing there in just a very wet GoodNite, I actually blushed even more… so much so that my cheeks burned as though I had a bad sunburn. Somehow I managed to bob my head in a ‘Yes’ action.

“Did you?” I asked Meek.

Apparently over his embarrassment, Meek gave me a queerish-grin as he said, “Yes I had a shower last night, and again this morning, while you were still sleeping!”

He then turned away from me and walked back to the mirror to gaze at himself… uh…. herself, some more.

Suddenly the events of yesterday evening came flooding back. Still staring at the back of Meek, I was no longer seeing him in his pretty, yellow dress, but instead curled up on the floor of that amusement park bathroom stall after having been forced to give that security guard a blowjob.

“What’s the matter sweet-heart?” Destiny asked after having caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror.

“Huh? What?” I stammered, “Oh, nothing! Sorry, nothing!”

I walked slowly past Meek and Destiny, all the while still not seeing Mindy-Lynn but the molested Meek.

“What?” He asked like he was expecting me to make some kind of snide remark.

I shook my head, not in response to him, but to get those images out of my mind.

Destiny called after me, “Alvin sweetie, make sure you use cream rinse on your hair and let it set for at least five minutes before you rinse. We had to use a lot of chemicals on your hair and now you need to put some love back into it.”

In the shower, everything that happened the previous evening replayed over and over and over in my head. It was then that I realized that while I had been unconscious the security guard had apparently done stuff to me as well. I reached down and adjusted the water so that it was a little hotter; it stung my flesh but helped me to control my emotions. I think maybe subconsciously I was trying to burn any remaining essence of the security guard from my flesh. I kept telling myself that since I was only shirtless, the guard probably only jacked himself all over my chest. He probably used my shirt to clean himself up before going to find Meek.

“Maybe that’s when I pooped.” I said aloud but not loud enough to be heard by my too friends.

I showered and used the cream rinse just like I was told and left my wet GoodNite in the bathroom trashcan for Housekeeping to find later. I hadn’t even noticed until this very second that the one from last night was gone and a new bag was in the trashcan. Maybe Momma Destiny took it out in the night 'cause it was stinking even through the plastic bag.

I came out of the bathroom wearing a towel and found the two of them reclining on the bed and watching the news. Thankfully, it wasn’t about us.

“You just missed it. They had us on TV. We’re international criminals!” Meek exclaimed with a laugh and way too much pride.

“Still?” I asked as I reached into the package and pulled out a fresh GoodNite.

I started back to the bathroom with it, but thought better and just dropped my towel right there and stepped into it. When I looked up, Meek was smiling like a goofball.

“They were saying how there are people all over saying our parents, well your grandparents, should let us alone and let us compete in the surfing competition. They were holding up signs and everything.” Meek said.

“No way!” I exclaimed with disbelieve.

“Yes way dude!” Meek said back, “We’re famous!”

“Yeah, but this will make it even harder when we do get to California.” Destiny commented.

“Even with you looking like… well like my big sister and me with these blonde locks, I still look very much the same. People will recognize this face…” I made a frame around my face with my hands, “the second I step on the beach!”

“I got an idea about that.” Meek said, “Actually, I was thinking about it before we left. I was watching this really old movie and this guy; he was about Alvin’s age…” Meek was talking to Destiny at this point, "…and anyway he was really pale and had to pass as someone from India. They used something called Walnut Oil to dye his skin darker.

“I’m already naturally dark.” I said with a tone that made me come across like a smart ass.

“Yeah, but I’m not.” Meek argued.

Destiny got off the bed and began to pace back and forth still only wearing her bra and panties, and yes, now that I knew to look for it, from the back there was an obvious tuck job going on.

“What?” Meek asked her.

“I like your idea Mindy-Lynn.” She said, obviously addressing Meek by his drag-name.

She tapped a long red fingernail to her lips. “But first, let’s get all our stuff into the truck, don’t leave anything behind that will give anyone a clue that we were here or that the two of you have changed your appearance.”

Destiny went to pay for the room while Meek and I got dressed, cleaned the room, and took everything to the truck. I even went back to the bathroom and got last night’s wet GoodNite out of the trash.

I was surprised when we stopped only a couple blocks away at a hardware store and the mystery only deepened when we bought every can of white spray-paint they had; both flat and glossy finish.

We then stopped at a Walgreens where Meek and I were left in the truck for a couple minutes. Momma Destiny returned and tossed a small plastic bag up on the dashboard.

Destiny then took us to breakfast at McDonalds for a fast meal after which we drove out into the middle of nowhere.

“Why are we stopping here?” Meek asked.

“Well, just in case they are looking for a rusty gray pickup truck we’re going to give it a makeover and spray everything that isn’t chrome or glass.”

The sun was just coming up, causing the coolest red, orange, and golden colored sky as we began to paint bomb Destiny’s pickup truck. Boy did we have fun. Although it wasn’t a professional paint job, the truck looked a hundred times better than it had. The three of us stood back and admired our handy work. In a little more than an hour, the three of us had completely covered every bit of gray and rust with bright new white paint. We had to use the ice scraper on the windows to get off the over spray and I had managed to spray a little bit of paint on one tire, but over all we did a good job.

“Now, we need to deal with one very white girl!” Momma Destiny commented.

Meek made a sound like a small kitten which made me giggle because I’d already figured out what she was about to do to him.

Out there in the middle of nowhere, with everyone in Heaven looking down, she made him strip naked. I was surprised when Meek didn’t put up a fuss at all. I guess he’d figured it out too.

“Now, baby honey, get Momma that bag off the dash please.” Destiny said to me.

When I brought it, Meek was covering his privates with his hands and looking up at the sky while whistling a senseless tune.

From the bag came a brown bottle of something called Old English furniture polish. Beginning at his toes, she used cotton balls to die every inch of his skin. You might think I stayed and watched, but to be honest, Meek didn’t need me watching as Destiny died his privates and the inside of his butt crack. Sometime later I’d get to see just how good of a job she’d done transforming ‘White’ Meek into ‘VERY Bronzed’ Meek.

Once that job was done, he redressed and climbed into the truck where I had been sitting and napping.

“How do I look?” Meek asked, not knowing I’d dozed off.


Meek pretended to paw at me and pull on my arm like he was trying to drag me out of the truck.

“I’m going to chop you up and sell you as hamburger to McDonalds!” he said in an evil voice.

“Eeeeew!” Destiny exclaimed from the other side of the truck.

Meek had managed to drag me all the way out of the truck and was tickling the life out of me.

“NO TICKLING!” I screamed and tried to get away.

I finally broke free and ran about ten feet from him.

“You look like my friend Ben.” I told Meek.

“Is that good?” Meek asked.

I shook my head, “Nope! He’s dead!”

“HA HA!” Meek laughed mockingly.

“Alright my pretty!” Destiny said to Meek while sounding like the Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz, “Back into the truck and your little dog too!!”

“Shouldn’t we let the truck and Meek dry?” I asked, having missed that Destiny had just referred to me as a dog.

Meek jumped back and pointed a trembling finger at me. Acting frightened, he stammered out, “Eeek a talking dog!”

Finally getting the dog reference, I let out a loud bark at Meek and then growled at him.

Destiny swatted my backside with a stick and laughingly reprimanded me with, “Bad dog!”

Having just been beat with a stick, I playfully rubbed my bottom as I looked up at Destiny; I gave her my biggest and best puppy dog eyes while making a whining puppy sound.

Laughingly she pushed me away and told me to get in the truck.

I busted out laughing as Meek answered my previous question, “Nah, I’m dry and the truck can finish drying while we’re driving Toto.”

“My thoughts exactly!” Destiny added while petting my head.

Laughing hard, I hopped into the truck via the open passenger door and sat there panting like a dog eager to go for a car ride. The two of them got a big laugh out of that.

As we started moving, Destiny popped a cassette tape into the dash radio and a moment later Michael Jackson could be heard singing ‘Ease on Down the Road’ from ‘The Wiz’. All three of us began to sing along with the song. All three of us were singing at the top of our lungs and I was surprised that I knew most of the words as did Meek.

Our second evening with Destiny turned out to be mostly uneventful that is until late into the day. We stopped twice for gas and drove for hours and hours. After we’d been on the road countless hours Destiny was saying how tired she was getting. Jokingly I suggested she let me drive for a while. Well she thought that was a brilliant idea and pulled right over. We had to adjust the bench seat so I could reach the peddles, and still be able to see to drive. It made Momma Destiny and Meek all scrunched, but not too much. After only two minutes of drivers’ training there on the side of the highway Destiny had me put the truck into gear and merge back into traffic. Poor Meek was scared to death over there on the passenger side. Destiny would give me instructions every so often but for the most part, she let me drive for the next two hours. It was one of the greatest moments of my life!

In time, they both calmed down and intermittently took catnaps while I continued to take us closer to California.

We drove through the evening and the only reason we stopped just west of Albuquerque, New Mexico was that I’d sprung a leak and needed to change as I hadn’t changed at our last refueling, or when we’d stopped for me to take over the driving. We all three decided that a short rest was in order to stretch our legs, and so that Destiny could take a little nap.

For some reason, Meek and I weren’t the least bit tired. Therefore, while Destiny was sleeping in the truck we took that opportunity to have some fun. We had gone walking and discovered that we were in an Albuquerque suburb known as Laurelwoods. We walked into a mini-grocery store and were keeping our eyes out for any of the flyers with our pictures on them; thankfully, we didn’t see any. We picked up some fresh fruit and a few sodas and were on our way back to the truck, when we ran into a local police officer.

Meek and I were on instant high alert, ready to make a break for it at the first hint of trouble.

“Well hello you two!” he said when he saw us walking toward him.

Now remember, Meek was in drag and we both looked nothing like our normal selves however we were still worried that we’d be found out.

I have to give props to my boy Meek. He did the best acting job I have seen in my life.

“Oh man is that a real gun? Hey Jimmy look at his badge isn’t that the coolest.”

I couldn’t believe how girly Meek sounded. I went along with him and tried to keep from looking like I was acting, “Yeah, it looks like the one daddy got me for my birthday but mine says Deputy on it.”

“What are two fine kids like yourselves doing today?” he asked with a big smile.

Meek held up the paper sack he was carrying, “Momma needed some things.”

He mussed up my hair as he sent us along our way.

“Dude you totally pulled that off.” I told Meek when I was sure we were far enough away from the cop.

“Yeah, but I almost pooped my panties when I saw him.” Meek said.

I busted up laughing over that.

“That reminds me,” I started to say, “when we get back to the truck I need to change again.”

Meek put his arm around me and said, “Alright Jimmy.”

“Yeah, where did you come up with a dorky name like Jimmy?”

“I don’t know.” He said with a shrug, “You look like a Jimmy now.”

I laughed back with, “Okay, Mindy-Lynn Destiny!”

Yep, our Momma has a beautiful baby boy named Jimmy Destiny and an even more beautiful Daughter named Mindy-Lynn Destiny."

“Oh so now I’m your BABY brother?” I laughed while putting a lot of emphasis on the word ‘baby’ to let Meek know I hadn’t missed it.

Giggling he said, “Well, we do look like brother and sister; shouldn’t we have the same last name?”

“I’m not arguing the last name… but do I have to be the BABY brother?”

Meek let my arm go, reached down and swatted my padded butt, “If the pampers fit!”

“HEY!” I complained and pushed him away.

He laughed and though I tried not to, I laughed as well.

We found Destiny and the truck right where we left them both. She was still sound asleep on the front seat, and using her purse as a pillow. It was getting late and the sun was already working its way down in the west. I supposed that in couple more hours it would be dark. We woke Destiny up, shared with her our bounty of fresh fruit, and told her about the run in with the officer.

Stuffing her purse back behind the seat and starting up the engine, we were once again on our way.

We continued driving west on Route 40 with me in the middle of Momma Destiny who was on my left, and Meek on my right.

Once on the highway again, Meek asked, “Mommy Destiny, what’s your last name?”

“Sweetheart, Momma Destiny doesn’t have a last name.” she said, “Like Madonna, Cher, Bjork, and Bono.”

“Don’t forget Sting and Eminem and Hitler!” I added.

Meek jumped in his seat and nearly shouted, “Hitler?! Uh, Adolf Hitler?”

“Oh, okay then not Hitler!” I sheepishly said and they both laughed at me.

I then explained to Destiny why Meek was asking and how we came up with the fake names of Jimmy Destiny and Mindy-Lynn Destiny.

“Now that I think about it; of course Destiny isn’t a last name.” I declared.

She patted my thigh and said, “Baby boy can you get Momma her wallet out of her purse.”

There was that Baby boy thing again but I made a conscious decision to I let it go without comment.

I turned on the seat and got on my knees to fish her purse out from behind the seat. Meek and I held it open for her to reach in and pull out her wallet because we both knew that a gentleman never goes through a woman’s purse, even if she says it is okay to do so. Without taking her eyes off the road, her hand came out and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d been holding a fluffy white rabbit. Actually, a fluffy white rabbit would have been cool. Sadly, instead she came out clutching a pink ladies pocketbook covered in rhinestones. Upon seeing it, I don’t know why I would have ever expected anything else to come out of her purse.

Without a word, she reached over, took hold of my left wrist, and placed it on the steering wheel. I mean, I’d driven her truck before, but this was totally different, for one thing I wasn’t behind the wheel and for another, I had to lean way forward to hold the wheel so I couldn’t see the road at all. At the same time that she put my hand on the wheel, she let go of it without any regard whatsoever. I sucked in a fast breath and held it as I was suddenly placed in blind control of the truck and all three of our lives while she used both of her hands to open her pink rhinestone encrusted pocketbook.

I had a moment of thought, which I think may have come out of my mouth, “Destiny? Momma Destiny?” I mumbled at a barely audible level, “Th-this is not ok! I mean I can drive, but I can’t see. Momma you got…”

“Alvin!” Meek whined like a cat that’d just had its tail stepped on.

An oncoming Peterbuilt, hauling a double trailer, blasting its horn because I’d allowed our truck to cross the double yellow line, forcing the semi onto the far shoulder to avoid hitting us.

A driver’s license was passed to me and I gleefully released the wheel to her as I finally allowed myself to breathe again.

I turned to look back at the lights of the tractor-trailer as they swerved back onto the highway.

“Is he alright? You think he’ll be alright?” I moaned worriedly as though I had just killed someone.

Meek plucked the card from my hand and examined it.

“Jerome Roberts” Meek read.

He held the license up and compared the picture to Destiny.

“Well?” Destiny asked.

Coming back into myself I joked, “This guy could be your brother.” to which Destiny heartily laughed.

“So, we will be Jimmy and Mindy-Lynn Roberts.” Meek proclaimed.

Destiny looked like she was going to cry as she held a trembling hand to her chest, “I am so proud.”

We continued to talk for a while until the night took Meek and me.


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 9

Since she had slept for a while, Destiny continued to drive so that when Meek and I woke the following morning we opened our eyes to a breathtaking site… the Pacific Ocean.

“MOMMA DESTINY!” I shouted, which scared my two companions nearly out of their minds, “YOU DID IT!”

I giggled at the look of their shocked faces, “Sorry, I got excited.”

Meek went from dead asleep to wide-awake as he jumped from the truck and ran toward the water only to find that he couldn’t get to it. We were parked a top a cliff I knew all too well. I chose not to tell Meek and Destiny that the cliff we were on is known informally as Hell’s Drop due to the fact that three people at three different times over the past decade have committed suicide by throwing themselves onto the rocks below.

“Destiny we are so close to my old house!” I screeched as I stood, clutching Meek’s left arm and bouncing on the balls of my feet.

I was like a kid at Christmas time, standing in line at the Mall to see Santa Claus! A part of me believed that if I ran to my old home right now, I would find Mom standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes by hand and John passed out in his chair while some basketball game was playing on the TV.

As if on cue, my belly growled loudly.

Meek giggled as he asked, “Was that your stomach?”

I looked down while lifting my shirt to expose my belly button.

“What’s the matter?” I asked while lovingly rubbing my tummy.

Then looking up to Meek I tried to keep a straight face as I told him, “He says he’s hungry.”

“Oh baby! He’s not the only one. I could eat the asshole out of a cow right about now.” Destiny said, while sitting on the front bumper of her truck and pulling me backward into a loose reverse bear hug.

It was clear she didn’t even realize what she’d just said.

Meek and I shared a moment of eye contact before we both busted out laughing.

“What?” Destiny asked.

Meek fell over on me laughing and we both tumbled to the ground.

“WHAT?” she asked again and then waved us off as if desgusted with the two of us.

She leaned back against the truck and let out a loud moan.

Meek rolled off me and was up on one knee when he expressed what he and I had both thought at the exact same time, “Whoa, you look beat!”

“Oh sweet boy, we only got here about ten minutes ago.” She said as she stood, walked over to where I was still on the ground and dropped down beside me.

She then dangled around the front of my face the long gold chain of a small pendant clock, which she wore around her neck.

“You need more sleep.” I suggested as I leaned my head back against her right shoulder and looked up into her beautiful brown eyes.

“We’re a whole day early. Why don’t we get a room again?” Destiny suggested.

“That would be wonderful.” Meek answered and in the same breath he added, “Alvin smells like a barn yard!”

“HEY!!” I objected.

She then asked him, “You still wanting to do it?”

Meek nodded and answered robustly, “You bet! I mean yes! Yes, please!”

“Do what?” I asked.

As if I hadn’t spoken she said to him, “In that case, I say we go get some Z’s, and then we can get you ready! And you’re right, he does smell a bit!”

She gave me a bump with her elbow.

Ignoring her comment on my odor I asked with impatience, “Ready for what?”

“You’ll see my stinky baby-boy!” she said coyly as she tilted her head down and kissed my forehead.

She got up and started arm in arm with Meek toward the truck.

Still on the ground I sniffed under both of my arms and tried to lean over to sniff my very wet front before exclaiming in a loud voice, “I don’t smell that bad!”

We drove down to Chula Vista, which was only about fifteen minutes from Hell’s Drop. We went through the drive-thru at McDonalds, and then I gave directions to the bevy of hotels across from Mid-Bay front.

Momma Destiny checked us into the Best Western on E Street and while Meek and I were settling in, she told us to stay in the room and not to let anyone see us until she got back. She didn’t tell us where she was going or why.

“I’m going to take a quick shower.” I announced.

Meek chimed in with, “Maybe a long one would be better.”

I turned on him and jabbed an accusing finger into his chest while failing to hide my wide grin, “You trying to say something there Big Sister?”

Acting just like Destiny he waved his hand, snapped his fingers twice, and said, “Honey baby-child, I think you got more in your padded drawers than just your little play thang!”

I blushed because he knew I had been concealing another accident.

I’d taken a fresh GoodNite with me to the shower so I could redress after I was washed clean. When I came out of the bathroom fully dressed, I found Destiny and Meek both sacked out on the beds; only then did I realize just how long I’d been in the shower. The water had felt so good, and I took time to condition my hair several times to soften it, as it felt rather hay-like from all the bleaching. I mean, they were completely out of it; neither of them so much as stirred from the noise of me coming out of the bathroom.

