A Story About a Girl on Holiday with Her Family. 1 ii

I debated typing this up now, as it’s 2am and I have another exam tomorrow, but my girlfriend’s coming to visit and so it would have to wait like a week if not and so here we go.

I like to see comments etc. so please, tell me what you think. What you like. What you don’t like. What you’re like…


Familiar with flying, the Gerrard children ignored the safety briefing. Thomas unwrapped his new DS game and Poppy jealously looked on, thinking it very unfair that she herself had nothing new: the flight would be equally tedious for the two of them.

Nonetheless, the flight was over in next to no time and the Gerrards emerged through passport control into a baggage reclaim hall, in Switzerland. Poppy, chestnut hair trailing behind her, ran immediately for the loo, having been unable to bring herself to use the facilities on the plane. Waiting for the rest of the family, in a rabble surrounding an enormous mountain of bags, stood the five members of the Pugh family.

The somewhat weary Mrs Pugh stepped forward with a tired smile, kissing Mrs Gerrard’s somehow more glamorous cheek, which was offered from behind a sheet of silver-blonde hair. “Martha…” began Mrs Gerrard, cut off by Mrs Pugh’s enquiring as to their flight.

Behind her, Mrs Pugh’s three sons, Jack, William and Dominic, shuffled their feet waiting their turn to be introduced. Mr Gerrard, who had already shaken the hand of Mr Jonathan Pugh turned to say, “Well then, this is my son Thomas, I’m not sure you boys’ll remember him. After all, its been so very long since you last saw each other.” in his clear and tranquil alto. “And this,” he continued, “is my daughter, Poppy.” Mr Gerrard gestured towards Poppy who had sauntered back to her family around the conveyor belt. “And this,” he leapt towards her, “is our first bag. Wonderful…”

But Poppy hardly noticed her father dive past her, as she caught sight of the eldest Pugh boy, Jack.

Pushing six foot with a skinny, yet firm build, Jack looked at Poppy with a sheepish smile on a well structured face. Stepping in for her father he said, “And I’m Jack and here you have Will and Dom. I remember both of you, actually - Thomas and Dom were just born.”

Poppy wasn’t really listening to anything Jack was saying. At fifteen he seemed a lot more attractive than his younger brothers and Poppy was already thinking of how she could avoid spending her time with William by default by virtue of their similar age.

It wasn’t that William was ugly: he had his older brother’s buoyant, dark curls, but his face, though angular, did not yet possess the maturity that was now preventing Poppy from noticing that all her family’s bags were collected, having conveniently appeared together.


Led by a company rep, the children walked ahead of their parents, stumbling over words as they tried to establish common ground upon which to build a conversation. Thomas and Dominic seemed to find this the most achievable, as before the group had even reached the minibus collecting them, the pair were engrossed in Thomas’ new game.

The rep offered the adults a glass of champagne - and to Poppy’s fury, Jack - and produced a tray of artfully intricate canapes. Mrs Pugh absentmindedly swatted her boys away as they sprung at the food, motioning at Mr Gerrard, with whom she was commiserating the rise in school fees that year, to try what looked a great deal like scallop and chorizo millefeuille.


Feeling far merrier than in the airport, the two families boarded the minibus and Poppy carefully sat in between William and Jack. The two had snickered between themselves before getting into the car and used to having her own way, Poppy was not going to allow this to happen again. Cringing at the clumpiness of her snow boots, Poppy crossed her legs - which she considered very beautiful - so that her knee hovered over that of Jack, but was then dismayed to see both brothers reach for their headphones almost in unison. Taking out her own iPod, Poppy sat grumpily between the two boys, thinking that slim as she was, they did take up rather a lot of space.

By the time the vehicle pulled into a petrol station it had settled completely inside. The parents made light conversation about the beautiful mountain scenery they were beginning to encounter; Poppy sat; Jack and William dosed to their music and Thomas and Dominic were a flurry of digital beeps.

“Poppy, Thomas, darlings, do you need to go to the loo?” said Mrs Gerrard, in the general direction of the rear of the vehicle. Poppy blushed as red as her crimson jumper, imagining her mother to have spoken impossibly loud. Thomas did not look up from his game.

“Dominic. DOMINIC!” demanded Mrs Pugh. Dominic’s eyes did not stray from his game.

“Dominic Pugh,” said Mr Pugh, loudly and firmly, and Dominic looked up. “Your mother would like to know whether you might like to get out for a bit, as we shan’t be stopping again.”

Dominic began to shake his head, glancing back down towards the screen between his hands, but catching sight of the was his father glared at his hand held, he nodded and said, “I’m just saving.” in what he hoped was a convincing sort of voice.

William and Thomas followed Dominic through the sliding doors of the minibus into the petrol station forecourt. Behind the pumps a mountain rose higher than anything Thomas had ever seen. He wondered whether they had had to fly around such tall mountains rather than over, but he did not ask: Thomas had learned not to give his sister the opportunity to mock his questions.

Inside the minibus, Poppy looked nervously around at Jack. He remained oblivious to the world and Poppy considered waking him. They had, after all, an excuse to talk now they were stopped, but then…

“Jack! Wake up!” shrilled Mrs Pugh and Poppy felt her courage plummet from beneath her. Not waiting for Jack to visibly respond to his mother, she slipped from the car. Walking towards the toilet she offered a passing William a haughty look, before disappearing thankfully into the dank ladies room.


Back in the minibus a few minutes later the old mood had reestablished itself. The road wound along the edge of plunging, steep sided valley. At the bottom there were clusters of industrial looking concrete buildings, overlooking a set of foaming river rapids. Mr Gerrard offered to no one in particular, “Melt water…”

The road turned a sharp right and rapidly climbed. The river was lost from view for a while, before it reappeared at the same height as the road, which now lay in between two tremendous peaks, overshadowed by one even greater. It was this that, to the overt surprise of both Poppy and Thomas, the driver identified as their destination. Thomas was glad that at least his big sister seemed as unable as he was to imagine that, come tomorrow, they would be sliding down such a colossal hill. From the top too.

“But it’s so far away!” cried Thomas.

“Just sit and shut up,” shot Poppy, not quite in the mood to marvel at how very long their seemingly endless journey still had to go.

Poppy craned her neck to look out of the window. The minibus was now climbing steep and narrow roads, which, terrifyingly, contemplated Poppy, had no barrier to prevent the careless driver from plummeting well beyond any point she could see. This continued for sometime, broken only in its monotony when Poppy found herself holding in her breath as they squeezed passed a rapidly descending coach on a corner. Poppy already felt unsure as to whether she especially liked skiing.


Eventually, the minibus broke through the tree line and its occupants were witness to astonishingly flat spaces, first dashed and then covered with snow; first dotted and then overrun with identical pine wood chalets.

A Story About a Girl on Holiday with Her Family. 1 ii

Another good chapter. It really needs a title but I can’t be sure where you’re going with it at the moment so I’m not sure what to suggest. There was a typo or two in there but otherwise well-written and coming along nicely.

A Story About a Girl on Holiday with Her Family. 1 ii

I promise that this story is going somewhere (oh ye of little faith) and it slowly will, though I doubt it shall be on topic until at least the first evening, though I find that the first day of holiday goes so quickly after the exhaustion of traveling. Besides, it’s all about suspense.

That said - I thought the direction of the story would be fairly obvious. Though that’s of course because I know where it’s going and so I can see how it follows.