A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 1

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#1

Chapter 1

Sarah Anne Smith woke up at 8 AM in her crib looking up at the face of her Aunt Mary Margaret Jones.

“Hi Babygirl.” Mary said.

“Hi Aunt Mary. How are you?” Sarah asked.

“I’m fine. Let’s get you ready for church Princess. How are you?” She said.

Okay Aunt Mary. I’m fine too." Sarah said.

Mary lowered the crib railing down and took Sarah out of it.

Mary carry Sarah to the changing table, laid her on her back on it, undressed her from a pink sleeper, a white onesies, and a wet and messy diaper.

She lifted her off the changing table, carry her to and into the bathroom, put her into the bathtub, wet Sarah’s hair and body with warm water, wash her hair with shampoo, rinse it with warm water, put condition in her hair, wash her body with soap, rinse her body with warm water, and rinse her hair again.

Mary dried Sarah’s hair and body with a big and fluffy pink towel, wrapped her in it, took her out of the bathtub, carry back into the nursery, laid her back onto the changing table on her back, unwrapped her from the big and fluffy pink towel, finish drying her with it, dressed her in a clean and dry diaper, a pair of white tights, a white onesies, a pair of pink lacy panties, and a pink short sleeve dress with a white lacy collar and cuffs.

She sat Sarah up on the changing table, straightened the dress, put white Mary Janes shoes on her feet, untangled and combed her hair, put a pink lacy hairbow in her hair hair, put perfume on her hair and clothes, took her off the changing table, and put her on her two feet on the floor.

While she was undressing, bathing, and dressing Sarah, They were taking about the latest Sesame Street show.

Mary and Sarah make the crib with all of the Disney’s Princesses bedding. Picked up the thingd up from the nursery’s and bathroom floor, put the dirty clothes and towels in the dirty clothes hamper, and organize the nursery and bathroom things.

Mary sat in the rocking with Sarah on her lap.

“Remember to behave yourself at the breakfast table and during church service and obey your parents.” Mary said.

“I will Aunt Mary” Sarah said.

#3

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 1

Congratulations; you have written an opening paragraph-and-a-bit.

Bump when you’ve done the rest.

#4

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 1

Thanks Winnie Cooper and Nemo for your responses to my story.

#5

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 1

With a couple little fixes - like grammar and punctuation… and maybe more depth of the character’s thoughts, this could be a very nice prologue to a story, or an intro too.

#6

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 1

Thanks NeEkOIAh! for your comment to my story.

#7

Re: A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 1

I am going to offer two things for you to think about.

Mary carry Sarah to the changing table, laid her on her back on it, undressed her from a pink sleeper, a white onesies, and a wet and messy diaper.

First, this is very impersonal. In order for the reader to understand anything about this character (Sarah) you have to give description that is directly or indirectly a part of Sarah. Don’t say ‘a sleeper’ or ‘a white onesie’, but her sleeper. it makes it a part of her which helps define who she is.

She lifted her off the changing table, carry her to and into the bathroom, put her into the bathtub, wet Sarah’s hair and body with warm water, wash her hair with shampoo, rinse it with warm water, put condition in her hair, wash her body with soap, rinse her body with warm water, and rinse her hair again.

Mary dried Sarah’s hair and body with a big and fluffy pink towel, wrapped her in it, took her out of the bathtub, carry back into the nursery, laid her back onto the changing table on her back, unwrapped her from the big and fluffy pink towel, finish drying her with it, dressed her in a clean and dry diaper, a pair of white tights, a white onesies, a pair of pink lacy panties, and a pink short sleeve dress with a white lacy collar and cuffs.

She sat Sarah up on the changing table, straightened the dress, put white Mary Janes shoes on her feet, untangled and combed her hair, put a pink lacy hairbow in her hair hair, put perfume on her hair and clothes, took her off the changing table, and put her on her two feet on the floor.

Second, this is an outline, not paragraphs. This is like a charcoal drawing. It tells you what happens but nothing else, no idea how either of them feels about what their doing (Mary) or what is being done to them (Sarah). Add thoughts and feelings, descriptions or indications of why a person is doing something.

For example:

She lifted her gently off of the changing table, holding her securely, and carried her to the bathroom. Standing Sarah for a moment, she ran water into the tub adding a generous portion of bubble bath. Sarah smiled as she saw the bubbles form. Picking Sarah up, sitting her on her bottom in the bathtub, Mary used a cup to wet Sarah’s hair and body with warm water.

I stopped before the whole paragraph was done, but the point is, what was a charcoal drawing now has color and depth, you see?

My best suggestion is to read. read alot. When you look at the way others put words together, you get a sense of the mechanics of it. Once you have the mechanics down, as you try to put them together yourself, then you will find your own way to get your thoughts across so others can relate to them.

Hope this helps,

BabyButt

#8

A Sweet Little Girl Chapter 1

Thanks BabyButt for your advice.