Oddly, I wasn’t the least bit tired. I was wide-awake because I was home again! I didn’t want to sleep, I wanted to get out and see Chula Vista again! So, with a fresh GoodNite, I stepped into my shoes and quietly slipped out of the hotel room, my bleach-blond, wet hair hanging like dreadlocks because I hadn’t taken the time to comb it.

So where did I go? I’m surprised you have to ask. I made a beeline for the ocean. I had no surfboard, but that was a minor technicality. More times than I can count, I have ended up on one stretch of beach or another without a board. I’ll share a little secret with you… all you have to do is know how to talk with other surfers and in no time you’ll be catching waves on a borrowed board.

I hit the beach and couldn’t believe how crowded it was. Man it was like a sea of beach towels and un-tanned people.

“Yep, it is for sure the start of summer!” I said aloud.

I pulled off my shirt and tied it around the metal pole of the boardwalk sign along with the other thirty or more shirts and such that were tied to it. That’s what we surfers do with our clothes, we either burry them on the beach or tie them to something. Surprisingly, few people ever take what isn’t theirs.

“Do I know you?” this one half-baked dude asked.

I looked up into the bloodshot eyes of a guy who looked to be seventeen or eighteen. It was clear he was well on his way to fully baked… uh, I mean stoned. I could even smell it on him like stink on a skunk.

“Possibly!” I said forgetting that I look completely different than I did when I left here last year, and that I was supposed to be lying low.

“How long you been coming here?” I asked.

“Oh not long, year or so.” He said as he pulled off his shorts and accidently pulling down his speedo too.

I saw his junk and nearly laughed at the size of it. Heck, my penis is even bigger than his was. He was so stoned that he didn’t even realize what he had done until someone whistled at him.

“Woopsie-dassies!” he laughed as he caught his board before it fell. He’d been trying to balance it while taking off his shirt at the same time.

“Want me to hang on to that while you get your suit back on?” I asked and he passed it to me.

“Where’s your board man?” he asked while using one hand to hang onto the sign to keep from falling over and the other to pull up his shorts.

“Don’t have one.” I said.

“No way.” He exclamed with too much emotion. Stoners are so funny.

“But hey man I got an extra board if you want.” He offered.

See what I mean about surfers?

“Oooeee that would be choice!” I told him.

“You light up?” He asked after he got his speedo back on.

I had helped him tie his clothes to the metal pole as he was so wasted he couldn’t even manage to wrap the darn things around the pole, let alone tie 'em there. I also tied the laces of my shoes to it before following him back to his car.

“Nah man, but help yourself!” I said and then asked while holding his extra board, which wasn’t a great board, but it was better than most rental boards.

“Mind if I get this wet while you light up?” I asked.

Wordlessly he waved his approval as he was taking a hit of his roach clip.

“Thanks bra!” I crowed as I tucked the board under my arm and took off toward the sandy beach.

I didn’t run, but walked with slow pensive strides while looking out at the point where the earth curves and the ocean and sky meets.

The ocean… my old, dearly missed ocean, it was still there, and it was breaking for me. It was as though it saw me walking toward it and like a faithful dog, was jumping and rolling with excitement.

“Oh yeah! You’re glad to see me too. Aren’t ya?” I asked it.

I cannot properly express to you the pleasure I felt as the scorching sand fried the bottoms of my feet with each step. You might think that pleasure is the last thing I would feel but to me, the burning hot sand was like the beach telling me, “Welcome home Alvin!”

I will say that with one year away from the beach, the bottoms of my feet have become softer. If I actually were to stop on the sand for any amount of time, I probably would have started doing what vacationers always do. A sort of tiptoe dance to the water to cool their burning feet.

I stopped at the water’s edge. The waves rolled up and touched my feet like a dog licking its masters face. Down, level with the water, I could see the waves were more than gnarly. They were the kind of waves people draw on the backs of school binders; as in the kind, you only dream about. There was only one thing to do, go in for a closer look!

There was no checking the water temp or getting used to the colder ocean water. I ran all the way out jumped on the board and paddled like mad.

Now you might have noticed that I’d managed to forget something very important. I was wearing a GoodNite under my board shorts and they were already completely water logged. This is actually going to be a reoccurring event in the coming days.

“Alvin you idiot!” I said aloud as I duck-dived under the first wave.

I came up on the other side and didn’t stop paddling and duck diving until I thought my arms were going to fall off. I had to dive under eight waves in total and paddled so far out that when I sat myself up and turned to look back, I couldn’t see land or anyone else. I was alone, in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I was finally back where I belong!

As peaceful as it was out there in the middle of my own big, blue water world, I didn’t stay out there too long, maybe ten minutes or so; long enough to shimmy out of my shorts and the GoodNite and then shimmy back into my shorts. I’m immensely ashamed to tell you this, but I dropped that GoodNite right into the water and watched it sink into the blackness of the ocean depths. I was no sooner getting my board shorts back on; when I spotted, what I knew was going to be a great wave. However, I was behind it already.

Using a trick I’d learned from a Hawaiian surfer, I grabbed both sides of my board and flipped myself right over so that the bottom of my board was facing the sky and I was danging beneighth it in the water.

My body acted like sail and the current actually propelled me so fast that when I righted my board and myself, I was in perfect passion.

Boy was I right on the money with that wave. It was almost a perfect wave.

“Oh yeah! Check it out!” I cheered, "The water was chucking a major fish, but I was in complete control.

I cut left!

I cut right!

I pulled a nice exit and re-entry!

I was ripping up that face!

I rode it in about halfway alone then at about that point several other surfers had caught the wave too. However, they didn’t know that the wave hadn’t reached full maturity and were soon swallowed up. I had been riding high and hanging ten, however, knowing that it was going to begin breaking soon I dropped low and then did a sharp left to put myself into position. My timing was spot on as the wave began to break above me, creating a stellar tube.

There was a moment where I couldn’t see anything but water all around me and having not surfed a tube in about a year, I actually got a little scared as it closed in on me. In that instant I had a brief and incredibly scary thought, like someone screaming in my ear, that this was how I would die. However, like I said it was brief, like a nano-second and then instinct took over. I slid my left foot a couple inches nearer the nose of the board, lowered myself, and soon fired myself out the other end before the wave could consume me.

Still riding the dying wave, I was punching my fist in the air and cheering. “NOT THIS TIME!” I felt like I was back and hadn’t lost anything at all.

Several surfers and vacationers were ‘ooing and aweing’ as I came up on shore. A few asked who I was but I didn’t answer. As I walked up the beach, I found the stoners car and placed his board in the back, which was still wide open. As I was walking back past the car, I found the stoner passed out on the front seat and laughed as I headed for my shirt and shoes.

Yeah, it would have been great to surf for the whole afternoon, but I hadn’t left Meek and Destiny a note or anything telling them where I had gone. Therefore, I wanted to get back before they woke up again.

I walked into the room to find both of them awake and active.

“There he is!” Meek said smugly, “Told you he wouldn’t be gone long!”

Destiny was helping Meek… uh… I mean Mindy-Lynn to be re-dolled up by touching up his, uh, her eye shadow.

“Where’d you wander off too?” Destiny asked. Her tone wasn’t strict or that of a mother-hen. She simply sounded curious.

“Wasn’t tired so I went to see if the ocean was still where I left it.” I said while retrieving a fresh GoodNite.

“How was the water?” Meek asked.

“Perfect! Caught a gnarly one.” I said while kicking off my shoes by the door.

“Just one?” Meek asked.

Forgetting to be embarrassed, I dropped my shorts, exposing myself to Destiny as I stepped into the GoodNite.

“Yeah, didn’t want to worry either of you so I hurried back.”

“See, told ya he couldn’t wait.” Meek said to Destiny.

“Yeah, you got that one right!” I said as I pulled my shorts up over the fresh GoodNite.

“Alvin sweetie, you might want to get cleaned up and put on some of those new clothes.” She pointed to a stack of clothes on one of the beds, “Momma Destiny is going to take her boys out to paint the town in rainbow colors!”

“Oh? Where’s that?” I asked but I wasn’t told.

"We ended up at a place I knew well from the front windows but had never been in. I knew it as ‘The Wall’ and it was THE PLACE TO BE if you were gay and lived in Chula Vista. It is known among locals that behind the place, is where you go if you want a free blowjob. It’s also a place to be avoided if you are a kid. Of course, I didn’t care either way. I’d walked past it a hundred, thousand times and never once got bothered. There was always a person out front staffing the door. Over the years I got to know them all and when I would walk by they’d say, “Hello Alvin!” or “How’s the waves?” or my favorite, “There’s Sharkboy again!” Sometimes they’d even give me a high-five, or a fist-bump but mostly they’d just wave or point my way. Even some of the local ‘Gayboys’ got used to seeing me and would talk with me.

However, aside from a couple jerks, no one ever messed with me or even tried for fear of getting their butts kicked, not by me, but by those that watched the doors or the Drag Queens that preformed at the club. You see, this onetime someone had grabbed one of the drag queens as she was going in and it wasn’t a nice sort of grabbing. I hadn’t thought, I simply reacted and mule-kicked the guy in the kneecap. He went down like a sack of potatoes. I didn’t even stop; I kept right on walking like nothing had happened. So a few months later, I am going by, carrying my board, and wearing only a pair of board shorts; this guy, who I had never seen said something very, very uncool to me. I won’t actually say what he said, but it is something that even if I had been an adult, I’d still would’ve been offended by it. Before I knew what happened, he was on the ground and bleeding heavily from the nose. To this day, I don’t know if it was one of the three Drag Queen performers on their way in that evening, the doorman, or one of the regular customers lined up out front that hit that guy. All I know is that I never again had a single problem there and everyone treated me like a friend.

Sorry, I got way off track. Anyway, Momma Destiny took Meek… I mean Mindy-Lynn and myself to ‘The Wall’ where she got a table right up front for me alone. Now remember, I am only 12 years old and I’m in a GAY, ADULT, nightclub and no one seems the least bit out of sorts about having a kid there. I later found out that despite my bleached hair, the owner of the place recognized me instantly. It also helped that the owner was Momma Destiny’s Latin, step-cousin-in-law-twice-removed, or some weird thing like that. I didn’t understand it then and I don’t pretend to understand it now. All I know is I was a kid in a gay-bar and no one seemed to care at all that I was there.

So there I was, alone at the table, surrounded by gay men, some of which were fully dressed, other were shirtless and still others in just shorts or underwear. Thankfully, no one was nude.

Momma Destiny and Meek had gone to the back, leaving me alone but not really alone. I had a feeling that everyone in the place (Staff and patrons alike) were watching out for me. It was like I had more than fifty babysitters.

I had a feeling I’d be seeing Momma Destiny performing again, however I hadn’t even begun to expect what I was treated too.

For starters, I never ordered any food; it was just brought out to me. Being so close to the Mexican border, you know that 95% of the food is Mexican. So, when I was served real Mexican chili, I wasn’t surprised. By the way, did you know that REAL chili is not brown and does not have beans in it, but is green and is loaded with all sorts peppers which are meant to keep you warm during the cool Mexico nights? Until you’ve had REAL Mexican chili, you’ve never had real chili. It will burn going in and burn going out but it is the tastiest chili you’ll ever have!

I was halfway through my bowl of chili and stuffed hot peppers when I realized that not a single person in the place was drinking alcohol. They were all sitting or standing around either chatting or looking toward me. I got the idea that somehow everyone in the place had been told that as long as I was in the house, no one was allowed to drink. I had no idea that Momma Destiny and her friends had set everything up for the evening as a special evening performance. The lights dimmed which I was glad of, as then, I couldn’t see all those men looking, or trying to act like they weren’t looking at me. When the lights went down, the first performer came out lit up by red and blue police lights. It was a white, very buff guy dressed like a cop. Then three spotlights lit up, one on either side of the room, and one behind us, illuminating three other cops. For all of five seconds I honestly thought it was a raid until the music began to blare and the four cops began to lip-sync to the theme song from the TV show ‘COPS’ while stripping. I, of course, covered my eyes, as I had no desire to see four grown men ripping off all their clothes.

A kind older Mexican guy to my right tapped me on the shoulder and said in a heavy accent, “Not to worry young man. They won’t bare all.”

I glanced up to see that all of them were wearing Speedos with gold police bandages over their bulges. It was still a bit uncomfortable watching them gyrate while other guys in the audience stuffed money into their Speedos.

I don’t think I have been more embarrassed than when the cop from the back came up, placed his police hat on my head, draped a police badge on a glitter chain about my neck, and was holding the back of my chair while dancing behind me as the two of us were lit up by the spotlight. Although I couldn’t see most of the audience, I could hear them laughing and whooping over this spectacle.

I was so glad when the performance was over and the stripper officer took his hat and badge. Although it would have been rather cool to have been able to keep the badge on the glitter chain.

The next performance was the one I’d been brought to see. The Left stage lights all went blue and out came Destiny dressed completely in black sequin at the left side of the stage and then this awesome song beat began for a moment before Destiny commenced to lip-sync… “Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene…”

The name echoed repeatedly throughout the club. It was haunting, and magical, and eerie, and electrifying.

Then the right side of the stage lit up with red and out walked Meek… I mean Mindy-Lynn, dressed in a very reveling, red sequin dress. I wanted to jump on the table and cheer for Meek! Then he began to lip-sync too, “We started dancing and love brought us into our groove… as soon as we started to move.”

It was a musical-mashup and it was awesome.

Meek seemed so much older than his 15 year old self as he moved and danced so seductively while pretending to be singing the words of the song, “The music played while our bodies displayed through the dance, then love picked us out for romance.”

Destiny appeared heartbroken as she mouthed the words, “Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene…” again the echoes followed by, “I’m begging of you please don’t take my man!”

Meek turned toward Destiny and as he pretended to be singing, his body language appeared rude and disrespectful, “I thought it was clear the plan was we would share this feeling just between ourselves. But when the music changed, the plan was re-arranged He went to dance with someone else. We started dancing and love put us into a groove - But now he’s with somebody new - what does love want me to do? Love said: Let the music play he won’t get away, Just keep the groove and then he’ll come back to you again, let it play. Let the music play he won’t get away, this groove he can’t ignore, he won’t leave you anymore, no, no, no.”

Destiny turned toward Meek and adopting the same rude body language she sang, “Your beauty is beyond compare. With flaming locks of auburn hair, with mocha skin and eyes of emerald green, your smile is like a breath of spring, your voice is soft like summer rain, and I cannot compete with you, Jolene!”

It was again Meek’s turn, however he snubbed Destiny by turning away from her and toward the audience and sang as if trying to persuade us all to side with him in this three-way tug-o-war of love.

“So we started dancing and love put us into the groove, as soon as we started to move, as soon as we started to moooooooove. Love said: Let the music play he won’t get away, Just keep the groove and then he’ll come back to you again, let it play. Let the music play he won’t get away, this groove he can’t ignore, he won’t leave you anymore, no, no, no. The music played while our bodies displayed through the dance, then love picked us out for romance.”

I swear Destiny was nearly in tears as she pretended to sing, “Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I’m begging of you please don’t take my man!”

Meek ran his hands down his body as though his hands were those of his lover, “We started dancing and love put us into a groove. But now he’s with somebody new.”

Destiny began to stumble and held her hands as though begging, “Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene… Please don’t take him even though you can!”

Meek began to dance very erotically as he sang, “He’s dancing his way back to me - Love said: Let the music play he won’t get away, just keep the groove and he’ll come back to you again. Let the music play!”

He continued to lip-sync the words, “Let the music play he won’t get away, just keep the groove and he’ll come back to you again. Let the music play!” while Destiny clutched at her heart, turned away from the audience as her spotlight faded away.

Finally, the song ended and the house lights came back up as Destiny rejoined Meek on stage to bask in the applause and roar of the crowd. Now that the performance was over Meek appeared to be crying, as Momma Destiny hugged him and the two of them waved.

They again vanished behind the glimmering curtain as a portly man with a pointy goatee and very bushy eyebrows came out and announced, “Thank you all for indulging us this evening and please give another big thank you for Miss Destiny and Mindy-Lynn.”

The crowd would not be silenced until Momma Destiny and Meek came out for one more bow.

About fifteen minutes later, after watching two more performers, one did a Barbra Streisand number and the other did a Cyndi Lauper song, both Meek and Momma Destiny came out, with Meek no longer in drag but Momma Destiny back in her ‘street’ clothes. I assumed this was to make a clean getaway but that didn’t happen. I guess the club goers were not fooled, and stopped them to ask for autographs, give them flowers, and beg for kisses (they all only received kisses on the cheeks from Destiny). What was cool was they were all perfect gentlemen to Meek who they knew was under age.

Momma Destiny, waved for me from up near the bar to come with them and once I made my way to them, the three of us made our getaway out the side door with the help of two very big guys in black t-shirts with ‘SECURITY’ in big white letters across their chests.

Just as we were going out the door, an older Drag Queen who looked somewhat Asian stopped us and said to Meek, “Don’t you ever be ashamed to be who you are sweetie!” She then leaned down and kissed Meek on the cheek, leaving bright red lipstick on him. I thought it was sweet that Meek refused to wipe it off until we were back to the truck.

Meek smiled back and said, “Thank you Lady Love! I’ll never forget you!”

I later learned from Meek that Lady Love had helped them with their quick change for the performance and their quick change back into street clothes. She’d also helped to arrange the performance. I honestly wish I had known that while still at the club so I could have thanked her too. I tell you, after that, Meek seemed like a completely different person, and I mean that in the best ways possible!

You know something I just now realized… Where the heck did Meek get a change of clothes? When we went to the club he was in drag, when we left he was dressed in normal boy’s clothes. Moreover, what happened to his pretty dress? Oh well, I guess that’s one I may never know the answer too.

I kept gushing over the two of them all evening. I just couldn’t stop. It was like I was in the presence of double-royalty!

“I wish we could have recorded it!” I exclaimed.

“Oh it was. He’ll be sending a DVD copy of it in a few days.” I was told.

“Really?” I exclaimed.

“Yeah he’s mailing it to my house. I’m hoping when Pepper sees it, he’ll forgive me for leaving him behind.” Meek said.

“OH MY GOD IT WAS JUST SO COOL!” I shouted while pulling at my bleach-blonde hair! “How’d you guys come up with that? Did you even practice?”

“Nope, no practice at all.” Meek confessed with an air of pride in himself.

“Seriously?” I asked.

“We both picked songs we knew…” Meek started to say and Destiny finished, “And then I had my friend put together a track, email it to my friend at ‘The Wall’ and well…”

Destiny pointed to Meek to finish the story, “We arrived, got made up and out we went without any practice or preparation.”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU GUYS WINGED IT?” I continued to shout, causing other people walking by to take notice of the three of us.

We walked to the truck, Destiny asked if we should go back to the room and both Meek and I agreed we should. However, before we checked in, Destiny did something utterly remarkable while sitting behind the wheel of the truck. She pulled off her wig, pulled off her lashes, her long nails, and after retrieving a few items from her purse, she removed her markup. In the space of about five minutes, Destiny had transformed herself into Jerome Roberts. She even managed to shimmy out of her dress and into a pair of cutoff shorts.

