Hi guys, it has been an absolute age since I posted a story, with everyone concentrating on the importance of ghouls and monsters here is what I hope will be a cute little story from the other side of the night.
Comments and critiques always welcome.
Getting Dressed (Or Never Trust a Moody Teen)
I was 10 at the time and my big sister was 15, being 5 years older than me she had moved from being cool older sister to ‘pain in the ass’ teenager whilst I was just discovering how much fun it was to tease and watch her lose it.
As Halloween was coming up and I was planning on getting my usual haul of candy to last me through till Santa Claus I had decided to dress up as a Pirate. The costume was really cool; bandanna, three point hat and even a realistic looking sword; but I needed my sister’s help to order it online.
Actually even though she had been a total moan for weeks she actually agreed to help me buy it and even said that she had got it cheaper when I handed over my pocket money. Also cool, a couple of dollars in my back pocket and I did feel rich.
Even talking about it at school I didn’t tell any of my friends what I was going as, I had a couple of times and as my ideas had been better than theirs I had found my Transformers costume copied on the night…I won’t even talk about the Megazord incident.
So everybody knew I had a kick ass costume. And that’s when I found out about my sister’s plan. There was a boy-girl party happening on the Saturday and with Halloween being on the Thursday my Mom had promised her that if she chaperoned us round the block on Halloween then she would be allowed to go to the party on Saturday.
Well, I could have been annoyed at having to have my sister walking around lording it over us on the Thursday but when she said that she was going to dress up too, well for a moment I was back to being 8 and having somebody who was cool to hang out with.
After school and an early dinner I was sitting playing computer games in the front room when my sister came in, even though I was on the floor facing the TV I knew it was her, she had this stomp that happened when she wanted me to do something. I didn’t even turn around. “Sup?” I asked.
“You’ll need to go and get showered soon, your little friends will be here in 30 minutes and you aren’t even close to being ready to go Trick or Treating.” She said trying to sound like Mom.
“I don’t need a shower before I go out.” I said trying to get to the save point, I did need to get ready but last minute is still a minute to go.
“MOM!” She yelled, something she was good at. “He isn’t going into the shower before we go out!”
I waited. Usually this would go one of two ways, stop harassing your brother or …. “You need to go in the shower before you get ready!” Mom yelled back from the kitchen.
“I just need to get to the save point. I’ll be like, 4 minutes, 3 maybe!” That was the weird thing about my Mom, if I had said 5 I’m pretty sure my sister would have been instructed to turn off the console but if it was under 5 I usually got away with it.
“You have 6 minutes then it goes off!” Mom yelled back, I heard her start doing the dishes. I could almost feel the eye roll from my sister.
9 and half minutes later I reached the save point and then raced up the stairs. As usual I dumped all my clothes on the floor outside the bathroom and then jumped into the shower. Mom’s boyfriend used to talk about how he always had shower epiphanies and that was the reason he took so long in the shower despite being bald. I knew what he meant and I have always taken longer in the shower than I mean to.
Needless to say that I was brought out of the lovely warm water early by the banging on the bathroom door coming from my big sister.
“Your friends will be here in 5 minutes and you aren’t even ready! Come on!” She said, sounding more than a little vexed. Clearly me not being ready would seriously hurt her party chances. As I stepped onto the floor I noticed that all of the towels were only the small hand towels. It happened because my Mom had bought what seemed like a thousand identically coloured and styled towels that all appeared to be of different sizes.
So grabbing one I unlocked the door and moved to my room one hand with the towel just sort of covering me like a loin cloth. As soon as I got into my room I could feel my sister behind me as she unsubtly dropped a bigger towel over my head and started ‘drying’ my hair. Well it was either that or she was sanding it down I could hardly see for the flurry of towel as she lead me across to my bed.
“You are so late…” She moaned. “Come on, put these on, we’ll get your ready.” She handed me something. Something that didn’t feel too right. “Its your underwear dummy. Or do you need help putting that on these days?”
Well that would be funny but blindly trying to pull on your wrong feeling underwear whilst a towel and sister flap around you is actually more difficult than you think. But my underwear went on over my feet and as I lifted myself off of the bed to pull it over my butt I felt a blast of talcum powder against my butt.
