A young girls return to childhood

11 Days left.

She was supposed to be nervous right? Everybody is. It’s perfectly normal, Isn’t It? Everything will be OK!

Emily lay in bed dreading the day ahead. Her first day. The big one. she could remember last time, the humiliation, the tears the taunts. She wiped a tear from her eye and sat up to look at the alarm clock on her bedside table: 6:29AM, realising there was less than a minute before her alarm went off she reached over and cancelled it. With a sigh she flung her legs over the side of her bed and put her feet in her slippers still next to her bed from the night before.

After she had been to the toilet and took a shower she decided to get dressed for the day before going downstairs for breakfast. besides, her mom and dad weren’t up yet anyway giving her plenty of time.
She headed back in to her bedroom and walked up to her wardrobe against the far wall and stood in front of the feature length mirror covering the front.
She stared for what felt like hours before her parents alarm clock brought her back to reality. Opening the door she reached inside and pulled out a a plain black T-shirt, some fresh pants, a cute pleated skirt with admittedly baby-ish character designs and a pair of thick black tights. She could hear her parents moving in their room and rushed to get dressed before they performed their usual routine of banging on both hers and her little sisters doors to make sure they were up.

Its no surprise really, why me? I know what’s coming.

she cried out in shock when the inevitable knock came from her bedroom door snapping her out of her daytime nightmare. "Honey, Are you ok?" The voice was soft, loving, concerned, her mother then she thought. Of course Im not! I know what’s going to happen. a second knock and another question, Emily! are you OK? Realising she hadn’t actually said anything she quickly shouted "Hey Mom! Yeah Im OK sorry, just a little nervous is all I guess, You scared me" She knew her Mom would see straight through the lie and already knew how scared her daughter was. "Okay honey, I’m gonna head downstairs to start breakfast dont be long She heard her mothers reatring footsteps and let out a deep sigh that almost seemed to feel like defeat. NO! she was not going to just give in, she couldn’t. She stared hard in the mirror at her outfit deep in thought for several minutes. With an almost tasteful aura of decisiveness she yanked open her wardrobe again and dug as deep as she could, rummaging around for a different skirt. After a few squeaks of effort she managed to find a dark purple skirt with 3 small pink stars near the waistband and swapped it with the one she had not long put on. It wasn`t perfect, not by a long shot, but it was better.

Breakfast was tense, more so than normal Emily sat at the dinner table eating her pancakes deep in thought, almost not aware of the environment or anyone in it. A loud snap in front of her face saw her crash back to the present, it took a few seconds to realise her Dad had clicked his fingers in her face to get her attention, Em, Are you ok? Your mom has asked you if you want more pancakes 3 times and you look like your an oversized doll on a supermarket shelf… He trailed off after a hard stare and rough shove from Rose, Emily`s mother, Her icy stare seeming to lower the rooms temperature a few degrees. Oh no! Il be late if I dont get a move on! see you later honey, have a good day kids. Her dad grabbed his suitcase and rushed out of the kitchen door, this being unusually strange since his car was parked at the front of the house and the kitchen door leading to the back garden, Emily also noticed the lack of affectionate kiss her dad normally provided every day before work. One look at her mom, who was currently staring after him with the same icy expression told her not to enquire about that.

Emily, can I have a quick word in the living room before we head to school please? The tone of her mothers voice conveyed this was not a question, yet it was also clearly concerned, An item missed by her sister who was hiding a smirk behind the mouthful of pancakes she had just shoved into her mouth.
Emily stood and followed her mom into the living room and was a little surprised her mom had closed the door behind her, mainly as the living room door was never closed except during movie night when the whole family lay on the sofa or floor watching films with their quilts until they all fell asleep.
Em, I just want to make sure your ok and see if you needed to talk before we go? I know you like to choose your own outfits but maybe… I mean if you wanted… I just thought… Her mom trailed off looking almost embarrassed surprising Emily so much she nearly wet herself right there and then. Her mom? Shy? Never, that had never happened. Im Fine mom thanks, just a little nervous but Il be ok as always, Whats wrong with my clothes? the last part was born entirely out of curiosity, given her mother’s current shyness she wouldn’t have brought it up, but this was the first time her mom had every questioned her choice of outfit.Nothing honey, I just wanted to make sure you were happy thats all Her mom, having an invisible rocket placed where it should never be moved faster than Emily thought possible and rushed out of the living room and back to the kitchen, This was not quick enough however, for Emily to have missed her mothers face turning redder than a tomato.

she stared and stared, looked from this way, that way the other way. No matter how she looked she couldn’t understand her moms question. She stood in front of her bedroom mirror again trying to see what had caused her mom to ask such a question. OK, She was 13 years old but looked much younger. A lot younger. she was barely higher than an average 6 year old and a fraction of the weight. In fact both her mom and dad could easily pick her up as if she were no more than a toddler, a feat that made them laugh on more than one occasion. With her hair up in a ponytail slightly to the side she was often mistaken for a lost child. A situation that was both incredibly frustrating and equally embarrassing.
The main problem was due to her size most of her clothes WERE designed for toddlers and kids. Not by choice, but simply because they were the only clothes that fit. at home it had never been a problem, Emily had always like the cute designs and loved the frilly, lacey, bright girly outfits that filled her wardrobe. School however was totally different. With a lot of difficulty she pulled herself away from the mirror and made her way downstairs. She would NOT start down that memory chain. the cut was simply still too deep.

The car ride was uneventful. silent. tense. after what felt like not enough time her mom pulled up at her new school. A big complex with 6 big grey buildings set out in a hexagonal pattern.Dallymoore secondary school Was hung in an arc above the main gates, Big black iron gates connected to a tall green fence that surrounded the complex. Emily climbed out the car without a word staring at the school, panic rising in her chest. She was 10 minutes late so the grounds were almost deserted a fact that should have made her feel better, but didn’t.
wish a small smile and wave to her mom she turned towards the school and set off towards the reception indicated by the various signs across the site. The doors slid open as she approached showing a small room with a sofa, a table and a large glass window built into the wall. A stern looking woman was staring at her through the glass with a look of surprise, Hey sweetie Emily’s heart sank, panic rose quickly as she recognised the tone the woman used to speak to her, How did you get here all on your own? does your big brother or sister go here for school? Lets see if we can get ahold of your mommy to take you to your school

Emily felt the tears run down her cheeks, Her breathing quickened and her heart started racing, Her mind buzzed like a million firefly’s were trapped inside, thoughts flashed through her mind quicker than she could recognise them, her knees started trembling and her hands begun to shake as she flung them over her face to hide the tears clearly streaming down it.

Always, Nothing will change. It was going to happen all over again. it`s not fair.

Emily sank to the floor without even realising, Her hands covering her face trying to hide the tears that left water marks on her T-shirt clearly visible. She couldn’t do this any more, she thought she was stronger, thought she could cope, was ready to try again.

She was wrong.