“You’ve done this before.” Meek said with a grin.

“More times than you know.” Destiny… I mean Jerome said.

Now I have seen my share of drag queens, enough that they don’t shock me when I see them now, but until today, I had never seen one metamorphosis right before my very eyes.

“Why Alvin you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Jerome said.

“I-I…” I shook my head and spoke in a pleading and desperate tone, “Please don’t ever do that in front of me again.”

“Oh, Baby Child! I’m sorry I didn’t even consider how young you are.” Jerome said and even though it sounded like Destiny, it wasn’t her.

I like to think of myself as enlightened when it comes to transvestites and female impersonators, as I have had some interactions with them, but until right then, I had never in my life seen someone whom I had actually begun to form an attachment vanish and transform before my very eyes. I’m sorry to say, but it completely freaked me out for a few minutes.

Meek seemed to miss the fact that I was freaking out as he jokingly said, “Oh goody! Now Jimmy and Mindy-Lynn Roberts have a daddy!”


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 10

While Jerome had been gone, Meek and I both had taken a shower; I’d gone first because I was faster and managed to get to the bathroom and lock the door before Meek had even known I had moved from his side. I didn’t take long at all and was out in no time which seemed to please Meek. While Meek showered, I slipped into a fresh GoodNite and managed a short nap. It wasn’t a very deep sleep however it was restful all the same. I reawakened when I heard the bathroom door open and rolled over to face the that direction. That is when I saw Meek come out transformed from cute Mindy-Lynn back into regular Meek.

“I kind of miss my big sister, but I guess having my big brother here is almost as good.” I teased which earned me a wet washcloth upside the head.

“EEEEWWWWW!” I moaned as I rolled off the bed, preparing to throw the rag back at him.

However, Meek had been faster and was on me before I had a chance to cock my arm for the throw. He grabbed me under my arms, lifted me off the floor, and threw me is if I were nothing more than a pillow. I hit the bed with a big bounce and before I came down from the bounce, he had jumped on top of me and began to murder me via tickling.

“AAAAAHHH!” I screamed, “No! No! Stop! Get oooooofffffffff!”

“NEEEEVVVVEEERRRRR!” He sang out as he redoubled his efforts with the tickle torture.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” I screamed as tears began to flow along with my howled of laughter, “MMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEK! PLLLLEEEEAAASSSE!”

He kept it up for a bit more, making me cry, scream, pee and beg before finally giving me a double titty-twister right before he hopped off me.

“You are a bully!” I cried as I sat up and wiped away my tears.

“Yeah?” he asked as he turned and acted as though he was going to jump on me again.

“NOOOO!” I screeched and threw up my hand and rolled into the fatal position.

He simply laughed and pointed threateningly at me.

“You better not!!!” I said back.

“I need to take the Browns to the Superbowl.” Meek told me and then disappeared into the bathroom.

“I didn’t need to know that.” I grunted.

I was so relieved to hear the door latch and lock.

“You just wait until you go to sleep later!” I said aggressively.

From behind the bathroom door, I could hear him laughing.

I then told him in a softer voice so as not to have him hear me, “Yeah we’ll see who’s laughing later!”

“I heard that!” he shouted through the closed door.

Jerome was gone quite a while, but when he finally walked through the door, his arms were loaded down with plastic sacks of goodies.

“Meek is a booger-brain!” I announced loudly so Meek heard me too.

“Oh? Is Meek back?” Jerome asked while depositing his sacks on the other bed.

“Yes to both!” I answered.

“Why’s that?” Jerome asked and I wasn’t sure to which he was referring so I answered the booger brain one first.

I answered with, “He was trying to tickle me to death!”

Jerome, straight faced asked, “Did he succeed?”

“Uh, NOOOOO!” I laughed.

“Ooooh! That’s too bad. I thought you might be like a sexy little zombie boy.” Jerome joked while removing the contents from the bags.

“You hear that Meek? I’m a sexy zombie boy!”

“He also said ‘LITTLE’!” was Meek’s answer to that as he re-emerged from the bathroom, feeling safe that I wouldn’t retaliate while Jerome was there.

I gnashed my teeth and stomped my feet at having been bested by Meek yet again.

“Can I have my big sister back? I don’t like Meek no more!” I jokingly asked of Jerome.

He simply chuckled.

Jerome had bought us both board style swim suits, cool shirts, flip-flops, sun block, hats, beach towels, sun glasses, and several other beach related items.

“Jerome, this is way too much!” Meek explained with excitement.

From another bag he produced, takeout in white Styrofoam restaurant takeaway containers. Each one consisted of scrambled eggs, two wedges of buttered toast, bacon, and we each had a small OJ to wash it all down.

“Alright, eat up and then we’re going to turn my boys into ultra-tanned beach gods.” Jerome announced with a clap of his hands followed by a double finger snap.

“Huh?” I grunted with confusion because we’d already died Meeks skin.

“You’ll see.” Jerome hummed mysteriously.

“I’m already a beach god.” I said with a straight face.

Meek punched my hard.

“OUCH!” I moaned.

Meek then said with an angry sounding chuckle, “Humble much?”

I gave him my meanest face as I rubbed the spot on my arm he’d hit.

“You mean I am going to get a second dye job?” Meek asked Jerome.

“Boys, when I am done with you, your own mother’s won’t recognize you!” Jerome announced with a triple snap of his fingers in Z-formation.

After eating, Jerome took us to the bathroom and placed shower caps on our heads. He then had us stand naked side by side in the tub as he proceeded to rub us down from head to toe with this stuff that looked like chocolate mousse and smelled like a rabies-infected-coconut-monster had just had a double shot of Prune Juice.

I wish I could say that I didn’t mind it when Jerome smeared the concoction on my genitals quite thoroughly but I did. It made me feel…well like we were doing something very bad. Thankfully, once Jerome announced me as done those feelings went away.

“Dude, I am never going to eat coconut again.” Meek complained with exasperation as he walked out of the bathroom butt naked and sporting his new deep, been on the beach all his life, tanned look and about half a chubby, which he was trying to hide from me.

If he had black hair, he would have passed for Mexican easily.

“Nah man this is like the best smell ever!” I told him, “This is the smell of the beach, coconut, and the smell of the salty ocean mingled in the air.”

It didn’t really smell good at all but I like messing with Meek.

Meek and I returned to the bathroom where the two of us stood, side-by-side and completely naked, before the hotel bath mirror that took up the whole wall behind the double sink.

“Doesn’t look anything like me.” he commented.

“Yeah, that’s the idea, but you were cuter as Mindy-Lynn!” I teased.

“I’m sure she’ll be back.” He hummed as he flexed his muscles.

I turned and admired my backside, “I never would have believed that I could get any darker!”

“Destiny… I mean Jerome. You were right’ we do look like two young beach gods who spend every waking hour of our lives in the tropical sun.” I said very loud.

Jerome, appeared in the doorway to the bathroom, then surprised me with a package of swim diapers to wear under my board shorts.

“I thought these might help.” He suggested.

“No way! Thank you!” I exclaimed and surprised us both when I hugged and kissed his cheek.

Jerome then got this disturbed look on his face as he said, “You are good boys and I wish I could stay to watch you win that championship, but I am afraid it is time that I go.”

“Noooooo!” Meek whined, “Can’t you stay? Please?!”

“Sweet baby, I already missed several gigs bringing you boys out here. I have to get back to work.” Jerome explained, “There are sad, lonely men out there that need Momma Destiny to brighten up their lives.”

“I am going to miss you!” I cried and hugged him again. I didn’t even mind when he cupped my two round butt cheeks and lifted me off the floor for a warm goodbye hug.

He hugged Meek much the same way, but this time he didn’t lift him up like he had me. Jerome probably would have strained something if he had tried.

“Now, I’ve paid for this room for the week and I’ve left some money by the TV. Don’t go swimming in the pool as the chlorine may bleach out the dye we used on your skin.” He stopped talking for a moment as he tapped a finger repeatedly against the end of my nose, “Also, remember to us cream rinse on your hair each time you wash it.”

We said our goodbyes; we both cried a little and Meek gave Jerome one last hug. That’s when I saw him push a white envelope into Meeks hand. Since we were naked, we couldn’t walk Jerome to his truck (well I suppose we could have but we’d of probably got a lot of unwanted attention) so Meek and I stood at the front window and watched Jerome and his freshly painted, white truck drive out of the parking lot.

“Are you going to stay naked the rest of the day?” I joked with Meek while closing the front curtain and wiping away my tears at the same time.

“You’re one to talk!” Meek joked back while trying to hide from me that he too had been crying, “You should get that thing in a GoodNite before it starts leaking again.”

I guess I was getting comfortable being naked around Meek because without really giving it any thought, I threw my hands over my head and twisted my hips left and right, making my boyhood swing back and forth.

Meek laughed but then tried to sound stern as he spoke in an authoritative adult voice, “NOW STOP THAT!”

I laughed and my cheeks burned with embarrassment.

While I was pulling on a GoodNite, Meek went to the mirror again and began to pose. I even caught him imitating me when he thought I wasn’t looking by making his own penis swing back and forth.

“Bet Pepper wouldn’t even recognize me.” he thought aloud.

“I bet my Mom and Grandparents wouldn’t know me if I was standing right in front of them!” I added, “Bleached and bronzed! I could get used to looking this good!”

Then, Meek began to fumble with the envelope while asking, “Want to get dressed and head down to get registered?”

I still hadn’t thought anything of the envelope just yet as I began to step into a GoodNite, “Sounds good to me; and we can look at renting boards. Maybe even get some practice in.”

Meek dropped the envelope on the bed nearest the door and then the two of us covered each other in suntan lotion. After I exchanged my GoodNite for one of the swim diapers, I hopped into a pair of the new board shorts.

As we were about to leave Meek scooped up the envelope and said, “Destiny told me not to open this until she was gone.”

He then ripped off the end of the envelope and pulled out a stack of twenty-dollar bills.

Meek counted it aloud, “Two-sixty, two-eighty, three-hundred, three-twenty, three-forty, three…”

He then cussed which Meek almost never does, “Holy shit Alvin! There is three hundred and sixty dollars here.”

“Whoa!” I exclaimed.

“When I get back home, if I am able, I plan on mailing her back all the money she spent on us.” Meek stated resolutely.

“How? We don’t know where she lives.” I pointed out.

“Yeah, huh! I memorized the address from the drivers’ license.” He said with a sly grin.

Outside, walking the streets of Chula Vista I felt like I was back where I belonged. We made our way through town, no one even giving us a second glance. We blended in perfectly.

Then came the ultimate test, I saw someone walking toward us that I recognized. At first, I couldn’t believe my eyes, it was Jenny, my best friend when I lived out here. She looked exactly as I remembered her and for some reason that made my heart flutter with joy. A part of me wanted to run up to her and reveal myself to her, but then again I knew that if she didn’t recognize me, no one would.

“Hey!” I said, as Meek and I passed her.

“Like, don’t hey me surfer trash!” she said and kept right on going.

“You know her or something?” Meek whispered.

I giggled amusedly to myself, “Yeah, but she didn’t even recognize me.”

“Jenny,” I called out and she turned back around.

“How do you know my name?” She asked suspiciously.

“I know a lot more about you than just your name.” I suggested and began to recite fact after fact about her.

“Alright you little freak, like, who the hell are you? You some kind of Ali Baba hocus pocus mind raper?”

Then I saw it in her eyes, the recognition… the light bulb if you will.

“No way!” She narrowed her eyes as if trying to focus laser beams upon me, “Alvin? Alvin Holloway?” she asked; not sure, she believed her own eyes.

I held open my arms as though presenting myself to her like a gift, “The one and only!”

“ALVIN!” She shouted, ran at me, and nearly cracked my ribs as she hugged the stuffing out of me.

“Alvin, I missed you so much!” she squealed.

“Jenny! Can’t breathe!” I managed to moan and she finally put me back down.

I held my sides as I took a deep breath, smiled through the pain, and said, “Jenny, this here is my friend…”

“Minkus, I know! You guys are all over the news!” She said and then looked around to make sure no one heard her.

“Call me Meek please.” Meek said.

Jenny shared everything they had been saying about us, about how the police are looking for us, about how so many people are cheering for us to make it to California.

“No one knows where you guys are right now. Some think you are dead, but I knew you weren’t.” She said and hugged me again.

“Don’t suppose you know if anyone else has been looking for us?” Meek asked.

“Yeah both of your parents are here.” She said first to Meek and then said to me, “And your grandfather and mother are here too. They were interviewed on the news and everything!”

“Mom is here?” I asked because frankly I didn’t believe it. Mom was far too fragile to come all the way out here.

“Yeah, she looked really worried too.” Jenny told me.

I turned to Meek and moaned, “Ah man! Why did she have to come out here?”

“Oh and guess who I saw yesterday?” She asked and before I could guess she said, “Remember that old guy that ran The Surf Shack?”

“GARY’S HERE?” I almost screamed.

“Yeah, did you know he got married?” She asked.

“Yeah, talked to him not to long ago.” I shot back quickly.

“Whatever you do, don’t let him see you.” Jenny said.

“Why?” I asked.

“He’s totally and completely pissed at you! He was interviewed too and he told the news lady that if he sees you that he’d going to beat your ass before God and everyone!”

Meek was giving me a mixed expression of fear and confusion.

“If it were anyone other than Gary, I wouldn’t be the least bit scared;” I told them boy, “but I happen to know full well he’ll do it and not care who’s around when he does.”

Meek then changed the subject. He thumbed over his shoulder toward the distant beach as he said, “We’re going to register under fake names. Think we can get away with it?”

“Oh totally! You guys don’t look anything like the pictures they have been showing of you two on the news.” Jenny told him.

“How’d you get so dark so fast?” She asked Meek while stroking his bicep with a single finger.

“Furniture polish!” she asked and I couldn’t help but to laugh with a laugh.

Her eyes went wide with surprise.

“Nah, some sort of skin bronzer from a drug store.” I Meek said.

I saw something in Jenny’s eyes as she looked at Meek and knew I needed to say something before she got any ideas. “Jenny, he’s gay.”

“Ah bummer!” she complained while shifting her weight to one leg, “Why are all the really cute guys always hungry for cock?”

Meeks eyes were wide with shock.

“Well, if you ever switch teams, let me be first up to bat.” She said and I knew then that she was teasing Meek.

“Alvin’s looking for a girlfriend!” Meek added quickly.

I swear I thought Jenny was going to blow chunks right then and there. “Th-that’s just sick!”

“Hey!” I objected.

She continued as if I hadn’t made a sound, “Kissing Alvin would be like kissing…”

“H-E-Y!!!” I objected more fervently.

“MY BROTHER!” she said strongly toward me.

“OK, that’s better.” I said.

Changing the subject back to our folks, I told Meek, “I dunno; I think I should go see my mom. Make sure she is alright and explain everything.”

“I can do that for you?” Jenny offered with a bit more excitement that I would have thought her capable of. “I won’t say a word about seeing you guys either.”

“You won’t mind?” Meek asked.

I was apprehensive with that idea and said so. “I don’t know. Mom’s been pretty out of it since Dad die…”

Instantly I became aware that I’d just said ‘Dad’ instead of ‘John’ and had to stop speaking or I would have begun bawling.

Again, Meek missed the facts of the moment as he pleaded with me. “Alvin we’ve come this far! Let’s not give up.”

Jenny didn’t miss that I’d choked up as she placed a reassuring hand on my left shoulder, “I’m real sorry about your Dad. I liked him most of the time.”

She didn’t really like him. Actually, she hated him; but it was nice of her to say it.

“Let me see how your mom is. Maybe she is just here to watch you win.” Jenny suggested.

Everything inside of me was telling me to run to my mother and take care of her, but I gave into Meek and Jenny.

Completely out of character for us both, Jenny and I hugged again and I thanked her before she left.

Jenny left us to go check on my mom (if she could), while Meek and I went to register for the competition. We were in line for quite a while before we got to the registration table, which had been set up inside The Surf Shack.

While in line, Meek and I did our best not to make eye contact or convers with anyone. We both kept our ears open and heard lots of speculation concerning the two of us, some of which was just completely outlandishly blown up!

“I heard that Meek guy is the head of one of the biggest, meanest gangs in Maine.”

“If he’s smart, Holloway won’t come near this place!”

“Alvin should run for President! I’d vote for him!”

“I heard they killed some guy and ate his body 'cause they were so hungry!”

Every so often, Meek and I would glance at each other and try to hide our amusement.

Once we finally reached the front of the line, we were both handed a clipboard and a pen, “Fill this out, have your parent or guardian sign it and then return it here. NEXT!”

Meek and I stood to the side looking at the sheet of paper and wondering how we were going to solve this problem.

“I totally forgot about the parental permission!” I sighed with concern.

“So we’re sunk?” Meek moaned.

“You don’t know the half of it!” Came a familiar man’s voice.

I turned and nearly screamed when I saw my old friend Gary standing behind me. In the space of a single second, I went from surprise, to immeasurable joy, to out-and-out fear.

“G-g-gary!” I stammered and actually took an apprehensive step backward.

“You can change your hair, sleep in the sun for a month, and get nice and fat, but you cannot hide that voice of yours.” Gary said with what I took to be a smirk.

Gary looked good, better than I had ever seen him and I wanted so badly to throw my arms around him but Jenny’s words of warning were replaying repeatedly in my head.

It wasn’t until Gary threw open his arms in a welcoming gesture that I realized there was no need to fear my old friend. Apparently, his threat on TV to beat me was to allay any suspicions that he might help me.

“Gary!” I cheered and ran to him.

“You’ve been causing a hell of a lot of trouble.” He told me.

“Yeah we heard.” I agreed.

Gary held out a hand to Meek, “So this must be Minkus.”

“Yes sir!” Meek said as he took Gary’s hand, “I’ve heard a lot about you sir and might I say it is an honor to meet a real live war hero.”

“Sir? Hero?” Gary said with a wink in my direction, “I like him already.”

I then punched Gary in the gut. Of course, my punch did little to him but to cause his left eyebrow to rise questioningly.

“What do you mean fat?” I asked angrily.

He laughed and pinched my left cheek as he said, “Oink Oink!”

Meek let a chuckle slip out and I shot him a warning glance, which he did not fail to miss.

I then turned my attention back to Gary, “Have you seen Mom yet?”

“No, but I imagine I will very soon.” he said as he pointed to the far side of the beach and up on the boardwalk.

Even though they were a good distance away and partially blocked by what seemed to be a couple hundred people, I recognized Grandfather and my mother and they were walking purposefully toward The Shack. There were two other people with them and I assumed those were Meeks folks. One glance toward Meek and I knew I’d assumed correctly. His eyes were the size of dinner plates.

“I otta turn you over my knee and then take you both over to 'em right now!” Gary threatened in a familiar tone, which I knew meant he wasn’t joking at all. Then he looked to Meek as he added, “And don’t think for a second you’re too big to go over my knee too young man!”

I glanced at Meek who had gone blank in the face and I bet under that die job, he was white as a ghost!