“Oh ha ha….” I said with an unseen eye roll. “That is for my athlete’s foot, so who is the dummy now?” I said trying to ignore the butt pat from my big sister and I pulled my underwear up. Why the towel didn’t stop there I didn’t know my hair must have been dryer than the Sahara dessert by this point.
I felt something else getting thrust into my hands. “It is your long john’s, Long John Silver” My sister said so I threaded my feet into the legs and pulled. And pulled and pulled they did seem to be long long john’s in fact they seemed to come up past my waist and…they ended in feet?
Not being able to catch more than a glimpse of what I was doing I felt the towelling stop and my sister pulled me up onto my feet and as I lifted my arms to pull the towel off of my head she threaded them into the arms of my costume. As I started to shake myself clear from underneath the cover she kicked some shoes into my eye line.
“Put these on or you won’t even get out of the door.” She said with a smirk.
“Didn’t it come with boots, not sneakers?” I asked looking down at my white sneakers with the yellow laces.
“You think you saved your money by BUYING shoes you’ll only wear once?” She asked with a ‘little kids can be so annoying’ voice. So I bent down and started to pull on my shoes. My underwear still felt a little uncomfortable and as I was bending it seemed to move in a different way from normal, probably my big sister took a pair that was too big for me or something. But I felt her zip up my costume at the back, which was the first nice thing she had done for me because I couldn’t have reached it all the way up there.
She then pulled the towel all of the way off of me and let me see the light and…the blue of my costume. This was NOT the pirate costume I had wanted it was blue and fuzzy and I had tied my laces over it. As I was still crouched dumbfounded she took some gloves, no blue fuzzy mittens and put them over each hand and then tied them around my wrist before tucking each inside the fuzzy blue cuff of my…costume.
I stood up dumbfounded and my sister took this as the appropriate sign to put a backpack on me and then all at once it hit me. This was beyond wrong this was sabotage, this was a trick, this was my evil big sister putting a Sesame Street backpack on me and picking me up with one arm and balancing me on her hip, I always hated that.
“But I was a pirate, look there is the hat…” I said my mind still sitting in the disbelief gear.
She smirked, picked it up and placed it on her head. “Nope, this goes with my costume.” She said, and it did. She was wearing a lady pirate’s outfit. I was carried downstairs and her hand and her hip and my underwear something was very wrong with it.
My Mom was standing at the bottom of the stairs with her camera. “Oh you two look fantastic.” She said grinning at my sister who put me down to present me in front of my Mom. “He didn’t give you any trouble about the diapers?” Mom asked, looking at me.
My mind went through a billion different emotions at once which resulted in me just standing there looking stupid with my mouth hanging open.
“Oh no, he even put them on himself, didn’t you?” My sister asked they both seemed to be standing over me now. I didn’t know if I had to nod or not. I looked down, there was a bulge around my midsection that could only have been caused by a diaper, I didn’t need to nod.
“Well that is sweet.” Mom said with a smile and she took a step back to frame us in the picture.
“Yes it is…” My sister said tugging on the back of my outfit. “And the spares are in the pack in his backpack.” She lifted it up to allow her to fuss with something around my neck.
A hood! She was fussing with a hood I looked up at her and then back to my Mom what was going on here. My sister had tricked me and now I was too far along to do anything about it.
“And of course, what Cookie Monster is complete without his cookie?” My sister said placing a pacifier with a cookie mouth guard in my open mouth.
“Now that is perfect.” My Mom said taking a picture. My mind finally snapped I looked up and down and blushed and felt my sister’s hands on my shoulders as she posed for photos.
I couldn’t believe it I was stuck, rooted to the spot in a mixture of fear, confusion and being pinned by teenage hands on my shoulders. There was no way my night could have got any worse.
That was when the doorbell rang and my best friends walked in talking about my “super secret costume that was so awesome only I could wear it”
I did get the most candy that night, but I can’t remember any of it because my mind is such a blank after posing for photos with Spider-Man, Iron Man, a Power Ranger and me…the Cookie Monster in Pampers.
Never trust a moody teen.