5 - The Eyes of the Innocent

There once was a girl, so innocent,
so possessed of such utter beauty,
inside and out, gold hair and eyes
of emerald. Her best friend wanted to protect
her more than anything, more than life
itself sometimes. Her name was Tyra.

This girl, by the name of Tyra,
never quite understood the dangers of her innocence,
breezed through the world, like nothing could harm her life,
never understood some would hate her for her beauty.
And so, Chelsea, her friend, gave her all the protection
she could, and was a hero in her eyes.

But, no matter how hard she tried, Chelsea couldn’t keep her eye,
all of the time, on poor little Tyra.
If you can’t find someone, you can’t protect
them, not from things they’re too innocent
to fear, not from those who don’t share their inner beauty,
those who who threaten their very life.

Tyra was lucky, Chelsea supposed, to keep her life,
but not lucky enough to keep those emerald eyes,
those eyes so clear, so beautiful.
Chelsea looked after her as well as she could, but Tyra
was depressed, but still tried to cling to her innocence,
her trust that there were things out there from which she needed no protection.

Because, blind and hurt, there was a new kind of protection
she needed, and hated, while she got used to her new, pitch black life.
In a way, Chelsea thought, it made her all the more innocent,
but she could tell it made her feel like a burden, in her own eyes,
no matter how many times Chelsea assurred Tyra
that she didn’t mind, that she still looked beautiful.

Chelsea knew, though she didn’t tell, who had stolen the beauty
from her friend’s smile, and she knew, that for beign unable to protect
her poor, sweet Tyra
that it was her duty to get revenge on those whose pitiful lives
revolved around taking pleasure from hurting, and taking the eyes,
and the joy, of the innocent.

And so, for Tyra, her most beloved doll, to try and restore the beauty
to her innocent, plastic, smile, and for failing in her own promise to protect
her with her life, with her mother’s kitchen knife, she took, from those nasty kids, their eyes.

Re: 5 - The Eyes of the Innocent

Good fucking god this is demented….I like that!

However…it’s very short, uses poor grammar (especially with the unnecessary quantity of commas), doesn’t involve any ABDL or infantilist elements (which I kind of thought was the whole point of the contest) and is a story told like a poem…defeating the purpose of a “Short story.”

I mean…it’s good, don’t get me wrong I do like it; I just don’t really think it belongs here in this contest

Re: 5 - The Eyes of the Innocent

Actually, I believe this is a sestina, so I think it would just be considered a poem.

Re: 5 - The Eyes of the Innocent

That makes it even less qualified.

Re: 5 - The Eyes of the Innocent

It’s a really cool form though - after I read Bishop’s I wrote like seven.

Re: 5 - The Eyes of the Innocent

Well, since voting is over and we’ve revealed all the authors, I thought I’d go ahead and point out that this was meant to be on-topic, in a vague sort of way. The use of the word “protection” in the fifth verse was supposed to mean diapers… I figured that, given the nature of the board, that would seem more obvious than it was. All in all, I mostly just wanted to try something new, which worked all right, but not quite as well as I’d hoped.

Re: 5 - The Eyes of the Innocent

The language was kinda plain, but you nailed the form and it’s not an easy form, particularly if you are going the narrative rather than the lyrical route. The last stanza was also really sharp (pun intended).

Re: 5 - The Eyes of the Innocent

It’s delightfully twisted, like a cinnamon roll ^^

Re: 5 - The Eyes of the Innocent

That’s an awesome line, and I’d completely agree.
This poem did have an interesting flavour, and I’m glad to see someone mixing up something fun. I hadn’t heard of a sestina before.
I’ve been trying to cook up an idea for a story for a while, but it’s been tricky coming up with a secret ingredient that hasn’t been used very much.
On that note I want to say that I’m impressed by how many writers here can actually write good stories one chapter at a time…

Re: 5 - The Eyes of the Innocent

The secret could be it was actually a horrible naruto fanfic Oo