Thankfully Gary then said, “But God help me, I want to see you try to win this hoopla and silence all the naysayers. Soooo,” He rubbed his hands in a thoughtful and pensive manor before adding, “I’m going to sign your papers and then make myself scarce. I suggest you both do the same.”

I shook my head, “Gary, we don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“Son, I’ve been in trouble up to my eyeballs most of my life. This would not even register on my Deep-Shit-O-Meter. Now give me those clipboards before I change my mind and beat both your asses’ right here!”

Where his first threat to whip us came across as serious and genuine, this time I knew there was zero change of that happening. Meek on the other had still looked scared to death.

Gary helped us fill out the paper work, and we shared with him our fake names.

His reply to learning our fictitious names was a loud laugh and, “Is that the best you could come up with?”

As soon as our paperwork was filled out and signed by Gary, he slapped my face (not hard) and told me, “That’s just the start of it! You better pray I don’t see you again when this shindig is over or so help me you’ll be unable to walk for a month!”

That time I knew he meant it too.

He looked at Meek like he was about to smack him too and I swear Meek was seconds from bursting out crying. All Meek received was a stern glare as a warning.

Gary then rushed us back up to The Shack where we paid our entry fee and turned in the paperwork. We were given numbers and that was that. We regrouped a few yards south of The Shack.

“Now you boys get yourselves out of here and don’t come back until the competition starts.” Gary told us and then asked, “You got a place to stay?”

Meek and I nodded.

“Good. Are you two doing okay on food and money?”

Again, we nodded.

I then said, “But we don’t have boards yet. We’re going to rent a couple from The Surf Shack.”

“The hell you are!” Gary shouted about as loud as I have ever heard him and this time when he slapped me it wasn’t soft. It was a teeth rattling slap like I’d just cussed in front of him. The slap was not only hard, but loud too.

I cupped my hand over my cheek and looked up at Gary through tear-filled eyes as he said in a disdainful and profound sort of way, “I better never catch you renting the shit they’re using now. Come on, I can hook you up.”

Gary then put an arm around both of us and led us from the beach. As we were walking together, I looked back and saw, walking north, away from ‘The Shack’ were Grandfather and Mom and Meek’s parents. Mom was walking arm in arm with Grandfather, leaning on him the way only a daughter could. I exhaled a breath of relief as I mimicked my mother by resting my head against Gary’s forearm.

We continued walking up the boardwalk to where Gary had parked. He had four surfboards strapped into the back of a brand new white Jeep Wrangler and one in the passenger seat.

Noticing the two of us admiring the new Jeep Gary stated, “Got a heavy lump of cash when I sold the business!”

“Wow!” I was all I could say to that.

Gary eyed Meek up and down then stated as if thinking aloud, “Long legs and a short torso. Below average upper body strength,” and then asked in a thought filled way, “You’re probably a long board man. Am I right?”

“Yeah, he’d do great with that one.” I pointed to the red and blue board.

Meek didn’t have a clue what Gary was talking about. I could tell by the blank look on his face.

“And where the hell is the board I made you?” Gary asked me.

“Hey!” I said with indignation, “We started out on a dirt bike; couldn’t very well strap that on now could we? We would have taken flight.”

“What do you mean you started out on a dirt bike?” Gary asked as he was stretching a rubber bungee cord over a lime green and white striped board.

“The bike was stolen along with almost everything we had. We rode a train a good ways and then got a ride from . . . someone.” I hesitated a moment there and felt a twinge in my heart as I wished Destiny could have stayed and watched us compete.

Gary shook his head.

“You are either the dumbest or luckiest little shit I’ve ever known.” He said while taking down one of the other boards and handing it to me.

I smiled gleefully at the feel of another of Gary’s creations in my grasp. My skin tingled with excitement.

“Now you boys make yourselves invisible. If you want to get some practice in, head up to the point beyond the Naval port. It shouldn’t be too crowded and I was serious about what I said before.” He grabbed hold of the left side of my blond locks, “Keep your trap closed, or someone is going to recognize your voice just as I did.”

“Gotcha!” I said and then used an imaginary key to lock my lips shut.

We thanked Gary and then began walking the long way to the Point where Meek and I spent the rest of the day getting used to the boards.

“Man you weren’t kidding.” Meek said with excitement.

“About what?” I asked.

“Surfing in the real ocean is so much different than at the water park.”

“Yeah.” I chuckled.

We had been at it a good while and were back out a good ways waiting on another wave when I spotted something off in the distance.

“Meek, do like I do.” I said and pulled myself up on my board so that I was sitting on it with my feet and arms out of the water.

“Why are we doing this?” Meek asked after taking the same action I had.

“Look over there?” I pointed north-west of our position.

“Oh crud! Is that what I think that is?” Meek asked.

“That is why you hardly ever see anyone surfing the point.” I told him.

Off in the distance I had spotted not one or two or even three but at least five Lemon shark fins cutting the water. They were still a good ways from us, but the chances were good that there were many more we couldn’t see at that moment.

“What do we do?” Meek asked.

“Just chill out,” I said, “don’t make any splashing noises. When a wave comes, catch it and ride the sucker all the way in.”

“This one?” Meek asked when a wave was coming toward us.

“It will do. Keep your feet out of the water. Just jump up and ride it.” I said, “And whatever you do, don’t fall off your board!”

We both caught the wave. It wasn’t a very big one, but it did the job of getting us back to shallower waters where we didn’t have to worry as much.

“Alright, I think my heart is going to explode.” Meek gasped and the two of us continued to paddle toward shore.

“That’s nothing. Did you know sharks have taste buds on their skin? I’ve had them brush up against me just to see if I was tasty. Now that is scary.” I said.

Meek was green in the face as he said, “I think I’m done for the day.”

“Ah man, don’t let a couple lemons scare you off.” I said.

“Lemons?” He asked.

“Yeah, those looked like the fins of Lemon sharks.” I said.

I smiled at Meek who was looking very sheepish.

“What?” I asked.

“I-I messed my suit man.” He said with tears in his eyes.

I wanted to laugh, I really did, but I didn’t. Instead, I told him to just slip into the water, pull off his trunks, clean them out in the water, rinse them and himself good, and pull them back on.

“I’ve done that before too.” I said, “I remember once when I was out with John. The waves were huge and I got into one that pulled me under. I got so scared I ended up drunk on Neptune’s Cocktail and crapped myself when I couldn’t figure out which way was up.”

“Neptune’s Cocktail?” Meek asked.

“That means I swallowed a bellyful of seawater.”

“Make sure you get the poop off your backside too or it will start to itch something fierce.” I told him.

“Did you get sick?” Meek asked.

“I was selling Buicks for a day and a night.” I said with a grounding chuckle.

“Selling Buicks?” Meek asked in this funny high-pitched voice. Actually, I think he was trying to imitate the way I talk. If he was, he did a lousy job of it.

“Puking.” I explained.

“We’re going to have to hold class when we get back so you can learn more of the surfing language.” I said half joking.

“Yeah it is getting harder and harder to understand you.” Meek commented.

“I think it’s being back here. It’s all coming back to me kind of like moon to coral.”

“Moon to… oh never mind! You’re hopeless!” he started to say but gave up on the whole language lesson.

“So you going to get in the water or you hanging on to that load?” I teased.

“Think the Lemons are gone?” he asked with a rattle in his voice.

I had a sudden idea.

“Hang on! I’ll be right back!” I said and slipped off my board and into the water.

I dove all the way down, felt around for a couple fist sized stones and then headed back up.

When I broke the surface Meek was looking worried, “Did you see any?”

“Can’t see more than a couple feet down there but that’s not why I went down.” I said and I hefted the two big rocks onto my board.

“What are those for?” he asked.

“Scare away the sharks and anything else that might be within a miles or two.” I said with a evil snear.

Meek scrunched his nose in confusion.

I climbed up on my board, being careful not to let the rocks roll off. I then laid face down, taking a rock in each hand and dropping my fists into the water.

I began to clap the rocks together but we being above the water could hear nothing.

“Okay, you can go in and I’ll keep 'em away.”

“What are you doing?” He asked again.

“Just put your head under the water and you will hear. But I should warn you, it will be loud and will hurt your ears a bit.”

He reluctantly dropped into the water by simply sliding off the tail of his board which was stupid of him.

“Not like that!” I shouted but I was too late.

The nose of the board rose up and back, whacking him in the head. It sounded exactly like one of those plastic bats kids play with striking a tree.

I laughed, “You alright?”

“Didn’t hurt!” he lied and commenced to clean put his head under the water.

He came right back up and exclaimed, “WOW THAT IS LOUD!”

I chuckled, “Told you so! Sharks hate that sound!”

Feeling safe that my rock clicking was keeping the sharks away, Meek commenced to cleaning himself.

After getting back on his board he said, “I think I’m done for today man.”

But then he saw the grin I was trying to hide as I dropped the two rocks and sat up on my board.

“What?” he asked.

Unable to hide my grin anymore I let it spread across my face as I asked, “What about what?”

“ALVIN!” he said in a threatening sort of way.

I began to laugh, “Okay! Okay! I can’t stand it! That rock thing does nothing to keep the sharks away. Actually, if anything it will bring them in to see what all the noise is about.”

“ALVIN!” Meek whined.

It was all I could do to stay seated on my board because I was laughing so hard.

“Come on! I want out of this water like NOW!” Meek ordered.

“Yeah, alright. We can come back out tomorrow.” I said, still laughing.

However, as we were paddling in we were close enough to notice that there were people on the beach but only so much as to see that whoever it was they weren’t in typical beach clothes. That meant one of two things, cops or our folks. We were still too far out to be sure, but to me it looked like the beach patrol.

“Crud!” I said with a punch to the water.

“What?” Meek asked and by the sound of him, I think he thought the sharks were back.

“We’d better head back out for a while.” I told him, “If that is who I think it is, we don’t want to have anything to do with him.”

“Ah man, are you serious?” Meek asked as he looked back and scanned the surface for any sign of the sharks.

“I’m serious. Come on.” I ordered and did a kick out to turn the nose of my board away from shore.

We paddled out until we couldn’t see the coastline anymore. The waves were getting bigger as the day wore on and we had to duck dive to keep from getting in Neptune’s spin cycle.

“Why are the waves so big here?” Meek asked.

“See that soup out there?” I pointed to an area where the water seemed to churn for no reason.

“That’s the reef opening. Don’t get pulled into that or you’ll head out to sea and never been seen again.”

“Now what?” Meek asked sounding tired and desperate.

“We paddle parallel to the shore line.” I pointed north, “That way.”

“I can’t see the shore.” Meek complained with a bit of panic in his voice.

Trying to calm him, I spoke in a composed voice, “Relax. I promise we are fine.”

It didn’t work. Surrounded by nothing but blue has this effect on people sometimes. Their minds just cannot handle how vastly huge the ocean really is and how equally small we are. When you add that we’d just had a run in with a school of Lemons and had to make a run from the law, Meek was on emotional overload and his brain was crashing.

“No man, really I can’t see it.” He whimpered.

Still trying to sound calm and in control I said, “That’s a good thing. If we can’t see it, then anyone on shore can’t see us.”

I dunked my fingers into the ocean then flicked the water into his face as I told him to, “Just start paddling north. We’re going to be fine.”

The splash of water to his face only distracted him for a millisecond before he again tried to focus his eyes toward where he thought the land should be.

He croaked out, “Alvin I don’t know about this.”

“HEY!” I shouted loudly to get his attention, “Chill out dude! You have to stay inside your head out here. We are not going to die out here. I promise.”

Meek nodded and the two of us stretched out on our boards and began to paddle north.

“There see.” I said pointing ahead of us, “The tide is taking us in. There’s the shore.”

“That doesn’t look like where we came in.” Meek complained.

“It’s not, but that is cool because I actually know this part. We’ll probably start seeing more swimmers soon.”

“Why here?” Meek asked.

“This is a popular swimming area. Plus when we go in we can probably catch a ride back.” I said hopefully.

“Catch a ride?” He asked, “You think that is wise?”

His skittishness was starting to grate on my nerves but I forced myself to continue to talk calmly to him.

“Positive. I used to do it all the time. You have to remember, up until a year ago, I used to surf all up and down the southern coast of California. I’ve gotten tons of rides from people I’d never seen before and never once did anything bad happen.”

Sure enough, we paddled right into swimmer territory and up onto the beach. Meek seemed to be back to his normal self now that we were on dry land again. However, I knew I needed to get him back out soon so he could get used to the big blue.

“Yo bra.” An older blonde haired surfer greeted us as we came out of the water.

“Yo,” I said back, “Any chance of hitching?”

“Yeau bra.” Was his answer.

I glanced at Meek as I heaved my board into the back of the dude’s old white station wagon. Meek did the same and we climbed into the back seat along with a couple even older guys. They all looked to be in their early to mid-twenties.

“You’re a big gunner?” One of the dudes asked Meek.

“He’s asking about your long board.” I told Meek.

“Uh, yeah.” Meek agreed.

To cover for Meek’s obvious greenness I explained to the other guys. “He’s my bra. In for the competition.”

“Righteous.” The guy who’d offered to give us the ride said.

“Name’s Jimmy.” I said pointing to myself.

“Staunch,” the driver pointed to himself first then to the other two, “Boner and Bill.”

“Nice to meet you.” Meek said, sounding like an easterner.

“He a Hodad?” the driver asked.

“Nah, just green on the scene, but he hangs the heavies.” I told the guys.

After being dropped off downtown and lugging our boards back to the hotel, Meek asked me, “What is a Hodad?”

I chuckled, “A non-surfer. You know, like someone who just hangs around the beach all day, but never goes out in the water.”

“Oh, and what did you tell him about me?” Meek asked next.

“I told him you are an east coast stoner that was looking for some butt loving.” I joked which earned me a playful elbow to the ribs.

Meek chuckled, “No seriously.”

Laughing a bit, I answered with, “Basically, I told him you are new to California, but you’re a great surfer.”

“Really?” He asked as he puffed up a bit at being referred to as great.

“Yeah, and I meant it too.” I said while playfully pushing my shoulder into him.

Back at the hotel we both showered off the salt water, covered each other with a fresh slathering of suntan lotion and I put on a GoodNite before slipping into another pair of shorts. Then the two of us went to the poolside, downed a couple soda’s each while I began to educate Meek in the fine art of the surfing language. He was already semi-well versed, but he needed some polishing.

"After a while we decided to walk around town. I had in mind to find a pair of Huarache Sandals for each of us and knew the perfect place to go. I had to explain what Huarache Sandals were. However, before we left I had to have another change. That’s the problem with GoodNites; they don’t hold a lot of pee when you’re moving around a lot.

“They are leather and rubber sandals made form old tire treads.” I explained to Meek as I was pulling my shorts back on.

“Alright and why do we want Huarache Sandals?” Meek asked.

“They are infinitely more comfortable to walk long distances in. Flip-Flops are great for the beach, but murder to walk any distance in.” I said.

“Oh good. I thought it was just me because my feet are killing me.” Meek said.

“Yeah, mine too, but then again I’m out of practice. I used to run all over this town either barefoot or in Flip-Flops.”

We found the place I was looking for. It was a hole in the wall shop run by a blind woman and her two daughters. Each pair of Huarache Sandals are made by hand, by the three of them, but none are sold until the blind woman has inspected them herself using her hands to go over everything.

I didn’t bother to translate for Meek as I walked in and began spewing what must have sounded like complete gibberish to him. A few minutes later and twenty-seven bucks poorer, the two of us walked out wearing perfect fitting Huarache Sandals.

Remember what Gary said about keeping my mouth shut? Well this was one of those occasions. The old blind woman recognized my voice instantly but she smiled and told me that I didn’t smell like I used too. She was a good fifteen feet from where I was standing, and the shop reeked of rubber, leather, and oils. Therefore, the fact that she could smell me was rather amazing. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to know that so many people were looking for me. She simply remembered me from before.

“You’ve not been in for some time.” She said to me in normal English.

“Figured since my best friend is here to visit, I’d get a new pair while he’s getting some too.”

That seemed to satisfy any curiosity the old blind woman might have had.

“Oh man, these are much better!” Meek commented as we stepped out of the shop and onto the hot concrete sidewalk.

“Yeah I’m stoked.” I said, “And famished.”

“Me too.” Meek agreed, “I could eat a whale!”

We grabbed some grub and headed back to the hotel to hide out for a while.

“Too bad we couldn’t wear these in Maine.” I declared.

“Yeah,” He agreed, “Maybe warm enough by the time we get back but won’t be for long.”

“But we could wear them at the water park.” I suggested.

“You know, that place isn’t going to be the same now that I’ve been in the real ocean.” Meek stated with a rather heavy sigh.

“Well, it is better than not getting to surf at all.” I maintained, “Besides, we’ll be lucky if we ever see the light of day after this; let alone the water park.”

Meek moaned, “Oh man, I don’t even want to think about that.”

“Grandfather is probably going to throw me down some rickety old staircase and lock me away until I am thirty!”

Meek covered his ears and complained loudly, “I said I didn’t want to think about that!”

“And Pepper’s probably going to tie you to the bed and have his way with you… oh wait that might not be a punishment.” I teased.

Even with his ears covered, he still heard me and laughed.

Out of nowhere he asked, “Do you miss your girlfriend from Ohio?”

I groaned, “Well I wasn’t but thank you for reminding me! Want to give me a nice deep cut and pour lemon juice on it while you’re at it?”

Of course, I was only trying to make him feel bad. I wasn’t pining for Jacquelyn in the least bit. Well that is what I kept telling myself anyway!

Despite having two beds in the room, Meek and I curled up together in the bed nearest to the window. I was lying on my right side with him behind me and his arms wrapped around me. Neither one of us thought anything about it as we drifted off to sleep.

Our little nap turned out to be longer then we intended. According to the clock on the table between the two beds, it was 7:23 p.m.

“Wow we must have been tired.” Meek commented and then made a funny gurgling sound.

“What?” I said as I started to move.

“I think one of us leaked.” Meek said.

“Ah man!” I moaned.

“When I sleep on my sides that happens with these dang GoodNites!”

“Maybe we should take some of the money and get something better.” Meek suggested.

The idea that we had to go shopping for real diapers made me sick to my stomach, but in the end I agreed that it was probably a good idea.

Meek and I also decided we needed another shower and to save time, we decided this time to shower together like we’d done before. It turned out to be a bad idea this time.

We were sure to use cream rinse like we were told and were washing the pee from our bodies when something seemed to be stirring in Meek if you know what I mean. Now, Meek and I had seen each other naked a few times now, but this time… well things seemed to get weird!

“What is that?” I exclaimed loudly while pointing at his rising erection.

I’d seen him chub up when Destiny had been dying our skin, but I attributed that to Meeks attraction to Destiny and nothing to do with me. When I shouted Meek became embarrassed, however, seeing how we were both dyed a dark shade of brown it was near impossible to tell if he was blushing, but he sure was acting like he was. He covered himself with his hands and I don’t know why, but I did the same thing.

“I don’t mean for it to happen!” he cried out!

I didn’t mean to say what came out next, “Do you have the hots for me?”

“No!!!” he said very convincingly, “It happens sometimes when I take a shower!”

“Yeah well now you tell me!” I said kind of mean like. I actually felt bad for saying it the way I did.

“Maybe I should just wait until you are done.” He said and started to get out of the shower.

“Noo! You are already all soapy. Let’s go ahead and finish.” Then trying to lighten the mood I added, “Just keep your gun pointed away from me.”

We kept our backs to one another for a while, but then something started to happen to me too.

“Oh crud!” I moaned.

“What?” Meek asked with concern.

“Don’t look!” I snapped and quickly jumped out of the shower.

I wrapped a towel around myself, ran from the bathroom, sat down on the dry bed, and covered my lap with a pillow.

Meek came out of the bathroom naked, dripping all over the floor, and still sporting a raging erection. In his right hand, he was clutching the corner of a towel that trailed on the floor behind him.

“What? Are you alright?” He asked with genuine concern.

“Aaaahh!” I cried out and covered my eyes.

When I dared to peek through my fingers, he was wrapping the towel around himself, which didn’t help a whole lot because I could still see his erection tenting the front of the towel.

“What happened?” He asked.

“Leave me alone! I don’t want to talk about it!” I snapped back.

“Come on Alvin!” Meek begged.

Angrily I yanked away the pillow and towel to reveal my bronzed, three-inch, ridged pole.

I snapped at him, “See! You happy now?” and then covered myself with the pillow again.

Meek moved to sit down on the bed near me and I moved a few more inches away from him.

“Alvin, it is normal for guys like us to get erections.” Meek tried to tell me.

“Nooo it’s not!” I argued.

“Seriously!” He said, “It happens to me all the time at school, in the shower, at church, on the bus… everywhere and all the time!”

“Yeah, but you are gay and I’m not.” I declared with emotion.

Meek tried to explain, “It doesn’t have anything to do with being or not being gay. My dad explained it to me that when guys start puberty we start getting erections all the time for no reason at all.”

When I didn’t say anything, he continued talking. I think talking helped him deal with the moment, but it did nothing for me.

“Erections aren’t necessarily connected to puberty or even sex. Even babies have them. And sure, sexual thoughts can trigger them, so can being naked, skinny dipping, the sun, breezes, certain materials against the skin, and sometimes NOTHING at all… which my dad said was called a spontaneous erection.”

Looking him in the eye AND NOWHERE ELSE I asked in as normal and none threatening manner as I was able just then, “Could you at least cover that thing up?”

That time it was apparent that he blushed as he realized his towel was open in the front and his package was sticking proudly out.

He quickly apologized and readjusted his towel.

Holding my towel in place I rolled and stretched out face down on the bed burying my face into the pillow, which seconds before had been covering my shame.

“You alright?” he asked softly.

I couldn’t respond. I was just too humiliated.

A few seconds later I felt him stand up and then he said, “I think I am going to go sit by the pool for a while.” Within seconds, he was gone. I can only assume he put on his board shorts before leaving.

I too got dressed, which included a GoodNite, shorts, shirt, my Huarache sandals, and sunglasses even though I didn’t need them as it was already getting dark. I wasn’t running away, I simply needed to get away and have a bit of a think so I headed back into town.

Everything seemed so similar and at the same time different. Somehow Chula Vista felt, well smaller…I cannot explain how, it just did. I walked until I found myself hungry and tired. Upon returning to the room, I found Meek already in the bed furthest from the window and half a medium cheese pizza sitting on the other bed. I also didn’t fail to notice that the bed nearest the window had been stripped of its wet sheets and remade with crisp, clean sheets.

“Good you’re back.” He said and did I detect a bit of panic between those three words? Perhaps he had been worried that he had scared me away or perhaps that I had been found and taken back to Maine.

“I called housekeeping and they took care of the bed while you were gone. By the way, where did you go?” Meek asked as he rolled up onto one elbow.

“Just walking around town.” I answered while intentionally leaving out the rest of what happened.

Stupidly I asked, “You ordered pizza?”

His answer surprised me, “Nope,” he smiled wide and pushed himself up into a cross legged sitting position, “Some surfers are staying here as well and they were having a big party. They invited me to join them. When I told them I was here with my brother they sent that back for you.”

“Wow!” I said with genuine surprise, “So you were at a party?”

“Yeah but I wish you would have been there.” Meek answered.

I grabbed a slice of pizza and took a bite.

“It’s probably better that I wasn’t. I mean in case anyone recognized me.” I said with a mouth full of pizza.

He made a humming sound followed by, “Yeah that makes sense.”

“So are we good?” he asked outright.

“On one condition.” I said, “You never tell anyone about what happened earlier.”

Meek smiled, “Deal! But same goes for you.”

“Like I’d ever tell anyone about me getting a boner around another guy.” I said like a smart-aleck.

Right then there was a knock at our hotel door, which scared me so bad I squealed like a girl and jumped about three feet away from the door. I then pointed at Meek and forcefully demanded, “And you cannot tell anyone about that either!”

Meek chuckled as he climbed out of bed to see who was at the door. As he walked past me he gave me a shove onto the bed while hissing through his teeth, “You’re just lucky I didn’t have a camera right then!” then mumbled, “And people say I act gay!”

“I heard that!” Laughing I rolled off the bed as Meek opened the door. It turned out to be Jenny.

“How’d you know we were here?” I asked her.

“I followed you.” She said like I should have already known that. That is one of the things I always loved about Jenny, she is totally real about everything. What you see is what you get with her. She also doesn’t pull her punches.

“You need to go to your mom.” She said flatly.

Shaking my head I came back with, “You know I can’t do that until after the competition is over.”

That set off an argument that only ended when Jenny stormed out of the room after threatening to tell where we were.

“What are we going to do now?” I asked Meek.

He ran all his fingers through his bleach blonde hair.

“I’m assuming you intend to compete still?” he asked.

“You better believe it!” I announced with conviction, “What about you?”

He nodded, looked around the room, and declared, “Then we can’t stay here.”

With that, we both began to scramble to get our stuff together and within five minutes of Jenny leaving, we were walking out of our room.

“Where are we going to stay?” Meek asked.

“I know some places up and down the coast that we can sleep under the stars.” I said.

Meek was right on my heals as I led us to a cave I knew about that, during the school year, is popular at night with High School kids for drinking and making out. However, in the summer it was virtually forgotten about.

“Smells in here.” Meek commented off handedly.

I let out a silent chuckle, “Better get used to that, because this is home for the time being.”

We set up our home away from home, and made it as homey as possible but it soon became apparent that we hadn’t thought about one thing…bedding.

“Aah-man!” Meek groaned, “Will it get cold tonight?”

“Nah, we can sleep on our towels and use our extra clothes as pillows.”

Long before the sun was completely lost over the ocean’s horizon; it began to get too dark to see inside the cave. That’s when I surprised Meek with a stash of candles from deeper inside the cave. The candles were stuffed into the necks of sand filled beer bottles that had years’ worth of wax built up on the outside. However, what I wasn’t able to provide was a way to light them.

Since I knew my way around town, Meek stayed behind to keep an eye on our few belongings as I went in search of matches or a lighter.

I was at the 7-Eleven gas station; buying a lighter, a couple Cokes and munchies when something happened that absolutely blew my mind.

There I was standing in line waiting to pay when behind me I hear the unmistakable voice of my grandfather talking with another man. God help me I turned to see who he was talking to and instantly panicked when I saw MY FATHER standing there with his back partly towards me.

I was shocked, scared, panicked, confused and probably would have given myself away had I not smelt myself. The shock of seeing John standing there talking with Grandfather had caused me to soiled myself. The stench was powerful enough to wake me up just in time to hear Grandfather say, “You do know Melody would be overjoyed to see you again? What-What!”

My father then spoke and I would know that voice anywhere. “No, I don’t think after everything she’s been through… She’d never forgive me.”

I was about to run to my father when I heard Grandfather say, “I understand. Well Gil, if you see your son, or that other boy again, please give us a call. We’re staying at…”

I didn’t hear the rest of what Grandfather had said because all my emotions had fussed into one big black mass, which clogged my ears and squeezed my heart to near bursting. With tears rolling down my face, I looked around hoping to find somewhere to hide.

I nearly passed out when Grandfather looked right at me, but I guess with my bleached hair, eyebrows and eyelashes, he didn’t recognize me. His ice-covered heart didn’t even seem the slightest bit phased by my flood of tears, which I was sure he could see.

He turned away again and I didn’t wait around for him to figure out who I was. I literally ran out of the store while screaming in my head.

I didn’t stop running until I was about five blocks away. Only then, did I slow down and look behind me to see if I was being followed.

“Oh crap!” I said as I bent over and placed my hands on my knees while gasping for air.

I huffed and huffed until I managed to catch my breath.

“What the hell?!” I said aloud.

Only then did I realize I was holding the lighter, the Cokes, two packages of mini-donuts, a bag of chips, and two Snickers Bars. I hadn’t paid for any of it.

“Now I really am a criminal!” I howled while wiping away my tears with the backs of my arms.

“HEY YOU!” Someone yelled from the direction I’d come from.

I didn’t wait to see if they meant me. As soon as I heard the “HEY YOU!” I took off running again and this time I didn’t stop until I was back with Meek.

I arrived at the cave only to find Meek already asleep outside the cave opening. I deposited the stolen items in the cave, but did not stay inside. That night I didn’t sleep much at all. Instead stood near the water’s edge and thought. When sleep finally did take me, I dreamt about John and my mother.


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 11

I must have at some point fallen asleep there on the beach because I woke up to the ocean lapping at my feet. I quickly jumped up and returned to the cave only to find that Meek wasn’t anywhere around; neither was his board. I assumed he’d gone out alone.

“Good for him!” I said to no one.

Despite the fact that it was very early, I thought it good that Meek was able to feel confident that he could master the ocean alone.

A quick scan of the horizon told me he was out there quite a ways. I couldn’t see him or anyone.

I made a quick change, but kept my same shorts despite the fact they were soaked with pee. I then picked up my board and headed out of the cave. I’d thought of spending some quality time with the ocean too, but once I was near the water I just couldn’t get myself to go in.

“John couldn’t be alive? Could he?” I thought aloud.

Of course, you the reader already know that it wasn’t John, but his brother Gil. However, at that particular point in time, I didn’t know this bit of news and thus my heart was crying all over again.

I tried to remember what it was Grandfather had said, but I was such an emotional wreck that it was all too blurry in my head right then. All I could get was Grandfather calling John Bill…

“No, not Bill.” I thought aloud, “It sounded like Bill buttttt…”

Try as I may, I couldn’t recall the name. Maybe I just heard him wrong.

Eventually I found myself standing like an Australian bushman, with my left foot planted solidly on the sand with my other leg bent and my right foot braced against the side of my left knee. My board, the tail of which was stuck in the sand, was being used to keep me from falling over.

I was looking out across the awakening beach absent mindedly watching a figure, who I assumed was Meek, jog back up the shore line after having come in way down at the far end.

It was then that I again saw… well it’s hard to say really. At first, I thought my brain and eyes were playing tricks on me. On the other hand, perhaps the morning sun had crated shadows and caused me to see someone that wasn’t really there. I rubbed both eyes with the backs of my hands and thus ground sand into my eyes. Oh man, that hurt. By the time I was able to see again I’d all but forgot about seeing John standing on the rocks just above and behind Meek.

“You been crying?” Meek asked as he came up to me and dropped his board.

“Got sand in my eyes!” I moaned and blinked.

“You know, you should avoid doing that.” Meek chuckled, “It’s not good for your eyes.”

“You do alright out there alone?” I asked.

Meek chuckled, “Best time ever! Wasn’t even scared… well maybe just a bit at first but once I did like you said and calmed myself, it was actually kind of nice. Had a great time talking with God out there.”

“I suppose Jesus was walking on the water next to ya then was he?” I joked.

Meek smiled, “Nah, he was hanging ten!”

“Jesus hangs ten?” I chuckled, “Now that I’d love to have on a T-shirt!”

With that, the two of us walked up to the cave where we had a healthy junk food breakfast.

Meek then asked, “Are you ready to head for the competition?”

With everything that had happened I honestly had forgot that we needed to be down that way first thing in the morning before we were called or we’d automatically be disqualified.

The two of us did a quick change; me into a swim diaper and again the same pee soaked board shorts, and Meek into a T-shirt and dry shorts. I didn’t put on a shirt just then, but did tuck one into the back of my shorts, just in case we went somewhere where I’d need a shirt. We then hooked our boards under our arms and did a fast jog all the way.

You might ask why I kept on the smelly, pee soaked shorts. Because, I knew the salty ocean would wash them clean.

We arrived just in the nick of time too. We’d no sooner got within earshot of the PA System then we both heard them call my number and fake name.

I kicked off my sandals while still running and ran for the water; my board tucked under my right arm.

“Yau brau, show 'em how it’s done.” some guy said as I trotted past him.

I turned and seen it was one of the guys who’d given Meek and I a ride yesterday. With a quick wave, back I hit the water running.

Okay, so normally I completely forget about everything on land when I’m out in the water, but for some reason I couldn’t get the thought out of my head that I had seen my dad… I mean John, or perhaps his ghost had come back to watch over me here. Then again, how could I explain Grandfather talking with him? My mind began to go mad with the stupidest ideas such as the fact that maybe Grandfather could see and speak to ghosts. Maybe Grandfather is possessed by some sort of spirit that allows him to talk to the dead.

“That would explain why he’s so evil!” I said allowed while huffing from paddling so hard to get out further, faster than anyone else could.

See, I told you I was going mad! At any rate, I could not get it out of my head.

It was a double run and the judges award you the best score of the two runs. My first run I cannot remember whatsoever and apparently it wasn’t very good because I was awarded points for my second run, which was flawless. As I’d been about to paddle out for my second run I could hear my father speaking to me. I’d later find out that it was my Uncle Gil, but what I’d heard him shouting was…

“Alvin! Get your head out of your ass!”

Truly inspiring words, no? Well it worked. I did just that and to be honest I don’t think I have surfed that well in a very long time! However, when I came back inland Meek was standing there with a pained expression.

“What?” I asked with a huff as I tried to catch my breath.

“Ay! You there!” Some walking-talking muscle called out as he came toward me, “I don’t care if the judges didn’t call it… that was poor sportsmanship, and you know it.”

He had reached me in mid-sentence and was jabbing me right in the chest with his hard finger.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked while attempting to swat away his finger.

Meek was on his feet and amazingly standing alongside this muscle mountain who poked me again.

“You totally put number 87 into the drink.” Meek said, mildly angry with me.

I had no idea what they were talking about. Right then this tall guy, who looked to be around fourteen or fifteen in the face, while the rest of him looked to have spent a few months on a medieval torture rack being stretched to unimaginable lengths, came jogging up and stopped beside the mountain.

“Adam come on; you’re going to get me disqualified.” he said stepping between the mountain and myself.

I had to take a step back to allow him room between us.

Meek spoke up again, this time addressing the walking stilt. “Sorry my brother cut you off like that. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

The stilt turned and looked down on me and for a moment, I thought there was something familiar about him, but the thought vanished in a millisecond because Adam said, “It’s cool. I guess when you’re the Great Alvin Holloway you get special treatment from the judges.” he then nodded his head, “Yeah that’s right, you can bleach your hair and go by any name you want but everyone here knows who you really are!”

Adam, the muscle mountain reached around the stilt boy and jabbed me once again with his finger, “Why don’t you go back to the east coast? Because you sure as hell don’t belong here anymore.” They both started to turn away as Adam said to Stilt boy, “Let’s blow out of here Scotty.”

I turned to Meek after Muscle Adam and the walking stilt, apparently named Scotty, departed, “What the heck was that all about?”

Meek proceeded to tell me how, as I was out there, I had completely cut that guy off and sent him into the depths all because I wanted that choice wave. This news totally floored me.

“Meek, I swear I didn’t see him. I didn’t have a clue!” I said almost shouting and not waiting for a reply, I ripped across the sand to catch up with Stilt Boy to apologize.

“What the hell do you want now?” the mountain said as he got between me and The Stilt.

“Listen, I swear on my father’s spirit that I didn’t see you out there! I am sorry and I would never do something like that on purpose.”

They were both still quite upset with me and were not buying into my apology.

“Come on guys! What can I do to make you believe me?” I pleaded.

“Drop out!” the mass of muscles said with a really hard finger right in the center of my chest. I swear I heard the clung of bone against bone!

Stilt boy stepped around the mountain and was nodding his head in agreement.

Looking around me at the ground like I was going to suddenly spot something that would help me I exclaimed with despair, “I-I-I can’t do that!”

The mountain then looked around to see if anyone in the crowd was watching our little exchange; there must not have been because a split second later he brought up his knee into my groin.

I began to double over in pain while moaning, “I’m okay!”

However just as those words came out of my mouth, stilt boy kicked my right knee sending it backward with a painful pop.

I cried out, “I’m less okay!” as I went down in a heap followed by a cry that came out sounding much like a whale impersonation.

I guess the noise I made had drawn the attention of everyone around me. However, it was too late; Scotty the stilt and Adam the muscle had made a hasty retreat into the crowd.

Meek broke through to get to me, “I saw everything!”

“I just figured it out!” I moaned.

Another second and the crowd lost interest in me as something else was going on that must have been far more entertaining than me lying on the sand. By the time I was able to get to my feet, with Meek’s help, there were several beach security guards, the police, and a huge crowd of onlookers facing away from the two of us.

“What’s going on?” I asked a girl that was standing in front of us.

“Someone just attacked some guy and one of the competitors.”

“What?” Meek exclaimed.

It was more than an hour before we really knew what had happened. In the meantime, Meek took me away from the masses and got a large bag of ice to put on my aching knee.

“How’s that?” Meek asked.

"Cold, but it feels good. Actually I think the ocean coolness would do wonders for it, but this (meaning the ice) will do for now.

“How’s your balls?” he asked next.

I chuckled, “Believe it or not it didn’t hurt a bit when he kneed me because the kick to my knee hurt so much more.”

“Who’d of thunk there was a pain worse than getting hit in the balls?” Meek said, purposefully mispronouncing the word ‘think’ to be cute.

“Pray you never find out!” I said with a measure of humor followed by a wince when I tried to move my knee a little.

“What did you mean by you ‘figured it out’?” Meek asked.

“Huh?” I said first but then realized what it was he was referring too, “Oh yeah! Remember that story I told you on the train? About those two guys…” I didn’t need to finish.

“The ones you caught kissing in the school bathroom. Yeah I…” and then the light bulb clicked on for him too.

“That was them?!” he said while pointing in the general direction we’d last seen them lying and moaning.

I nodded and winced when I tried to bend my knee a bit.

“I didn’t… I mean the way you made it sound; I thought they were your age.” Meek said while pressing the ice tighter to my knee.

“They are, well one year older, but…” I began and again Meek interrupted me.

“They must have hit puberty with a vengeance! I mean, did you see the size of Adam? Bet he’s been taking Steroids.” Meek said and then laughed, “Bet the roids have shrunk his package to the size of a pimple!”

We both laughed.

Out of the blue, I asked while trying to be humorous, “Where’d you get this ice anywho?”

He shrugged, “Some guy must have seen what happened because he just handed me the bag of ice and said it would help keep your knee from swelling up too much.”

I shrugged too but had no idea the Good Samaritan was also the same person who’d taken care of Adam and Scotty for me.

Meek was called to do his double run. He got a great score on his first run and a flat zero on his second because he didn’t even make it up on his board before losing his balance.

It wasn’t long before I could walk again, although it hurt like mad with each step I took. After he returned, we made our way back to the more populated area to see how the competition was going now that it was back in full swing. It was then that we learned the full story of what had happened earlier. Apparently, someone had jumped from off the boardwalk and onto the beach, attacked Adam and Scotty, then vanished again before anyone could stop him. That alone was weird, but when we were told what the attacker looked like, my blood went cold.

They described the man as having jet-black hair, dark evil eyes, and olive colored skin. Someone made the comment, “Did you see the size of his feet? He must be hung like an elephant!” and someone else said, “He had the deepest dimple in his chin that I’ve ever seen!”

Seemingly, I had gone white as a sheet, which is saying something given my normally naturally dark complexion and the fact that I had been died a darker bronze.

“You alright?” Meek asked.

“N-no! Get me out of here please!” I begged as I leaned on him for support.

Meek slipped his arm under mine, and around my back and helped me over to where we’d left our surfboards.

“How’s the knee?” He asked as I tried to put my weight on it.

“Hurts like hell!” I swore.

“Stop cussing.” Meek said half-joking and half-serious and for good measure, he lightly smacked my left cheek as if he were slapping me.

“Sorry,” I laughed, “but you asked.”

Meek’s brows furrowed as he brought up the question that was weighing heavy on my mind as well.

“Are you going to be able to surf?”

I stopped walking and looked up into his eyes, “I might be down, but I’m not dead! I could surf on one leg if I have to!”

“Glad to hear it.” He said with a wink, “You know, if you were a bit taller and hadn’t bleached your hair, that description of that guy who attacked Adam and Scotty would have been a dead ringer for you.”

I absent mindedly nodded my head in agreement.

“Also sounds a lot like the guy who gave me ice.” He said with a hum, “Probably sounds like a lot of people.”

I again absent-mindedly nodded my head.

“What?” Meek asked as he lowered me to the sand next to my board.

“It’s just…” I began but didn’t finish.

“Just what?” Meek asked impatiently.

“Just that it sounds a lot like John…I mean my dad.”

It was obvious I’d lost Meek by the way he grunted out a confused, “Huh?”

I repeated what we’d heard about the attacker and as I did so, I began to withdraw into myself.

I was looking right into Meeks face as I was speaking so I saw the change come over him. He began to look scared however, I had thought he was scared for the same reason I was but I was wrong. He adopted this alarmed expression, “Alvin you don’t look so good.”

“Meek,” my voice broke, “I saw him.”

"Saw who? Meek asked and in the same breath, he attempted to answer his own question with another question, “The attacker?”

“No! I mean yes, I mean…” My whole body signed as I dropped my chin to my chest, “Ah I don’t know what I mean!”

Meek knelt between my feet and placed both hands upon my upper thighs as he spoke, “Alvin you’re not making any sense.”

“When I was out there,” I pointed to the ocean, “I heard him call my name and to get my head out of my ass. I swear to you that it was my dad, I mean John, I mean… Meek I know it was him.” I then pointed across the beach in the direction of our cave, “And this morning I swear I saw him watching over you and me at the cave! Oh and yesterday, I saw him at a corner store, talking with my Grandfather.”

“Alvin, your dad is dead.” Meek said which was probably the dumbest thing I think I’ve ever heard the big guy utter.

I gave him one of my, “Don’t be an idiot” looks and then said, “I know that, but I’m telling you I saw him over there and yesterday… with Grandfather. And I heard him yell to me when I was out there,” I repeated while pointed to the ocean, “and now someone who’s described exactly like my father just attacked two guys who had attacked me? Doesn’t that sound just a little bit too coincidental?”

Meek finally understood and frowned as he looked around worriedly. “Do you think maybe it was a ghost?”

Exasperated I covered my face with my hands and growled out my frustration. Right then, the competition announcer broadcast that the competition would continue in ten minutes. He then announced the numbers and names for the next heat. Both Meek and my false names were called. When my name was called someone in the crowd shouted out, “Don’t you mean Alvin Holloway?!” and many others cheered at the mention of my real name.

“Looks like the cats out of the bag.” Meek moaned while looking around nervously.

“That’s not all that is out of the bag!” I said pointing about a hundred and fifty feet away from us and leaning over the boardwalk railing.

It was none other than my grandfather and Meek’s father. They hadn’t spotted us, but they were intently scanning the beach for any sign of us.

We both looked away as Meek asked, “Now what are we going to do?”

“Grab your board and let’s get out in the water before they realize we are us.” I said.

However, my knee proved to be against that idea. I got to my feet okay, but when I picked up my board and tried to walk, my knee gave way, and I went down like a sack of wet diapers.

“You can’t surf if you can’t even walk.” Meek exclaimed.

“Wanna bet?” I said as I forced myself to my feet, chomped on my bottom lip and took a step, then another.

Once in the cool water I allowed my aching leg to dangle. It felt soothing. The whistle blew and the six of us paddled out while waiting for the perfect wave. Having lived the greater portion of my life in the sea and having been taught by John and by Gary how to read the surface of the water I knew before anyone else when and where the first wave was going to be. I began paddling farther out before anyone else knew I was moving.

“Where are you going?” Meek called after me but I didn’t listen and thus managed to give myself a sizable lead before they all started heading after me.

However, it was too late for them. They were too far back and ended up getting rolled while I on the other hand caught what turned out to be the second best wave of the entire competition with the best yet to come.

As I turned the nose of my board toward the shore I knew there was only one-way I was going to be able to handle this monster. Carefully I placed my hands on either side of the board, brought my good leg forward, and planted it less than two feet from the tail. My sore leg, I didn’t even touch the board with. I let it drag in the water like an extra fin and went for it.

For a millisecond I saw Meek and one of the others duck dive under the wave as I surfed high overhead. The others were caught completely unprepared and were thrashed by the wave.

I wasn’t even halfway in, when the roar of the crowd reached my ears. I heard the rhythmic chanting of my name… not the pseudo name that Meek and I registered with, but my honest to goodness real live birth name. It came to me in sonic waves like ripples in the water when you throw in a huge stone. My first name, then my last, again and again and again. I tell you it was electrifying.

I knew that if I went all the way inland that I’d be mobbed so when my wave dissipated I stayed several yards out and watched the others come in on their own smaller waves. I was so proud of Meek. He and that other guy were in the same barrel but Meek was the only one to come out of it still on his board.

That run put me in first place while Meek trailed in a close third place, only a few points behind second place which turned out to be held by none other than Scotty, who made a surprise comeback after being beat down by…. oh I don’t want to think about that anymore.

When Meek was heading in, the two of us quickly dissolved into the crowd to keep from being spotted by those who were hunting for us, and wished to skin, tan and hang our hides on den walls with engraved plaques below warning that this is the fate of those that defy the old peoples… namely our folks and the cops.

We spent the next twenty minutes hiding in one of the boardwalk bathrooms which our reasoning for was three fold. The bathroom was the perfect hideout because we needed to lay low until the next heat, Meek needed to go #2 and lastly, under my board shorts the swim diaper I’d been wearing had completely failed during that last heat.

However, I had a problem. In our haste this morning, I hadn’t brought another swim diaper or a GoodNite. Therefore, the only option was to go commando. Meaning nothing on under my board shorts, just the way normal people do.

We had locked ourselves into the very last toilet stall. It was a great idea at first, but then Meek dropped a steamer and I nearly asphyxiated from the fowl brown stench. Unable to stand it any longer I retreated from the bathroom and into the wonderfulness of fresh air again. On my way out, I did a slam-dunk of the spent swim diaper into the big plastic trashcan.

I walked around a bit then spotted a car that was completely out of place in Chula Vista. It was long, black and had darkly tented windows. However, that is not really, what drew my attention to it. On the top of it was a surfboard, which had been put on what appeared to be a rooftop bicycle rack. However, it wasn’t just any board! The board was on its side with the bottom facing me, and on it were two words scrawled in huge fancy blue and white letters that covered the entire bottom… well actually not words, but a name, ALVIN HOLLOWAY. So, I’m sure you understand why it caught my attention.

“NO WAY!?” I exclaimed with utter amazement.

I couldn’t fathom why Grandfather would have brought my surfboard all the way from Maine. Then I remembered that Mom had come too and knew that she was the one who must have insisted on bringing it.

I paused for a moment, hidden partially by a chopped and dropped minivan. I watched the car for a minute or two before I was sure no one was in it.

“Are you pissing on my ride?” I heard from behind me.

I spun around and saw four Mexican guys who all looked to be in their late teens and obviously from the southern part of town. They looked like the gang sort.

“No way!” I said quickly unaware that I had a puddle below me.

Then one of the guys recognized me from the competition.

“Hey, you’re that kid!” he said while pointing at me.

“Oh it’s that surfing kid Holloway!” The shorted of the four stated.

That told me that my blonde locks and pseudo name had not fooled anyone at all.

“Hey Holloway? Why you pissing on my ride?” the guy asked again.

I have no idea where it came from but suddenly my mouth opened and out came, “Listen! I can’t help that I have something wrong on the inside that makes this happen! You want to make fun of me? Go right ahead but be prepared to get your ever-loving-ass kicked from one end of this boardwalk to the other!”

They all held their hands up as if to mock me. A few of them even made “Ooo” and “Aaah” sounds like I’d really scared them.

“Hey! Y’all step back! I said step!” the guy who must have been their leader said to everyone.

“It’s cool Holloway! I’ve got a little sister with similar problems.” He then looked around, “There!” he pointed to the other end of the parking lot to a girl who from that distance appeared to be younger than myself was dancing with some other boys.

All the other guys stopped teasing me after that.

“Something with her kidneys or something.” The guy said, “but it’s all cool Holloway!”

He then stuck out a hand and proceeded to do some sort of weird street handshake.

“That old shit of yours that’s been talking shit about you on the news here?” Another of them asked and all four started looking around like inept spies in a bad low budget B-movie.

“See that car?” I pointed over my shoulder. “I don’t suppose you could help me get my surfboard? It’s strapped to the top of that car.”

I turned to point to the car only to see Grandfather, Mom, both of Meeks parents and two police officers.

Quickly, I ducked behind the Mexican gangs heavily modified minivan and prayed no one had spotted me. Thankfully, my newfound Mexican friends had done likewise.

“That’s the guy!” the one who hadn’t spoken yet said angrily.

“You want that board Esey?” The first guy, the one who’d pointed at me asked.

My heart was racing a thousand miles a minute and I had suddenly broken out in a huge sweat.

“Say, you know where devils drop is?” the pointer asked.

I nodded eagerly.

“Go there Esey. We’ll get your board and bring it to you. But you got to do us a favor homes.”

I looked at him quizzically.

“You have to win man! We have a lot of money on you Holloway!”

I don’t know why, but that struck me as funny. Maybe it was due to how scared I was, but they all seemed to catch my laughter.

“You got it!” I said and started to move to make my getaway but was stopped.

“Nooo, you can’t go yet. Everyone (he meant everyone there for the competition) knows what you look like, so good bet they (meaning mine and Meek’s folks) know to man.” The pointer said and then pulled off the bandana he had been wearing low on his forehead so that it almost completely hid his eyes.

He unfolded it, and then shaped it into a triangle before he laced it behind my neck. Quickly he had taken my blond locks and completely hid them under the bandana.

He then took the backwards baseball cap off the short guy and pressed it all the way down on my head with the visor around front the way it was meant to be but way down low to hid most of my face.

The tallest then removed a pair of sunglasses from the top of his head and placed them on me.

When one of them started to yank down his overly baggy board shorts, I got the idea that he was going to want to swap shorts with me. I had just enough time to again remember I’d only just peed myself.

“Put these on over your shorts too.”

“You look like my el hermano.” the pointer said. By the way, el hermano means little brother in Mexican.

His shorts were baggy on him, on me, they were huge, but once I tied the string tight around my waist, there was no way they’d fall off. since they were too big on me, they completely hid my bright board shorts.

“We’ll be at Devils Drop in fifteen.” The pointer said right before they sent me on my way.

Want to know what is cool; I walked away from that chopped and lowered van without any worry whatsoever. I was sure I could have walked right past my mother and she wouldn’t have given me a second glance.

It took them longer than the fifteen minutes to get to Devils Drop, which was cool because with my sore knee, it took me nearly thirty minutes to walk that far. I waited another fifteen before they arrived. However, when they did finally show up, they had my board and Meek too.

“Thought you might want your el hermano back.” They all joked.

Meek looked scared and relieved to see me at the same time. I guess they guys didn’t give him much choice about going with them. Meek later told me he thought they were kidnapping him or something.

They were all laughing and the four Mexican guys were now seven. On and the guy who gave me his shorts was now wearing a towel.

I’d already stripped off their stuff so when they began to poor from the van I offered the guy his shorts first with thanks.

“I rinsed them out for you.” I told him as I handed the wet shorts.

“Gracias” he said and I could have sworn I detected a bit of disappointment in his eyes when he took them. It was almost like he’d of rather received them back smelling of my pee.

“Told 'em you were hiding out in Taiwan!” the pointer, who I had begun to think was the leader of their gang, had said.

“Really?” I laughed.

“Those old de chicos actually gave us fifty dollars for sending 'em to Mexico.” The shortest guy pointed out while waving the money to fan himself and laughing like some maniacal cartoon villain.

Two of the guys I hadn’t seen before were carefully extracting my board from of the back of their van as well as Meek’s and my other board.

I thanked them repeatedly as I held my board like the awesome treasure that it is! Before they left, I renewed my promise to win the competition and even though I knew Gary would kill me for doing it, I signed the other board and gave it to the guys as a way of showing my appreciation. I told them to wait until I win tomorrow and then sell it. They will get lots of money for it then.

Alone again with Meek the two of us decided that my surf board was long overdue for its madden voyage at sea. We ended up surfing our way back to our cave home; well nearly so. Actually, we beached ourselves about a half mile up from our cave on this bit of land that sticks out sort of like a long penis from the shore. It was there that we rested and just hung out for a while. All the surfing we’d done hadn’t really helped my knee none, but then again there wasn’t much that could have kept me from taking my board out.

You know, it’s funny how the ocean can feel so warm when you’ve been in it a while; but lay on the hot sand for twenty minutes or so, then try to go back into the ocean and your body will scream at the sudden coldness of the water.

After a while, we both began to play and roughhouse a bit. We ran from the cool water up to the hot sand and buried ourselves like lizards with only our faces exposed to the sun. It was funny and we were both laughing our heads off in between talking.

Behind us, was California and in front the vast ocean with the flying rats screaming overhead; at one point Meek and I were buried and talking about famous female singers; when for some reason, we both got rather heated about it. I cannot tell you why we got so worked up, but we both seemed very dead set in our positions… whatever the heck our positions were.

While we had been arguing and playing, the tide had come up and cut us off from the rest of the world and from our boards. We had managed to pick a high spot to burry ourselves and thus when the tide came in; we found we were on our very own tropical island minus the palm tree and coconuts.

“OH NO!” Meek exclaimed and pulled himself up out of the sand.

“What?” I asked and sat up too, causing a cascade of sand to pile up on my lap.

“Oops!” I giggled, "Looks like we’re going to have to swim for it.

“It’s all the way up to our boards!” Meek exclaimed with surprise.

“That’s that the tide does. It comes and it goes.” I teased, “and if you are of a mind to wait long enough, it comes back again.”

We didn’t have to swim as the water was only up to my belly button and barely up to Meeks junk.

“The sun and sand warmed me up too much.” He commented.

“Makes the ocean seem all that much colder huh?” I laughed.

He chuckled, “It makes me need to pee!”

“Well go ahead and go!” I said and then jokingly added, “I’m sure the sharks won’t smell you!”

Meek’s head jerked around so fast that I expected his head to pop right off his shoulders. Of course that made me bust out laughing.

“Meek, you are just too easy to mess with!”

Meek’s face went dark as he pretended to be upset with me. “Sharks are nothing to be joking about!”

“You mean like that one?” I said while pointing in front of him.

He made a noise like a lady who’d just seen a mouse and leapt backward so far that he nearly leapt on top of me.

Realizing I was pulling his leg the turned and tried to dunk me but I figured he’d do that and dove into the water. I came up about twenty feet away from him and could hear him yelling something about getting me when I sleep.

Up and walking again only keeping my distance I said to him while trying to stifle my laughter, “But in all seriousness, they don’t care if you pee or poop, just don’t bleed.”

Trying to play as if he was still upset he said, “If I hadn’t heard about sharks and blood before, I wouldn’t believe you!”

“Oh chill out would you!” I laughed and tried to splash him but he was too far away from me.

We walked to our boards, plucked them from the sand, and continued to walk back to the cave. As we were walking, Meek kept purposefully bumping me in the butt with his board. Each time he’d do it he’d say, “Sharks getting you!”

That night as we lay in the cave Meek was lying near the opening and braiding drinking straws into a necklace. I was in the back of the cave sleeping and dreaming. It was one of the best dreams I have ever had. I was dreaming about my life the way it was before everything turned to crap; before we moved away, before mom started working two jobs, and before John lost his job and started drinking.

The events of the dream never actually happened, but that doesn’t make what happened in the dream any less enjoyable. I’d come home from school, dropped my books on my bed, picked up my baseball mitt and run out to the front yard where John was waiting to play catch with me.

Through the front widow of our house, we could smell the apple pie mom was backing. Actually that was weird because our kitchen was in the back of the house but in my dream the kitchen window are directly above where John and I were playing catch. It was a very good dream!

As I was saying before, that night as we lay in the cave Meek was lying near the opening and braiding drinking straws into a wearable necklace when he suddenly sat up and exclaimed in a hard whisper, “ALVIN! ALVIN! WHAT IS THAT?”

I was back a ways, and had been sound asleep with my back to him but the alarmed tone of his voice had put me on high-alert.

“What?” I asked while crawling on hands and knees like a toddler toward the cave opening.

“I-I see something.” He said, his tone getting harder and more alarming.

I was right beside him; heck, I was so close now that I was almost on top of him. My left cheek was pressed against his right cheek as I tried to follow his gaze.

He extended his right hand to point the way, that’s when I saw the shape in the dark, which had got his attention.

“What the heck is that?” I asked.

“Is that a gator?” Meek asked.

“There are no alligators in southern California.” I bellowed in such a way that my comment would have come across just as effectively with a simple, “DON’T BE STUPID!”

We both sat so close that we were nearly one person while watching whatever it was that was watching us.

“Is it moving closer?” I asked after a while.

“I-I am not sure! I think it might be sleeping.” Meek stated, “I don’t hear anything.”

“I dunno, I think I can hear it breathing.” I stated.

“Maybe we should build a fire.” Meek suggested.

“Why?” I asked.

“To scare it away!” He said.

“What are we going to build a fire with?” I asked.

“Oh!” he said as he remembered we’d not gathered anything to burn before it got dark.


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

any news when your going to post more??

Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Sorry… not so little computer snafu has caused me to rewrite much of the last chapter. Bare with me!

Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

i can do that

Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 12

We got no sleep as we both sat up all that night watching whatever was outside our cave.

When the sun was almost ready to come up, we became more and more alert because whatever it was seemed to be moving closer and closer to us. Moments before the sun crested the horizon we talked each other into investigating however it took us five minutes to get to our feet and another ten minutes just to get up the courage to move a few steps closer to it.

From the moment we decided to approach it, and the moment the first rays of the sun came overtop our cave, was more than twenty minutes. That is when we both realized what had spooked us all night long.

“OOOH! Are you serious?!” I moaned in frustration.

“NO WAY!” Meek muttered with an angry sign.

With a bit of poison I spat out, “Meek you moron!”

“Hey moron me! You thought it was an animal too!” Meek said accusingly.

“I cannot believe we were scared of a stupid pair of rocks!” I said as I picked up a seashell from the beach and threw it at that the rocks.

No kidding, a pair of half-buried boulders had managed to scare the crap out of both of us all night long. I guess our imaginations had gotten the better of us!

“Alright, maybe I over reacted a little.” Meek confessed with an amused laugh.

He faked a punch to my gut and I faked that it really hurt as I moaned out, “MY SCABULA!”

“I need a poop!” Meek announced.

“My diapers are right back there.” I joked.

“Funny!” He groaned, “But seriously.”

“Yeah, I supposed I should too. Better now than later in my pants! Wanna do a quick trip out for a dawn surf and dump?” I asked as if it wasn’t as ridiculous as it sounded.

“Do our business out there?” he asked.

“Well you rejected the offer for one of my diapers!” I teased, “Besides, why not? Fish do it! Whales do it! Even sharks do it!”

“Always wanted to be some sharks’ breakfast!” Meek jested.

“Hey, if you are lucky, maybe you can be some sharks poo too.”

“That would be a nooooo!” he laughed as we both went for our boards.

“You aren’t a real surfer until you’ve been stuck in the middle of a shark-frenzy.” I joked.

“Um, maybe I’ll just use one of your GoodNites.” Meek joked back.

We’d both entered the cave and since I was right next to my stuff, I reached down and pulled out a GoodNite.

Holding it up I jokingly said, “Here you go!”

I expected Meek to either swat it away or call me some silly name, but instead he took it and acted as if he was going to put it on. Just when I started to believe he was serious, he threw it back at me.

“Yeah right!” He laughed, picked up his board, and ran from the cave.

When he was just outside, he shouted in to me, “I’m not a diaper baby like someone I know.” Then took off running faster than I have ever seen him.

“Oh you’re going to get it now!” I shouted back as I quickly grabbed my board and gave chase.

Man he is fast when he has a crazy diaper boy chasing him.

“You better hope this DIAPER BOY doesn’t catch up to you!” I shouted while trying not to laugh.

He glanced back for only a moment before flopping onto his board and paddling as though his life was truly in danger.

It was a beautifully uneventful morning or nearly so. We both paddled out, but not beyond sight of land. We then slid sideways into the water and held onto the sides of our boards as we did our business. Once again, I had shamefully forgotten to remove my GoodNite back on land.

“Dang it Meek!” I complained loudly.


“You made me forget to take my GoodNite off!”

He laughed.

When I started to pull it down, I stupidly had let go of my board for a moment to use both hands and I didn’t have my board leash on my ankle. My board and I separated and I had to swim to catch it. When I did, the GoodNite and my shorts came off my ankles and sank quickly. When I saw Meek had caught my board, I dove deep in an attempt to swim down to catch my shorts, but it was too dark to see anything below the surface.

When I came up Meek was already laughing for when I had dove down, my lower half had come out of the water just enough for him to realize what had happened.

“Stop laughing!” I whined, “It’s not funny!”

“OH MY GOODNESS I CAN’T!” He howled with laughter.

Meek was laughing so hard he got a cramp in his sides and we had to head back in without catching a morning wave.

“If you don’t stop laughing I’m going to…” I seethed and tried to splash him.

“Okay! Okay!” He said while still laughing, “I’m sorry! Okay, I’m done! I won’t laugh anymore.”

“You’re still laughing!” I laughed too.

Emerging from the water and carrying my board, I streaked back to the cave to retrieve a fresh swim diaper and a pair of shorts. When I came back out Meek was setting on one of the boulders, which had kept us up all night imagining them as some sort of creature about to attack and eat us. One look at me and he again cracked a big smile, but managed to keep from laughing aloud!

“Oh shut up and come on! Let’s get to the competition area early.” I told him.

“Let me just get my sandals.” He laughed as he hopped up and ran into the cave.

“They are not sandals!” I reminded him.

“Whatever!” he said from inside the cave.

“HODAD!” I shouted back.


“It’s good to know when you are one!” I said with a mocking laugh.

As he came out he surprised me and punched me in the arm.

“OUCH!” I cried even though it hadn’t hurt in the least.

Ignoring my belly aching he asked, “How’s the knee today?”

“Better than my arm!” I lied and I faked a broken arm very dramatically.

My knee was hurting, but I was forcing myself not to give into the pain. I didn’t want to distract Meek by having him worry about me and I didn’t want to let the other surfer’s know that I had a weakness.

“Want me to kiss your arm and make it better?”

“Um! If I was drowning, I wouldn’t want you to put your lips on me to give me mouth to mouth!” I said back.

He put a hand to his chest and adopted a look of extreme pain, “If it was your intent to shoot an arrow through my heart… BULLSEYE!”

I laughed so hard that my side hurt.


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Twenty-seven surfers were eliminated from the competition on the first of the three-day event and two dropped out due to injuries. That left only 67 of us and today’s waves were bigger and meaner than yesterdays as we were getting the skirtings of a storm that was several miles off the coast. Directly overhead and further inland were blue skies and puffy white clouds while near where the ocean met the sky was a solid wall of evil black.

The storm wasn’t supposed to come any closer, but everyone was still watching and listening to the weather reports all day long, Meek and I included.

Thankfully, I didn’t see Adam or Scotty all that day, which was a good thing. Meek on the other hand said he had another face-to-face encounter with them while I was on my fourth and final run for the day. He said they were mostly just talking bad about me and telling him he should watch his back while competing against me.

I honestly do not know where that was coming from. Never in my history of surfing and competing have I cheated or done anything purposefully to cause another surfer to lose points. If anything, I would help my fellow competitors to do better on their next run.

All day the top placement of surfers kept changing. At one point, I was in the lead, then I was in third, then first again, and after my final run of the day, I was in second place, behind Scotty by just a single point. Trailing behind me by 8 points was some Asian girl named Luisa, with Meek only 1 point behind her. However, after Meek’s final run, which I didn’t get to see, he went all the way to first place with a five-point lead over Scotty. That bumped Scotty down to second and me down the third.

Why was I not number one all day? Because of my dang knee! I never actually took a spill, but man it was all I could do to stay on my board out there on those crazy waves. I was getting good points mainly because I was picking the meanest and most dangerous waves, otherwise, if I hadn’t been, I probably would have been pushed so far down the order that I wouldn’t have a chance of catching up, let alone ever winning.

Right after Meek had told me about running into Scotty and Adam he had to go out for his fourth and final run of the day. It was then that thing really got crazy bad for me.

All day, when we were not actually competing, Meek and I were doing are best to hide from everyone, which includes our folks, the news people who want to interview all the surfers and from surfing fans. However, it was during Meek’s last run that I let my guard down when I should have been extra vigilant in watching my back.

I had gone up to the boardwalk to get a better view of Meek and the other’s out there. I was standing up on the boardwalk railing, which was something, that is strictly forbidden but people do it anyway. Meek was about to make his turn and grab what from my vantage point looked to be the wrong wave. It was going to end up being too big and too mean for Meek to handle. It was then that I felt a sharp pain in my right ankle followed by a quick jerk that spun me completely around.

For the briefest of moments, I was looking down into the angry eyes of my Grandfather who had a death hold just above my foot. The moment was maybe a quarter of a second long because the effect of Grandfather spinning me while I was standing on that railing was to cause me to lose my balance.

“G-GRANDFATHER!” I shouted down at him right before I began to fall backward.

I remember screams and a dozen hands reaching out to grab me in slow motion but all of them missed. From my vantage point I saw, I could see all the hands extending toward me like flashes of photographs as I slowly fell backward. I instinctively threw my arms out as if to grab something, however, there my fingers found nothing but air.

Now if you go back up there and read that again, you’ll see I said that Grandfather had a death grip on my ankle. That is the only reason I did not fall to my death and oh yes, I would have surly died; of that, I have no doubt at all.

“I GOT YA BOY!” Grandfather shouted as others around him reached out and took hold of my other leg.

I looked down for an instant and saw everyone below me looking up and holding out arms as if to catch me should I still fall.

I was hoisted back up and oddly hugged tightly by Grandfather before he held me at arm’s length and asked, “You alright boy?”

Right then, is when the pain hit me. Remember me saying it was my right leg knee that had been kicked and my right ankle Grandfather had grabbed? Thus, it had been my right leg that I was hanging upside down by. Yeah, the pain hit me like a sledgehammer to the kneecap.

I don’t remember anything until I woke up lying on the back seat of Grandfather’s car. The pain had been so intense that I had blacked out.

“Where-where am… Grandfather? Why? Where’s mom? Where are we going?”

“Lie still boy! We’ll be at the hospital shortly,” Grandfather spoke, “and then we’ll be getting you back to Maine where you belong.”

“What? No! I can’t! Not yet!” I cried out.

“QUIET DOWN BOY!” Grandfather shouted in a very uncharacteristic manner.

I pushed myself up as the car slowed for a traffic light. Not thinking, I reached for the door handle, swung it open, and leapt out before the car had come to a complete stop.

When I hit the pavement, I rolled a few times, being skinned up in the process as all I had on was my board shorts. Grandfather’s car lurched to a stop as I was attempting to get to my feet. However, when I put weight on my right leg it buckled under me.

I cried out in pain!

“Are you alright kid?” Someone shouted at me.

“ALVIN!” I heard Grandfather yell.

“NO!” I screamed back as I forced myself to stand and begin to run as best I could.

The pain was unbearable and I could not see for the tears. Behind me, I could hear Grandfather cursing after me, but his curses quickly vanished as I ran around a corner and down another road.

I was in such pain, and crying so hard that I did not even think about where I was going, only that I needed to get as far from Grandfather as I could.

What’s that saying, ‘If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all?’ I even think it’s a song too. Anyway, we had been a good distance from the boardwalk and only about three blocks from the hospital when I’d jumped out of Grandfather’s car.

When I ran as far as I thought I could, I finally stopped while leaning against a very pungent restaurant trash container. You know the type, about the size of a sub-compact car, all-metal and painted an awful greenish-brown. It smelled of meat that had been left out in the sun for days. However, my pain was so great that I didn’t mind the smell or all the flies that buzzed around me.

I was gasping, sobbing, and cussed all at the same time, but none of what came out of my mouth was intelligible. The adrenalin and pain were overpowering everything else, even my ability to form words. I slid down the side of the trash receptacle to the ground while holding onto my throbbing knee. I think I was there five, maybe ten minutes before I was able to start to think a little better. My knee, besides being skinned up and bleeding from having jumped from a moving car, was also quickly swelling up on me. It was already more than double its normal size.

Scanning my surroundings, I realized I knew where I was. I was in the alley behind the Stir Fry Palace, which is several miles from the cave Meek and I were calling home. In my current condition, I couldn’t make it more than a few more blocks, let alone a few miles.

Right then a police car pulled into the alley. I was in plain view and they spotted me right away. They must have been looking for me because their siren came on almost immediately.

Again I switched into flight mode and was up and running before I knew it.

Thankfully, the trash receptacle I had been leaning against was sticking halfway out into the alley and thus blocked the cruiser. I was able to limp my way down the alley and duck between two delivery trucks. One of the officers ran right past me, soon followed by the cruiser. Once they were past, I reemerged and limped quickly back the way I had come.

When I had gone maybe four blocks I knew I could go no further but that was okay. I had managed to get myself into to the back of a strip mall that backed up to a low-income residential complex and was able to slow my pace. There was also a long metal chain-link fence that ran along the back edge of the residential properties that I use as a crutch to lean on.

Just when I started to think I was safe at the far end of the alley, a long black car turned and stared toward me.

“GRANDFATHER!” I cried and turned to run.

The horn blared, but I didn’t stop as I pulled over trashcans to slow him down.

There was narrow separation between the buildings and I took a left turn between them to keep Grandfather from following me.

I slowed only long enough to see Grandfather’s car slowing to look down the narrow corridor and that was enough to get me to quicken my limping pace.

Realizing I could not keep up the pace, I quickly turned and ran between the cars parked out front. I had to hope a small block wall only to come down on the other side into a bunch of bushes, which added to my scrapes and cuts. I was sure Grandfather could not follow me without going all the way around, but I could still hear his horn blaring, or I imagined I could. I crossed a street toward a gas station, rounded the service station, and actually hurtled their back fence before crashing onto the gravel back alley with a hard thud. My leg had completely failed me and my right elbow was bleeding pretty bad. That was it, I could go no further.

Looking around I saw I was in yet another alley. I tried to catch my breath but then saw at the far end, first a cop car go by, and then Grandfather’s car quickly followed.

Just then, I noticed the back door to a moving truck that was partially open. This was one of those full size commercial moving trucks. You know the kind for moving the entire contents of a families home. Without thinking, I sort of crawled and limped toward it and rolled myself inside, pulling the door closed behind me. It clunked when it closed and at first, I didn’t realize that what had happened was I’d just locked myself inside. I lay motionless trying my best to breathe as quietly as I could even though my lungs were screaming for oxygen. Once again, my tears began to flow like great rivers down either side of my face as my body ached all over.

I didn’t have to wait long at all before I heard both cars roll past the door. I could hear the police radio, which is how I knew it was them. They must have stopped a little ways past where I was hiding because I could still just hear them, “He must have turned back and is heading to the beach.”

“That was grandfather for sure!” I whispered to no one.

“Follow us through there. We might get ahead of him again.”

I wasn’t sure who had said that, but assumed it to be the police.

I waited a bit longer; listening to be sure they had gone. That is when I realized I was in completely darkness. There wasn’t a speck of light coming from anywhere. I continued to lie there on the metal floor of the moving truck out of fear, out of pain, and because the coolness of the metal against his sweat drenched body felt so good. Even despite the fact that I was in so much pain, I could still enjoy the coolness and it somehow calmed me. I was also letting myself rest and catch my breath.

Swallowing down my fear, I wiped away my tears and I got myself to my feet. Putting all my weight only on my left leg I was able to stand. I then placed my hands on door for support and pushed but it didn’t budge.

I tried again with all of my strength, “Ah damn!” I cussed, “It must have locked when I closed it!”

Feeling panic setting in, I began to frantically fumble in the dark with my hands but felt nothing but metal. I took a breath, let it out, and then took a step forward being sure to keep my arms and hands fully extended into the blackness. My right knee screamed as I put pressure on it, but it held me up. Shuffling my feet slowly forward; I expecting to find boxes, or crates, anything but a monster!

“No I can’t think about that! There is nothing in here but me!”

After several minutes of blindly feeling my way through the darkness, it occurred to me that if I had been using my head all I would have had to do was to just follow the moving truck door to the wall and then follow the wall around until I found the side door which most moving trucks have. Since I was relatively sure what was behind me, I decided to turn around and head back for the garage door. Now ask me why I didn’t just go sideways and find the side wall? Honestly, sometimes I think I am the dumbest person on the planet!

Once I had found the door again, I followed it to the left until I felt the corner where the door and the wall met. My hand bumped something that at first I thought was a snake but then I realized was just a holding strap. I felt my way along the metal wall. I continued to slide my hands along the smooth, corrugated metal, occasionally feeling one of the cleats used to secure cargo. Then my hands felt what I was sure was the side door. Just as luck would have it, it was locked from the outside too. More than a bit aggravated at this point I kicked at the door while praying it would open but it did not.

Now I was really getting scared and my mind now had me convinced that something or someone was waiting in the dark to grab me or worse eat me! Turning around, I put my back to the door and leaned my head back against it and that is when I heard IT!

There was a sort of muffled DINK DINK, a pause then another DINK.

I froze in place, not even daring to breath.

My mind began to tell me what I was hearing was something moving toward me, about to attack me when in reality, what I was hearing was the sound of my own blood from my elbow running down my arm and dripping off my fingers.

Sure I was about to be something’s next meal I slid down the metal side door, rapped my arms around my aching legs and laid my head on my knees as I wept and waited.

Two nights of nearly no sleep, the stress of the competition, and running from my Grandfather with a busted up knee got the better of me and I fell asleep despite my pains and fears.


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

Day 13

I had no comprehension of time and had no idea that I’d slept through the evening and night. I was still sound asleep when a loud noise suddenly woke me. It was the sound of the rear door began to open. The blinding light from outside flooded into the moving truck making my eyes feel as though someone had poured salt into them. In retrospect, the light wasn’t very bright, but having been in pure darkness for so long, even the first rays of dawns early light were enough to temporarily blind me. I threw my hands over my eyes to shield them as I heard someone speaking Spanish. It took a second for my brain to recognize the language.

Straining to peek through my fingers, I managed just enough to spot two men standing and talking. It didn’t seem they had seen me yet.

I lifted myself to my feet and even amazed myself when I began to run. I leapt from the now open moving truck, and over the two Mexicans who both made funny sounds of surprise. I think they may have thought I was the El Chupacabra leaping form the dark to devour them.

I would like to say I landed on my feet and continued to run, but the morning sun combined with my injured leg got the better of me. I hit the ground hard. I didn’t even roll but sort of skidded and tumbled.

One of the two men asked in very poor English, which I will clean up for you, “Holy shit kid, are you alright?”

The second one asked, “Where you in there all night?”

Somehow, I got back up and began to run. I was a good six blocks from that moving truck before I realized that my board shorts were soaking wet and plastered to my backside. Stopping to catch my breath and let my leg rest, I saw that my right arm was covered in dried blood. One look at my elbow and I knew why.

“Well now! That’s not good!”

There were bits of gravel embedded in my elbow, which had scabbed over. I tried to pick them out but it hurt too much so I left them in as began to wonder just what time it was and if I had time to make it back to the cave to check on Meek.

Then I had a dreadful thought. What if they had found him too? I didn’t even know if Grandfather and the cops were still in the area or if they had gone back to combing the beach for me. Having had little to eat since moving to the cave, sleeping on the trailer of a moving truck last night and smelling like a backed up toilet… needless to say, I wasn’t in very good spirits.

As I lipped and walked as fast as I could my nose kept picking up the scent of restaurants cooking up morning meals. It made my belly growl.

A block from the boardwalk and beach there was some young Mexican person, on the corner selling oranges out of a cart that was attached to the back of a bicycle. I would guess he was somewhere around sixteen or seventeen at the most. When he was not looking, I snagged a bag and ran around the corner before he could figure out I’d just robbed him.

My, those oranges were good. I peeled and ate five of them, seeds and all in less than two minutes.

“HEY YOU!” the man I had stolen the oranges from had come around the corner and spotted me.

I dropped the rest of the oranges and ran. Thankfully the guy didn’t chase after me. He probably could have cought me as I wasn’t able to move very fast.

By the time I made it to the boardwalk, it was almost 8:30AM. Thank goodness, the last day of competition starts later as there are fewer competitors. On the last day, only the six top surfers get to advance to the final competition. I had no idea where Meek might be or if he was okay. Heck, I didn’t even know where my surfboard was. I could only hope and pray Meek found it and took it to the cave.

“Wow kid you look like hell and oh you stink!” Some woman said to me.

I don’t know where the lie came from that came out of my mouth next. “Yeah, well this is what happens when bullies push you into an un-flushed toilet!”

“Oh you poor thing!” She said compassionately, having suddenly become paternal, “Did they hurt you too? You are all scraped up and… OH MY LOOK AT YOUR POOR ARM!”

I nodded, “Uh… Yeah! That’s what happened! Yep!”

When she turned away from me, I knew she was going to summon one of the boardwalk security persons or worse yet, a regular city cop, so I took that chance to disappear into the growing morning crowd.

It took some doing, but I got down to the beach and was staying up under the boardwalk so if someone was above me looking down, they couldn’t see me.


I turned to see a man I recognized as Meek’s father.

Just before I turned to run I exclaimed, “CRAP!” Only I used the other variation of the word.

The announcer guy began to bring everyone up to speed on the rankings of all the surfers. It was only then, while running and weaving my way through the crowd that I learned that Meek was currently the lead surfer.

I felt so proud of him. However, when I heard I was in third place, I wasn’t too happy but at least I was in the top six and I wasn’t dead last in the lineup.

“A-L-V-I-N!!! S-T-O-P! P-L-E-A-S-E!” Meek’s father shouted and he sounded much farther way.

Not even bothering to look back I zigged and zagged and even backtracked through the mass of people all in hopes of losing him. I was cussed at a number of times for knocking into people as well, but it couldn’t be helped.

Finally, I made it to the rear entrance of ‘The Shack’ where I was able to drop down into the sand beside a big red and yellow kayak strapped vertically to the back wall. I was sitting there when suddenly a shadow engulfed me. With a heavy and defeated heart, I looked up expecting to see Meek’s father or my grandfather, but instead I looked up into the worried eyes of Meek.

“Where were you?” He asked.

“Grandfather caught me yesterday, but I got away.” I started to say and then recounted everything that happened, including imprisoning myself in a moving truck.

Right then Meek saw my knee, how badly swollen it was and how skinned up I was all over; and then he saw my arm.

“ALVIN YOUR COVERED IN BLOOD!” he exclaimed as he propped both boards against the wall and started to kneel beside me.

“Oh man you have my board!” I exclaimed.

“Huh? What? Oh yeah! Those Mexican guys found some kids playing with it and brought it to me when they couldn’t find you.”

“YeaAAAAHHHHHHOOOUUUCCCHHHH!!!” I started out expressing my surprise in a normal tone, but then Meek had touched my knee.

“We need to get you to the hospital!” He suggested.

“Yeah and while you’re at it, why don’t you just cut my throat and save Grandfather the trouble!” I spat back angrily. I lost my tempter and blurted out, “There is no fucking way I’m going back now! Win or lose, I’m going to finish this competition or die trying!”

“Alvin! How are you going to surf with it like that?” Meek asked while his eyes filled with tears.

I took a breath and blew it out slowly.

“It looks worse than it is.” I lied, “Besides, it got me halfway across town didn’t it.”

I then had a thought.

“Speaking of surfing.” I began and punched him in the shoulder but not hard, “Way to go on getting First Place!”

He smiled even though his eyes were filled with tears. “I was so surprised too. I didn’t think I did that good; but then the judges all gave me high points… well, all but that Asian lady. Man there is no pleasing her!”

“Yeah tell me about it. She’s been hard on everyone thus far.” I agreed.

“Oh no! She loves Luisa and has given her perfect scores every time even when all of the other judges have given her low points.”

“Oh you mean that really cute Asian girl?” I asked.

“ALVIN!” Meek laughed, “You look like something a dog threw up and you smell even worst and yet you are still horny?”

I shook my head while trying not to grin too much.

“That is so wrong! Judges are not supposed to have favorites!”

“Well she seems too.” Meek agreed.

They announced the first heats competitors again, while also repeating their earlier announcement before saying that they had three minutes to get to check in.

“You better go.” I told Meek, “I’m going to stay here for a bit longer. Oh, and watch out. I already saw your father.”

Meek shook his head, “Me too. I stayed with them last night at their hotel. I’ll explain more about that later. But whatever you do, don’t go near the cave.”

He paused a moment, looking at me with this odd gaze. It was almost as if he was holding something else back. With that, he was up, grabbed his board, and ran off. I wanted to shout after him but he was already gone and besides, he needed to get to the starting area or risk being disqualified.

“STAYED WITH THEM IN A HOTEL?” I thought, no I screamed in my head.

Curiosity got the better of me and I slid my naked back up the roughly textured wall. When I tried to put my weight on my right leg the pain was blinding and I almost went down again. I couldn’t understand how I could have been walking and running on it just a few minutes ago and now it wouldn’t even let me put any weight on it. Using my board as a walking stick I started to move only to realize that at some point the mess that had been in the back of my shorts had begun to ooze down the backs of both of my legs and was now caked with sand.

“Wonderful!” I said aloud.

An idea suddenly came to me!

“What better place to hide then the Pacific Ocean?” I thought followed by another, “Out there I could clean out my shorts and myself and see Meek surf!”

So that is where I went!


Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

sweet :slight_smile:

Re: Alvin Ever After: Alvin in the Fourth

I was sure to stay out of the competition area and was out far enough that I could slide off my board, slip off my shorts, and swish them back and forth in the water to get them clean… well cleaner than they were. I was also careful to clean not just my backside but also my front too as the mess had smeared all the way through my legs and covered my hairless, wrinkled, sack.

“How do I poop so much when I hardly ever eat?” I groaned.

A familiar voice from behind me spoke, “I thought that was you!”

I spun in the water and shouted, “GARY YOU SCARED THE HECK OUT OF ME!”

“Ooh!” He said while ignoring what I had just said and was pointing past me, “Meek’s about to make his first run.”

Holding my board with one hand and trying to put my shorts back on while not hurting my knee and while watching Meek, was almost impossible, but I managed.

“Oh he’s too far back!” Gary observed.

“No, watch. He’s setting himself up for…” I began, “Oh there it is! YEAH GO MEEK!”

“Well I’ll be!” Gary exclaimed while helping to steady my board as I tried to straddle it.

As I did so I was sure, Gary would see my swollen knee and say something but he didn’t because he was too busy watching Meek.

“Did you teach him that?” he asked.

“Nope, that’s all him.” I said as I repositioned to get my knee under the water where the cooler temperatures would continue to help the swelling.

“Not the best I’ve seen thus far, but with that he’ll stay in contention for winning this shindig.” Gary commented.

Gary was being kind. Although it was a cool maneuver, the rest of his run didn’t show off his best skills. He’ll be lucky if he hangs onto first place after that run.

Without really thinking about it, I said to Gary, “I have a problem.”

“Which one?” He asked with a chuckle.

I pulled my knee out of the water and watched his face. He went stone cold serious.

“How the hell did that happen?” he asked.

I explained to him what had happened and while doing so I watched his face grow dark with anger. He looked toward the land as if my grandfather, Adam and Scotty were all standing at the shoreline mocking me.

“We need to get you in and get that taken care of.” He told me then pointed to my arm, “You’re bleeding too.”

Ignoring the blood comment I shook my head, “Can’t. That’s why I am way out here. Everybody and their mom are looking for my blonde head!”

Again watching the land, he appeared deep in thought. Suddenly he pulled his leg out of the water, unstrapped his leash and right before tipping himself over into the water he tossed it to me and said, “Hold this! I’ll be right back!”

He was down a long time; longer than I could have been. When he came back up, he plopped a fist full of Seadragon onto his board. Seadragon is a sort of long, leafy seaweed.

With no warning, he grabbed my ankle and pulled on my leg, nearly pulling me off my board in the process. It hurt so much that I screamed and began to sob big crocodile tears.

“Stay on your board. Whatever I do, stay on it.” He said while still keeping the tension on my leg.

He grabbed the Seadragon and went under again. I could not see what he was doing, but from the feel of it, I thought he was trying to rip my leg off at the knee.

I’d rather not include this, but why stop being honest now? I wept like a baby. I couldn’t help it; it hurt so much that I couldn’t stop the tears.

I felt him release my leg and when he came up he said, “Best I can do out here, but it should help. Now let me see that arm.”

I quickly splashed my face with one hand while Gary was holding my other. It was weird because as I was splashing my face it felt as if the pain in my leg was draining down and out of my toes.

Gary plucked a couple pebbles out of my arm as he said in reference to what he’d done to my leg, “Know that hurt. But it had to be done.”

I lifted my leg out of the water and saw that he’d used the Seadragon to tightly wrap my knee. It was like natures ACE Bandage and boy was it tight.

“Where’d you learn how to do that?” I asked while watching him do the same thing to my right elbow.

I attempted to bend my knee but only managing to get it to move a bit. I was however able to wiggle my toes and move my ankle just fine.

“Old Aztec Witch Doctor,” He said and I was not sure if he was telling the truth or not.

“Will make for getting up on your board more difficult, but it will keep it from buckling under your weight.” He explained.

It wasn’t what he’d said, but how he said it which gave me the idea that he was again calling me fat.

“I’m not that fat!” I whined.

“Said the porky little piggy!” he joked and poked me in the belly.

“Gary!” I whined and slapped away his hand.

We’d missed the other two competitors but we did catch the scores. The announcer’s voice seemed to drift over the waters like a fog.

"With the completion of their first run of the day, Group One stats are as follows. First place with an outstanding perfect score on his first run, “Minkus Dawson”.

I looked at Gary in disbelief. They had used Meek’s real name, not his pseudo name.

“Guess they finally figured it out.” Gary chuckled.

Half a second later the announcer was heard, “Or as many of you have come to know him by…” and then gave Meek’s pseudo name to which the roar of the crowd could be heard.

“There it is!” Gary laughed.

"And on a side note, you’ll all be happy to know he has been reunited with his parents and I and the judges have personally spoken with them. He is now competing today with their permission.

It took a while for the crowd to quiet down enough for him to continue.

The announcement continued, “A close second is Luisa Tang.”

“And trailing at a distant third we have Rodney Hildegard.”

“Way to go Minkus!” Gary cheered while pumping a triumphant fist into the air.

“While our first group comes in, may we please have our next contestants report in?”

Scotty Hildegard come on down!!!"

And let’s have Chad Baker! Come on Chad!"


The crowd crazy for like three whole minutes.

The announcer then laughing said, “Now wait for it… the two time Junior Surfing Champion, Alvin Holloway!”

And just like Meek, they had announced my name… my REAL NAME. However, unlike Meek, the announcer didn’t even bother with my pseudo name. Maybe he didn’t because the crowd never got quiet. From my position, I could see the people on the beach pointing and waving in my direction. I waved back which seemed to make the crowd get even louder.

Even as far out as Gary and I were, the roar of the crowd was surprisingly loud.

“Oh there he is!” The announcer laughed, “Wave to the camera Alvin!”

Beaming with pride, Gary said to me, “Can’t let your fans down! Get out there, wait for the perfect wave and just in case this is your last run, give it everything you have.”

My eyes filled with tears again as I stretched out on my board and began to paddle toward the competition area.

Behind me, I could hear Gary shouting instructions, “If the pain gets to be too much, bite your inner cheek as hard as you can!”

“Looks like our returning Champion is eager to get started, he’s already out there! Scotty and Chad, you best get going!” the announcer said with a laugh which caused the crowd to laugh too.

Thinking about Gary’s words, I knew he had meant that I should give my all as if this were my last run of the competition, however in my head I was thinking just a little differently. I was telling myself that this could be the last time I surfed… EVER! And if that was the case, then I wasn’t going to play it easy or safe. I was already out far enough to catch a choice wave, but I didn’t want a choice wave, I wanted a perfect wave.

Setting up on my board I looked back to Gary who I could only just see waving an encouraging arm in the air. I looked toward the land and could see two surfers about halfway between me and the crowd who from my vantage point looked like a massive flesh toned blur.

I looked to Gary once more and spoke what I fully expected to be the last words of my life, “Thanks and I love you.” Of course, there was no way he heard me, but I had to say it anyway.

I then turned the nose of my board toward Hawaii, flattened out and began to paddle my arms for all I was worth. The crowd’s roar soon vanished, but I didn’t stop. I kept going out farther and father until I was nearly to the drop off where the ocean floor suddenly drops.

It’s an area even the big ships avoid, because the ocean is so unpredictable there. Watching out to sea at the black wall that was the storm, I read the surface of the ocean I knew almost exactly when and where the low ocean would hit that underwater cliff. What happens is right before it hits the cliff wall, there is a suction effect, which can pull you down. I’ve heard of several people who were killed being out there at the wrong time. However, if you know what you are doing and you are positioned just right, after the ocean sucks you down, it will eventually spit you back out. That is what I was hoping would happen.

There was no way Scotty and Chad would come out so far. Only a lunatic would risk being swept out to sea. Well label me a lunatic then.

Sliding back and dropping the tail of my board I held on with my legs dangling in the water. I was still belly to the deck and had made myself into an untethered buoy, which would be grabbed and pulled under.

No sooner had I got into passion then I felt the pull. I sucked in a quick lung full of air and held onto my board, as it was the only thing that would save me now.

I was down a long time. Too long! My lungs ached for fresh air and my ears felt like they were going to rupture under the pressure but I couldn’t risk letting go of my board to equalize my ear pressure. What seemed like forever I felt my downward pull change as I was fired upwards like a missile.

Seconds later, my board and I were launched into the air. I gasped in fresh oxygen as I looked down and prepared to hit the top of the wave. If I didn’t hit just right, that would be the end of Alvin Hollow.

I hit the wave feet first and screaming like a wounded animal as I fought against the power of the ocean to pull myself up while attempting to force the nose of my board down. Before I knew it, I was up and moving fast. I was already several stories and yet the wave was still growing. I hadn’t chosen the perfect wave… like an unspoken agreement, King Neptune had understood what I had intended and sent me a killer wave.

It was the wave of a lifetime! The kind of wave people hope and pray for but never get. To anyone who hadn’t spent their entire life on the ocean, it would have surly been a killer wave. For me, and my less than perfect leg, it was surly going to be the death of me.

With tears streaming down my face I set my eyes forward and attempted to either tame the wave, or die trying. It was the longest and scariest run of my life.

As I rode the wave, the pain left me. It was just me, my board and the bucking, violent waters beneath me.

Now you are going to think I am crazy, that I have completely lost my mind when I tell you what happen next, but I swear to you that it is 100% true. I felt a hand on my right shoulder and when I turned my head, I saw my father on my board, directly behind me just as he used to do when I was a very young boy.

“Loosen your toes.” John said, “That a boy!”

“Get that butt down and bend your knee.”

“You’re doing great Son!”

I looked back at him again; just to be sure he was really there.

“Alvin, keep your eyes forward.”

“Get ready for the rise! Now lean into it! Lean Alvin! Lean!”

I was leaning so far forward, I was almost parallel to my board.

“Get your arms back!”



“That’s my boy! Now bring it back around and set yourself up for… Look out it’s breaking high! Get yourself in position!”

“You’re too high! Get that nose down!”

“Alvin, get that nose dow…”

I was half a second slow and ended up out of position as the wave began to break above me, engulfing me in the largest tube I had ever surfed. If you have never surfed a tube you probably cannot understand what it is like. Most of the time you cannot see anything but water in all directions. You just have to point your board and pray you emerge before the tube swallows you.

When the only way out seemed closed that’s when I began to realize that maybe this was it for me. Maybe this was going to be the end for real. I’ve said that before, but this time… this time I was sure. I began to imagine that stories would be told for years to come, about me and people will tell how they were there the day Alvin Holloway disappeared within a tube and was never seen again. They would probably rename the competition in my honor and erect some memorial that in a few years would be just another ignored landmark on the boardwalk for the Seagulls to poop on.

Just as I was about to give myself to the wave by cutting to the left into the wave I again heard John, soft and very close, “Alvin you need to get yourself out of here.”

I shook my head, “I can’t.”

“Yes you can.”

“I-I don’t want to!”

My tears were mingling with the seawater as I saw John’s face in the wave, “Alvin, you need to get out of here now! I want you to get yourself out of here now!”

“Dad I…” I was blubbering.

“Tiger-fish you have so much life left! I’m not supposed to tell you this, but the love of your life is standing on the beach right now! Soon you are going to fall in love, and one day marry her, and have beautiful children with her! But you have to get yourself out of here now! Please son, I need you to get yourself out of here and live!”

I hadn’t thought about what I was doing, I just reacted as I slid my bad leg back and curled my toes over the right edge of my board. At the same time, I slid my other foot as far forward as it would go. I then stretched one arm forward and the other back, as I got very low to my board. I tucked my chin to my chest, rolled my eyes forward, while my toes curled over the nose of my board. I was in essence doing a full split on top of my board, making myself as low as possible. The speed I picked up was incredible. Later I would learn that when I emerged from the tube I was clocked at 53 knots, just 1.10 knots shy of the world record.

As I emerged, I heard John Cheer as if from a great distance, “Good save son! Good save!”

When I came out, the cheers of the spectators suddenly assaulted my ears, but I wasn’t done.

Pulling my left leg back I was able to turn into the wave then cut right and putting myself back on top of the wave. For a split moment, I saw Scotty and Chad on the backside of the wave, coming up from their duck dive under it. They hadn’t caught a wave yet, they were too busy watching me.

I was cutting left and right, kind of showboating. Then as I read that the wave was quickly losing its fierceness I leaned into my board, cut left real sharp, brought the nose up and launched myself into the air. I’m told that I was at least thirty feet above the wave when I did a flip and then corkscrewed back down to the wave.

I road the dying wave as I looked up into the sun and smiled at John.

“Thanks Dad!”

I could hardly hear or understand the announcer. He was so ecstatic that he was shouting into the microphone. I picked up bits and pieces there like…

“I saw it and I still don’t believe it!”

“That ladies and gentleman is how it’s done!”

On and on he went, trying to be heard over the crowed.

Not waiting to hear how my two opponents were fairing; I again laid myself upon my board and began to paddle parallel to the shore in the direction I’d left Gary. However, Gary was nowhere to be seen. I was sure he would see me coming and meet me, but he didn’t.

Away from the competition area, I turned my board and headed in land, sure I’d see Gary waiting there. However, he wasn’t there either but there was someone there I recognize.

Still a good three hundred feet from shore I had zero doubt of who it was.